For so long Luna wanted her ponies to appreciate her work, the labor she endures every night to ensure their protection. But her compliments have come hollow and the nights stale with no ponies to flourish under her moon. She turned to a mysterious stone to wake the masses to their senses, but instead, she was banished, by her elder sister no less. She was left alone for centuries to face a slow and unanticipated demise.
Only centuries later, night by night, did a mare wished upon her moon. Countless times she hoped for it to grant just a single wish. A wish she felt not strong enough attain on her own. In one fateful night, the mysterious stone reciprocates her desire.
Next:
Progress: 36/51
Chapter 38: Teacher Conference
Credit to Magnaluna for cover art.
Editors:
- Book_Wyrm
Ch (7, 8, 9, ...) - Sweetolebob18
(35, ...)
Link to certain artworks within this story can be found here
Aiet, such a lonesome tragedy this.
Okay going to ask will this affect the first season or something like that and also nice cliffhanger at the end of this and also have five mustachios
nice job want more
is there more coming?
this is very nice. i definitely enjoyed reading this. i hope for more in the future.
Cool story, seems like an interesting take. However, one minor criticism is the formatting. Could you just leave Luna's text italicized? I read on the dark theme and blue on grey isn't exactly readable.
Well now, this seems to be a really promising start! I like the characterization of Luna and Nightmare Moon, where one is the shadow of the other etc. I'm really excited to see where this goes from this initial set up. The whole moon disappearing is especially interesting. Not sure how that's going to go down at all, haha
9597403
This, absolutely.
Please dont use "Blue" text. In "night" mode its practically impossible to see. I have to highlight every line.
Colored text is cute, but it has it's drawbacks.
Good story too.
Hmmmm... this seems quite interesting
Fantastic start!
Interesting start. Got me wondering if there going to be twins instead of just one foal for a certain mare. One blue one black like a shadow.
9598236
Same i was squinting to see the words
hmm, interesting, this requires further reading.
That was a fantastic start! I love the way you have characterized Luna and Nightmare Moon. I can’t wait to see how you developed and flesh out their personality. I see that many people are displeased with you using color text to show Luna talking and I have to disagree with them. I actually enjoyed reading that and would love to see that style stay! If they have a problem with it because of “night mode” then they can disable it. No need to force you to abandon your writing style and technique.
A kind mare that wants a foal to love with all her heart. She wishes on the moon in the hope that it will grant her wish.
Moon: *pulls out a gun and shoots itself*
Kind mare: "W-wait, what?"
Well, I guess this is a sign that dreams don't come true.
Hey, here from the SSPB discord.
Really solid fic, I just have a small gripe with how you separate paragraphs. The very first two feel like they could have been combined without the fic losing anything. Additionally, I feel like semicolons could spruce up your prose some.
Here's an example of what I mean:
Instead of:
It could be:
Overall, this was an interesting concept that was executed well. The use of differently colored text was a nice touch and I liked the story you told here. Definitely earned a thumbs up from me.
What can I say ?
There's just the presentation, can't say much about the general thing, just the tone seem a bit dark.
This require further investigatio, but for now, considering the current rating and how this single chapter grabbed everyone's attention, you earned the right to bask in your glory.
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/2584d1c7-fc18-424c-bbba-701e240dfe14/dd5wrpo-a9ebbb4a-4aef-4884-b31e-a7263b3da9bc.jpg/v1/fill/w_962,h_831,q_70,strp/editings_by_fanliterature101_dd5wrpo-pre.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9ODg1IiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvMjU4NGQxYzctZmMxOC00MjRjLWJiYmEtNzAxZTI0MGRmZTE0XC9kZDV3cnBvLWE5ZWJiYjRhLTRhZWYtNDg4NC1iMzFlLWE3MjYzYjNkYTliYy5qcGciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTAyNCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.1pqwNn4EqUKki0dpD4O0kwU3XFMuzCvP4dgd_QYitbs
I went and edited the image, makes it have a better feel to it.
Nice story! Interesting concept - waiting continue!
Omg
A dark start. I'm curious to see where you take this.
Does anyone else think that the Moonpony in the cover pic looks more like a colt than a filly?
Interesting, better put a tracker on this one.
Why do I do this to myself all the time. I start reading a story and really like it, then realize only chapter one has been posted
Wonder if Celestia will notice her sister's passing?
9601278
It's even worse once you notice they haven't been updated in almost a year or even more than that, ain't it?
9601655
Don't get me started man. My heart breaks in moments like that.
Kinda reminds me of my own story, Lunar Cycles.
I'll see where this is going.
9601163
I agree. Do you think Luna will turn into a colt in this story?
9602295
That was my first impression going into this. Actually, it might be that BOTH Luna and Nightmare Moon become a colt, depending on if NMM is a possession or alter-ego. It's not clear in the story yet.
Question; Is there going to be a schedule when you upload a chapter or is it going to be random?
Who is that other alicorn
9602731
i imagine she is nightmare moon.
Upload error?
9611458
That was cruel, I got hyped
Oh dear, that could be problematic. I think our mysterious collector may have a chance at some exotic flora, before all is said and done.
Going to want to switch those, at present the sentence describes her as selfish.
A very interesting development here, parthenogenesis can be so, inconvenient. At least she has apparently gotten to skip the pregnancy and actual birth, thank Faust for small favors.
Hmm so.
Someone is going to have a foal.
Being the mother of the lady of the night, oh... It will be tricky to awnser to ''who's the father?''
I can't wait for all the awnsers.
*Flips through Codex Astartes.*
SPACE BOOK SAY THIS BAD!
9614570
I think it's more "lord" of the night now.
I'm curious to what is going to happen
Aww, I was hoping she would get pregnant. Still looking forward to what comes next though. Here, have yourself a like, fave, follow. You deserve it. 😉
In today's fan fic, the roll of Jesus will be played by Emo Moonhorse.
I imagine morning is going to be more of a shock but I wonder if there magic is hiding their extra part on them?
9614823
I'm curious about the change of gender of Luna, also I like the detail that both are not alicorns (I would think of something like, the both of them makes a part of a whole, kind of thing), still looking forward to future chapters
Loving bud having a nice pair of twins of the night. Moony and Luna(?) will probably be great with their new parent. That is once Loving Bud have them. Cause they didn't just randomly appear did they? What she is seeing is a dream interwoven with her new children.
This really feels like it's intentionally written with the aim of conveying the mental degradation of Loving Bud. Typos, misplaced words, and so on.
So i’m Guessing Luna and nightmare have split bodies and that the alicorn body they shared split so that they have two different bodies that add up to equal an alicorn. That’s fun, can’t wait to see what comes next here.