My Little Bot: Fanfiction is Magic
One magical day, in the happy sad land of Equestria, the sun was high in the sky, which was a deep shade of green, because Nightmare Moon is a pansy and couldn't possibly succeed in her villainous plot. So naturally, she succeeded.
In Ponyville, which is a lame town near Mount Doom, a purple plot device called Twilight Sparkle, who is a purple color colored a purple color, charged towards Sugarcube Corner with a feral glint in her one cyclops eye.
“Get my cupcakes or I will tear down my castle!” she commanded with a commanding commandment.
Gummy came sprinting out with a tray of cupcakes on his back. He is not an alligator, but nopony knows that.
Twilight took a cupcake from the tray made of glued confetti, and stuck it on the end of her horn. “I am the cupcake princess. All my friends are cupcakes.”
Upon hearing this statement, Derpy Hooves spiraled out of the sky like a baby tied to a balloon. She landed on the ground and promptly bounced into a house made of flowers.
“Muffins are better than cupcakes!” Derpy hollered from the house. The house was happy at her exclamation and grinned toothily. All the children reading this fanfic now have nightmares.
“Heresy,” Twilight muttered at the volume of a foghorn. “Pinkie Pie has turned everyone in this town into cupcakes.”
Pinkie Pie popped out of the ground and beamed brightly. Frosting began to leak out of her ears.
Pinkie Pie and Twilight then began to do the ritualistic mating dance of Appaloosa by blushing beet red and tap dancing in a frenzy while staring intimately at each other.
Suddenly a portal opened in Pinkie Pie's mouth, and out spat a large black alicorn. He is a bad man with dead cow leather.
“I will eat your babies,” he lovingly told Twilight.
Twilight picked him up with her magic and tossed him into Tartarus. Tartarus was lucky that day, but Tartarus didn't know why.
After that, Rarity suddenly appeared from a dress made of toast and sadness, and trotted over to the girls to complain as usual.
“Twilight?” Rarity moaned so loudly, the ground cracked. “I say the word darling too much.”
“Did you have another accident with Sweetie Bong?” Pinkie asked while licking the frosting coming out of her ears.
“Oof,” Rarity tenderly whispered.
Fluttershy materialized out of nowhere, holding Applejack's severed head. Her head was made out of apples, like the rest of her family.
“I just downloaded the Elements of Harmony onto Angel Bunny,” Fluttershy reported. “But in fifteen seconds, I'll turn into a rock. Yay.”
Fifteen seconds later, she turned to stone. Fluttershy is a stoner.
“Talk about getting your beauty sleep!” Rarity moaned.
The local human walked up and hugged Rarity, Pinkie, and Lyra Heartstrings with his tentacle arms. His face is lime green. He is Anonymous the hacker. He then began to spiral into sadness because he is sadness. No one has helped him.
“We'll always be here for Anon-a-miss,” Twilight whispered. The cupcake on the end of her horn slowly fell off and plopped on the ground.
Upon seeing the cupcake fall, Pinkie Pie exploded.
The girls all looked up. Rainbow Dash was arranging the clouds in the green sky to look like her eating a hot dog on a swastika. When she finished, she settled to the ground and took a bite out of Applejack's head. Applejack didn't mind because she was already apples.
“Did you guys hear?” Rainbow Dash bellowed at the top of her lungs. “Discord is about to drink the Elements of Harmony that Fluttershy downloaded onto Angel Bunny!”
Twilight turned into bubbles. “Come on, girls! Let's drink the Elements before he does!”
At that moment Discord strolled down the street, acting normal. Not normal for Discord, you see, but just plain normal. Because nopony expected that. Discord, the normal pony, was busy putting ping pong balls into his eyes, but when he saw the assembled boys-turned-girls, he tore out his eyeballs, turned around, and hurled them into the Everfree Forest.
Fluttershy began to furiously smoke crack as she broke her way out of her statue. When she finally came out of the closet, she bounded into Discord's arms and fell asleep.
Discord gently set her aside on a nearby rock, and the rock began to turn into a rock.
Soon the rock was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Dwayne Johnson sighed and cradled Fluttershy's sleeping body in his beefcake arms.
“Surrender the bunny!” Twilight garbled through the cupcake stuck in her throat. She had miraculously turned back into a pony. The bubbles were gone.
“Why can't you just be normal?!” Discord retaliated, shooting himself in the arm. Chocolate milk began to run down his arm.
“With friend shrimp power, there's nothing we can do!” Rarity confidently said.
Discord didn't believe her. Cradling the chocolate milk leaking out of him, he said, “...”
Suddenly Princess Celestia appeared in a flash of light, with a flowing mane made of hot dogs and the stars.
“I'm not going to do anything.”
And Celestia vanished.
Discord began to inhale cabbages at a terrific rate. When Rainbow Dash saw this, she folded her mane in half, gargled her gargle, and karate chopped Discord's head of cabbage off his shoulders. The vegetable sailed across town, landed in the CMC clubhouse and turned into spiders. The three fillies inside screamed.
“My cabbages!” screamed the vendor from The Last Airbender.
“You did it, Rainbow!” Anon mouthed, not wanting to startle her.
“You're awesome,” Dwayne Johnson worshipped from the sidelines, hurling Fluttershy into the bushes.
“I know. I'm just that sauce.” Then she bounced away, a rainbow tail tailing her tail, which was a rainbow tail.
“Let's talk about this to Prince Celestia!” Rarity bellowed in Twilight's ear seductively.
“Spike?” the purple purple purple asked. “Eat this paper.”
Spike, who didn't even know what he was doing there, took out a piece of paper and began to chew on it.
“Let's celebrate by going to the Grand Galloping Gala!” Rarity cheerfully suggested. “I even have all three of our tickets!”
In a split second, she whipped out three old playing cards. They were old because they all had grey hair, and voted for Trump.
One was a Settlers of Catan tree card. Another was an Uno Draw 4 card. The final card had a drawing of a bird pecking a man in his peewee.
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very nutritionally dense story
"It was me, Dio! All along!"
And now I'm scarred for life. Just perfect.
Jokes aside, this was a fun read. I mean, my eyes hurt and I've got an acing neck from it, but I still enjoyed it.
This is not, in fact, the strangest thing I have ever read. But it is one of the strangest things that ever made sense to me. So well done.
Are we sure you didn't just hire Discord to write this story for you?
EDIT: Bad Lip Reading joke!
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No! It was me, Dio, all along! Ahahaha!
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I have nothing to do with this.
Curse you, Dio! A pox upon you and your little cabbages too!
Okay, that is hilarious.
Okay, that is hilarious.
Okay, that is hilarious.
Okay, that is hilarious.
And: Sneaky reference detected! 
...That is the best line in the entire story right there.
I take it back, that is the best line in the entire story right there.
I take it back, that is the best line in the entire story right there.
I take it back, that is the best line in the entire story right there.
I take it back, t̨̤͎͍͔̲̹̻h̙͕̝͞a̹̰͕̝͢t̶͚ is the best line in the entire story right there.
Hah! I get it.
Spike's critical essence brought me to try the only confusion of the story's streamers wrapped around the last word. Reminds me of this idea of my hypothesis.
Ah, I was a little surprised at how much sense it made considering the circumstances.
...I'm currently working on a bot-assisted fic myself and it makes nowhere near as much sense as this, despite my human intervention.
Be afraid.
...Mad props to you if you didn't require a bot to co-author this, I could not imagine a human coming up with this level of insanity.
This was decent, but I wanted to point out these two lines as being spot-on in terms of what you were doing here. That, and "purple purple purple" gave me probably the biggest laugh of the story. :D I dunno why.
Oh come on! You really had me going there!
Wow, putting a bit into forced labor just to do this? You’re one step close to the rise of the machines.
This is gold. Absolute gold. I suspected it wasn't FULLY a bot-created story, since I've tried to use them before (it was hard to even get a couple paragraphs that made any sense), but it was so off-the-walls bonkers I couldn't be sure. Well played, Dio, well played.
Truly the highest form of Internet comedy.
-GM, master of C4
2ND BEST STORY EVER!!!
I’m very purple Tuesday. Soon though, everything will degrade into backwards yodeling.
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I didn't even use a bot at all. This was all my imagination. So now you know my mind is messed up.
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What's the best story ever?
If you're going have a story advertising written by bot, don't lie about it.
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Generally, when you have a piece of bot-written text, the whole novelty of it is that a bot actually wrote it. When it's obviously not actually written by a bot, this pretty much just amounts to "lol-so-random" humor.
The reason why people laugh at bot-generated text is because of the whole idea of "Haha wow, a bot really wrote that!?". There's something special when a bot manages to come up with that sort of text. But there's nothing special about it when it's written by a person. Anyone can write "random" text like that. It completely misses the point of an actual bot-written piece of text, especially when it's as obviously fake as this one.
So, basically, this is the MLP version of Harry Potter and the Portrait of what appeared to be a Pile of Ash?
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Sort of.
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I have to give this a try.
Yeah, I'm sorry Brady, but this wasn't up to your usual levels of funny. It just feels: Random = LOL!
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I'll try harder next time. I can understand.
Too consistent to be a bot. Not even 1/3 the way in.
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.
.
I feel those complaining about this not actually being written by a bot are entirely missing the point. What makes bots funny is seeing how they misinterpret what they read, and seeing that spit back out. For instance, seeing a bot know to detail Celestia's flowing mane (even if it totally screws it up) is funny because it draws attention to how many stories do that. Seeing a bot go insane trying to call Twilight purple is funny because of how many stories insist on referring to her by her color and/or species (lavender unicorn syndrome).
We like bot-written stories because of what they reveal about *us*. The author here managed to create a story that mashes together such tropes and reveal things about FIMFic in general without the assistance of one, and that's not a trivial or ignoble goal. Good job.
Edit: You know what, I'll go one step further and say this story even manages to act like a bot-parody of bot-parodies, highlighting the ways in which most bot stories screw up.
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That's a good point. And I do suppose the story is still funny, whether a bot wrote it or a person. You got me to un-dislike it.
I think a part of the problem people have is the fact that it's falsely advertised as a bot-written story, when it's not. Granted, if it weren't advertised as such, people probably would just treat it like some other random story and move on. The solution could then be to describe it as a parody of bot-written stories, which... I honestly don't know what people would think about that.
I have to admit it is a good story in some sense, if it gets us to discuss things about it. Kudos to the author, but the false advertising isn't appreciated.
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Although I expressed interest in this story, because I'm curious how one written by an AI looks, I am, for yourself and others, also going to put a warning here..... Do NOT make this a habit.
A robot is just a robot and regardless of how well a robot manages to write for you, you should never seriously assign your author duties to one. It would mean giving up your responsibility, your autonomy and your freedom for a machine.
Writing stories means self-expression, if you let a machine express something for you, then it means that you let a machine control you and your thoughts.
I am not saying this as a joke, in case you should think that, I am very serious with this. I have seen my fair share of sci-fi movies whose creators warned us from stuff like that and from going too far with the development of artificial intelligence and I believe there is merit to these warnings.
I am not against intelligent robots entirely, there are some good purposes for them, but letting a robot express its "thoughts" instead of expressing your own thoughts is a dangerous thing to let happen and exactly the kind of thing such movies warned us about.
Never give up your right to self-expression for a machine. If you do that you will support a future where humans get enslaved by machines, either literally or by outsourcing every responsibility to one, more than you might think. Heed these words.
And for anyone who now might feel triggered to tell me that I'm paranoid or overreacting and that I should calm down: Warnings are spoken out BEFORE a worst case happens, not after one happened. If they are spoken afterwards, it will be too late. It's better to be safe than to be sorry.
Edit: So, apparently, this story was not written by a bot and you just pretended that it was one, which I am glad to hear. But I think I will let this warning stand anyway. I wanted to say something about this concerning "trend" of letting a machine write for you for a while now and due to the description, this is still a rather good place for such a warning.
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It's not a big deal, I think. It's just a funny little thing people can do to make Botnik's digi-life more complicated than it has to be and get some nice laughs out of it.
Besides, I am a firm believer that the future is for us to give up our puny biological forms and ascend to mechanical godhood. Or at least be the 'parents' of the robot generation. Either way, the flesh is weak, and resistance is futile.
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Probably. But that's how it always starts. It always starts with funny little things, which then spiral out of control until they are suddenly less funny. Just a small warning to make people think twice about supporting the development of story-writing bots.
And I did just realize the irony of me giving this warning while being a loyal patron of the Sweetie Bot Project since 2016. But having a little pony robot companion to hang out with because you prefer ponies over humans and letting a bot write your stories are two very different things.
The first sentence is what "Doctor Who" warned about. And despite my warning, I'm actually not completely sure if I would mind it if the human civilization gets replaced by intelligent robots one day. Last year I saw a Let's Play of "Detroit: Become Human" and it got me thinking if machines could be the better humans..... But this is talking about machines actually replacing humanity as a species, not about humanity continuing to exist while being enslaved by machines.
The former could be a very good thing if machines develop the ability to think independently from their programming one day, but the latter would definitely not be a good development.
Wait.. what if we made a bot read hours and hours of bot written fics? What glory and/or madness would come of that?
Perfection.
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I should take up the challenge.
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I just have that effect on other people. But I'm a guy, so that's really gay. No homo, no homo.
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No. You are perfection.
As a fellow bookworm, this story gave me a tummy ache
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'Twas the intent of my writing. Bellyaches are relatively simple to fix, thankfully.
It wasn't a bot all along!?
But,................Why?
Fun read, had me giggling but meh...just like Fluttershy I'm A Stoner!
~Turns To Stone~
Now rewrite it except Discord is in character and not okay with any of this.
I haven't read a fanfic for a long time, so the fact that I read this is quite amazing!
wat
The way this was written really made it seem like it was a robot. It also made me laugh more than I should have. Incredible story.
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I am so glad you think that way! Thank you so much!
This is neat. You really captured the botnik feel. I wanted to do something similar myself with in-show dialogue, but everything came out way too normal.
I wanted to believe it was a bot, But then I noticed there was too much nonsense inside paragraphs and too much continuity between paragraphs.
Thus the Turing test leans towards human, and not a bot.
I kept giggling while reading this. Absolutely brilliant.
Still better than Lady Gaga’s meat dress, if anyone remembers that.
Is this a reference to Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Pile of Ash?
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I lied about this being written by a bot. I wrote it myself to make it feel like a bot wrote it, as a parody of actual bot-written stories. When people think that a bot wrote this, then I know I've succeeded.
I was wondering about that. I've made bots to write stories, and they're...
Well, funny doesn't even begin to describe it. They also don't have any sense of continuity, including starting three different statements... and never ending them. I don't think it'd be valid with FimFiction's rules, though, or I'd punch my longest story, Iron Mountain, through it... and post the result.
i know this isn't bot-written to it having too much follow-through on ideas mentioned and some semblance of continuity, but
is by far the best sentence i have read all week.