• Member Since 25th Sep, 2018
  • offline last seen Aug 29th, 2019

Sparkle Productions

Ignite the Spark!!

Sparkle Productions Joined 25th Sep, 2018 · Offline

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After getting stranded in Ponyville from a heavy snowstorm, Rainbow Dash and Soarin stay at Dash's house. Will there be a happy Hearth's Warming for all?

Chapters will be posted each day until Hearth's Warming. Stay tuned!!

Edits Done By Qibli2

Thank you for editing this story!!:pinkiehappy:
Chapters (26)
Complete Published: Dec 1st, 2018 Download
14,839 words
Comments ( 38 )
Sparkle Productions
Sparkle Productions #1 · Dec 3rd, 2018 · · · Day 2: Snowball Fight Has Been Declared, This Isn't A Game It's War ·
Reply

9326751
Thank you for your review!! I'll definitely try to spot a few of those minor errors next time.:twilightsmile:

hollymau
hollymau #2 · Dec 4th, 2018 · · · Day 3: Hot Cocoa's Only Good If It's Warm ·
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mach bitte weiter
tolle geschichte
ich
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
liebe es!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Sparkle Productions
Sparkle Productions #3 · Dec 4th, 2018 · · · Day 4: Snowboarding Competition Is A Go, First Step Is To Learn How To Snowboard ·
Reply

9330342
Danke für deinen Kommentar!!:twilightsmile:

Ps. Sorry, wenn der Deutsche schlecht ist, habe ich Google Translate verwendet.:twilightblush:

Dashie04
Dashie04 #4 · Dec 9th, 2018 · · · I Just Don't Know What Went Wrong ·
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Why are o’s and f’s blacked out in the letter?

Dashie04
Dashie04 #5 · Dec 9th, 2018 · · · Day 1: I'm Okay, Not Too Sure About Ponyville, Though ·
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12:15 AM? That means it happened at midnight, 12:15 PM means it happened at noon.

Sparkle Productions
Sparkle Productions #7 · Dec 10th, 2018 · · · Day 8: The Best Gift You Can Give Yourself Is To Give To Others ·
Reply

9338762
9338763
9338770

1. I don't know.

2. I'll fix that mistake, thanks.

3. The snow was removed, the ice is the problem. I did reference the snow but not often for fear of being repetitive.

Thank you for your feedback!!

Dashie04
Dashie04 #8 · Dec 10th, 2018 · · · Day 9: Fa La La La La La La La Ah ·
Reply

Screaming, you speilled it wrong.

Sparkle Productions
Sparkle Productions #9 · Dec 10th, 2018 · · · Day 9: Fa La La La La La La La Ah ·
Reply

9340387

I spelled screaming wrong where? Also, you spelled "spelled" wrong.

Dashie04
Dashie04 #10 · Dec 10th, 2018 · · · Day 9: Fa La La La La La La La Ah ·
Reply

9340708
:facehoof:
I promise I’m a worthy editor

Discord had appeared, "What was the point of screeming, I'm not that scary y'know."

Here

Sparkle Productions
Sparkle Productions #11 · Dec 11th, 2018 · · · Day 9: Fa La La La La La La La Ah ·
Reply

9340829

Thank you for telling me, I corrected it. I'd appreciate you editing my story!!:pinkiehappy:

Dashie04
Dashie04 #12 · Dec 11th, 2018 · · · Day 9: Fa La La La La La La La Ah ·
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9341406
I would, but I’d need a story to edit...

Dashie04
Dashie04 #14 · Dec 11th, 2018 · · · Day 10: Smile, You're On Camera ·
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A large crowd gathered in Twilight's castle, today was holiday photo day. Pinkie was cheerful as usual.

The first pony was called, which was Ditzy. Then the next pony was called.

The paragraph shouldn’t end here, I don’t think...

Rainbow and Soarin took their photo together, "Are you sure we have to share a scarf, Pinkie?" Rainbow asked.

It was a happy day. Everypony's photo looked fantastic, and the snow glistened in the sun. Nothing could ruin it, nothing at all. Even Rainbow enjoyed sharing a scarf with Soarin. Pinkie enjoyed that part too.

The bolds are a few corrections I noticed. I think it would be easier if you pmed the story to me.

Dashie04
Dashie04 #15 · Dec 12th, 2018 · · · Day 11: Giddy Up, Go Go Go ·
Reply

Out of nowhere, Pinkie appeared, "Whatcha doin'?" She asks, Rainbow opened her mouth to answer before Pinkie cut her off, "Let me guess! Let me guess! You're looking for the sleigh we're going to ride, right?"

"Yeah, how did you know?” Dash asked.

Big Mac pulled up with a large wagon to the large crowd, everypony wanted to join in the sleigh ride. Pinkie popped up, "This isn't gonna work, is it?" She asked.

Big Mac got ready to go, and Pinkie showed up with some reigns, "Giddy up! Go go go!" And so they were off into the snow.

Since I don’t really have a better method right now. Here’s a few mistakes, I’d suggest to change the order of a few words (ie. Pinkie said on his back to On his back, Pinkie said)

Dashie04
Dashie04 #16 · Dec 13th, 2018 · · · Day 12: Bring It To The Right, Not That Right, My Right ·
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I literally just finished editing this, whelp...

Dashie04
Dashie04 #17 · Dec 14th, 2018 · · · Day 13: And Down We Go ·
Reply

The wind whistled violently up the hill. The sled had been strenuously dragged up there, but Pinkie was cheerful the whole way through. "You ready?" Pinkie asked, excited.

"I'm definitely ready, I've never been sledding before," Soarin said.

"Well, you're in for a treat!" Pinkie and Rainbow said in unison, laughing afterwards.

"On the count of three!" Pinkie yelled. "One, two, three! And down we go!"

The sled went down fast. Pinkie and Dash screamed of excitement; however, Soarin just screamed out of fear. "This is awesome!" Dash called out.

The sled stopped at the bottom of the hill. "Wee! That was fun! We should do it again!" Pinkie called out.

"Somepony's being a scaredy cat! No wonder you were holding onto me so tight," Dash teased.

"If you weren't, then prove it!" Dash challenged.

"You're on!" Soarin said with a competitive spirit. They went down again and he screamed and seemed even more scared than before. Yep, he was definitely scared.

Not on the Docs because this updated at 11:00 PM for me, and it’s currently 4:19 AM anyways... so, that’s why

Comment posted by Dashie04 deleted Dec 15th, 2018
Dashie04
Dashie04 #19 · Dec 15th, 2018 · · · Day 14: It Burns, It Burns ·
Reply

Scootaloo came out of the bushes with sticks in her mouth,"Here're tha sticks ya asked me for, Pinkie," she said with her mouth full.

Ponies squeezed through the crowds to roast their marshmallows. Pinkie roasted the sweet treats until they were burnt black and were on fire. She stuffed the - marshmallows, still on fire, in her mouth. Everypony looked in Pinkie's direction, hoping she was okay; consequently, the roasting went silent. A good three seconds passed with no sound. Then, A loud shriek from Pinkie emerged from the silence, "Aah! It burns! It burns! Get some water! Get some water!"

After that one sentence a large array of questions were yelled at Pinkie,"What were you thinking?", "Be careful, okay?", and "Do you need a medic?" were only a few questions from the crowd. Pinkie watched, happy so many ponies cared about her, "Everypony, don't you worry. Your Auntie Pinkie is fine."

"You know what will make this marshmallow roasting even greater?" Pinkie asked.

In response, everypony asked, "What?"

"Smores!" Pinkie pulled graham crackers and chocolate out of her mane. Ponies rushed to get their share of the marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate.

"Don't worry you silly filly. Twilight, I change the sweets in my mane periodically. That way, nothing's ever old," Pinkie stated, smiling.

They continued having fun until the sunrise began and their stomachs hurt from one too many sweets. Except Pinkie, who was perfectly fine afterwards. But it really was fun. The group just couldn't wait to see what tomorrow's activity had in store for them. Thankfully, they wouldn't have to wait long. Not long at all.

I loved the fourth wall gag at the end, also, here’s a few mistakes.

Dashie04
Dashie04 #20 · Dec 16th, 2018 · · · Day 15: And They Lived Happily Ever After, Minus Getting Eaten In The End ·
Reply

Opening a red book with her magic aura, Twilight began, "Once upon a time-"

The door to the castle opened revealing Pinkie, Rainbow, and Soarin. "We're here like you requested," Dash said, walking next to Twilight.

"Great," was all Twilight said. Picking up where she left off, she continued, "A little gingerbread family lived in Gingerbread Land, and there in Gingerbread Land-"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders barged in, drenched in sweat. "Sorry *pant* we're late Twilight. Scootaloo here wanted to try *pant* a new trick on her scooter and *pant* Apple Bloom here encouraged it. I, of course, went along with it. We ended up *pant* getting stuck in a rose bush that was *pant* hard to get out of. Then we rushed here as fast as we could," Sweetie Belle said, panting.

"It doesn't matter," Twilight said, forcing a smile, "all that does is that you're here now. Let's continue our story." Opening the book with her magic, she continued, "And there in Gingerbread Land was a gingerbread family, there was the mother, Frosting ,the father, Peppermint, the sister, Gumdrop, and the brother, Ginger. In a world named Equestria was a young filly, Butterfly Blossom, who loved gingerbread. She made and decorated a gingerbread house every-"

"Um, how long is this story? Not that I have anything to do, but *yawn* I'm tired and want to take a nap later on before it's too late," Dash interrupted.

"No, it isn't." Dash retorted

"If you have a problem with the length of this story, you can kindly leave. I won't blame you,this is a foal's book after all," Twilight said, annoyed.

"Okay then," Twilight picked her book back up, "every year. This year was no different, she iced the house and built each gingerbread with tender, love, and care. Very carefully she set up the house. When it was up to perfection, she smiled. That gingerbread house lasted all year round, and her Hearth's Warming was filled with happiness and smiles, the end," Twilight closed the book. "Did you enjoy the story?"

Oof, ran out of color, this will be spilt into two comments

Dashie04
Dashie04 #21 · Dec 16th, 2018 · · · Day 15: And They Lived Happily Ever After, Minus Getting Eaten In The End ·
Reply

"How about you make up your own ending then," Twilight said through gritted teeth.

"Okay; and they lived happily ever after. Minus getting eaten in the end. There, perfect."

"Unbelievable, just unbelievable," Twilight said under her breath, "I just can't believe the kind of day I've had today."

"Nothing. Who wants to hear another story? Dash, would you please read our next story?"

"You know I will," Dash said. "You know I will," she repeated under her breath. The rest of the day was filled with stories, but Dash read stories with her own commentary added throughout the story. Foals smiled with glee and begged their parents to let them stay longer. It truly was an amazing day.

Dashie04
Dashie04 #22 · Dec 17th, 2018 · · · Day 16: The Last Finishing Touch, There, Perfect ·
Reply

There’ a grammar mistake in this chapter title, it should be The Last Finishing Touch, There, Perfect

Rainbow leaned over her present; examining it closely. It definitely wasn't the best gift in the world. Granted, she wouldn't really want this as a present. Sure, this would never be something she would ask for, it was messy from being made with her hooves, but it was the best she could do. Grabbing her working utensil, she added a final touch, "The last finishing touch," Dash heaved a long deep sigh. "There, perfect."

Soarin watched from afar. He was impressed at what she had created and was confident Rarity would like it. Especially if she knew the time and effort it had taken Dash to create it. He had already finished his present for Amethyst early in the day. It was now nearing night, the sun was beginning to set as the moon began to rise. He gave a soft smile.

Dash sure was something else. It was sure to be an amazing Hearth's Warming, that was a guarantee.

Dashie04
Dashie04 #23 · Dec 18th, 2018 · · · Day 17: In Three, Two, One ·
Reply

The houses - plus Rainbow's cloud mansion - all looked beautiful. But there was one thing missing, decorating Town Square. Pinkie was up bright and early buying decoration supplies, lights, banners, and ornaments galore.

"Everypony ready to get decorating?" Pinkie said

The large crowd that had accumulated there cheered,”Yes!”

"Let's get started then!"

Town Square was covered with bright lights, decorations hung from stalls to Town Hall. Stockings graced Town Hall,each customized with a citizen's name on it. Mayor Mare smiled, rejoicing with glee, "It looks magnificent! Fine job everypony!"

"You ready to light it?" Pinkie yelled.

The crowd cheered,”Yes!”

"In three, two, one, lights!" With a tap of her hoof the lights lit up the whole of Ponyville.

”Yeah, it does," Soarin replied.

The citizens all were happy as the stars twinkled in the beautiful night sky. Ponies laughed and talked for seemingly all night, not a worry in the world. All the worries disappeared and were replaced with happiness, seemingly never-ending happiness. Pinkie was confident all of Equestria could see this and how wonderous it really was. And in a way, just decorating had brought the town just a little bit closer. Or maybe it was the nearing Hearth's Warming, who knows?

(Love this paragraph!)

Dashie04
Dashie04 #24 · Dec 19th, 2018 · · · Day 18: Ornaments And Lights, But Mostly Lights ·
Reply

The sun wasn't shining through the clouds as usual. In fact, it was gloomier than ever. Light hail rained down on the snow that surrounded Ponyville. A perfect day to sleep in, or not if you could be decorating the tree, the artificial tree.

The tree had been shoved in the closet ever since getting it and hadn't been released from its confinement. That is, until today, Rainbow and Soarin were going to decorate it. After all, it was a requirement of Pinkie's challenge and they were going to complete it.

"You ready?” Rainbow asked Soarin, who was thinking about how they should decorate the tree.

A cyan hoof waved in front of his face which snapped him back to reality. "Oh, yeah! Yeah, of course I am!" He said , hoping she wouldn't notice his lack of attention.

"You weren't paying attention, were you?" Dash asked, knowing full well he wasn't, "I'm not dumb y'know? And I wasn't born yesterday. Know that and remember that," she said in a knowing kind of way.

"Nope, no, and of course I will," Soarin answered each question and one sentence.

(And one sentence? What? Did you mean in?)

The tree was beautiful. It had rainbow ornaments with white lights. In the center was a picture of Dash and her friends. Each had a smile, glad to be to together on that sunny day at a picnic. They always looked like that together.

"Ornaments and lights, but mostly lights," Dash replied. She had so much fun deecorating with Soarin, and only more good times were destined to come after this.

The trend I’m noticing with most of your chapters is the fact that you use short, choppy sentences for paragraphs. Try to make it a bit more coherent by splitting the sentences up with commas instead of periods, compare these sentences:

Pinkie Pie hopped along the street. She was happy for a new day in Ponyville.
OR
Pinkie Pie hopped along the street, she was happy for a new day in Ponyville.

Perhaps it’s not the best example, as it works both ways, but see how the bottom one flows better? That’s what I want you to do a bit more.

*This is all constructive criticism, no offense meant to this story or its creator

Sparkle Productions
Sparkle Productions #25 · Dec 20th, 2018 · · · Day 18: Ornaments And Lights, But Mostly Lights ·
Reply

9356806

Okay, I'll try to fix sentence structure for better sentences. The only reason they're like that is because I'm trying to not have run-on sentences but I didn't know that there was such a thing as having choppy sentences.

By the way, have you been editing in the document because if you have, it isn't registering? What I mean by that is that when I check to see edits that were made, only my edits (me putting the story in the document) are showing up. The only reason I ask this is because I'm planning on copy and pasting the edited version into here so I wanted to check if you were editing on the document.

Thank you for editing my story and I'm not offended!! If anything, I'm grateful that you told me how to fix my story so when I make another story, it doesn't have these mistakes.:pinkiehappy:

Dashie04
Dashie04 #26 · Dec 20th, 2018 · · · Day 18: Ornaments And Lights, But Mostly Lights ·
Reply

9357009
I haven’t been checking the document, it is updating though, but the problem that appears to be here is timezones. When you upload a chapter, it’s 11:00 PM for me. However, I can edit on the document, if you’re alright with a bit of a delayed response.

Sparkle Productions
Sparkle Productions #27 · Dec 20th, 2018 · · · Day 18: Ornaments And Lights, But Mostly Lights ·
Reply

9357128

I'm okay with a delayed response. I'm in central time so when I upload a chapter it's 10:00 P.M. for me. That's why in certain time zones it says the day I upload is different. It'll be easier for me to correct my mistakes if you edit the document. It's updated as often as possible and I've put the outline feature in so you can easily find each chapter.:twilightsmile:

Dashie04
Dashie04 #28 · Dec 20th, 2018 · · · Day 19: What To Buy, What To Buy ·
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I edited this one on the Docs, and yes you did fix several errors involving sentences, great job!

Dashie04
Dashie04 #30 · Dec 26th, 2018 · · · Day 24: It's Party Time ·
Reply

Docs won’t work, so here’s some normal edits.

A crowd of ponies young and old gathered in Time Square. They all smiled, for this was a party. Happiness was contagious. Pinkie bounced around hyping everypony up. When it was officially night, the lights lit up. "It's party time!" Pinkie screamed over the loud music.

Rarity levitated a mistletoe in the doorway of Twilight's castle. The dancing went on for an eternity. Soon, it was time to begin the Secret Santa event. "Ponies gather around and get your presents!" Twilight yelled over the blaring music.

Fluttershy sung the whole night, Rainbow and Soarin having fun on the dance floor. After the party ended, the Mane(?) Six — plus Soarin -x- went inside for some hot cocoa. "You're under the mistletoe! So now you gotta kiss!" Pinkie said facetiously. They kissed for a couple of seconds. "Dashie and Soarin sitting in a tree! K-i-s-s-i-n-g! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!"

"Shut up!" Dash said with faux anger, it taking everything to not burst out laughing. When the others laughed she couldn't hold back anymore. The party had brought everypony just a little closer and that was the happiest and best present of all.

Dashie04
Dashie04 #31 · Dec 26th, 2018 · · · Day 25: Happy Hearth's Warming ·
Reply

Editing here again because I’m not sure if you’d check the Docs again

The Main Six -- plus Soarin -- had fallen asleep at Twilight's castle. It had been a fun night, it in fact had been a fun 25 days. Nopony wanted it to end, but all of them very well knew all good things eventually came to an end.

Pinkie was the first one to get up, "Happy Hearth's Warming!" She said, waking everypony up. Rainbow and Soarin -- who were cuddled together -- were the first to rise. Then Twilight before everypony else rose as well. They all smiled in happiness.

What a happy Hearth's Warming it was indeed, and only more happy times were destined to come in the not so distant future.

Dashie04
Dashie04 #32 · Dec 26th, 2018 · · · Day 25: Happy Hearth's Warming ·
Reply

I tend to rate stories, to help you improve, so I’ll do that.

This story is OK, it had a great concept, but the execution could’ve been better. While you do need an editor (no offense), you fixed a lot of your grammatical mistakes halfway through the story. The romance was developed a bit quickly, though I do like the ship. I’ll cite Lost Muse (OC x OC) as an example of what I think romance done right is. (Note, just my opinion, you might think differently, I respect that.)

Some parts were genuinely funny, humor is always welcome. Also, there was some confusion there, like what was Discord doing in one chapter? Although I do like Discord, he usually comes when his presence is requested or needed, not on his own merit. (Save for his tea parties with Fluttershy.)

Overall, I give this a 2.8/5
Pros:
-Cute
-Funny in certain parts
-Characters are not OOC

Cons:
-Ship developed too quickly
-Minor grammatical errors, mainly before I started editing, because I didn’t edit the first few chapters.
-Slightly confusing at certain parts.

Hope this helps :twilightsmile:
-Qibli2

Godslittleprincess
Godslittleprincess #33 · Feb 5th, 2019 · · · I Just Don't Know What Went Wrong ·
Reply

Okay, the pacing is a little fast. Also, since when did the friendship castle get a guard? :applejackunsure:

Godslittleprincess
Godslittleprincess #34 · Feb 5th, 2019 · · · Day 1: I'm Okay, Not Too Sure About Ponyville, Though ·
Reply

Hmm, I think Dash and Soarin making cards together needed more focus, but okay.

Godslittleprincess
Godslittleprincess #35 · Feb 5th, 2019 · · · Day 3: Hot Cocoa's Only Good If It's Warm ·
Reply

Ice cream sandwiches? In the middle of a snowstorm? I mean, I've eaten cold stuff in cold weather before but not that cold. :applejackunsure:

LightningChaser04
LightningChaser04 #37 · Mar 26th, 2021 · · · Day 25: Happy Hearth's Warming ·
Reply

I thought this had building a rocket or fighting a mummy or climbing up the Eiffel tower. Discovering something that doesn’t exist or giving a monkey a shower. Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots or Locating frankenstein’s brain. Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent or driving your Spitfire insane “Rainbow!” (Curse you, countless number of p and f memes)

LightningChaser04
LightningChaser04 #38 · Mar 26th, 2021 · · · Day 25: Happy Hearth's Warming ·
Reply

10740134
Because it says 25 days, and the phineas and ferb theme starts with there’s a 104 days of summer vacation But I hope you add the insanity, brother busting and secret agent perry the platypuses/platypi/platypeople. But a secret agent Tank will do! :rainbowlaugh:

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