This story is a sequel to Horn And Wings
Cromach is a griffon soldier who, as many young ones do, suffers from being too smart for his own good. He coasts through life until the point when he breaks one of the fundamental rules of Griffon Imperial Legion and gets punished for it. Unfortunately for him, the punishment for said transgression is death. His only choice now is whether his is going to be slow and torturous or quick and painless.
Too dark? Well, it's not that bad. According to books and movies it is possible to survive in the desert and return to normal life, right?
Too bad none of that matters because this story isn't his.
Chapters (30)
A few grammar errors, but it looks pretty good
4700199 Not a native english speaker so it actually helps when someone points them out for me.
4702397 hee hee, I can't really tell you any of the top of my head, but they're there
This is very good so far! Gay gryphons are sexy
The protagonist, for all of his stale ramblings and pink elephant delusions, is a great character! Certainly, he has a clear-cut motivation and a realistic view of the world (which is excellently displayed in his perspective) that can be related to. A bonus to Jones for also breaking him with a speech on his situation! The protagonist is going to take hell from the world, and I cannot wait to see how he adapts.
Suitable pace. Witty and concise dialogue. This is a fantastic start to the story! Besides the random and completely under-utilized pink elephant (not even a laugh from that), everything else works perfectly.
4705356 Bisexual, pleeease.
4705662 As I always say - prepare to be sorely disppointed.
Now I'm under pressure to make this thing good. Too scary.
Note to self: Make the pink elephant into an alicorn to boost ratings.
4705735 Sorry!
Okay.
4710276 Ah... the sweet sweet What The Fk? feeling.
4710342 Yep! Been a looong time since i felt that. BTW you should probably change the Teen tag to Mature.
4710357 It's not that bad. I think Imbalanced was way more graphic from time ot time and it was fine. By the way, it might help reading the rest of my stuff if you really have no clue what's going on, starting with Imbalanced.
I didn't want to tag it as a sequel but aside from Cromach it follows the same characters.
short but good
Nice!
Good action! Maybe longer chapters?
4731186 Nope. I only did that for Heroes and Diplomatic Relations. I prefer writing something that can be read in one easy session.
I could go for heavy descriptive stuff like 'manes flowing in the winter wind mimicking comets flying through the night sky' but I sort of dropped that a while ago as it felt mostly pointless. The idea is - quickly write, quickly read.
4733278 Ah, I see what you mean
BOW CHICKA WOW WOW!
HERE WE GO
Shit just got real!
this isnt good... CUDDLES ARE PRESCRIBED
4770999 Cuddles are strictly forbidden by the insane assassin police!
Now... who should I hook Cromach up with? Decisions, decisions.
4771114 The cutest stallion
WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW HARD MY BONER IS!!! This fic has me screaming "FUCK HIM ALREADY YOU FOOL"
4796823 Tsk, tsk, tsk. Teen rated.
Edit: Plus the only one f*cking Blaze over is fate, repeatedly.
I know I want some gryphon D
SO CLOOOOOOOOOOSSSE!!!!
4814039 And I still get to keep my Teen rating.
4814065 *grumbles* FOR NOW IT SHALL STAY TEEN... But soon... SOON!
4814146 Actually, it will stay teen for-everrrrrrrr
Buuuut since you're one of the more active ones in my small group of zombies I've decided to try my hand in writing the dreaded horizontal waltz, something I've never thought I would do. I think I'll have it done sometime this weekend and it will be Cromach x Choking scene from this chapter. It will be posted as a part of a cycle about all sexy-ish scenes from the entire Imbalanced > Guardian > Horn And Wings > No Rest storyline. At least that's the plan for now.
Prepare to be woefully disappointed, as I always say, because I have no idea what I'm doing.
4814705 If you do Ill love you forever!
This doesnt bode well for cromach and his butt-buddies... Cant wait to see what happens next!
Hmmmm.... I liked the story but it felt confusing.... LOVE YA
4889692 It was supposed to be confusing , a little bit. There isn't enough information about the changeling group in No Rest itself but that's what happens with sequels. If it was too much though then I fked up.
Well I can't say I didn't expect the back-stab but everything after that WAS CRAZY! Good work!
4897838 I was about as subtle as an elephant using a sledgehammer with the: Hey! Something bad is gonna happen.
YESSSSSSSSSSSS
wait... how does that work? grab the ripcord with his beak?
4900028 Jones was a very, very determined griffon.
Special Black Ops tongue muscle training and nanite enhancements. (I don't knooooooow.)
Im totally up for some drilling right about now
Hey Paul! Neat story!
4971447 con... fused?
2lazy2postallemotes
Its..... Over?... Well I cant say I didnt enjoy it! Now I look forward to a sequel... With sexy times...
4973100 Not for a while, maybe some new After Dark but I'm not sure about that either. So... glad you enjoyed what you enjoyed, sorry for the parts you didn't. That's about it, I guess.
came for batpony, stayed for storyline, even if storyline was a bit covered in deus ex machina and had smoking bulletholes in a few places.
nice job, i shall keep an eye out for any future works, and have a damn good day
4975714 Same to you, sir.
Sorry for the feeling of unexplained plotholes. I tried to build only on facts I put up in previous parts of the storyline but I must have missed somewhere.
Glad you enjoyed your stay.
Well, I hope Jones has a pretty fantastic motivation for that letter. Or else this jerk act is just going too far into the uncanny.
The tight pacing helps carry the story along through the slow section through the desert back home, but maybe you could have lingered a little longer in that home... reap the full potential of an emotional scene!
5042062 Eyyyyyy a returning guest.
The point was that Jones wanted to cause Crom as much shock as possible. Crom's father's unwillingness to continue the charade was supposed to reinforce the feeling that Crom didn't leave home under the best of circumstances.
Oh wait, that sounds like I actually thought about what I was doing, nevermind.