Several silly short stories about humans in Equestria, stuffed with significantly more horse facts than you could have ever wanted in such a short space.
I have done nothing productive all day.
Chapters (6)
- Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Admiral Biscuit
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Admiral Biscuit
Joined 2nd Nov, 2012 ·
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Raising the proof is always the best way to improve alcohol.
Alright, I suppose you can get the proof a little too high... Gosh, who knew you could make everclear out of apple blossoms?
Now really sir, that was your own fault. What kind of fool eats poison oak?
A chainsaw? Whatever happened to good old fashioned necromancy? Dissection goes so much easier when the cadaver can hold itself open for you.
Hey man, the first thing interplanetary travelers have to learn is that it's the natives who decide which facilities you use. When in Rome and all that.
Well dang. That didn't go nearly as well as the last time someone licked a pony, bad luck dude.
Hey, at least this Anon made it to a second chapter!
I'm having flash back to Snatch.
Piggington's going to be a little blotto too. Darned drunk pigs.
(holds hand up) Taking some of the blame here.
But the horns are made of candy!
Oh, I thought those three killed him a different way. One that involved... ya know, never mind.
...I'm gonna go drink something seriously jacked right now.
9753695 Just make sure it isn't methanol.
They, like poison dart frogs, only secrete poison when particularly annoyed. Shame you had to get them fighting over you...
So, now that I'm done... WHAT THE TARTS DID I JUST READ?!?
Could someone please remind who those 3 are?
I read this on Saturday with five minutes to spare so nyah nyah, you can't tell me what to do
Why shouldn't I drink Applejack, the short story description asks? Well, because she's a pony, not a beverage.
And, apparently, because her bright colors indicate she's poisonous.
Missed the Dark tag, hit this second chapter, and then, yeah.
Not Applejack's first corpse, or first human corpse either. Are pigs sentient in this 'verse? Guess it doesn't really matter, protein is protein.
Ahh, those pigs really get a workout then.
9753674
Necromany means they tell you what killed them, and then you have no reason to get out the chainsaw
What do you get if you lick Pinkie?
9753719
https://derpibooru.org/tags/bimbettes
S07E08
9753773
Yeah, needs dark tag. Or a black comedy tag.
At least this one wasn't fatal.
There are actually such things as surgical chainsaws, they're normally used for amputations.
So, uh... How does one use the kegelcizer exactly?
Pity about all the methanol.
9753773
All animals are sentient. If they weren't, they would be dead, for one reason or another.
9753681
That was my first thought when Pigginton was mentioned...
This reminds me of an episode of Sliders. One of the male protagonists got arrested in a matriarchal society for taking his shirt off.
9753785
Everything.
Lel
9753664
It is. You can turn bathtub gin into pretty good stuff that way. Um, I’ve heard.
9753933
Only for lightweights that can’t handle the stuff. It’s fine for ponies.
9753667
True story, I’ve frequently referenced a rather long list of what flowers you can make wines out of, and apple blossoms are on the list.
Once you’ve got it fermented, you can crank the proof up as high as you want. Whether you should is of course a different matter.
I suppose when the proof gets high enough, it all tastes like rocket fuel anyway.
9753681
That movie’s why it’s my headcanon that Applejack keeps pigs to get rid of pesky bodies.
9753684
That’s a good point. That could be a problem, since AJ’s got cows for him to fight.
9753773
That’s just one of the things about being a farmer as well as the head of the organized apple syndicate in Equestria. There are constantly bodies which need to be disposed of.
Yes, and sapient, too. They’re also not opposed to having several filling meals of pickled human.
9753961
The real question is whether plants are.
9753962
As well it should have been.
9753671
The kind of fool who doesn’t know how to identify poison oak, and who assumes that because ponies can eat it, humans can too.
9753779
Well, yes; in a place like Ponyville, you’d always have the odd body or two that you need to get rid of.
If the pig’s got too much on his plate, there are probably plenty of animals Fluttershy knows that can help out.
9753674
Maybe Dr. Stable only knows necromancy as it applies to ponies. Or maybe he’s just itching to use that chainsaw of his. Who can say.
That’s a fair point.
9753781
Everypony knows what killed him--it was the spicy salad.
If ghosts can post restaurant reviews, Sweetgreens is probably going to be getting a one-star review.
9753879
I”m honestly not surprised. It’d go a lot quicker than the good old-fashioned bone saw, that’s for sure.
9753675
That’s true, but what about when they’re wrong? Like, if he takes off his underwear in the fillies’ room, he’s going to have an issue again.
9753688
9753842
Yes; our protagonist has that going for him, at least.
This was both hilarious and decidedly morbid. Curiously the gym one felt out of place, with it not having anything to deal with death or such.
9753896
By flexing and releasing a muscle group, same as any other piece of exercise equipment.