• Member Since 27th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 7th, 2012

Zornia


Hi.

Comments ( 268 )

You need to correct some of the more obvious syntax errors. Im not saying its good or bad, that just needs to be taken care of.

a little rough around the edges but not bad by any means nice story :).

I like the story but your grammar and spelling mistakes makes me want to kill myself :raritycry:

I dont know about the whole shy thing but i like the story.
as in shy i mean calling her SHY

just wondering, is this a feels post? if so I wont read, I hate feels

fucking hell, that was a good story, screw the typos, screw the bad grammar, that was a bloody great story

That is very nice story.

I'll get to work on the typos and syntax. Any other requests?

Ok, I capitalized Fluttershy's Name, and fixed some grammatical errors. I also made some sentences flow better. Any other requests?

i am enjoying this story and i think it would be a wise decision to continue.

Thank you Jadders. I am currently writing the second part. Im making it flow better, and I plan to make various improvements.

That was a pretty good story, makes me glad I didn't go to an American school. We don't get social divisions like that over here in Blighty :rainbowkiss: Some formatting and grammatical problems, nothing that detracts too much from the story however. In the beginning, you overcapitalise a bit. The only words that need capitals are those at the start of sentences, names, places and that's pretty much it. I look forward to more :twilightsmile:

Ill fix it, I desperately need a prereader though. :fluttershbad:

I fixed some stuff, like you said.

I'm liking this alot, please do continue

I did my best on this one, please post any errors you see. ANY! :moustache:

Headmasters do not arrange Juvenile Detention orders, judges do. It would be more realistic if the headmaster said the police would be involved, and leave it at that. In the next chapter, you could have consequences leading on from Rodney's disappearance. Or not, just my take on things. :twilightsheepish:

Oh, and keep up the good work!

Ok, I'll rewrite the part.

Ok, i Changed the part to where the headmaster contacts the court, and sends Rodney on suspension for a week. :coolphoto:

Well done with the story I have faved this and sorry for not being able to pre read again

Im currently working on the third chapter, still need a prereader though. :fluttercry:

Ahh these feels, so much feels... I love it

This has given me such inspiration :rainbowlaugh:

Also, i'm not normally one for feels, but this has just the right amount of them to make it good, not sad

1060693 Cheese, message me if your interested. Chapter 3 should be out by tonight, Im still writing it.

Out by tonight you say?! :pinkiegasp: thats quick

1061577 Well, I got nothing else to do. Keep in mind, feel free to correct any mistakes. :yay:

Pitched this together in 2 hours. Help me correct anything, and enjoy the cliffhangar. :rainbowlaugh:

If you feel i should make fluttershy get hurt, i will. I don't want to, but if it appeals to you guys. :applecry:

DON't
U
FUCKING
HURT
FLUTTERSHY
OR
I
WILL
END YOU

I hope I made my point very clear

1062869 Well.. sadly.. I must say she receives some pain in the next chapter. I had no choice.. :ajsleepy:

Well I have no choice but to break the 4th wall and stop this madness

1062901 Dam son, It won't be that bad. You gotta have feels man.:pinkiecrazy:

I hope rainbow is just gonna betray those douche bags.....

1063002 I plan to throw rainbow into the next chapter, but for now she avoids fluttershy and Dave, because she feels extremely guilty.

1063006 phew... I hope they all get the camnden treatment and have one of there fingers broken

1063029 I also forgot to mention fluttershy lost a part of her innocence, and she is now in a state of serious depression. SPOILER ALERT! :twilightoops:

HMB

THIS STORY IS SO AWESOME!:rainbowkiss: It's inspired me to add more romance to the story I'm doing (Sorry it's not a Human crossover thing I sarted this before I become a brony.) The suspense is killing me and I hope Fluttershy doesn't get hurt. Why would people want to hurt souch a majestic creature like her? If she gets hurt then I'll.....I'll.......I'll.......:raritycry: But anyways lovely story and I'm waiting for next chapter.

IF SHE GETS HURT
BY CELESTIA'S WHITNESS
I
WILL
KILL
THEM
ALL!:pinkiecrazy:


Anyways I rate this 5 spikes out of 5 :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

1063090 Haha, Ok. But remember, it does have a sad title... so be prepared for that. :fluttercry:

1063083 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIOOOOO if they were in London and people found out that they did that, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, you're as good as dead.

1063160 :pinkiecrazy: Nah, it wont be to bad.

But still for writing a good story so far you deserve this *hands life size swag bannana..... Enjoy

1063202 Thanks, I suppose. :moustache: Chapter 4 should be out tommorow night.

1063170You said somthing about fluttershy losing some of her innocence....
It better be not what I'm thinking it will be or there will be ..... Accidents happening to people.... :pinkiecrazy:

Plus I will make u step on lego

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