Chapter 8 ~ Heading Home
In the darkness of the caves, the hope of returning things to the way they once were illuminated the hearts of the Nirils who became transformed, one by one. With every transformation, Sigil became a Niril. But every transformed Lirin thanked him with a little bit of energy in return, allowing the cycle to continue.
They watched alongside Sollus as he did so, painfully, dozens of times over and over again, never knowing for certain that the next Niril in line would be gracious enough to thank the one who had betrayed them so long ago. But they did, perhaps because they thought it was right, but perhaps also because they knew firsthand that their suffering was something that no creature should ever have to experience.
But eventually, Sigil had transformed every last Niril into a Lirin. Exhausted, he lay on the floor of the cave, despite having the favor returned to him by the one who'd been last in line.
"I don't deserve any of this," he said, defeated. "But I'm grateful for it."
"I should be saying the same," said Sollus, glancing at Apple Bloom. "I risked this young one's life for my own benefit, even if my intentions were altruistic."
"But if you hadn't come back and reminded me of my wrongdoings, it's possible this never would have been fixed," replied Sollus. "We can't sustain this way. You came at just the right time."
"They came at just the right time," he replied. "Even if it was only to provide the means."
"Okay, okay, we get it," said Scootaloo. "Both of you did bad things."
They laughed. "Agreed," said Sollus. "My only hope is that you can forgive me. If you'd like, I can return a bit of my youth to you, to bring you back to the way you were."
Apple Bloom thought for a moment. While she thought she didn't feel much different than before, perhaps the change had been more than she'd thought. "Well, to be honest," she replied, "I think I'm happy with the change. What about you, Scootaloo? Sweetie Belle?"
They'd already changed a lot, transformation or not. "No need," said Sweetie Belle.
"Then I suppose I'll have to help you another way," said Sollus. "I assume you must be anxious to return to the rest of your group. I can lead you through these caves toward the exit. After all, I'd already done so once before."
"Is that how you got into the valley?" asked Scootaloo.
"No," Sigil replied for him. "These caves are only able to be traversed in one direction, due to several spots being entirely flooded with streaming water."
"Indeed," Sollus continued. "I hope you aren't afraid of getting a little wet."
"I'll go through anything to get back to civilization," said Sweetie Belle.
"Marvelous," said Sollus. "But before I go, please allow me to speak with my brother."
They stood off to the side, giving them some privacy to speak alone. After several minutes, Sollus returned to them, indicating he was ready to guide them through the caves. Sigil had left with the rest of the newly transformed Lirins to begin renewing their town.
"If you don't mind me askin'," said Apple Bloom, "what did you two talk about?"
Sollus looked at her contemplatively. "We had some catching up to do."
Crickets chirped as a modest breeze meandered through the trees along the shoreline of the lake. Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity had set up camp near the mouth of the river that emptied into it, and were sitting around a campfire they'd made because they couldn't sleep.
Rainbow Dash laid on her good side, her wing still bandaged on the other. "Can I ask you guys a question?"
"Absolutely," replied Applejack.
She shifted nervously, trying to get comfortable. "Do you think Scootaloo will still look up to me if my wing never heals right?"
Applejack almost bust out laughing, but quickly realized the seriousness on her face after posing the question. She sighed. "Of course she will. That pony wouldn't drop you for a thing in the world. If anythin', she's more loyal than you, R.D." Applejack replied with a smug look on her face.
"You're probably right," said Rainbow Dash, surprising all of them. "And come to think of it, Apple Bloom really took what happened well, didn't she?"
"Sure did," Applejack replied. "To be honest, I'm still amazed at how much my little sis' has grown up. Er, literally, I suppose."
Rarity sighed, sitting lazily on top of a log. "It doesn't matter if they don't come back..."
Her words shocked them for a moment, but the worry was in all of them.
"They'll make it out eventually," said Twilight. "They have to."
The air was silent for a while. Of all of them, Rarity seemed the most distraught. "Rarity," said Twilight, "do you have anything you want to say about Sweetie Belle?"
She shifted up on the log. "Yes. I want to say how sorry I am to her for all the times I feigned interest in her activities, and for all the times I got upset at her for disorganizing my closet searching for clothing props, and for all the times we've ever argued." She slumped into her hooves. "That's what I want to say."
A twig snapped in the bushes next to the river.
"So say it," said Sweetie Belle.
"Sweetie Belle? You're here?" Rarity perked up immediately.
"Sure am!" she replied gleefully.
"Me too!" said Scootaloo.
"Me three!" added Apple Bloom.
The three of them rushed through the trees toward the campsite and were met with open hooves and tears of joy.
"I was so worried about you," said Rarity, nuzzling her little sister by the fire.
Scootaloo came up to Rainbow Dash, still eyeing her broken wing. "I'd hug you," said Rainbow Dash, "but, you know...the wing..."
Disregarding Rainbow Dash, she hugged her anyway.
"Oh, sugar cube," said Applejack as Apple Bloom rushed into her hooves. "I didn't ever know I could miss somepony this much..."
"Me neither," Apple Bloom replied, her eyes welling up with tears.
Twilight watched as the three of them exchanged hugs and greetings, almost feeling jealous that she wasn't having a reunion of her own. But Sollus entered the campsite slowly, unsure of how to react.
"Who's that?" said Rarity.
"That's, well..." Apple Bloom's voice trailed. "That's the Lirin that transformed me at first."
"And you brought it back?" said Applejack, rearing up to charge.
"No no no! Wait! He's good now, I promise," said Apple Bloom.
Applejack returned to her hooves, reluctantly. "You mean to tell me in the span of a day, the creature that did that to you went from bein' the bad to the good guy?"
"I can't say it's unheard of," interjected Twilight, rolling her eyes. "We tend to have that kind of a reputation."
"If you don't mind," said Sollus, "I'd like to offer you a token of my thanks, before I return to my kind."
"...What kind of thanks?" asked Rainbow Dash, still suspicious.
"It's something of a Lirin tradition," Sollus replied. "Whenever one parts ways, they exchange feelings of joy and gratitude, to remind the other of what they mean to them."
"We'd love that," said Twilight.
"Okay," he replied. He knelt before them and leaned his horn toward their center. Tendrils of white began to emanate from his horn and were lifted into the air above all of them, illuminating the dark forest around them with bright light. And as it descended downward, they felt an immense sense of peace and happiness, and a feeling of gratitude that came along with it. The feelings that had been bestowed upon them became their own, inextricably tangled between them in the best way possible. In the exchange, they felt the remorse of his past alongside the tranquility of his present, all the emotions wrapped up into one. And by the end of the exchange, they felt more understanding of his character as a whole, flaws and virtues included side by side.
He lifted his horn up and allowed the energy to dissipate. Then nodded, and left into the forest. They slept soundly that night, feeling rested for the long journey the next morning. Despite being separated for only so long, they had lots of catching up to do.
It's finally completed, at long last. It didn't quite come together the way I wanted it to, but I'm mostly happy with the result. Overall, I want to thank those who read along as I released these chapters. As of date, this is the longest story I've written, and it was definitely a bit of a different trip than my usual style of one-shots. So, I hope you enjoyed the story as a whole, if not at least a few parts here and there 
Thanks so much for reading! If you want to do an official review of sorts, please PM me first. Regular comments and criticisms are otherwise welcome.
And if you haven't already, check out the artist who made the cover art that inspired this story!
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You know those stories that seem like they’re going be be a great. Lots of build up, set up, and all that, and then everything is resolved in a single chapter. I really don’t like those kind of stories.
With the pacing of the first few chapters, I thought it would be at least 50k words, maybe even more, and then it just ended.
I don’t know if I’m the only person who feels this way, but I think you do need to work on more consistent pacing for your stories. Having a story you love suddenly end can be disheartening to the reader.
9455502
You're not wrong to feel that way, and I accept your criticism, but it can be considerably more disheartening to work on a story for months, only to have the first comment you receive upon completing it be "I really dislike what you've written". That's the kind of stuff that makes me just want to delete my own stories, because I know they're right. Something you might consider improving is considering the effort an author put into their stories, even if it's not up to your standards. It genuinely hurt to see that as the first review of my story upon completion.
I agree that my pacing could be improved. That's why I wanted to write a story that was longer than just a couple thousand words for a change. I'm sorry that my attempt wasn't good enough to warrant any more praise than that it would have been great. But I'll take that to heart and try my best to write 50,000 words next time.
9455550
Now I feel bad
It’s just this exact same thing happened to another story I read a while back, and I guess it just left a bad taste in my mouth.
I’m not an author or reviewer myself, so don’t take everything I say as correct as I probably (certainly) have less idea as to writing a good story than you do. I was just saying my opinion.
It’s just that I thought since we were spending multiple chapters building up going to see the Lirin and Niril, that we would spend multiple chapters with them.
9455827
Your criticisms are definitely valid, there's just a certain level of tact that I think people lack who take it upon themselves to review stories. I didn't feel great about the pacing of this story near the end either, but there are ways to make valid critiques and still respect the author's effort and feelings about their work.
Your's wasn't nearly as bad as some reviews I've had that has zero good things to say and essentially just trashed what I've written. You had a valid criticism, but it's not too hard to express the good aspects amid the bad. I think many people treat authors on this site like it's their job. This is just my hobby. I don't necessarily write to have critics review my work.
If you really want to see bad pacing, check out my first few stories on this site. Nearly all of them have comments saying "your pacing is too fast". And then imagine my thoughts after taking those criticism to heart, over and over again, despite getting better and better at fixing the main crux of my writing ability, when I receive them yet again on my proudest / most complicated accomplishment so far.
I do appreciate your response though. I was worried I'd get one back that was unapologetic and mean spirited, but that's not what I received. Apologies for going off about it this much.
this was a good story good work
9456795
Thanks. If you don't mind me asking, what did your deleted comment say?
I don't know how I missed this update for the past couple of days. Anyway, I like how this ending played out. The quote below has to be my favorite part of this story.
That was fun. It was abrupt but I still think you did a really good job capturing the feeling and essence of an actual episode of the show.
This was a fun story, and as others have said, it did feel at times like an episode from the show.
So anyways, you had a fairly strong beginning but as the story progressed it seemed to snowball towards the conclusion, it got faster and faster and then stopped. I wonder if perhaps you got metaphorical ants in your pants regarding your pacing, that is to say that you didn't want to disappoint your readers (or perhaps your inner critic as my college English teacher called it) and worked to make sure that you didn't feel like you were taking too long between chapters. There is no shame in taking your time or taking breaks, what does matter is that you communicate with your audience if you do decide to put a story on hiatus.
That being said, I think you had a great premise, not very many stories that genuinely try and explore the "undiscovered west" most stories even AUs have been content with staying in Equestrian proper or places like Griffonstone/dragon lands. Also, there is the fact that you completed your story, which is more than I can say about 90% of the stories I have started. Perhaps you could someday return to the highlands see what other adventures await our intrepid trio of explorers. Once again, I enjoyed reading this story and I look forward to seeing what you come up with next.
10063074
Thanks, I appreciate what you've said. It was definitely a combo of not wanting to stop writing and lose interest (both my reader's and my own) and worrying about biting off more than I could chew. The story definitely lacked/deserved a third act, so to speak. But I would like to return to a more adventure/lore driven story at some point in the future, although it would likely be something new. My issue currently is getting the ball rolling for an idea I'd be passionate to write about. For this story, I liked the idea of an "opposite" to the Kirins, and it all kind of grew from there. Thanks for reading it!
10063043
The idea was that Kirin/Lirin are the normal forms of their respective races, but Niriks/Nirils are just the forms they take when they transform. Forgive me if some of this is already spelled out in the story because it's been a while (or worse, different than what I'm saying now lol), but the main takeaway is that those transformations aren't inherently bad, just different. There was a power imbalance with the Lirin & Nirils, where the Nirils were abandoned and uncared for. I was kind of caught up in a lot of thinking about empathy & society when I was writing this, if that's not apparent.
10063525
You are quite welcome.
I got the idea you were trying for, it's just that with the Kirin, the Nirik transformation was much more one and done. Whereas with the Lirin and Niril, based upon what you wrote including Cheerilee's notes, the whole kidnapping the CMC, and the whole banishment thing, it reminded me of the Jim Henson movie "The Dark Crystal" which if you are unfamiliar (and forgive me if you are) is the story of a race of beings who are split into two distinct parts on account of a magical accident, one side is good, calm, and wise the other is evil, rash, and cruel.
as to the issue of writers "inertia"
I totally understand I am not a prolific writer, and honestly, most of my stuff is based upon short-lived "lightbulb moments" once the bulb burns out, I am left with whatever it was that I got out in that time. That being said, I would be happy to act as a beta-reader or as a metaphorical wall to bounce ideas off of if you wanted some help.
10064109
I wasn't aware of The Dark Crystal when I was writing this, but I did watch the new adaptation on Netflix when it came out and really enjoyed it. I definitely see the similarities now.
Thanks for the offer! I'll keep that in mind if I get to the point where I've got some semblance of a real idea for a story. It's no secret I haven't been writing as much for a while now, but I would like to keep writing every now and then.
Haven’t read it yet, but it looks promising! Nice cover art too.
10243851
I hope you enjoy it! You should know it ends a little bit rushed, though.
10291861
Thanks!
I hope you enjoy reading through the rest of it. In retrospect, I should have made it about twice as long, but it is what it is. I've got plenty of unfinished stories, unpublished and not, but at least this isn't one of them
Just realized I never reviewed this after I finished reading
I just wanted to say that this is absolutely worth the read to anyone who hasn’t read it yet. The visuals that PonyThunder creates with words are beautiful. The mystery is intriguing, the dialogue between characters is so charming, and I believe you’ll really like the adventure.
10292647
Woah, really late reply, my apologies
Well done on this one.
On the contrary, I thought this was a nice length! And I agree - a completed story is definitely something to be proud of.
10418255
Thanks for the follow-up haha. Reviews like that help me feel more inspired to work on my newest projects. If you're interested in what I'm "currently" working on (and those quotation marks are doing quite the stretch), check out my latest blog post. It's intended to be a darker, more fleshed out story with some similar elements revolving around Chrysalis and changelings.