daring do faces her hardest journey yet, finding out how to work with somepony. thats right! this time you're hero needs help. to save the city of talancon from eight centuries of heat daring do must defeat Ahuizotl and caballeron to win this fight alongside rainbowdash and her six friends.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Name of Story:daring do and the ring of destiny
Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): 2
Pros:
Cannon characters are represented well
Point of view and tenses are consistent.
I loved how you put this into Daring's perspective
Cons:
The grammar is abysmal
This story is pretty much just an episode of MLP copied down on paper. I'm pretty sure that's not allowed on this site.
You did not convey emotions much at all.
Notes Section (how you can improve your fic, at the very least an elaboration of Pros and Cons section)
You frequently miss commas and you don't use enough capital letters. If you wanted to write a copy-paste story like this, it would have been better to use somepony else's perspective, one that we don't see much in the episode. For example, I would have liked to see Fluttershy's perspective. You need more emotion. I would advise using internal monologue to show what the main character is thinking but not saying. Using body language can also reveal a lot about how they're feeling at the moment.
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