• Member Since 23rd Nov, 2018
  • offline last seen Aug 16th, 2023

karnazom


Okay, I've changed my mind. I'm now- (Insert here)

Comments ( 28 )

The grammar definitely needs editing.

9443788
i am my own editor, since i don't have any

I enjoyed the story. I was thrown off a couple times with sentence errors, but it was good anyways. I wouldn't mind seeing a continuation with this or sequels. Keep it up.

9445941
Well i'll continue it, But expect better grammar next time because i'm polishing the next chap!

9445975
No rush, it was great. :) I can really see this going somewhere.

Will this story have any sex scenes, implied or otherwise, where the woman does most or all of the work?

9498999
Yup, they'll have sex alright But in the mean time, try to find the meaning of to why she's Always Grumpy

The random capitalisation is really bothering me. Words should only have a capital letter if they are names or at the beginning of sentences, with a few exceptions. I often find myself doing the same thing when writing.

9519790
Yeah, excuse me about that, like i said, i am my own editor. and i'm doing a really bad job to it, don't worry 'll get it soon

“This room, here” She handed a note and a key was with it, Limestone then nodded and the receptionist lazily picked up an piece of paper on her side and grumbled to herself and the way she mover he r lips she must’ve said ‘I’m busy’

Is this a hospital or a hotel? Pretty sure a hospital would just send a nurse or receptionist to lead the way to the room for both professional and insurance reasons...

9549907
excuse me for the mistake, but i just realized that the hospital is a bit understaffed.

9519793
I can help you edit this chapter, if you want.

9620273
Permission granted, just message me and paste it on pastebin, And also Thanks!

One MAJOR flaw. Bossom means breasts. For the vigina the terms you’ll want to use are cunt, pussy, or vag.. If nothing else please fix that, it honestly frustrates me more than it should.

9629960
I'll attempt... As soon as i get the new tablet/laptop, if you want to do it with your own hands, you can edit the mistakes in this chapter cause u have ma permission. Then post the edited chapter in pastebin

(Have summer job + depressed sis)

RIP spelling and grammar

You kept refering to the mare as a him...
Stallions are male, mares are female.

Oh... Damn it, i guess i got tired with first day of school, I'll fix it

Your Penis was now peeing something about an Very thick white fluid coming out of your tip

is this the first time he masturbated ever?

No, he glanced at it (in the dim dark)

I like it so far. My only complaint is that you reeeaaaally need an editor.

9444160

you automatically mined it for bits and coins

This makes it read as though she's mining for bits and coins from the earth.

The act of mining had become an ingrained habit having done it all of her life, but financially rewarding when they harvested precious gems, gem clusters, or precious minerals and metals.

10050926
Thanks for the correction, excuse me for not replying earlier because I was preoccupied with tasks that I need to check before retrying my fanfictions again. Not this one though.

“Well, I was just, uhh playing games? Yeah I was just playing games” you smiled sheepishly knowing full well that they are going to laugh at my failed attempt on persuasion, they giggled and Limestone Asked

No Lord Helmet we didn't see you playing with your dolls.

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