37 - Epilogue: Onwards to the future!
“I’M A CHANGELING, NOT A MACHINE!” I scream as Eight gets ready for another round of unspeakable things unbelievable to be possible, and likely illegal in most places.
“That was just a warmup, you big larva,” Eight advances on me as I squirm spreadeagle on the floor and fight against the goo bonds around all my legs, “Now grow a second one, and let’s see if we can shove a ribbed, dragon peg into a round hole.”
So, it’s been six days since we destroyed Dusty, and everything has been peaceful-
Wait, no time. Eight’s about to test the soundproofing of this room in the most fun way possible.
Busy, come back later!
***
Five examines the laser rifle Six gave her, points it at him, and pulls the trigger. The drone jumps away, but the rifle doesn’t fire.
“It overheats after three shots,” she says, pouting slightly at Six’s reaction, “You didn’t think I would really shoot you, did you?”
“Umm, well… my only experience in this is how Eight and One treat the boss, so...” Six scratches his head nervously.
Five ponders this for a moment, then nods.
“True,” she advances on Six, leaning down to his nose, “So, how about we do so imitating of our own, my little drone?”
“Uh whuh wha who what?” Six’s jaw drops.
“Some hot, sweaty, steamy exercise,” she whispers hotly into his ear, “Just the two of us, and one locked room.”
“Umm, well, maybe… start slow?” Six can’t believe what’s going on. He must be sleeping. This must be a dream.
Five locks the entrance to the empty shooting range.
“Of course we can start slow,” Five grins, showing as many teeth as she can, “It’s my job to serve the hive, which means to make it better, and you’ve been avoiding morning exercises, Six. That won’t do,” shaking her head, she circles around Six and slaps his butt.
“I’m still not really sure if this is a prelude to a clop setup, or-”
“DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY!” Five screams.
NO, IT’S A NIGHTMARE!
***
Seven is sitting in an armchair, enjoying the peace and quiet of the library. Casually, he summons a floating green skull which lazily patrols the library, searching for possible intruders.
Spells… infiltration… how useless has it all been? All the knowledge, the power given to him, and it meant next to nothing.
With a sigh, he gets up and starts walking around in search of a more specific kind of magic - charms, seduction, minor mind control. The advanced versions of stuff Two borrowed what now seems like eternity ago. Biting mares in order to gain horribly tainted lust and an amount of love equal to a casual hug between acquaintances isn’t the way to go. With magic, he might get a little more, and without the unhealthy taint of venom.
It would probably be better for him to control and manipulate events and ponies rather than to try to explode them once things go wrong. Or maybe he could simply do what the boss wanted him to do all along, just go out and keep trying until it works. After all, he can switch disguises as much as he wants, and when he’s more sure of himself, try as a changeling.
“Here goes nothing...” he sighs and turns away from the bookshelves. He still levitates few books on the subject of hypnosis and love. tt never hurts to have a little crutch in the beginning.
The library door opens, letting in none other than One.
“Oh, if you’re looking for Two or Five, neither are here at the moment,” he says.
One looks at Seven’s charred ‘spellcasting corner’, namely at the summoning circle burned into the carpet.
“No, no, I was looking for you, actually,” One gives him a smile, “We have some unfinished business.”
She transforms into her succubus form, and spreads her leathery wings.
“Um, what?” Seven takes a step back, levitating the held books in front of himself.
“Well,” One advances at him, “You summoned me fair and square, and I really didn’t have time to deal with it at the moment. Now, everything is calm and peaceful, so it’s up to me to fulfill my part of the summoning contract. You wanted lust, and you wanted love. I can assure you, I can give you the former in abundance.”
As One licks her lips, Seven drops the books.
***
“SHINY!” Cryo’s voice echoes through the almost empty castle plaza of Brauheim.
“So… this doesn’t jog your memory either?” Two looks at the beautifully lit dwarven castle across the bridge in the distance.
“LIKE PONY PRINCESS CITY, ONLY WITH A BEARD!” the huge queen smiles.
“Makes me wonder what you saw that the beard sticks so much in what little memory is left,” Two chuckles.
“IT WAS SWIRLY, WITH STARS! IT WANTED WEIRD SCARY ROCKS.”
“I… don’t even know where to begin with that,” Two rubs her head against Cryo’s foreleg, “You know… since you’re all blue, your goo looks like ice, and your name is fucking Cryo, do you like cold?”
“WE DO NOT REQUIRE A BROODMATE AT THE MOMENT!”
“I didn’t mean the fucking part literally.”
“WHERE DO BOOKS COME INTO THIS? ARE WE IN A BOOK? IS IT A GOOD BOOK, ONE WORTHY OF A QUEEN?”
“Just come along, I’ve got an idea,” Two nods, “How about we take a trip to the surface? Three’s been running around the whole underground since we vaporized that Vigil guy, and has found few unguarded access paths. That drone sure loves his holes.”
“CUPHOLDERS!” Cryo shows off two circular holes in her forelegs which could maybe serve for double-pint mugs, or possibly small cooking pots, but certainly not cups.
“If even you start glowing and randomly hugging everyone, I’m jumping off of that bridge again,” mumbles Two, unable to stop the growing grin on her muzzle.
***
“Got everything that you need?” asks Gem, “I can ask the dwarves to give you some stuff for the road-”
“Don’t worry,” Bright Star finishes packing his final saddlebag, and gives his cave slash apartment one final look, “The blizzard is over, and we’ve got a long report to give to princess Celestia. Namely, Ten here does.”
The changeling paladin in question already loaded up with everything for the trip back to Canterlot sighs.
“That’s one part of the job I could go without - the paperwork. Are you sure you don’t want to go back with us?” he asks, giving Gem a pleading look.
“Don’t give me puppy eyes. I survived Three’s, so you don’t stand a chance,” Gem boops Ten’s nose, “I’ll be staying here with the boss for some time. Besides, minotaurs and especially dwarves might have some interesting know-how regarding chemistry, so this is a great opportunity for me. It’s your job to tell the princesses about our little hive. They might want a diplomatic meeting after all.”
“Exactly,” Bright Star pats Ten’s back, “And if you’re lucky, you might earn your first paladin request for this mission.”
“What? As a pally on probation?” Ten blinks.
“Of course, and you know what that means.”
“Another underbelly trip to Manehattan?” Ten asks immediately, then covers his mouth, red as a tomato.
“If you so desire,” Bright Star smirks, “The princess fulfills anything within reason, so no ruling Equestria or turning into an alicorn, but an unrestrained, let’s say, night with the princess is nothing special. Many paladins use their requests for this as a reward for their service.”
“And you?” Gem winks at the unicorn.
“I… maybe have given it a shot once when I was younger, yes,” he smiles, “After my first wife died of old age, I wanted to try something special, because I believed that with my usual requests for extended lifespan I would never find real love again, and I looked for solace in the princess’ bed.”
“Aaaaaand…?” Ten makes a circle with his hoof.
“You surely don’t want me to spoil that for you, do you?” Bright Star teases him, “And certainly don’t take me using my paladin request like that only once as a sign of disappointment. It was an experience I haven’t forgotten to this day.”
“Wooo, let’s go back to Canterlot!” Ten shoots out of the apartment, much to Gem’s laughter, “I freely admit, I’m gonna miss minotaur booty, though.”
***
“This tunnel is weird,” comments Three after many hours of casual trekking down a straight tunnel, silence only broken by his and Eleven’s hoofsteps. So many hoofsteps.
“Long,” the nearest Eleven agrees.
After finally dealing with the deadliest threats to Brauheim, Three used the fact that the dwarves forced all common animals and critters away to explore as much of the empty underground as he could, and found this weird tunnel. At first, there was too much to do - explain to the dwarves what happened, talk to everyone back in the emerald mine, make sure Stompy was okay back in the lab, but as things calmed down, he got bored and his drone instincts took over.
With everyone busy, he took Eleven who had nothing to do either, and went to explore this strange, straight tunnel, longer than any other he’s seen before.
Finally, after almost a day’s trip, the tunnel slopes upwards, and rather abruptly ends in a spiral staircase leading up.
“Up is good, right?” asks Three, “Gem said ponies didn’t hate changelings anymore.”
Eleven shrugs, or Elevens shrug. Both are right. Stupid language.
After three hundred stairs, Three loses count, the numbers just going *bloing!* in his head and getting all muddled up. Curiosity, though, wins over disappointment, and eventually all twelve changelings- changeling bodies end up in a short corridor ending in a smooth wall made of blue crystal. Three can’t see through it, so he does the best test he can - the poke.
The wall doesn’t react.
“Button,” one Eleven with his head right above the floor pokes a spot on the left wall which clicks. The wall fades, and Three immediately peeks into a large hall, much larger than even the dwarven ones where Stompy could fit, all made of the same blue crystal as the strange door.
“Woooow!” his amazed voice echoes through the hall and many other branching off of this one. Carefully, he transforms his hooves into something softer, and after Eleven mimics him for all his bodies, the changelings start sneaking over the smooth floor, their hoofsteps making only a scratching noise of a rushing metal centipede. Any infiltrator worth their salt would facehoof, but they would never be this adorable, so screw them.
Suddenly, after rounding a corner, Three freezes.
There’s a pony stallion wearing armor and a helmet, dozing off while propped on his spear. The thing is… he’s all SPARKLY, like made of pony stuff but glass!
Beaming, Three sneaks towards him, then pokes his leg. The Crystal Guard mumbles in his sleep, but that’s it. Three turns around, and sees nothing. He blinks, furrowing his brows. No, he CAN see something. Eleven somethings which are now made of almost see-through glass cut like the crystal pony guard.
“...woooow, nice disguise...” Three whispers, and after some focusing, he frowns, “...I can’t do that...” he can’t get depressed now, he’s in charge of exploring this weird sparkly cave with a lot of doors, “...okay, if someone isn’t all friendly, you surprise hug them. No biting!”
Eleven is somewhat confused by how strangely his bodies are reflecting the dim light of the place, but nods anyway.
As the two changelings press on through the tall hallways, and pass by many more sleeping guards, runes on Three’s body start glowing brighter and brighter until even he realizes what has been instinctively leading his way ever since he entered this strange place.
There’s love, an unbelievable amount of love somewhere not too far away. Maybe just behind the huge door with two wings at the end of this long hallway which is bigger than any other in this crystal cave.
Thankfully, the door isn’t guarded, and slides open easily even to Three’s push. As he peeks through the crack, his jaw drops.
They ARE on the surface! The door opens into a big plaza with crystal floor, crystal houses all around, and a gargantuan spire in the center of it with some space underneath from where Three can feel love radiating so strongly that all changelings everywhere could stay fed by just being around.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
Unfortunately, there are two Crystal Guards by the other side of the gate Three has just opened, and these aren’t asleep.
“Opening this big door,” says Three, opting for honesty, “This place is all sparkly and really pretty. You ponies too. Do you polish yourself every morning?”
“...sometimes evening too...” mutters the other guard.
The first guard chokes for a moment before asking in a strained voice:
“Oh, you’re a changeling. Got lost in the Crystal Castle?”
“Mhm,” Three nods, “Boss is asleep, so we went exploring. The place is a little confusing.”
The guards furrow their brows as Eleven rushes out, barely visible in the gloom.
“What are those? Floating teeth?” both guards ready their spears.
“No no no, that’s Eleven,” Three jumps between Elevens fanning out and the closer guard, “Eleven, be nice and stop hiding,” Three pouts, “See? You scared him.”
Elevens return to normal changeling forms, and the more talkative guard can’t resist Three’s hurt look for more than few seconds.
“I’m sorry, you can go,” both guards returns to his post by the door.
“Thank you!” Three and Eleven beeline towards the love source in the distance.
“You know the castle is off limits at night, right?” asks the other guard.
“Do YOU want to report this and explain how a bunch of changelings got into the castle in the first place? Besides, they can’t have stolen anything. It’s not as if they had bags.”
“Meh, true,” the second guard shrugs, props his plot against the castle wall and his front against the spear, and yawns.
“Stupid early morning shifts,” the leading guard adds, doing the same as his eyes close on their own.
Crystal Empire security, everyone. Enjoy!
Three stops, watching a slowly turning heart made of greenish blue crystal hover between two spikes, one coming from the top and one from the bottom, under the tall spire in the center of the crystal plaza.
“What-”
“-this?” Eleven completely forgets to synchronize his mouths.
Three pokes the Crystal Heart.
“A… changeling candy machine?” he hazards a guess based on the love he’s absorbing, “Maybe they set it up here when bad mom made the big peace with ponies. Wait, is she still a bad mom when everything is okay now?” Three winces, recalling his short and rather unpleasant life in the old hive, “Umm… yep. Sorry, bad mom.”
Elevens form a small pyramid, and the top one pokes the Heart. A crack running through it, to be exact.
“Broken,” he says.
“Awww,” Three hugs the Crystal Heart, slowly spinning around with it. A blast of love flashes around, making the streets sparkle, and Three drop on the ground, “Oh my gosh, it really IS a changeling candy machine! You put in hugs, you get love. Boss needs to see this.”
Three spits on the floor, and then writes a “BRB<3” with the goo. When the sign hardens, he grabs the Heart, and gives it to Eleven whose bodies shuffle around to carry it.
“Let’s go. We’ll bring it right back after we show it to the boss.”
They pass through the big guarded door which they now know doesn’t lead to a big crystal cave, but a massive, beautifully hewn castle made of various types of crystal. The gate guards are now both asleep, thankfully, because Three has no clue how he would explain borrowing a candy machine, even though it’s clearly a public one.
They’re almost at the secret door when they’re stopped by a pink alicorn, one Three actually recognizes.
“Stop right there!” princess Cadance towers over the group of two changelings. She blinks, “Wait, is that the Crystal Heart? Who are you?” she leans to Elevens “WHAT are you?”
“We’re just borrowing the heart candy machine for a while to show it to the boss,” explains Three very helpfully.
“What ‘boss’?” the alicorn narrows her eyes, “HEY!” she calls out as very nervous Elevens dart away at full speed with the love machine.
“Umm… we’ll be back soon!” Three follows as fast as he can, not daring to look back. Not that he needs to, he can hear the heavy hoofsteps of the alicorn behind him, “LEG IIIIIIT!”
”BOOOOOSSSSSS, BOOOOSSSSS! WE MADE THE SPARKLY PONIES AND THE PINK PRINCESS MAD!”
***
I’m rushing through Three’s new tunnel, followed by Eight and One.
“The idiot found some secret passage into the Crystal Empire,” Eight shakes her head as we’re closing in on the fleeing changelings, “And what was that about a pink princess?”
“A trap, obviously,” One rolls her eyes, “The chances of them not being caught already are zero. Even though Cadance isn’t exactly the warrior type, she’s quite athletic.”
And finally, after nearly an hour of mad, love-fueled gallop bordering on blurry flight, we meet the twelve changelings gasping for breath.
“They stole the Crystal Heart,” One’s jaw drops when she spots Eleven’s cargo, “Nope, didn’t see that one coming.”
We let Three and Eleven pass, and spread out as little as we can in the rather narrow tunnel to face the incoming pink alicorn.
One suddenly facehoofs.
“Really? Were you trolling Shining Armor again?”
What?
“Well, well, well, the prodigal sons, daughter, and my best of the best return,” Cadance starts laughing. It’s a heavy, throaty laughter completely unfitting the princess, and then…
...green fire envelopes her, burning away the smaller form, and leaving behind a much taller, black equine with teal mane, and a loooot of sharp teeth.
“Ohhhhh… shit,” chill runs down my spine, “It’s mom.”
“Hey, boss!” Three starts jumping up and down, “It’s bad mom! Should I go get the friendship gun?”
Eight cracks her neck, narrowing her eyes. Heavy, chitinous blades grow on the back of her forelegs.
“I’m going to enjoy this...” she growls, “Mother.”
“Alright, alright, everyone calm down,” One walks between us and Chrysalis, “Especially you, Eight. You got to kill her once already, don’t be greedy. Let’s not do anything we’d all regret.”
I honestly have no idea what to say, and the same goes for Eight who is ready to fight at a moment’s notice against both One and Chrysalis.
“Kill me already?” Chrysalis tilts her head, “Ahhh, you mean the hive memory of myself,” she says in a laid back tone, “I suppose I should thank you for that. Or, to be accurate, ponies, changelings, everyone really should thank you for that.”
“Why are you here and what happens now?” asks Eight in a low, dangerous tone.
Chrysalis raises her hoof.
“I was coming back from my… diplomatic visit with emperor Shining Armor when I felt changelings I didn’t know sneaking around, which was rather surprising. What was much more interesting, though, was that when I found them they have just stolen the Crystal Heart under the noses of sleeping Crystal Guards. Seriously, the security of the place makes it obvious why they’ve been taken over by everyone who wanted a turn.”
“Three?” I ask carefully, “Why did you steal whatever this Crystal Heart is? And why does it radiate so much love?”
“The Crystal Heart is an ancient artefact capable of amplifying ambient love and spreading it all over Equestria and possibly even further,” says Chrysalis, “Probably the most important thing in the Crystal Empire.”
I raise an eyebrow at Three.
“Well… I mean… I hugged it, and it made a lot of love. I thought… it was a food machine...” Three ends in a whisper, withering under fifteen sets of eyes, “I thought boss would want to check it out,” he gives everyone the combined power of Three’s puppy eyes and ‘the legendary wibble’, “I wasn’t going to keep it, I swear!”
“Drone number...” Chrysalis stats talking, and stops, “Huh, I completely forgot. There was a three somewhere in it, wasn’t there? Nevermind,” she shakes her head, “You are coming with me and returning the Crystal Heart where it should be. You too, ‘boss’.”
“Yes, mom.”
“Yes, bad mom.”
“Good,” Chrysalis turns around, “Now you can tell me how you got here in the first place. I know a good deal of your story from One, but no one knew you would be up here. We’ve got enough time, now that we’re not running like crazy,” without looking back, she adds, “And stop scowling at my ass, daughter. You have a different master now, and I can feel from you that you are more than happy with him. I might decide to keep your little hive under some secret observation eventually, but you are free to live your life as you deem fit. I’m happy for you. For all of you, as hard as you might find it to believe. I’ve always wanted the best for my changelings, although it does hurt a little that you found more true happiness away from me than any other changeling has still under my rule.”
“So, what’s the diplomatic visit about?” asks One as we casually stroll through the tunnel back to the Crystal Empire. It’s going to be few hours at this pace, but we have a lot to talk about.
“I’m willing to do things with Shiny that Cadance isn’t too comfortable with yet. He doesn’t know, and thinks it’s all Cadance,” Chrysalis shrugs, “It helps my changelings- I apologize, ANY changelings move around the Crystal Empire unbothered. Most of us aren’t really used to living among ponies, and building our own lives and identities takes time. When they get too hungry to disguise themselves or life isn’t going well, they can spend some time here around the Heart and recover.”
“We don’t need to make up identities and disguises to live as us,” says Eight.
“Now THAT is something I’d like to hear about,” Chrysalis chuckles, “Well, One, tell me all about it.”
“I-” One opens her mouth.
“Not you,” Chrysalis says softly, “Not anymore. You’re not part of my world, succubus. The real One of my- of this hive. As for you, my demonic ex-subject, I suggest you find yourself a name, because at the moment you have none.”
Eight- One- whatever you want to call her now, starts talking. About how she fled from Las Pegasus, how she found her place among the dwarves, and about everything.
***
Several days later, something invisible sneaks through the Canterlot castle prison, stopping in front of a cell on the bottom floor. There are no guards down here anymore, every cell is locked tight, and the security checkpoint on the floor above wouldn’t allow anyone to get in and out without the most rigorous examination.
However, the door to Star Trail’s cell opens, and queen Chrysalis walks inside, her every step carefully watched by the cell's resident - the old, scowling ex-paladin himself.
Star Trail doesn’t say a word, the pure hatred Chrysalis can feel from him says more than enough.
“I know how much pain you caused to my subjects,” she says calmly, “I didn’t understand until I saw the drone you killed with my own eyes, and then his remains in the old castle. The pain from all of them when they told me...”
“What you monsters did to me and to Equestria is infinitely worse,” he hisses back.
“War was war, paladin,” says Chrysalis, not losing her cool even for a second, ”But you murdered an innocent, one offering peace on top of that. As their queen, no matter what they might think, it’s my time to pass judgement for this abominable deed.”
“Rot in tartarus, cockroach!” Star Trail spits Chrysalis in the face, “You monsters killed my Puff. I saw empty villages covered in acid and goo, or caves where you were hiding the starving victims. Don’t you dare lecture me about killing innocents!”
“As I said, war was one thing. This is another,” Chrysalis draws herself to her full height, which leaves her horn touching the ceiling of the cell, “The painful memory which brought you to this point of merciless madness, THAT is what your world will be from now on, what you will relive every single second until you die.”
Chrysalis’ eyes flash green, and Star Trail starts crying. As the queen vanishes, the ex-paladin collapses in the corner of the cell and doesn’t stop screaming until his throat gives out. That, however, is only the beginning of his remaining years of penance, living through Puff's death over and over. Forever.
“IT WAS SWIRLY, WITH STARS! IT WANTED WEIRD SCARY ROCKS.” - the most plot important line of the entire story that no one will get. 
A bit morbid ending, but well deserved.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Nameless Narrator · 197k words · 124 7 · 2k views
- Nameless Narrator · 165k words · 374 12 · 4.5k views
- Nameless Narrator · 81k words · 63 1 · 1.3k views
- Nameless Narrator · 175k words · 48 3 · 848 views
- Nameless Narrator · 41k words · 122 2 · 2k views
- Nameless Narrator · 147k words · 54 1 · 1.1k views
- Nameless Narrator · 43k words · 83 1 · 1.5k views
- Nameless Narrator · 187k words · 169 11 · 3.8k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.095 seconds
Total duration
1,077 users online
2,484,398 hits today, 2,921,617 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Yeah, I'm sure that making a complete monster relive their trauma indefinitely will never come back to bite anyone in jugular. Nope.
On a related note: stop failing at everything, Starswirl.
Swirly and stars wanting rocks? Yeah, totally not elements of harmony and starswirl the bearded. Or some cosmic force, wanting more of these weird crystals that make everyone be fearful. But yeah, nice ending I suppose. Was a good read all in all.
9679232
Yes to the Starly and Swirly part, no to the Elementy part
9679215
Potential sequel bait? Or just a fitting end?
I come back and there's a bunch of updates and aLSO ALREADY THE EPILOGUE WHAT!!!
also also cryo the foreshadowing of that statement hecking christ
also x 3, something tells me Three and Eleven will probably be getting into more ridiculous amounts of shenans together in the future
quadruple also, Chrysalis?????in my epilogue????????and dealing judgement for her kids??????????????more likely than you think!
i wonder where Scream went tho...
EITHER WAY THIS WAS SUPER AWESOME TO READ THANK YOU FOR WRITING IT ALL, AND I AM SUPER HYPE FOR WHAT'S NEXT!!!
The Magical Adventures of Cryo and her Translator is a go.
Now casting: METEOR FALL.
9679215
I mean, it's not like his hatred wasn't already nuclear. I'd say his odds on coming back after this are about 1/3 at best, since he's already in the dungeon.
To the author: I hope you're not going to keep milking Cryo for cheap humor. 'lol brain damage haha randumb' isn't funny, and that combined with One's casual use of a slur really doesn't paint a flattering picture.
Wait, so Blaze is capable of generating ISTRIUM on command!?!?
Which plays into his dimensional abilities, somehow. Magic has never been a technically rigorous field.
And poor Chrysalis. What war? A war of terror? Of destruction? One waged entirely by you from the shadows, whether or not at the behest of the Old Hive, was there really a war between two opposing sides at all? Or was there a terrorist cell that laid waste to towns and cities unprovoked, and the attempts to stop the desolation. Celestia might have done terrible things to the Changeling race far in the past, but the actions of Chrysalis's nation were all on her.
9679294
Glad you enjoyed this.
She's referring to a certain thing related to "Thawing The Frozen Heart" and fully revealed in "Imbalanced: New Age". Nothing relevant to this story, but putting in a mention of the big world.
Scream was betrayed and killed by Blinding Light, the Vigil grandmaster after helping them bring Harmony into the world - "Dawn of the Silver Sun" story.
I already presented her in "Imbalanced" as being pretty chill after the hive memories got nuked. Bad mom maybe bad mom, but she's no completely bad mom.
As I wrote in my HoCK ending blog post, I've got nothing new planned. I'm kinda drawing blanks in my head for everything. I've even been trying to move on with "Legacy of Light" with no result, so I don't know what could be next, if anything.
9679309
Heh, plus Three and Eleven going around the world to hug every single sentient species. Or BFG the unhuggable ones.
9679348
Nope, not this time. I need at least ONE story that ends decisively well.
9679446
You can't distinguish between fiction and reality if you believe what you wrote under the "To the author:". I could go into detail, but this is the internet, and there's no winning or teaching anyone anything. I'll leave it at this - if you feel insulted or something, it's because rancor you yourself attribute to my words, not to anything that's inherently there.
9679530
Well noticed. He had no idea what he was doing, though. Not he nor Mistake could willingly use all the vault of gods' knowledge he absorbed over time, so when he needed something against magic and divinity, the divine memories provided, but without knowing all connections and results. Plus, the Silversmith theory was close, but not entirely correct. I'll leave that as a thing that can be deduced with some thought.
That's another well noticed thing, one mostly stemming from Chrysalis having no idea who Star Trail actually was. While he was talking about the mess changeling have been making of things in recent years, him being actually a lot younger than Bright Star who is 150-ish, Chrysalis thought he was talking about the great war earlier which her mother caused and she inherited. War to conquer the world with the top generals like Shadowstep or Cryo. Although if Chryssie understood correctly, I doubt it would have changed anything. She would just say something along the lines of necessity for survival.
9679537
I can distinguish just fine, I just don't see the need for these things and don't like hearing slurs. There was no reason to put that in, and I heard quite enough of the word at school. 'Slurs are bad' isn't some radical statement, and ableism seems to crop up several times in these stories. I like the fics, really like them, but it's a thorn in my side hearing dehumanizing bullshit for no reason.
9679644
Fine, you win. I'm going to waste a bit of my time, even if obviously I'll make things only worse.
1) you don't understand the reason why the original "they might be retarded" line was there. Obviously not, just from what you wrote. That one was aimed at religious fanaticism and stuck-up traditionalism, not any actual mental condition. (Well, I might count stuff said above this as one.)
2) "Slurs are bad". Yeah, the character who said that is literally an uncaring immortal who considers almost everyone else vermin. Congratulations, because it's obvious you can't distinguish fiction and reality just from being insulted by that.
3) Cryo being brain damaged is used for laughs, but not cheap laughs. There is a difference between laughing at someone and laughing at the situation. I honestly believe you can joke about anything as long as there isn't genuine ill will involved, which is something most people, generally the thin-skinned ones don't understand, because they take it personally. Why do I believe that? Because I have dealt with more sh*t than I would wish on anyone, physical, mental, emotional, and existential. I know what I mean by every joke and reference. Hence my earlier words about lack of rancor which you apparently cannot understand.
I don't know your situation, and since you haven't been around my library since I started writing, you can't know mine. However, you will either understand what reality is, or you will feel insulted, hurt, and attacked from all sides without actually having a reason to. From what you wrote, you really don't understand yet. If you want a safe space with only happy feelings and fluff, which I understand because that's one of the reasons I got into poners some 7 years ago, there are many way better authors than me who can construct a good story without my naturalism.
9679446
I can see how it could be considered poor taste, but after reading some more of the authors work I can safely say he does not personally view the disabled with any kind of contempt or ill will, and tries to offer an overall balanced perspective.
Besides, at least in the case of Changelings, they'll probably heal.
9679677
It doesn't matter who the word is aimed at, it cannot be divorced from its meaning. And maybe I'd be more willing to understand if your responses weren't fucking dripping with 'I think you're a fucking moron'. Do you do that to everyone who complains to you, immediately assume they literally don't understand the concept of fiction? Because you sound like a serious dick as is.
9679713
You're feeling personally insulted by words a fake character said to a fake character in an irrelevant story written by an irrelevant person you know nothing about. Learn the difference between what others are saying and what you're hearing. Your anger and insecurities are distorting the message.
9679713
Don't be That Person.
Don't be that person who has to ruin it for everyone else.
We get it. We understand, this kind of thing is serious. But that doesn't mean it's illegal for the audience to enjoy some humor caused by the circumstances. Otherwise, we lose out on lings like slapstick and pratfalls because they make aggravated trauma funny. Or we can no longer enjoy Hulk Smash because colossal property damage is not funny to the property owners or the insurance companies. Should I go on here? Or can I move on?
I'll move on.
Yeah, brain damage is no fun for everyone involved, especially the victim of said damage. However, it can be poked at without being insulting to brain damage victims. Cryo is functional. Yeah, her mental capability is a trainwreck, and she can only spit statements out at volumes where it sounds like someone turned the volume knob all the way up so hard you get the impression the knob got torn off in a fit of lunacy. But you'll notice that aside from the nonsequiter phrasing humor, and the use of 'serious things are being said amidst the madness', that she's not being mistreated by the characters for her mental damage. It's funny, but it's funny in an endearing way, not a 'ha ha, lookit da retard' way.
This is called TASTEFUL application of humor to a touchy subject. And I say this as someone who has had personal interactions with the brain damaged, or rather, the mentally degraded. Cryo's symptoms are only partially that of brain damage caused by trauma, and more like that of someone who's suffering from Alzheimer's. But ACTUAL Alzheimer's is not so silly and entertaining to watch. Imagine watching someone who's in their 80s or 90s, and their memory of their adult life slowly burns away as their brain degrades. They start getting lost in their home of 30 years, thinking it's 60 years ago or more. They forget who you are. They forget their family. You saw them yesterday and had a chat, and today they're afraid to make eye contact with the 'stranger'. Cryo's like a light case of that crossed with Tourette Syndrome. Cryo may not be all there, but she's solidly functional unless you're trying to converse with her.
So I say to you: Chillax. It's Just A Story. And I personally hope Cryo slowly comes down from The Madness of being stuck as a popsicle for a millennia. But I hope that is entertaining every step of the way. Because nobody wants to read the book called 'Cryo goes through normal rehabilitation therapy and gets better'. Because that would be a BORING book. Watch someone doing rehabilitation therapy some time. It'll put you to sleep.
^the most plot important line of the entire story. Eight got promoted, whooo!
This was incredibly fun story to follow along with you, and I thank you for writing and sharing it. I hope I spot the next story you write a before it is already half-completed. Cliffhangers are so much more intense when you have to wait a bit to see the conclusion!
9680074
Well, since I'll likely be trying to keep going on with Legacy of Light and I've let it rot for like three months already, that's so cliffhangery that even if The Rock washanging from said cliff, his hands would be hurting like hell.
9680417
9680701
Queen, technically.
Kinda sad there was no reference to like what Scream was up to at the end there but also wait did Star Swirl use the stones from where the Vigil was for the mirror?
9680903
Only in the author notes, because those all happened in different stories. Scream's involvement is in "Dawn of the Silver Sun" and Starswirl's mystery in "Imbalanced: New Age". Nothing that relates to the boss and his family.
9680905
Ah ok well i will go and give them a read then
I loved it, the humor and snark in this story felt like warm milk and cookies for my sarcastic heart.
Any chance for more? I really like your writing style, but i sadly can't handle Imbalanced, the story was so edgy, it probably cut itself, to spice the morning coffee.
9681058
I don't have anything planned at this point. I can't recall if you read "Hard to find the right words", but you can try that. It's kind of an unofficial prequel to the New Hive stories, or at least the most similar. Maybe "Happiness is what you make of it" but that one's more on the miserable side as well.
I don't really write happy stories, at least I didn't until this point. Sorry.
Hands down I loved it. Though I don't like the ending where they're basically reduced to sheepish teenagers. Eh, just my thoughts. I'd prefer them to be separate from Chrysalis.
That was a good ride.
If there was two things to complain about i think it would be pacing. You stacked too many threats near the end(Boss gets poisoned,boss gets up,immediately tentacles,then immediately more tentacles and Vigil), when they go one after another it dilutes the effect.
Also the reaction of dwarves being taken over is mild to say the least, i guess boss giving up most of the royal power did the trick,but still i would expect a near revolt, especially after Eight put the city into civil war and was revealed as herself.
9682565
They are no monster slayers, they just want peace and place they can call their own. For how long before they get bored? That's the question.
9682597
I'd say that only boss' reaction was a bit cowardly. One never had bad relationship with Chrysalis, Eight was ready to kick ass, Three and Eleven were nisanely outmatched, but boss... I'm going to say that he didn't want more trouble when he figured out Chrysalis wasn't hostile, and knew that needlessly antagonizing her wouldn't help anything. Plus, they have the best infiltrators, so Chryssie's idea of secret surveillance later was unlikely to succeed.
9682706
Well, I've been criticised about pacing forever, and I haven't figured how to do it properly over the six years, so I can't defend myself on that point. As far as the revolt goes, boss' leadershp was actually pretty good, tapping into the long suppressed needs of the people (and gave them a chance for a long-desired fk you to the dark priests while still obeying the law - think not-so-recent revolution in Egypt). Still, people used to obeying tradition and law won't revolt easily, especially when the new council is led by dwarves of reknown who actually listen to problems instead of traditional semi-religious dark priest/royalty laws.
Why I mostly come on in that in mlp fandom dragons have double?
9683785
I didn't mean it that way, but it could be because lizards are supposed to, or something. I don't know too much about that.
9711918
Have fun.
9759397
Three is a happy little disco ball.
9790745
Daaaaaaamn someone actually got it
Congratulations!
9823337
I'll do my best to try and put my issues with the story into words. And apologies in advance for the Wall of Text.
If judged from the surface, this series really ought to be a favorite of mine. It's got a bunch of changelings running around and getting into trouble, they actually have some morals while maintaining a bit of their hard edge, there's a smattering of smut throughout the story without it dominating things, a few interesting and fun character interactions, and a lot of unique aspects to the setting's worldbuilding. Factually speaking, it hits all the right notes. But at the end of the road, I'm finding it really difficult to actually care about what's going on, and I think that's the result of a bunch of little factors.
First off, the character don't actually seem to be driving the story forward. Things just sort of happen to them. Sometimes they run into problems and win, sometimes they run into problems and instantly get their rears handed to them. They make plenty of terrible choices that don't seem to really get them into trouble, and there's plenty of times where they've done nothing wrong at all and the universe just completely obliterates them for no apparent reason. The actions they take and choices they make seem to have zero actual impact on the outcomes.
Secondly, there's so many gruesome and horrible events happening out of the blue, that they really lose any weight to them. It actually makes it difficult to get invested into new characters, because they might just get eviscerated a few chapters later. I've seen grimdark rapefics that spend less time making horrible crap happen to their characters. And what little weight these events still cling to gets blown out of the water by the numerous 'fake outs' where something horrible happens (or appears to happen) only to have the character in question make some miraculous escape or recovery.
I'd say the biggest problem this story has is managing its tension and pacing properly. Frantic action comes completely out of the blue without and foreshadowing or build up. And similarly, it's not actually followed up on or properly responded to by the story or its characters. I'm still kind of incredulous that right after putting two of the main characters into mortal peril, there was an entire chapter spent on a forced and awkward date at some festival. This is in part fueled by the fact that none of the characters are willing to talk to each other. There are genuinely more forced miscommunications than in a cheap romantic comedy.
Another issue the series struggles with is to actually follow-up on its own worldbuilding and events. There's so many interesting things being set up all over the place. But they never seem to be followed up on to really clarify and elaborate on an interesting detail. None of the characters seem interesting in following-through either. Sevens ends up interacting with an entity that claims to have created the avatar of magic itself, and it's not even worth mentioning to the rest of the cast? Are you serious?
There's a few other minor gripes, like some cringy fourth-wall breaks, but those aren't really worth spending time on. What finally broke the camel's back for me was having a new character (Cryo) show up in the middle of a chaotic fight scene and everyone be like 'Oh hey, it's our old pal. How are you doing?' despite the fact that they have never met this character before. Not only that, but the character hasn't even been introduced to the readers! The only mention I could find was an off-hand mention of their name half a dozen chapters back.
So yeah. The series contains all the right elements to be a great story. But the execution left a lot to be desired (at least in my opinion). Not trying to be a bad guy here or put down the work you put into it. But for me it just wasn't working out as intended.
// Rant done.
9823408
As always, thanks for the detailed description. Those definitely help the most, especially the negative ones.
- Trash pacing is apparently my thing, because this is far from the first time I've been called up on that. Sadly, since it hasn't apparently changed over the years, which means I have no clue what to do about it, at this point it's a crappy feature.
- I genuinely don't understand what you mean by character decisions having no impact. I would say that expecting everything to have instant payoff and being a huge obvious game-changer isn't realistic whatsoever. But yes, sometimes things will turn out differently no matter what you do, that's life.
- "grimdark rapefics" Haven't read Celestia's Relaxing Vacation, have you? Anyway, there's difference between naturalism and forced brutality. I think The Witcher books do the naturalism extremely well, and that's what I try to go for. Throughout the two books, there are pretty much three gory scenes - Three's death, One's death, and Eight getting ripped to pieces. I have to heavily disagree with this one, as it is entirely subjective and thus has no value for me. Everyone will feel differently about it.
- "Crappy fourth wall breaking." Oh live a little, seriously.
- That said, the Cryo opinion actually makes me a bit mad, especially since it's supposed to be "the straw", and it ties to the comment about Seven not talking to anyone about Harmony's contact.
I assume my readers think about what's going on, and not just blindly read.
One, lings share information through the hive mind all the time unless they choose not to, so there's no reason to explicitly say every other chapter "Everyone had a sit-down and talked about things over a cup of tea.".
Two, since some events happen so shortly after each other, and there's whole lot of stress going around, THEY MAKE MISTAKES. This complaint based on completely misunderstanding behavior patterns is something I've read in my comments way too many times and I blame it on a shit trend in fantasy literature where all characters are always superheroes who always know the best course of action to achieve the big goal and will never be swayed by anything at any cost, which is an incredibly childish trend fucking up so many otherwise good books. Tolkien comes to mind as seriously THE worst example of this. Now, I'm not saying every "wrong" action can be justified by this and there are no mistakes by me ever, but in general this is a point where I can unpleasantly often point at a reader and say "No, you're reading it wrong."
Three, and this time it's really the Cryo thing. In the first book, boss met every single queen, or the memory thereof. Eight KILLED Cryo's memory herself. One, who was presented as someone with vested interest in changeling history, has been part of the hive for a long time, and the others possess a good chunk of her knowledge, although lacking in detail, due to the hive mind sharing. Plus, They have the mention of prince whatevername to know that changelings have been operating in Brauheim before, which is the entire reason for dwarf lax behavior around them. Next, are you really going to bitch about someone saving you in the heat of the battle no matter what, especially after Two'S quick recap what happened? No, Cryo has been foreshadowed well enough, and I refuse to be one of the writers who do the whole "look at this, remember this, this is going to be a thing in the future! Wait, you didn'T look enough! LOOOOOK AGAIN!" thing. I consider my readers better than that. This is a trend in young adult and children books where authors consider their readers too dumb to notice anything that's not blatantly obvious and pointed out ten times.
That said, what you wrote is an opinion and an overal summary of how the story makes you feel, no matter whether every concern is actually relevant or not, which in the end is the most important thing. A lot of those are something which clearer writing might solve, some aren't. There are few things I can take from it, and I want to thank you for it again.
//well, my rant over.
9829355
Well, boss is the good heart of the group, not the cold, unfeeling, tactical brain. Also, don't say that in front of Eight, she might get punchy.
9830199
"What Would 3 Do?" is a totally legit bracelet concept that could make any world a better place.
9894812
Eeeh, I like Three's head from the cover of Exercise in Management more. But it's a question which if everyone asked more often, world would be a much happier place.
9895573
Noooot entirely. They also dug too greedily.
9895626
Your math teacher would be proud.
9909737
9926878
- I do think there's a short visit to Crumble at some point or something, I can't recall. I have the memory of a goldfish, that's why all this stuff is written down.
- At first I read "Character Incontinence machine" and was very puzzled. In my defense, I just woke up.
10011843
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.
"Fixe examines the laser rifle Six gave her, points it at him, and pulls the trigger"
You mean Five right?
10035183
Fixe - a horrifying mix of Six and Five.
Fixing it now.
10035590
He he he.
10036129
They would have a heyday with anything that comes out of the anus, really.
10036145
Irritating too.
10038420
Context is for the weak.
10038498
Exactly.
10038472
Ooh, that's a good one!
Cryo is precious.
Leave it to Chrysalis to point out Eight is the name, not the rank. Really, they should have figured out there were no ranks, but she just had to hoist that wet fish and slap them.
Wouldn't it be so funny if the Crystal Empire woke up wondering who spiked the Crystal Heart and made everypony extra shiny that morning?
Interesting that Chrysalis' lings are having trouble individualizing. It's hard to overcome your upbringing...
Well it's been fun, onward to the next one!
10205227
- Cryo does have her moments.
- Ranks and names are one and the same in most cases. Well, were in the old hive.
- I get the feeling they did, especially the guards.
- Well, it's what Chrysalis wanted for a long time, so she can't be surprised.
- The next one is Silver Sunlight, I think. Darker, with more action, and heavily connecting the main storyline and the up until now still mostly standalone storyline of the lovebugs. Absolutely crucial to the events of the second half of Legacy of Light.
10205186
Considering what the cult did in the main storyline, I'd say good riddance even despite the show of humanity/equinity in the end. Besides, Dusty wouldn't have been able to resist.
10205327
Once we get through to one-hug bug we'll probably shelf the others to the later list. So many hundreds of thousands of words starts to wear. We'll be back eventually though, for sure.
Yikes but the read-it-later shelf has 340 stories on it yet...