Fleur is a supermodel pony in Canterlot. She's got everything she ever wanted ; Fame, money. friends, a mansion, and even the most gentlemanly coltfriend a mare can get. But something in her still feels missing. Behind the cameras and acting, she lives a depressed life nopony knows about.
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potential to become a great romance fic, possibly
This kinda sounds like mine story.Reasons are:She 's got everything she ever wanted;Fame,money,friends.AND A MANSION
If this is inspired by my story,I am
This kinda sounds like my story.Reasons are:She 's got everything she ever wanted;Fame,money,friends.AND A MANSION
If this is inspired by my story,I am
This CANNOT be the only chapter. Short as it was, it was well done and I would love to see more for this story.
66458 Well, I planned it as just a shortfic, Idk how to continue lol
This looks good enough to have more chapters.
Poor Fleur. She has so much, but she doesn't have her freedom. She doesn't own her life, it owns her. Very sad. Well done.
She just wants to be herself, not what everyone else wants her to be
Continuation Idea: better explination of why she's depressed. perhaps a suicide attept, twarted by Fancy Pants?
Good idea, too short to be a one shot. Seems more like a writer's doodle.
66802 I shall submit, and I shall make it longer lol
Intressting opening. Has potential to become both, a dark alcohol addiction story and a spiritual story.
better quality than quantity.. it was clearly written and easy to understand what's actually happening, thats how you do it
Sounds so good so far maby a trip to ponyvill to visit a mare they just met might bring up her mood
also im looking forward to what this becomes
Moar!
This was VERY good, for only being a Prologue! I simply couldn't stand to see this only be a Prologue and nothing more. If you'd like a fellow writer to bounce your ideas off of, I'm plenty willing! It's one of the best ways to develop a story.
[img]<a href="http://s1100.photobucket.com/albums/g414/nokajohn/?action=view&current=121611144756.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1100.photobucket.com/albums/g414/nokajohn/121611144756.jpg" border="0" alt="Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App"></a>[/img]
I WANT MOAR!!!
i1100.photobucket.com/albums/g414/nokajohn/121611144756.jpg?t=1324068550
Love it, I hope it grows into a great series!
i feel sorry for her
Well done.
FleurxMac... FleurxMac...
66806 This was very good . I have a little idea floating around in my head how bout : at some point in her high depression she walks down a street mind clouded and all and she's about to get hit by a carriage or sumthin and she gets saved by a pony who doesn't know who she is [ blah blah blah the classic to good to be true dude AKA good guy Greg ] . Its classic [ prolly been done a thousand times ] but you can spice up however you want !
>sees story with 60 ratings at 4.8 stars
>sees length
>reads/tracks
no need to hurry, the goal is creativity, not quantity
Apart from the few minor errors in the tense, this is well written, even if it's a bit short.
Keep it up
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault.~Henry Kissinger
A little short and just small mistakes but commendable work, you should continue this, little fics depict life as a celebrity and it's tragic side
There maybe a few mistakes, but I have to say that I like it.
Short fics are probably my favorite, since I usually don't have a lot of quiet freetime to read long chapters.
woah.. great work there.
despite only few gramatical mistakes that no one cares, it was professionaly written. the structure and criativity by telling Fleur's foalhood where it all begun is just genial
was perfect!!
87717 Thanks man, my grammar ain't good
The biggest flaw is that everything is told too quickly. Extend upon what you can say
I like it!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but was that a Castlevania reference at the "miserable little pile of secrets" part? I love easter eggs like that!
I like it a lot, but I feel it could be better. A sad fic like this could be great if if there was more detail oon what Fleur is feeling or why she is so depressed.
Not that its terrible, it just has a lot of potential. Like go all out in the description of what she is feeling and why.
Other than that, good job.