Chapter the Sixth
Having one girl interested in you would be unusual.
Having three is completely out of your experience, but there you are in the bar, and there are no less than three mares swooning over you, appropriately enough one from each tribe. There’s a lavender pegasus, a greenish unicorn, and a bright red earth pony.
Since you’ve never been in this sort of situation before, you have no idea how to choose. Or even if you should try.
One part of your mind suggests that when girls fight, it always ends with them kissing to make up, and that’s not a bad way to end things. Another part of your mind suggests that there’s the possibility that the fun will be doubled or maybe even tripled. After all, if they’re willing to make out with a person, there might be other inhibitions they don’t have.
* * *
The fact that all three of them follow you home implies that there are many inhibitions they don’t have, and you’re all set to have the best night ever.
At least until you get into proper make-out territory. Muzzles are soft and velvety and you’ve had enough drinks that kissing a pony doesn’t seem sinful even though it probably is. Kisses lead to fondling and fondling leads to licking and too late you remember that many animals are brightly colored in order to warn would-be predators that they’re highly toxic.
The only good news is that as you’re dying, you’re still conscious enough to witness them first fighting about the fact that they’ve killed you, followed by the inevitable kissing and making up.
Click HERE for story notes!
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Well dang. That didn't go nearly as well as the last time someone licked a pony, bad luck dude.
Hey, at least this Anon made it to a second chapter!
But the horns are made of candy!
Oh, I thought those three killed him a different way. One that involved... ya know, never mind.
...I'm gonna go drink something seriously jacked right now.
9753695 Just make sure it isn't methanol.
They, like poison dart frogs, only secrete poison when particularly annoyed. Shame you had to get them fighting over you...
So, now that I'm done... WHAT THE TARTS DID I JUST READ?!?
Could someone please remind who those 3 are?
I read this on Saturday with five minutes to spare so nyah nyah, you can't tell me what to do
Why shouldn't I drink Applejack, the short story description asks? Well, because she's a pony, not a beverage.
And, apparently, because her bright colors indicate she's poisonous.
What do you get if you lick Pinkie?
9753719
https://derpibooru.org/tags/bimbettes
S07E08
9753773
Yeah, needs dark tag. Or a black comedy tag.
9753785
Everything.
Lel
This was both hilarious and decidedly morbid. Curiously the gym one felt out of place, with it not having anything to deal with death or such.
9753678
Last time it was a grey pony; that’s a much safer color of pony to lick. The grey ones aren’t poisonous at all.
9753680
That’s true.
9753690
Candy? I thought they were cuddlefish.
9753695
He only wishes he were that lucky.
Probably wise.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/8/11/1507785.png
9753697
Somebody (and it might wind up being me) needs to have Sunset Shimmer in Equestria Girls drinking windshield washer fluid as her drink of choice. If she’s still got horgans, it won’t hurt her.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/7/5/1193850.png
It’s also sometimes kinda flavored, it’s cheap (like, $3.00/gallon), and they don’t check your ID when you buy it.
9753706
Maybe if he’d just picked one, he’d still be alive.
Basically, a combination of random headcanon dump, actual horse facts, and a bad time for second person protagonist.
9753719
They’re the three mares that wind up going for Feather Bangs in the episode where Feather Bangs and Big Mac are competing for Sugar Belle’s affection. There might be more to it than that; I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen the whole episode.
9753730
lol
9753823
It has a dark tag. In fact, that’s the second tag.
There isn’t a dark comedy tag, which is a shame.
9753785
Diabetes, and the ability to see the future.
9753754
Can’t she be both?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/7/12/1484441.jpeg
Yes, she is. Not as poisonous as Rainbow Dash, though, so there’s that.
9754224
Thank you!
It kinda was, but I figured there ought to be one chapter where the protagonist escaped alive.
9754249
Well, as a second person protagonist out to seduce the mares of Ponyville, they probably had it coming.
9754426
Hopefully they’re also good enough friends with Applejack that they can get rid of the body that way. Otherwise, they’re gonna have to fill out all sorts of boring paperwork, and nopony wants to do that.
9754282
I would say so.
Okay, this chapter was my fault.
9754432
You know what they say about best friends being the ones who'll help you hide a body.
ANYWAY
I wrote a story once, but never posted it where Anon was killed, and they wanted to know if they should bury him, pl,ace him in the museum, or let Flim and Flam have him.
Death as well as life is full of choices !
Humans should not try to eat daffodil sandwiches.
Unless it's one of my many many MANY enemies! (How many enemies do you have?) About 7.5 billion. (But that's-) EXACTLY!!!
9754457
I won’t tell anyone.
9754508
It’s true. Best friends do help you with that. I mean, not that I’d know, of course.
9754546
I’d personally vote for the Flim and Flam option, just because that would be fun.
I know, right? So many options!
9754646
Chrysanthemum’s okay, though. Not great, mind, but certainly okay.
We can get them for you wholesale.
9754271
I was expecting the protagonist to see a piece of equipment that they thought they knew, use it, die_horribly_through_heavy_weight, and then a pegasus look at the body and go something like "well, serves them right for misusing equipment. that's for wings!"
9754034
You go Plaid!
All great, really amusing. Don't agree with the poisonous ponies thought, seems odd if Diamond Dogs might really try to capture her. I suppose you might argue that Rarity is toxic in her own way...
Also have to disagree with the "Spicy Nettle"
Nettle sting mechanism and treatment[edit]
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2c/Urtica_dioica38_ies.jpg/220px-Urtica_dioica38_ies.jpg
U. dioica close-up of the defensive hairs
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/14/Nettle_Sting.JPG/220px-Nettle_Sting.JPG
A hand with nettle dermatitis
Urtica dioica produces its inflammatory effect on skin (stinging, burning sensation often called "contact urticaria") both by impaling the skin via spicules – causing mechanical irritation – and by biochemical irritants, such as histamine, serotonin, and choline, among other chemicals.[5][16][17][18][19] Anti-itch drugs, usually in the form of creams containing antihistamines or hydrocortisone, may provide relief from nettle dermatitis.[5] The term, contact urticaria, has a wider use in dermatology, involving dermatitis caused by various skin irritants and pathogens.[20] Dock leaves are a traditional remedy for the sting of nettles,[7][8] and suitable larger docks often grow conveniently in similar habitats to nettles.
Okay... Well, what can I say?
The only chapter that was actually funny was about the gym locker rooms. Because the guy was so afraid to appear gay that he couldn't show the stallions that he is male.
All the deaths aren't funny because none of the humans were obscenly stupid or nasty. They just wasn't smart. All of my 'no' for the second chapter.
I'll still upvote this because of the quality writing and general concept. Still don't like the execution. I felt bad when I finished the story.
Reminds me of this...
9754719 I've had aramanth, purslane, lamb's quarters, and pigweed in a salad before. I quite like purslane. It grows in my garden as a weed. It used to be the bugs left it alone. But it appears once they realized I was eating it, the started devouring it too.
Same with aramanth. Used to have trouble getting rid of with its millions of seeds. But last year I started harvesting seeds. So this year the bugs ate all the thousands of seedlings that sprout by themselves down to the stems.
And they're leaving my garden plants alone.
Toxic ponies... now that's a horse of a different chemical.
I don't buy it. Animals are also brightly-colored expressly to attract mates. Yes, I want to see some death by pony-snu!
9754236
So . . . Derpy's all good then? What about Rarity? She's technically a shade of grey.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/8/29/1522312.png
Nobody ever reads the fine print.
9754806
That certainly could have happened . . . pony fitness equipment wouldn’t necessarily work for humans, at least from a purely ergonomic standpoint. Plus, depending on pony strength vs. human strength, a machine could pretty quickly take some guy out.
9754887
Maybe Diamond Dogs are immune to pony poison. Or maybe they’re just dumb.
In what way? I’ve used the stuff before to make primitive twine, and it’s not so bad on the hands, at least it wasn’t for me. It can be used in food or in tea, and has been historically. Horses will eat it.
Honestly, of the four ingredients in the salad, the stinging nettle is probably the least problematic.