FlutterYou

by Capulus

Chapter 1 - Ouch. (New)

You had been flying over the edge of the Everfree forest on a night lit by Luna’s full moon when It happened. You had decided to take a little risk and fly in between the closely bunched trees. You had flown for a few minutes, twisting and turning through the sharp branches, going faster than you ever had. You flew over a large shard of rock jutting up from below the ground, and you ducked under a half fallen log, looping around to fly through the top and out through the bottom, your belly softly grazing the grass, forcing a small laugh out of you from the ticklish feeling. You rose up, and dove back down, pulling out at the last moment. You always relished moments like this. The feeling of wind in your mane, and through the feathers in your wings. But then you turned the wrong way by accident and hit something. Hard. You felt a huge jab of pain and heard a sharp crack from your leg, as you veered left and smashed into something else. Down you went, hitting the ground equally hard, eliciting another crack, and another stabbing pain. You had tried to think through the haze of pain, but unconsciousness had quickly taken you, and your thoughts were lost.

Now you have woken up, in the same spot. You can smell blood. You have smelt it a few times before, when you have hurt yourself badly. It smells like rusty metal. Ponies say metal doesn’t have a smell. It does. It smells like blood. The pain in your leg is a dull throbbing by now, although the rest of your body aches. You feel something in your mouth and spit out one of your teeth. It makes a small clicking sound as it bounces away. Maybe I should try and get back to Ponyville. You try to roll over and stand up, but when you move your leg, you feel another jab, and hear a tearing sound that causes you to indadvertedly scream in pain, as it feels like one gigantic hangnail. You look down and see part of your leg bone sticking through your leg, and your wing is twisted at an odd angle. You feel as if you are about to throw up at the sight. Then you see that you are losing a lot of blood from the puncture. It feels like somepony has gotten a red hot knife and stabbed it right through you leg, into the bone, only worse. As you start to black out again, your last thought is simply;
So, I guess I’m dead now. But just before unconsciousness takes you once more, you hear soft hoofsteps approaching, followed by a small squeal. That’s odd, You think, just before you pass out once more.

You wake up with a start, and don’t feel anything more than a twinge from your leg. There is a soft beeping in the background. You look around and see a lot of white. You can taste a hint of blood, and unfortunately a little bit of bile, but other than that, your mouth is incredibly dry. You are lying at an odd angle, as if to keep you off of one side. You are lying on a soft mattress. The edges of your vision are obscured by the sides of an incredibly soft pillow. Then you remember what happened before you woke up. Oh. So this is heaven? You think. It smells really odd... Like... Soap? That’s unusual. But... Heaven... Wow. You had never really been religious, seeing it as a waste of time, but this kind of proved you wrong. Then you see a yellow pegasus sleeping in a chair next to the bed you are lying in. You can hear the beeping get a little faster as you see her. Wow, angels really are beautiful. Then she opens her eyes and the beeping gets even faster. Even her eyes are beautiful. Woah. She looks at you and smiles softly, surprise showing clearly in her eyes.
“Oh! You’re awake. Good. When Rainbow got you out of the forest, I was afraid it was too late.” Wait... Too late? What does she mean? Can you be late for death? And... Rainbow? A rainbow got me here? O...kay... You still struggle to find your voice. Then you manage to speak.
“Am I really dead?” You say, louder than you intended, your voice raspy from lack of use. The pegasus backs away a bit, surprised.
“N-no, I made sure you were alright before my friend got you out of there.” You suddenly realise what this means, and who you are talking to, and say;
“Wait... Your friend... Rainbow... Oh of course... I guess you mean the pegasus Rainbow Dash? She’s the only pegasus I know of with the word Rainbow in her name. So that means you are Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness. Woah, you are as beautiful as I had heard. No, more so.” You realise that this might be a bit strange to her, but she really is beautiful. She blushes heavily, saying;
“I-I don’t know about that.”
The beeping is getting a little frustrating now. You try and find the source, and see a heart monitor on the wall. It’s going insane. You take a few deep breaths to calm yourself, wondering why it was beeping like that.
“So, you found me in the Everfree?”
“Y-yes... You were losing a lot of blood. I sent a few birds to find Rainbow Dash and tried to make you more comfortable.”
“Thank you. You saved my life.”
“Oh, I was happy to help. I couldn’t just leave you there, could I?” The heart monitor went crazy again as she smiled. You looked at it, cursing it for interrupting the conversation. You take another breath and it slows once more. Then you look back at Fluttershy, who is still smiling a small smile.
“I can never repay you for this. You saved my life. That is one thing that will take years to repay. Thank you.”
“Like I said, I am only too happy to help.”

Your throat is really dry, and you only just realise how thirsty you are.
“Could I please have a glass of water?”
“Oh, of course!” Fluttershy walks quietly out of the room and you sit in silence for a little while. You take in more of your surroundings. You are on the ground floor of the hospital, seeing as you can see the ground from your window. There is another bed next to yours, but it is unoccupied. You can hear soft shuffling, beeping, talking, and all kinds of sounds you would expect from a hospital. Then you hear quiet hoofsteps outside the door --Part of you had been listening for them-- and Fluttershy walks in, a glass of water balancing on top of one of her hooves. She gives it to you and you gratefully drink it all, relishing the feeling of the cool liquid rushing down your parched throat. You give the glass back to Fluttershy and she puts it on the small bedside table.

You smile happily and realise that you must be pretty banged up. What you are curious about though, is just how banged up you are. You look at Fluttershy and ask;
“So, what are my injuries? I can’t really tell from here. Could you please have a look?”
Fluttershy nods slightly and goes to the foot of the bed. She looks at the chart and reads it out in her sweet, quiet voice.
“Okay... you were brought in with a badly broken wing, a badly broken leg, a bone sticking out of your leg, a concussion, a cracked rib, a few cuts and scrapes, and a broken tooth.” You lay in silence for a few moments as you contemplate this.
“What the hay did I hit? Or... What hit me?” You ask, slightly worried that something might have tried to make you into a midnight snack. You know that there quite a few unfriendly critters in Everfree.
“A tree branch and a large boulder. And the ground. You probably shouldn’t have been flying that low.” She didn’t look angry as she said this, she actually looked slightly disappointed, as if she had discovered a filly stealing from the cookie jar. You are about to ask how long you’ve been out when the conversation is cut short as a nurse comes in, with a little table with some food on it in tow. When she sees you awake she smiles and says;
“Ah! You’re up at last. Nice to know you’re still with us. Fluttershy has been sitting there for about a week now. She almost never left!” You blink in surprise for a few seconds and look at Fluttershy again. She is hiding her face in her mane, and the little bit of face you can see is bright red. You only just notice that her mane looks a little messy, and that she has heavy bags under her eyes. She isn’t meeting yours.
“Why?”
“I-I was worried. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s nice to know that somepony cares about me.” You smile and she looks up at you, her mane falling away from her face. Her blush is slowly fading. Then the nurse cuts in again, and you wish she would just leave. It would be nice just to talk to Fluttershy alone.
“Well, I’m Nurse Redheart. Nice to meet you while you’re conscious. Now that you’re up, you can stay here for a few more days, but we need space soon. What with the Running Of The Leaves, there are always quite a few injuries. Do you have somewhere to stay?”
“Well... I was actually going to go and stay in Cloudsdale for a week or two. My building where I live is going through some major renovation, as a building inspector said that the place could fall down any second. So everypony there has been given the boot for a few weeks. But, I doubt I’ll make it to Cloudsdale. I’ll just stay in a motel or something.” You shrug, and wince at the pain this causes. Fluttershy puts a hoof on your shoulder, and the heart monitor speeds up, the beeping pulling you out of the quiet moment with Fluttershy. Nurse Redheart smiles mischievously and leaves. What was that smile for? Never mind, I’m sure it’s nothing important. Then Fluttershy starts speaking and you abandon all thought to listen to her.
“You should probably get some sleep, alright? I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“Hmm... Thanks Fluttershy.” You say gratefully, before closing your eyes and going to sleep, the fatigue that had been preying at the edge of your mind finally taking over, and you happily descend into a proper, natural sleep, the shuffling and beeping slowly fading into grey.

A/N
--Alright, that was my first shot at a second person story. I tried to implement some advice that I received from Kody910, who I think is the best writer when it comes to Second-Person writing, as well as some other advice from the comments section, which is why I edited this. I did quite a bit, edit wise. I even changed that last bit entirely when somepony (Sorry, I forgot your name and my phone is playing up so I can’t check) said that Fluttershy seemed to be a bit quick to allow somepony into her home, so I have moved that to the next chapter. I hope I did well. Like I said, if it’s bad, tear me apart. If it’s good, let me know in the comments. This is actually the first fanfic I have written that didn’t feature my OC Sky Blue in any way, and I am going to keep it that way. I need a break from the Sky Blue universe, and as such I am going to write some new stuff for a little while. Maybe just a few days, a week tops. I’m also not used to having Fluttershy as a central character, as I am not used to writing for such a quiet, shy character. Please let me know if I went wrong. I appreciate all advice. Oh, and I used a Terry Pratchett line, from one of his recent books. If anypony finds it, I’ll give you a free Number 25.--
E/A/N

Comments

[Kiminari]

To be honest I'm not a big fan of second person stories but this was actually entertaining. It really was well-written almost making me forget it was second hand. Your writing makes it really easy to imagine what was going on, and you practically got Fluttershy's personality perfect, she should be a bit more shy than that but i'm sure she definetely would have made the same decisions and actions.

Overall : It's a new favorite for me! Way to go! I also might suggest taking more time to exposition and let the character observe the world around him. More like when he first opened his eyes in the hospital scene or him smelling the blood. Those scenes were extremely clever.

[RagingDemonSlayer]

Update plz

[Colbalt White]

nice story this is my first second person fanfic and i like it

[jeramiahsental]

I read this after the edit, and I was really expecting Fluttershy to allow "me" (lol) to stay at her house.

Oh well, I can always go read the next chapter (which I will be doing).

[Dustchu]

I wouldn't mind staying with Flutters, but its al the animals that would throw me off. I love animals, but... eh.

Nice work on this.

[Lunar_Flare6234]

The way you write actions followed by dialogue is strange; most people don't write 'he said; "Quote."' They usually write '"Quote," he said.' For example, if I were to edit the part where Nurse Redheart walks in, I would put it like this:

You are about to ask how long you’ve been out when the conversation is cut short as a nurse comes in, with a cart of food in tow. When she sees you awake she smiles. “Ah! You’re up at last. Nice to know you’re still with us. Fluttershy has been sitting there for about a week now. She almost never left!” she explained.

Other than that, it's a decent concept if a bit cliché