Octavia’s Story

by Elkia Deerling

Chapter four: Octavia’s story

‘Jeez, Octy! That last part almost made me cry. Why did you tell me all of this?’

Octavia stared at Vinyl’s face in the warm glimmer of the nightlight, yet she didn’t see her. She also lay under soft linen sheets, but did not find their comfort against her hide. Her head was buried in a thick pillow, but she didn’t have the feeling the pillow was carrying it completely. At this point, she felt everything but her physical world, or the mare lying opposite of her.

‘Oh no, and no you are the one crying!’ Vinyl reached out to wipe her tears. Octavia turned her head away. What might have been a romantic gesture ended with Vinyl’s hoof hanging in the air. ‘Eh…’

‘It’s okay, Vinyl. I just… wanted to say this. I just wanted somepony to listen. I’m glad you’re a good listener, even though you listen to terrible music most of the time.’

Vinyl grunted. ‘Should I take that as a compliment?’

Silence.

‘Eh… Yeah, of course I’m a good listener. I mean, I gotta listen if the beats are in sync, otherwise I can’t get a clean mix,’ Vinyl Scratch said.

‘I was not talking about headphones.’

‘I knew that,’ Vinyl said, although her tone suggested that she did not.

Once again silence. Only the sound of Octavia’s breath could be heard. It started to shudder.

Vinyl made the bed rock, as she raised herself to a sitting position. ‘I still don’t understand. You were the one who could choose where we would go on our vacation this time. You chose this prissy, ridiculously fancy-schmancy and expensive resort. I should be the one feeling sad.’

The sheets crinkled as Octavia wrapped them around her shoulders. She barely heard her marefriend speak.

‘But you’ve been acting all weird ‘n stuff today. At breakfast, at the pool, and now here in bed… You were so silent and uninterested and, just, not in the moment. Almost as if I try out a sweet new dubstep bass on my synth back home, and you try your best to ignore the awesomeness.’

A heavy sigh from the other side of the bed.

Vinyl wasn’t done yet. ‘Trust me, Octy, I know how to read ponies, although they’re normally packed together in a crowd. You told me these three stories. But what do you wanna tell me with them and why now? C’mon, Tavi, I’m no good with abstract things. You gotta help me with this one.’ Her voice sounded playful at the end, and Vinyl even nudged her marefriend gently with a hoof.

Octavia took a few deep breaths before she prepared her answer. Despite her efforts, her voice still trembled like her cello tones. ‘Today is… a strange day. I thought I would feel alright, with you by my side I mean, and in a comfortable, stylish mountain resort…’

‘Yeah it’s comfortable alright. I’ll have to agree with that. I mean, check out these pillows!’ Vinyl Scratch punched hers a bit, which made a muffled sound. ‘I can sink my whole foreleg in it. look!’

But Octavia didn’t look. ‘Today, April the twelfth, is Fortissimo’s birthday. He told me only once, but I never forgot it.’

‘Oh…’ Vinyl mumbled.

‘I composed a piece only for him on that special day. I was only small and had had just a few lessons from him. The sheet music must have been full of errors, but he never pointed them out. Father had to do that. But Fortissimo, he just… just…’ Her voice became distorted. ‘He just listened, fighting against a smile and his tears of joy.’

Vinyl swallowed. ‘That’s just… wow! That must have sounded great! Why don’t you do something like that on my birthday?’

‘Vinyl, please…’

‘No I mean it. I would really enjoy a cool gift like that. Who could say that her marefriend made a song for her love?’

The bed trembled with Octavia’s sobs. ‘Stop it, I beg you.’

But Vinyl kept going as if she didn’t hear her words. ‘And it will probably sound awesome! When you make something like that, you make it special for sure, am I right, heh?’

‘NO! NO MORE!’ With a desperate cry and a furious swing, Octavia cast the bedsheet away. She jumped up and fled out of the bedroom. A half-confused, ‘Tavi, what are you—’ from Vinyl got cut off as the door shut.

Now she was alone. Despite her rubber legs, Octavia managed to stagger to the blinds and raised them. A full moon, encircled by a family of stars, made her tears shimmer. Octavia didn’t offer it as much as a single glance, although it would probably have given her inspiration for a sonata or two. The light felt cold and distant, doing nothing to thaw her frozen soul, or decrease its unbearable burden. It felt as if her heart and her soul became heavier with every second that passed. The hoarfrost grew and hugged them both close.

Octavia went through her legs, but luckily there was a piano stool to catch her. The owner of the hotel had offered her and Vinyl this room. She could still remember his words for some reason. “It is the only room with a piano in it,” he had said. “Perfect for such a renowned musician such as yourself.” Of course, the last thing she wanted to think about now was music of any kind.

The creaking of the door reached her ears as somepony carefully opened it. She heard hoofsteps, slow, hesitant. Vinyl Scratch stopped next to her. Octavia had no idea if she was searching for her gaze, because she kept looking at the moon and the stars.

‘Um… what was that all about?’

To her own surprise, Octavia felt that Vinyl’s voice made her more nervous than she had ever been before any concert. Her heart and soul rattled. ‘I just… couldn’t take any more.’

‘But I didn’t insult you, right?’

‘You did not.’

‘Then… What’s up?’

‘I… I…’ She half-chuckled without joy. ‘This is going to sound ridiculous to you, but… Alright, how can I explain this…?’

‘I’m not such a dumb party animal as you think I am,’ Vinyl said.

Octavia rubbed her forehead. ‘Very well, then.’ A deep breath. No comfort came from it. For a moment she doubted. Then uttered, ‘I am done with all the praise.’

‘What?!’ Vinyl actually jumped. ‘How can you get enough of praise? Like, seriously! What’s more awesome than a crow shouting your name and clapping their hooves to the snares and stomping to the beats? What’s cooler than the ponies going wild on your newest dubstep banger, even forming mosh pits and going completely crazy? Isn’t it the best feeling in the world to see that your audience appreciates you?’

A few more sobs came. Octavia ruffled her mane.

‘I know, I know, I might be exaggerating. But still, I guess classical music ponies go crazy on your tunes as well, don’t they?’ Vinyl asked doubtfully. ‘What about applause? I’m sure after every set you get a sweet, loud, appl—’

‘NO! NO MORE APPLAUSE!’ Octavia swished her head around and gave Vinyl a furious stare. In her head, she wasn’t looking at the love of her life, but straight at a room full of sharply-dressed stallions and elegant mares, forming the audience of a classical music concert. And that was not what she wanted to see. Not on her holiday and not on Fortissimo’s birthday.

Vinyl wobbled and did a step back. ‘Jeez, I’m sorry!’

Fueled by an unknown strength and frustration, Octavia stood up. ‘I am thoroughly finished with applause and praise from ANYPONY!’ Her voice was raw, sounding weak and powerful at the same time as she shouted. Tears streamed down like rivers. ‘I do not want to please a teacher, my parents, the orchestra, the audience, my admirers, or even you! I only want to please MYSELF!’

‘Okay… well, that’s easy, right. You just—’

‘I want to be SATISFIED with what I do for ONCE! Just one BLASTED time I want to feel like I have accomplished something, that I can go to bed and say to myself, “You did a wonderful thing today, Octavia, and I am very proud of you.”’

Vinyl Scratch had never, ever heard her marefriend curse. She bit her lip as a heavy thinking frown appeared on her brow. ‘But I say that to you all the time, when we cuddle in bed and stuff, remember? I always tell you that you make beautiful music, even though I like to joke about it.’

‘That does not count!’ Octavia slammed both hooves down on the piano, which created a loud, distorted chord fit for a horror movie. Even Vinyl Scratch, queen of the loudest raves in Equestria, had to wince. ‘It’s not about THIS, or THIS, or THIS!’ With every “this,” Octavia made some more noise, her chest heaving.

Suddenly, she felt a hoof on her shoulder. ‘Relax, Octy. It’s alright.’ Something happened to her. A warmth, subtle yet potent, streamed through that soft touch. It felt as if the first hesitant rays of a rising sun peeked over the horizon, not sure if the time was right to herald day yet. She let the hoof guide her back to the piano stool. All the tension started to fade from her body. Her shoulders loosened up a bit, although they still shocked with every muffled sob.

‘It’s not about m-m-music. It’s about s-s-self-respect,’ Octavia crammed out of her mouth.

‘I know, babe. I know.’

Octavia turned her head around, wiping away a few tears. ‘You… You do?’

‘Yeah.’ Now it was Vinyl’s turn to look troubled. ‘I’ve never told you this before but… heck, I dunno. Maybe it helps when you hear it. Ready? Okay. Here it comes. When I first started experimenting with sounds and wubs ‘n stuff, everypony hated what I was doing. My parents, my family, my friends, my neighbors, my neighbors’ cats—’

A soft, delicate chuckle came from Octavia. It sounded strange to her own ears. The sound almost scared her.

‘No seriously! They stayed away from my house in a fifty-yard radius.’ Vinyl had to laugh briefly as well. ‘Point is, my parents made it clear: either my synths and drum machines had to go, or I had to go. I think they were actually happy when both my synths and I left for good.’

‘For… for good?’

Vinyl Scratch shook her head. ‘Never seen them again after that day. Not even once. But… you know? Whatever! Not as if I wanted to see them anyway.’

Octavia’s mouth opened in a silent gasp. This was new for her. ‘That is so utterly sad!’

‘Maybe. I dunno.’ Vinyl scratched the back of her head, making her mane even messier than normal. ‘Well, yeah, I was kinda sad and lonely for a long time. Until I met you of course. Remember what happened that day?’

The club, the chaos, the troubles, the struggle, the adventure… It all came back to Octavia in a string of memories. ‘How could I ever forget?’

‘Yep, weirdest day of my life.’ Vinyl wrapped her hooves around Octavia’s waist and gave her a kiss on the cheek. ‘And the best day of my life.’

Octavia’s breath quickened. ‘I had no idea such trauma lurked behind your air or carelessness, Vinyl.’

‘And I had no idea something heavy was going on behind that snooty little face of yours.’ Vinyl nuzzled her.

Yet, Octavia didn’t nuzzle her back. ‘I know. I have reflected on that for a long while. Being snooty is just my most comfortable way of hiding everything. To harden me so I can face Equestria with dignity.’

‘But… It’s not real dignity, is it?’

‘No…’ Octavia whispered, casting her eyes down. She paused and focused on the feeling of her marefriend so close. A new emotion welled up inside—an emotion which soured and ruined the whole experience. ‘I am dreadfully sorry for nagging and troubling you with my troubles. It seems you have had your own share of drama yourself.’

‘You don’t have to apologize, baby. You’re just venting and that’s okay.’ Vinyl cleared her throat. ‘I do it sometimes too on my manager, only he’s not as understanding as I am. We’re fighting all the time. It’s a shame he’s so good at his job, or I would have ditched him long ago.’

‘Um… okay?’

‘But I’m trailing off.’ Vinyl rubbed her nose against Octavia’s cheek. ‘You said it yourself to Treble: it’s important to express yourself.’

Those words, accompanied by the memory of the enthusiastic little cello student, awakened a light upon her heart and soul. The light only amplified the warmth, making it buzz through Octavia’s entire being. ‘Yes… you are quite right.’

‘And I have the feeling you’re still struggling with that, aren’t you?’ Vinyl asked.

Octavia drew a sharp breath. The light dimmed for a split-second. ‘So am I a hypocrite then?’

‘I dunno what that means. You’re you. You’re Octavia Melody and you’re my love.’ Vinyl gave her another peck.

A silence followed. It was no longer a difficult silence or an awkward silence, but a silence of reflection. Both musicians—both ponies—looked through the crystal-clear, frosted window to the outside world. The moonlight seemed more graceful now to Octavia, and the stars more cheerful. In the distance, enormous mountain peaks, crowned with snow, stood straight and rock-solid. Their bases couldn’t be spotted, yet Octavia could feel how unmovable the mountains were. Some trees clung to the sides of the range. Snow began to fall—a romantic, wintery sight.

‘It is absolutely gorgeous, isn’t it?’ Octavia said, her voice filled with awe.

‘Yeah, it’s nice. Not as nice as the sight of you, though.’

Octavia ignored the oldest pick-up line in the book. ‘Nice… nice… nice… Maybe I should be nicer to myself. Softer and more gentle.’

Out of nowhere, Vinyl began to tug at Octavia’s hoof. ‘I think I can help you with that,’ she said with a sly smile playing on her lips.

‘What do you mean?’

Vinyl pulled a bit harder, and did a step back towards the bedroom.

‘I… um… I’m not sure that is such a good idea after all of this troublesome—’

Vinyl’s smile only widened as her tone grew more playful. ‘Aw, c’mon, Tavi. I’m an expert!’

Of course Octavia didn’t resist. The kind and soft part of herself already knew it was the right thing to do. She led herself be guided back and then flopped onto the bed with Vinyl. ‘I hope I did not break the piano,’ she muttered.

‘I’m just glad you didn’t break yourself,’ Vinyl said back.

The sensation of Vinyl’s warm breath on her face made her last doubts, fears, frustrations, anger, and sadness evaporate.

‘Ponies can always repair the piano, but only you can repair yourself, Tavi. I’ll help you, of course. Don’t worry.’

Octavia let out a small gasp. ‘Goodness, that’s deep! Where did you get that from?’

A shrug. ‘I have my moments. But right now, it’s time for our moment.’

As Octavia finally felt the glow of her marefriend against her hide, she let out a content sigh. She reached up.

With a click, the nightlight went out.

THE END

Author's Note:

I’ve read in a writing guide that good stories are about creating a powerful emotional experience for the reader, and I completely agree with that. This also explains why I get interesting ideas and feel an irresistible urge to write when I myself encounter an intense emotion. As you have probably guessed, this story is about an emotion and a challenge I think many writers—and creative people in general—face. Sometimes a lot, sometimes a little, and sometimes all the time. Making friends with others is easier than it sounds—especially at MLP conventions! Yet, making friends with yourself can be difficult. I hope Octavia’s Story struck a chord inside of you, and I wish you a wonderful day and lots of harmony deep inside yourself.

P.S. Don’t forget to check out the making-of in the blog post section if you’re interested in finding out how I wrote Octavia’s Story. I hope to see you there!

Comments

[hawthornbunny]

Geez, I kinda wanted to punch Vinyl. I know she can be dense, but surely she can realize when Octavia is pouring her heart out to her.

I felt really bad for Fortissimo. I actually thought the story would end with Octavia finding him again and healing her old wound, but I guess it's not the kind of story where everything works out happily in the end. This was a good read.

[Elkia Deerling]

Hey there, Hawthorn! Nice to see a comment from you again! What you say means a lot to me! Thanks for your opinion and the fav. I'm also really glad to hear you felt for an OC I created, as I often get the impression that MLP fanfiction readers do not care about OC's or like them very much (not just my OC's but also OC's in general). The problem probably lies with the OC's being shallow or bad, or do you think the readers are to blame as well? People always judge, after all.

[hawthornbunny]

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There is, I am sure, a level of stigma associated with OCs - "OC" is commonly equated with "self-insert" or "author surrogate", and generally people who want to put themselves in a story don't have good writing as a high priority. So readers tend to be on alert the moment they see an OC.

On top of that, there's also the fact that OCs have a genuine challenge to overcome: they have to earn the reader's attention. That's difficult, and since author skill varies widely, it's common to see this done poorly: OCs with little to no character, OCs who are too obnoxious to like, OCs whom the fic simply asserts are interesting and likeable without demonstrating why.

So yeah, there is a reason why readers might prejudge an OC. But really, an OC is just a character in a story, and if you write good characters, nobody should reasonably care that it's an OC. They might not even notice. I didn't - as far as I was concerned, Fortissimo is simply a good, likeable character. Even though he doesn't appear in the story for long and we don't know much about him beyond being Octavia's cello tutor, it's clear what kind of person he is and what motivates him, and the effect he has on those around him, particularly Octy.

[Elkia Deerling]

9734997
I haven't heard the term "author surrogate" before. Sounds funny. Maybe people who write these kinds of stories are really enthusiastic and passionate about living in the world of Equestria themselves and want to write to make that happen, ignoring the fact they have little experience or language skills. That's all perfectly okay (that's actually the reason I started writing, believe it or not), but it might be best to keep such a story to oneself and share it only with friends and family, instead of posting it online where people will think it's a high-quality masterpiece written by a literary genius. You might make your reader very disappointed that way, don't you think?

Maybe writers who do self-inserts also make their OC jump on the central stage too much, instead of introducing him/her in the background and then slowly advance or earn a place on the central stage as a main character. Or writers explain too much backstory because one knows one's own life best. I (luckily) haven't come across that many bad self-insert or OC fics, but I'm planning to write an intentionally bad story just to show how NOT to do it. Might be funny.

I like what you said: "An OC is just a character in a story, and if you write good characters, nobody should reasonably care that it's an OC." That's exactly the way I think about it as well. If somepony approaches me and asks: "Hey, do you wanna read my story? It's about my OC." I will certainly take a look at it if I have time. I believe it is important to judge as little as you can, and if you HAVE to judge a story, better make sure you know what you're dealing with.

Oh, and always be nice, of course.

Thanks for the compliments on Fortissimo! I tried to make him a pitiful character but also sweet and I hope I didn't portray him as too much of a crybaby. Then again, artists are sensitive and emotional people, are they not? I also tried for him to be the living embodiment of 'show, don't tell.' I mean, I had just a few pages and one room to make him act the way he acts. There was no space on the page for long life-stories or whatever. Just actions, dialogue, and body language had to do the trick. Glad to see it did!

[Bilberry]

Great story Elkia! I really like Octascratch stories. And I will add it to my list of favorites.

[Elkia Deerling]

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Hey there, Bilberry! Nice to hear from you again! I hope you're doing well there in the land of the Vikings and keep enjoying the great things MLP has to offer. Thanks for your nice comment and the fav, of course. It seems we have a common interest in Octascratch stories. Are you coming to Galacon 2019 in Germany this year? I'm giving a panel there and would love to meet up with you again.

[Bilberry]

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Yes nice to hear from you too. I was planning to go there but chose to go to BronyCon instead. Had plans to attend both for a while. But two conventions, two weekends in a row would be a bit much for me.
But I will be going to UK ponycon in Nottingham this coming autumn. Maybe we'll see eachother then?

[Elkia Deerling]

9749920
Bronycon sounds really fun! I'm afraid I'm not going there because I don't like flying very much. Actually I'm still pondering over UkPonyCon. It's in the same building and last year not many people attended my panel, so... might not be very worthwhile for me. Still, I'll think about it. Lots of my friends will go there as well. I'm very certain I will go to Hearth's Warming Con, though. That's in the weekend of 29-02-2020 in Haarlem, the Netherlands. Is that convention on your schedule as well? Please let me know!

[Blazingcomet]

This was such a beautiful story. It inspired me to listen to another amazing Cellist, the one and only Yo-Yo Ma.