Flying Lies

by Heartbolt

flight school

Moongazer sat on a cloud, wondering for the first time were she could go. “I could go to cloudsdale and learn to fly. Or I could go to canterlot and meet the princess, mayby she would know what to do with me-………or….i could go home…and tell my parents once and for all, and if they kick me out, ill think of another option!..... but that’s a nine day journey……..ill go to canterlot, an hour journey, and find a unicorn who knows teleportantion! They could teleport me home, and back if I wanted.” And so she flew to canterlot, and found a unicorn willing to teleport her. “thank you again mam`” Moongazer said to the pink uniorn. “and if you clap your hoofes three times, teleport you back?” “yes. Exactly.” “are you ready to go?” ready when you are!” *zap*
Moongazer opened her eyes to her backyard. The garden was overgrown, and so was the lawn. “hmm” she flew up to a window and looked in. she saw he father, sitting on the couch, alone. She looked in every window, in every room. Her mother wasn’t there. Had they gotten into a fight over her? She didn’t want that! She didn’t want that at all! She zoomed past the living room window, grabing her fathers attention. She clapped her hooves three times in panic, and opened her eyes to the pink unicorn. “would you mind teleporting me to cloudsdale?” she asked. “no problem! Close your eyes, youll be there when you open them!” said the unicorn cheerfully. She opened her eyes to clousdale, the city of great flyers. She asked a few pegasi for derections to flight school. When she got there, she enrolled in three classes imediantly.

Comments

[Heartbolt]

"youre just never happy these days, are you?" and "flight school" are now up!

(and im going to start posting links at the end of each chapter for a picture that goes with the chapter)

[JaydexTheShadowKnight]

1030833
I like the idea of links to the pictures. I always enjoy visual aids!

And now that I have read all 7 chapters, I must say you really should increase the length of the chapters. The last one in particular felt a bit rushed. If you would be interested in a pre-reader or even just some helpful tips, feel free to send me a Private Message. You have potential as a writer and I am still enjoying your story. Overall it could use a little more detail in certain places, and there are some errors I noticed. For instance Canterlot and Cloudsdale are both proper nouns and should be capitalized. I enjoy encouraging fellow writers, and hope you will keep my advice in mind.

[JaydexTheShadowKnight]

1138304
I'm glad it made you smile! I hope you won't be a stranger on here. If anything else you have one fan right now! It's how I got started on here too! And I am looking forward to more of your story. Oh and if you should ever want any advice on writing, just give me a yell. I have a bit of knack for writing. It's one of my true passions in life!

[JaydexTheShadowKnight]

I liked the addition of the pictures! But when are you going to add more chapters?