When Derpy Hooves ends up in our world it will change her life forever. But can she comprehend our world and it's inhabitants?
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 4th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen Nov 14th, 2019
thatguyfromkfc
I'm British, I write sad-fics, play Minecraft and watch ponies.
thatguyfromkfc
Joined 4th Dec, 2011 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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What do you guys think so far? You guys can give me ideas and tips to improve!
Choose one point of view and stick to it. It's just confusing if you switch from third to first without warning. Also, everything is really rushed, and there's no real buildup or emotion behind it. I'd expect more of a reaction from the human than "Are you Derpy Hooves?" (but don't overdo it)
60196
I tried to make it better.
Don't rush it please!
A Derpy version of My Little Dashie is genuis! Please don't rush a great idea like this! Derpy love forever 
60203
Don't worry... I'm not gonna rush it like my other fanfics.
Do you like it so far guys? Don't be afraid to give me ideas!
Haven't even gotten a chance to read it yet, but I'm excited. Will read after work and let yah know what I thought.
60191 derpy is resually portrayed as very intelligent. So far that is my only peeve
Derpy hardly ever talks though and she is a filly in this as you will find out if you read the prequel.
Wait, I don't get it, his name is John, or Jake?
60416
Oops. His name's John. I fixed it now. I've just used the name Jake so much because of my other fanfic series so...
60460
The fanfic is almost finished guys! Its my longest one yet! I hope to make some longer ones soon!
This story was just too rushed!! Good idea for a derpy version but it was to similar to my little dashie
The fanfic is now finished. I hope you enjoy the complete fanfic!
I agree with comment above. Unlike with My Little Dashie I skipped through this fic. Too short, no character development or emotions. That changing of perspective... Repetive use of the same words, grammar mistakes, no real plot, everything copied and cut from My Little Dashie,
Derpy beinfg too OOC, for Celestia's sake! She is a grown mare! Basically... NO!
It may sound as I'm flaming but after reading My Little Dashie I have high
Demands
60551
Nope. Not grown. If you read the prequel you will see she is a filly. Also, I didn't copy and cut anything from My Little Dashie besides the idea and the way she ends up leaving. As stated at the top of the fanfic My Little Dashie gave me inspiration for this.
60564
You may say that you didn't copy much but what you have copied is too much, and that ruins it completely. Not only how incredibly rushed it is.
WAAAAAAAAAAY TOO FAST.
You shouldn't make something like this that fast.
Ever.
Could of been brilliant, but you had to go and get it over with chapters too soon.
I wasn't sure if this was intended to be serious, but I started laughing really hard in the middle of it.
It was just REALLY funny. The idea is preposterous to start with, and I imagined Derpy flying dramatically away from John, and, just, oh, wow.... 
61158
It was meant to be srs bsns.
Too short, no emotional buildup, didnt like it too much. 3 stars.