- Member Since 10th Jun, 2019
- offline last seen Yesterday
Filthy-Casual
English just isn't my strong suit.
Filthy-Casual
Joined 10th Jun, 2019 ·
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Mmmm. Delicious plots from the beginning!
...
Wait! I mean, evil plans! Not... that kind of plot.
I want to read this but, I find myself skipping through most of the text. I think it’s because the whole chapter feels like “introduce villain” and the dialogue and story feels kinda like a checklist. Idk I’ll keep reading although I’d suggest finding a way to make the characters within this chapter feel more relevant or appealing cause I feel lost and on a tangent when reading so far.
Like the plot however and believe this has a lot of potential! 👍🏻
9851751
Thank you for the constructive criticism I'll take it into consideration. I must agree with you that the story seems to be trudging slowly and that the characters are a bit unrelatable due to how quick they appear and disappear I will try to fix this as I continue to write the story. I can't wait to finally get back to writing about the main character tbh just gotta get through these chapters first.
9851760
Hey it takes some coconuts to post a story online for peeps like me who know nothing to criticize lol, keep it up dude!
I thought the point of anon characters was that they could be anyone. I'm willing to bet that very few of us known any cyborgs from the future...
Great start! Although I did notice a few spelling and punctuation errors, but they were relatively minor.
I'mma be real with you here Chief. I couldn't get through the first chapter.
You really need to work on your narration. It feels incredibly dry and it's a chore to slog through.
But for your first story? It ain't too shabby. Just keep working on improving your writing and I'm sure you'll do great!
9863545
Thanks for the feedback!
I'll admit I feel like I'm trying too hard to narrate
Felt like this 4th chapter was the strongest one however, the story is heading toward a different direction than I thought it might previously which means this is where we depart mr author person. Nothing against the plot just thought it was a different type of story, wanted to ride through and see, will say though I liked this chapter way more than the previous ones!
9865349
Thanks for sticking with the story thus far feel free to come back whenever!
I dont get it... in the first chapter at the end... NEPTUNE AINT GOT NO SURFACE!
9866410
When's the next chapter coming out.
9916432
I know bub I just took some writer liberty to get a point across.
9931656
Still working on it. Some things felt a bit off so I had to do some research and college is not getting any easier.
On the other hand however this will be a pretty long chapter and because of it i'm seriously considering the possibility of making a canon side story due to how much will be glossed over.
9932114
Thanks.
Shouldn't you have chosen an anthro picture for the cover art, then?
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/367/417/83c.gif
>alot
You've forced my hand...
https://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html
10028833
FFFFFFFFFFFuuuuuuuu- I had this coming.
Thanks.
Doing a marching cadence while on mission and in hostile territory with possible enemy elements nearby? FUCK NO. Kinda breaks the whole damn point of running dark when you start calling cadence like a retard. May as well scream "Here I am shoot me and all my battle buddies!!"
Hmmmm....... I'm getting some major "Germany pre-wwii" vibes here from the Griffons......
Wait wut.........?
Ex-fucking-scuse me?! Ah come on, that's a fuckin awful cliffhanger to leave it on for over a year lmao ah well, I guess I can only hope this hasn't been abandoned, really want to see what happens next
Story dead ?
11619657
Nah, I'm just busy with life. I've re-read the entire story and it just makes me grimace in some areas. I need to re-write it to fix the pacing. Other than that, thank you for your interest in the story.