Fluttershy accidentally gets teleported into J.R.R. Tolkien’s fantasy world: Middle-Earth. In a flash of magic, she appears in the Greenwood, where she meets a very curious wizard, as skilled in helping animals and tending to the forest as she. While Fluttershy’s friends do everything they can to get her back to Equestria, even venturing as far as the Dragon Lands, a dark shadow reveals itself in the Greenwood, ready to twist and corrupt everything in its path.
Pre-read by Simon Lewis Lanz and Caroline Cottrell.
Chapters (21)
So far very well written - there were a few minor typos (I think I counted three ...), and I really love how the characters are captured.
What isn't quite clear at first was Fluttershy's blindness (probably because there was too much description of the surroundings in the beginning) ...
and I really have problems with the lightning striking a machine that is indoors ... I thought there would be another source of this extra energy (especially since the mage said something of missing energy in the forest - that there was a feedback loop from the other side into the magic connecting the worlds ...).
Well, the course is clear now: getting Fluttershy back ... I'll keep reading ^^
Thank you so much for your thoughtful critisism, Luna! I really appreciate an extra set of eyes on my stories. I will probably not do that many edits, because I have kind of paused my writing life. But if you like long stories, then I am pleased to say that I recently finished another one. It is called: 'Worlds Apart,' a dystopian story about Twilight and her friends searching for the lost elements on an earth destroyed by nuclear fire. 'Worlds Apart' will probably come in a month or two.
Once again, thank you. I hope you will like the rest of the story too
Elkia
The show had ended. pacing>��[� 2
Is it normal for this chapter to end like this? It strikes me as very odd ...
Oh, yeah, that's weird. Thank you for noticing. It actually looks kind of exciting, doesn't it?
Never mind, I'll get rid of it
Did you mean Twilight's ? Or are there details in your world we are not aware of?
Also - there are, once again, strange characters at the end.
Now we have been given that the situation is more dire than it appeared to be ... there is also the possibility that Fluttershy's presence could alter the course of history in middle earth ... (To Be Continued ...)
I am one of those elks who think that Starlight Glimmer should have a rightful place as a main character. I think they are the mane SEVEN. That's why I added that little gimmick. I'm glad you spotted it.
Those strange characters are getting really exciting. You think they are aliens who try to communicate with us?
Nice Slice-of-Life ... I just have this logic question ... Fluttershy was in the center of the machine, being teleported ... how could she have seen what happened to the machine? She might have been able to deduce that it is now not functioning anymore ... with all that happened, but actually seeing all of it? Maybe I am just overthinking things though ...
I often do ...
I know what you mean. I used kind of a flashback to show what happened to the teleportation machine, but I didn't make it clear whether Fluttershy saw everything or not.
I really like the description of the teleportation spell ... and how it's gone awry ...
And Rarity got a second name ... I see more and more small details that make this an AU.
Still... need to see where this goes ...
Thanks. That part was really improvised so I'm glad it turned out well
Heh, yeah. I'm glad I got you hooked. That is all I could wish for
Well... nice try, Spike ...
Jup. Things aren't looking so bright for Spike and Rainbow Dash. They aren't so bright, but they will get interesting...
This one ... was a bit weak - from discord doing the impesonations on. And he certainly would have asked pinkie pie why he'd call her there ... He is far more perceptive than shown here. And it would also be more in character, if discord would not do a complete transformation, but only a partly one ...
It might just be me, but when scenes are supposed to be funny (description: everyone is laughing), and things are not even remotely funny, it takes a lot of the immersion.
I also noticed that your CMC have yet to get their Cutie Marks ...
Action! Suspense! Awesomeness!
Although I would have thought that Garble would call his Games 'Garble Games' instead of 'Dragon Games' - the latter is probably a reference to the Hunger Games?
It was a strange chapter, I give you that. I have been wondering if I overdid things with the show and the impersonations and stuff. Being funny is hard, unless your name is Discord or Pinkie Pie.
At the time I wrote this, I didn't yet watch the episode where the CMC's finally get their cutie marks, so that explains their blank flanks.
hehe, yeah, it gets pretty intense. When I wrote Animal Friends, I was really wondering if I wanted to put this subplot in in the first place. I thought it was so long. But when I noticed how I could fill in loads of backstory and lore of the dragons in Equestria, I decided to keep it in. Glad to see you like action novels too! So do I.
Well, Fluttershy in a pickle ... Twilight needs to hurry!
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Ember ... and some Daring Do Adventuring
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Whatever you did to get the chaptes on fimfic, left it's mark ... in every chapter it seems.
Oh, and Twilight should know that all this lying will bite into her tail at some point.
No strange message!
And I am not sure what to think about this resolution ...
It felt ... too easy ...
Hehe, yeah. You'll see what happens...
Jup. It gets pretty brutal, doesn't it?
Strange, isn't it? They might be messages from aliens... I delete all of them, though. Thanks for pointing them out
Yes, I have had such critisism before. I'm wondering what I should change. I hope the conclusion won't let you down!
So ... didn't Twilight tell Rarity that she needed two Crystals - one for Magic, the other for Electricity? And now they are both magically charged?
Long chapter. Good chapter.
Still ... I wonder what would've happened if Discord would've been there ...
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Discord was pissed ... but still, without his magic, Twilight wouldn't have been able to save Fluttershy - so he is a small hero nonetheless.
A bitterweet end ...
And Ends are as Important as the beginnings, and everything in-between. A bad end can ruin a story. But this one ... this one really put "the cherry on top", like Pinkie Pie would phrase it. I think the ending really changes where I will shelf this story ...
Darn. Plot hole
The Ringwraiths would have no idea how to deal with his insanity, that's for sure
Sort of. This was the perfect moment to see how Fluttershy can control the chaos that is Discord
That's really heart-warming to hear. I felt that an epilogue with Radagast would fit, and I'm glad you thought that too.
I hope you had an awesome time following Fluttershy and her friends. Remember that if you ever want a pre-reader for one of your own stories, you can always send it to me.
so her idea is to hope fluttershy stays exactlly still for a week?
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Maybe Fluttershy and Radagast will try something themselves to get Fluttershy back to Equestria? You'll have to continue reading to find that out...