Chapter One
Rainbow snorted, then tilted her head back, and trying not to choke on the watery ale. Like most taverns, the dim interior smelled of wood smoke, sweat, and various fluids, all overhung by the reek of alcohol. The rough wooden planks of the floor creaked as she leaned back on the bench lining the rear wall of the building, her back rubbing against the bark of the raw walls of the place.
It really was a trash pile, and had she not needed too, she would have liked nothing better than to be back home. In her palace in the sky, surrounded by fluffy clouds, nice and warm, she could finally feel safe, instead of always feeling like she was only a step ahead of death. Every so often, the magenta eyes would flick about the room, almost too quickly to be seen.
Once more, her eyes flickered about the surrounding area, but this time, they locked on her target. A pony had just entered the building, and she obviously did not belong there. Her white fur was short, smooth, and perfectly clean. Which said a lot about your desire, if you are willing to walk through a place like this to acquire the services Rainbow offered. The tip of the mares horn was rounded, but filed to a perfect smooth finish, and her hair was done up in an elegant spiral, which doubtlessly took hours to tend every morning.
The client had only put her head through the door, and Rainbow could see as she sniffed the air of the room, and blanch. “Yeah girly, this isn’t your fancy Canterlot garden party.” She muttered to herself, hiding her smile behind another swallow. As the ale hit her tongue, the smile vanished, and she shuddered as she swallowed.
Her mark visibly steeled herself, and stepped inside. One long leg arched delicately as is landed, the tip of the shoe she wore over her hoof touching lightly on the wood. The leaf-work of silver was quite beautiful, now that Rainbow actually looked, and they too were spotless. Which, considering the dust covering the dirt roads, meant that they were enchanted.
The large mantled cape across her back doubtlessly was as well, the thick purple satin sliding along her body in smooth waves. The white and black fur, snow leapord, beneath it kissed her skin as she moved, the tips of the fur dancing along her body with every movement. And then she was inside, and the taproom went silent.
Every male in the room, and several females, stood transfixed by the elegant lady thrust suddenly upon them, unsure of her intentions. The rough workers, farmers and miners mostly, were not known for their polite society, but they were known to be strong. Strong enough to overpower one weak, pretty mare. And most of them would have no problem ruining the features they now desired, as long as she lay beneath them, squirming and preferably screaming.
Rainbow wouldn’t let that happen, not only was it bad for business, but after everything she had been through, and done, there were some things she simply would not allow. The mare was safe as long as she was near the pegasus, even if she thought otherwise.
The entryway to the tavern suddenly darkened, the dim light from outside blocked as another body came to the door. Another mare stepped inside, so closely behind the unicorn, and so comfortable in her presence that she could not be here by chance. She was an earth pony, and the muscles along her entire body rippled under her skin as she moved. She was not bulky, not like the stallions sitting at the bar, whose bodies bulged with muscles in an almost grotesque degree. No, this mare was toned to perfection, and there was some buildup along her spin, and legs, but that was all.
No. no it wasn’t. Rainbow wrestled with her mounting desire once more. The mare had turned, and the orange coat emblazoned with three apples showed her the firm rump of the pony. Judging by the muscle buildup, whatever she farmed, it involved a lot of kicking. Very high kicking. You could bounce a bit off of that rear.
Rainbow leaned back, crushing her traitorous wings against the rough bark, one eye twitching as the tree trunk began to bite into the sensitive skin. The pressure, and the pain, kept the large indicators of her interest from flaring out from her sides. It wouldn’t do at all to let the client know she had even more leverage. Not that she didn’t already know it. You could not take that much care with your body, and be unaware of its use as a weapon. They made a nice set, the pair of them. One was a weapon of force, a brute able to destroy with her hooves. The other was a weapon of the mind, able to bend others to her will. This should be an interesting evening.
The unicorn looked about the room, and as her eyes passed over Rainbow’s seat, the pegasus signaled to the mare. Stepping carefully over and around the puddles that littered the floor, she made her dainty way over to the corner where Rainbow sat. The pegasus was working furiously to keep the grin from showing, clients never like when you laughed at them.
“Sorry about the tavern, but I’m a little low on bits.” Rainbow said, intentionally letting her tone near belligerence. This wasn’t some backwater scum, this was a Lady, and this was where the real money could be made. Letting her think that Rainbow was some spineless two bit hunter would do nothing to help her, and she needed this job. This life was hard, even for one of the best Hunters in Equestria.
“I suppose it can’t be helped. Never the less, I do expect some level of decorum from you. Take care, or Applejack may become… upset, with you. And I would hate to find another Hunter.”
“As if. You need me, if you didn’t I wouldn’t be the one here. I know your type. All you unicorns are the same. You’d get the cheapest hunter you could find, or make your slaves do It if you could. Anything for money. No, you need me, because I’m the best.”
Rainbow leaned forward, letting her wings mantle about her as she did. The effect was impressive as she leaned over the table, her wings almost creating a cape of her own as she grinned at the unicorn. A pegasus lived, and died, by their wings. Which was part of the reason Rainbow was the best Hunter. She had perfect wings.
Thin and light enough to create almost no drag, long and wide enough for a massive lift on downbeats and easy gliding, they were beautiful. The cyan colors of her coat changed on her wings, darkening slightly, each feather coated in hundreds of shades of sky blue, almost hypnotic in their beauty.
They were also the greatest burden she carried. Intimidating they might be, but every unicorn wanted to breed her, to carry on those perfect wings through the generations. They wanted nothing more than to reduce the intelligent, brave, beautiful mare beneath those wings into a cow, able to drool and breed, and nothing else. It was the fate she barely escaped, bought by a kind old stallion only a week before the Combat Master set into her mind. No need for a brood mare to think, they might object of being used.
Rarity was not immune to the allure of those mighty wings, her eyes sketched along the curves and planes. But her sight was something Rainbow had never seen. It was the same as Lilly Leap’s whenever the little earth pony would look at water, as if she was itching to cut the gem before her into a shining beacon, a paragon of beauty.
The dainty tongue of the unicorn passed her lips, sliding along her mouth as her eyes dilated. That reaction, Rainbow was used too. The unicorn might have been beautiful, but Rainbow was desirable. She knew what lust looked like. And lust was there in that gaze, an odd counterpoint with the almost reverence she paid to the pegasus.
Behind her, the mare, Applejack, grunted softly. It was barely audible to the pegasus only a foot further away, but the unicorn straightened immediately, as if reminded of her position. The orange mare shifted, moving her weight to her forelegs, freeing the powerful legs to strike at need. Doubtless she could pivot and lash out far more quickly than Rainbow could dodge, quick as she was. And caught between the wooden wall and the decidedly more fearsome and harder kicks those legs could deliver, Rainbow backed down.
She folded her wings in tight against her body, leaning back from the unicorn. “Well, what is it you want dead?” Rainbow lifted the mug of ale to her lips again, taking a sip of the watery mess.
“Why is it that you seem incapable of polite conversation? At the very least, you could show respect.”
“Listen, you need me, that’s why I’m here. I’m not going to sit around and pretend that I care about you. You have slaves for that. Just tell me what you want dead, then get out of my way, got it?”
The unicorn sighed, closed her eyes, then nodded. “Very well then. I am Rarity, Lady of this township. Recently, Ponyville has been attacked. I have brought you here to deal with the problem.”
Rainbow slid through the canopy of the pine forest, silent as a specter. Her wings were folded against her body, only a soft rustle sounding as her silken feathers slid along the evergreen needles. Her cyan coat was clearly visible within the canopy, but the fur merely looked like the sky beyond from the forest floor.
Far below her, walking along the faded path through the undergrowth, was another unicorn. Rainbow hated working in groups, hated nothing more than being forced to rely on others. Especially unicorns. Frail, weak, and stupid, the lot of them. The idea of the little unicorn down there being a hunter herself was laughable.
Rarity had hired two hunters to take care of her “little problem”. Which, considering its chimeric nature, was sensible. It was simply impossible to kill a chimera alone, there were too many different avenues the beast could attack from. But the thought of risking her life on a unicorn’s skill was something grating on Rainbow’s nerves. The moment something went wrong, the unicorn would turn tail and run. And leave Rainbow facing whatever beastie scared off her backup.
“Stupid unicorns. At the very least give me some real back up next time, ungrateful, spoiled little brat.”
Her grumbling was lost on the few birds nearby, who continued their own conversations, heedless of her passage. That was one thing Rainbow had never quite come to understand. Birds adored her. She could fly straight at a flock, and they would just begin to dance about her. They didn’t care if she passed by, almost as if she was a bird herself.
Not so with other pegasi, Rainbow had seen the sparrows and crows she wove between become vicious little dive bombers, small claws raking along the faces of anything nearby. Only once had Rainbow been attacked by the fluffy creatures, and that was when she had inadvertently come too close, almost stepping in the nest of a family of crows.
Now though, she leapt from branch to thick branch silently, her wings wrapped tight against her to prevent them from snagging on anything. She had lost count of how many times a twig had whipped across her face, how many small cuts now covered her limbs. Needless to say, there were many, and she was growing sick of the sharp bite of each new cut, and the constant stinging agony as sweat poured down her face, and into the open wounds.
Down below, the unicorn had maintained a steady trot on the path below, and barely looked winded. And why should she? Rainbow was the one leaping from one branch forty feet above the ground to another, landing on the slick bark of the tree with hooves, which were decidedly not meant to grab onto them. She knew why she was in the branches, and it did make sense to have two positions to attack from should the chimera appear, but that didn’t make it any less galling to be forced once more to work so that a unicorn didn’t have to.
Below her, the steady trot of the unicorn slowed, then stopped. Far above, Rainbow slowed as well, coming to a halt ten feet ahead of her companion. The unicorn whistled, the shrill note silencing the winged choir Rainbow sat within. For several minutes, they simply stood there, waiting. Finally at the end of her patience, Rainbow grunted, and shifted her weight to land on the floor beside the unicorn.
Then from right beside her, a piercing scream sounded. Whirling with instincts only a lifetime of deadly combat can instill, Rainbow dove to her left. The creature zipped past her, sliding between the thick canopy like it was so much water. It dove straight through several branches, snapping one the size of Rainbow’s leg, as it sped towards the unicorn like shrieking comet.
Tracking the lightning fast movements, Rainbow was still at a loss as to the identity of the monster, but whatever it was, the plumage was beautiful. Only a few feet from its target, the beast flared wings which Rainbow hadn’t even seen as it shot past, and in only a moment it had slowed to a rest, looped comfortably about the neck of the purple mare.
Now furious, and more than a little frightened, Rainbow dropped out of the trees. She didn’t even bother with such formalities as a glide to the bottom, she simply stepped off of her branch, and plummeted. A few feet from the ground, her wings gave an audible snap as the flicked open. Her face in a snarl of anger and pain, Rainbow touched down lightly and stalked towards the unicorn.
“What, the hell, was that?” Rainbow spat, her face barely an inch from the other Hunter’s, her angry panting ruffling the purple fur of the other pony. The creature turned one slit pupil towards her, then snorted softly, and yawned at her. The long tongue slithered out of the open maw, waggling in front of Rainbow like a work, before the wicked looking teeth snapped shut.
“An amphithere. His name is Spike.” The mare was unruffled by the angry proximity of the pegasus. In fact, she almost seemed amused by the reaction. She tilted her head as the pegasus continued to glare, and the amphithere curled in tighter, raising his head to nuzzle against the mare. The purple feathers, now Rainbow could see that they were only edged with green, blended almost perfectly with the fur of the unicorn. One long blue eye opened to a sliver, and Rainbow could almost feel the coy mocking thoughts the look conveyed.
Spike twisted about himself, wrapping his long, serpentine body about the mare. He coiled himself about her neck once more, leaving enough room to raise his head behind the head of the pony. He did this now, sliding the long snout around her horn. He opened his mouth wide and flared his wings. The display was impressive, even more so by the arcs of electricity that jumped from his tongue to the surrounding trees, leaving charred burns where they touched the bark.
Rainbow jumped back several steps, eyeing the thing narrowly. It had to be a dragon, nothing else could fit the description. But it was nothing like any dragon she had ever seen. It looked more like a feathered snake than anything else, but the avian wings were connected to a very serpentine body. While it had dove through the trees, it had almost seemed to swim through the air, not fall, and it had only used the strange wings to dump it’s amazing speed before it slammed into the unicorn.
“And why is it with us?”
“He. Spike is a male. And he is my… partner. And my friend, so I would appreciate it if you would at least assign him the correct pronoun when you speak about him. Also, he says you need to pay more attention.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. Was the unicorn seriously doing something that foalish? Only fillies, free unicorn fillies, insulted others using a pet. “Yeah, sure it does. Now get moving, we have something to kill, remember?”
The pegasus leapt, her great wings beating down in smooth, powerful strokes as they lifted her off of the forest floor. Pine needles floated through the air, falling in her wake as Rainbow shot off into the canopy once more. Twilight closed her eyes as the shrapnel flew about with reckless abandon, while Spike hid behind her neck.
<Charming, isn’t she?>
Twilight chuckled at the dry tone as Spike peaked out from behind her. Ever since she was a foal, Spike had been with her, either in his egg or coiled about her like he was now. It was nice to always know that she wasn’t alone, even if her biological family was… less than desirable, or less than desirably deceased.
Twilight shook herself, and set off down the trail, following in the wake of her fellow Hunter, far above.
“Spike, please.”
The dragon raised his head from his resting place, glancing sleepily towards the voice. Twilight sat near a pile of logs stacked in the center of a small pit. Sending a mild impression of sleepy annoyance, Spike shot a small, concentrated bolt of energy slicing into the wood. The log struck by the electricity exploded under the force. Splinters of wood went flying through the air, and the surrounding logs lit into a merry blaze.
“That is really creepy. Can’t you just use, you know, your magic to light it? Or, Light forbid, you could use a flint like everypony else.” Rainbow couldn’t help it, the little dragon thing bothered her. It should be dead at her hooves, not sleeping in comfort by the fire.
“If you don’t like Spike, then get over it. He’s my friend, which is more than I can say for you.” Twilight didn’t look up from her book, reading the musty old tome by firelight. From the glimpses Rainbow snatched of the book, it was a codex of the different monsters known, how to kill them, what they did, how rare they were, everything.
What confused the pegasus wasn’t the contents of the book, it was the lack. More than half the book was blank. Not only that, but the large thing would weigh down the Hunter carrying it, mostly with empty pages. There was no reason to carry around a half written book, unless you wanted to throw it at someone.
It might have been easier to determine the purpose of the book, if Rainbow had actually been able to read the title. But she was raised as a slave, why would she need to know how to read? Just one more way that the unicorns enforced their rule.
“Yeah, well it’s hard to get used to something that probably wants to kill me in my sleep. We kill monsters, we don’t make them pets.” Rainbow grumbled, turning away from the fire to look once more through the underbrush. Somewhere near here there had to be some sign of the chimera. It had been almost a full day of tracking, and they had only found one track, and the path of decayed vegetation had only lasted for a few feet. Then the forest had once more hidden itself, almost as if ashamed of the bright daylight reaching the ground where the trees had fallen.
That was one of the only ways to track a chimera. The beasts could be composed of almost any animal, bird, fish, retile or mammal. The only thing that they all had in common was the single draconic head, and the trail of death and decay they left in their wake, courtesy of the toxic breath of the supernatural predator.
That was the reason for Hunting chimeras in groups. Not only to have a chance of surprising the many headed monster, but because it could only attack with that deadly breath in one direction at once. The fastest member of the party would bait the monster into an ambush, dodging the corrosive assaults as best they could. A skilled hunter stood even odds of surviving the encounter, as long as she could predict the next attack. Even then, the monster was fast and clever, if not truly intelligent. It would corral the Hunter into a corner, then consume her, or simply let the deadly proximity end its assailant.
Rainbow had only hunted one chimera before, and the beast had almost gotten her. The much older Hunter she had first learned from had died, and a pair of some of the most ruthless killers she had seen had taken her. They had used her as bait, luring the chimera to them. Their plan had been to attack the monster while it ate Rainbow.
The only reason that their plan failed was that the chimera was an old one. It saw the bait, and circled. It came upon the older Hunters from behind, and slaughtered them. Then Rainbow had fled. She was still young, blood on her hooves or not. She had been trained to kill, and had carved a path to victory after victory in the bodies of her opponents.
She could stand over the body of a pony whose skull she had shattered, or one with gouges from her bladed shoes torn from them. She had practice. But nothing prepares you to watch as your fellows, intelligent creatures of any kind, were torn apart, screaming as they were consumed thrashing.
She had flown away as fast as possible, and hadn’t stopped until she was once more ensconced in the small hovel they had called home. It had taken her days to recover from the attack, and even then she had barely left the vicinity of the cabin for almost a month.
But as beautiful as the small forest glade could be, Rainbow could never stay there for long. Food, if nothing else, would have driven her away as her belly began to cry out. It wasn’t hunger which had driven her away though. It had been the fear of capture.
Slavers had been seen combing the nearby area, and much as Dash loved causing grief for the uptight, arrogant unicorns, she couldn’t mess with ten of them. All it would take would be one of them hitting her with a spell, and she’d be back in that hell. And Rainbow would never go back, no matter what it took she would not become one of those brainless mares, little more than a womb and a body to keep it running.
And now she was facing off with another one of those monsters, maybe even the same one. Chimera’s were unique, and she would remember what that first one had looked like for the rest of her life. But that didn’t mean that she wanted to go anywhere near it. The more she thought about it, the happier she was that it was a unicorn helping her. Not for any lofty reasons either. It was simple math. A unicorn stood a far better chance of killing the chimera before it killed her. All Rainbow had to do was lead it to the ambush, and then distract it for a moment. Then Twilight would attack, and she could be rid of the bothersome company.
Rainbow sighed at the complete lack of reaction from the unicorn. Twilight’s only response had been to turn the page of her book, then engross herself once more in the dance of words. Instead of picking another fight though, the cyan mare rolled over, resting on her side on the small worn blanket. It was little more than a single layer of cloth to pad the ground, but she rolled onto her side, extending her wing out so she didn’t crush it, and went to sleep.
It was another thing you learned as a gladiator, how to sleep anywhere and everywhere, regardless of pain, discomfort, or danger. It wasn’t a pleasant sleep, it wasn’t deep or restful, but at least it was sleep. It passed the time, and right now, that was all Rainbow wanted.
Across the clearing, Twilight sighed, closing her book with a snap. She looked up as the annoyed huffs from her companion eased into the slow, deep breaths of sleep. Spike twitched in his sleep, the whiplike tail flicking through the air as he lashed out in a dream. Twilight would have liked to sleep, she would have liked to sleep for the past six years. Life though, seemed to have different ideas.
It had been so long since the last time Twilight had actually slept that she could barely remember what it was like. To rest, to dream. To Twilight, they were little more than concepts she vaguely knew of, but, like the legends of the Sisters, they were something she would never know for herself. So instead of sleep, she worked, or stood watch. Or on nights like tonight, where she would pass the hours just sitting there, watching as the sky whirled over her head.
It never grew old, that dancing kaleidoscope. Every night she sat there, it seemed a little different, always something new to see. Some nights it almost felt like there was somepony beside her, watching with her. It was nice to not be alone. She had been alone for so long, with only Rarity and Spike for company. That might have been all she needed, but that sense, that presence had been so full of joy, so full of life, it was incomparable to anything she felt near her friends.
But tonight was not a night she could gaze endlessly at the stars, whether or not the sky was perfect for it. Tonight was a night of caution, discretion, and above all wariness. Chimera’s were intelligent, in some cases as intelligent as a pony, and were more than capable of planning. Or working in groups. That’s what Twilight thought was really behind the attacks anyway, a chimeric pack.
It was the only explanation she could think of, all of the witnesses, all seven survivors, had described two different creatures. But they had all described one of them perfectly. So either it could change its shape, or there were more than one prowling through the forest. And Twilight liked the idea of a shape shifting chimera even less than a pack of the monsters, so for now it was her assumption.
After a few moments of concentration, the glow about her horn faded, and an almost invisible shimmer filled the air, a barrier which would not only alert her to any movements into the area, but mask their scents and sounds from the forest denizens. It had taken her months to perfect the spell, and she was still not nearly as proficient as she might wish, but it was at least effective. As Rarity always told her, it wasn’t her magic that was the problem. Twilight had more raw power than any unicorn either of them had ever seen. It was her lack of practice, and her inability to learn spells which hampered her growth. Nopony knew why, though Sister’s only know how many psychologist and doctors Rarity had taken her too to find out. She just wasn’t very good at magic. Which is, after all, was the entire reason why she was tossed to the Gems Estate to begin with. Remove the shameful daughter from social focus.
In truth, it was the kindest thing that any of them had ever done for her, abandoning her to strangers. None of them ever loved her, not once they found out how little magic she had. Once she failed to show even the slightest trace of ability, they had ceased to care about her, leaving her to her sister to tend.
Cadence had been barely more than a foal herself when she was given the young Twilight to care for, but she was a natural mother. She had taken Twilight, taken care of her, loved her even. Then her brother had…
Twilight's face darkened, the old pain, the old anger clouding her mind once more. How could Shining have done that? How could he have thought it was right? The thought of what Cadence was forced to do, with her own BROTHER made Twilight sick. He was sick.
But, Shining was always the powerful one, the gifted one. Magic came to him more naturally than breathing. Literally, before birth he was raining merry hell upon his family shattering dishes and other shows of power. Before he was even born, he was named heir. Then came Twilight.
A branch snapped, and Twilight’s mind returned to the present just in time. She threw herself through the air, landing in a rough tumble across the fire. Where she had a perfect view as a bunny hopped into the dim light, looking for a little warmth. She gave a weary chuckle, shaking her head. Of course it was a bunny. She would have felt her wards break if it was anything big.
Twilight struggled to learn magic. It simply wasn’t in her nature, the ebb and flow of power, and her place in it. She didn’t understand what they meant when other ponies talked about energetic lattices, or power arrays. Her wards were of simple make, an alarm spell and a trigger. All the spell would do is tell her when something broke the circle of energy she had lain out.
To say that she was unskilled was true. To say that she was powerless could not be less true. Her spells might be technically lacking, but Twilight made up for that in sheer, almost limitless energy. So when the chimera touched the boundary line of the spell, it unleashed hell within.
Light poured over everything, without source or glare. The gentle, purplish light leeched the color from everything, while showing the world in sharp relief. There was a massive, audible snap as the line was crossed, and the sound reverberated through the small dome. Within a second of it coming near the Hunters, both the pegasus and the unicorn were awake, alert, and ready to kill.
Spike landed on Twilight, nuzzling her once, then zipping off into the trees once more. He was almost powerless against the chimera, they all were. They could only hope that they could find a hole in its defenses, and scare it off before the spell ended and they were left in darkness. Because then, the creature would barely be able to taste them as it tore them to shreds.
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now This! is an interesting concept, and i will read this, i Have to read this.
will edit this comment when im done.
Edit: minor spelling errors.
i don't fancy the fact that Twilight is apparently "unable" to really learn spells.
i don't fancy that at all.
and DAT CLIFFHANGER-ish ending, dammit, i want more.
Kind of shorter than I like, but still an interesting concept. I am assuming this is before the "Mane 6" actually become real friends. Would like a little more background on Twilight and Rainbow, in addition to the others when/if they get implemented. A couple of smaller errors. An extra space between words here and there. Some commas where I feel periods should be. Like the concept of Twilight not needing to sleep. Is that part of what magic she knows, or from training...? Also like how Spike is not an actual dragon, but a amphithere. Interesting touch. All in all a decent story, will certainly track out of curiosity.
EDIT: If you think you need a proofreader, shoot me a message and I'll see if I can help out.
A very interesting opening, I like it.
Thus far it seems more interesting that the story you are taking a break from.
I'm glad you posed this, I wish you would have asked me to give it a last once over. I'll reread in the morning, too tired, need sleep.
Sleep, it's for the weak, I stay up and read awesome fanfics
Now I think I'll go pass out
1006784
Well, my take on it is either she needs a specific event to unleash her full ability (Sonic Rainboom or some stand in) or her magic simply does not work like that of other unicorns and she is doing it wrong.
your stories rock!
eagerly awaiting the next piece!
1014146
Is it almost as great as your avatar?
1014505
almost, yes
1016297
Well then, I'll just have to make it even BETTER THEN.
1016379
it's hard to beat a Twi with runes covering her entire body while both them and her eyes are ablaze with surging magic, especially when you get that "badass personality" feeling from herdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
but go right ahead!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
1016466 I kind of want a fic based off that pic
1017919
don't we all, there might be one somewhere though...im not sure...
1019336 maybe
we could call her off as the Avatar and say that one Avatar fic where Twilight is the Avatar is based off that pic 
1017919
1019336
There is one that uses it in a dream sequence. I think the title was something like "The Sun, The Moon, and Twilight". Not sure about the exact title.
1022844
oh, right, now that you mention it, i've read that one!
fic
Any chance that Twilights magic limitations are due to something Shining Armor did?
I hope there's more of this soon.
Im very interested in this story despite it only being one short chapter. I love the way you work with magic in your stories, "Immortality" being a great example of it. Im looking forward to you continuing this story more than "Immortality" surprisingly, could be my Rainbow Dash bias or it could be i like the concept more, despite how well written the other is.
I really like the way you've portrayed Twilight as a talentless unicorn, because without the rainboom as a catalyst she really was. You've got me following and if you ever need a mistake finder im pretty good at that 
Well this is a very interesting concept you've established for this alternate cannon that leaves lots of directions to explore dramatically. With only an introductory chapter so far it's a bit hard to comment on characters and such so hopefully you plan on continuing it.
Very interesting concept. Espically the slave culture (is AJ a slave btw or a free pony like RD/Twi with a bodyguard job?) and how you made RD an badass Hunter/Ex-Gladiator who hates Unicorns and Twi a talentless but powerful mage (lol) who hates her brother (veeeeery interesting indeed, only few fics try to do a Twi hates Shiny/Shiny hates Twi way).
Please tell me there will be a second chapter soon or that you´re working on it! >.<
And some romance hinted in chapter 2 if possible. :D
Would you share your progress with us? I just hope you're just taking your time.
1467844
I'm sorry.
1468548 Don't worry, at least it's half done right? That's enough knowledge for me.
Very nice story you have here. AU's are one of my favorite types. One small thing, though. You seem to use too when it should be to a lot. Might want to correct those.
Any chance for an update? I really would hate it if we didn't see more of this world.
It's probably unnecessary for me to write this considering I asked for more, but still I feel like telling you you really do AU right.
Twilight not god at spells, what is this? Do you have some sort of vendetta against Twilight? The two stories about her I have read so far have her be completely awful at magic. Jesting aside, I like this. Though quite terrible what it seems Cadance is being submitted to by Shining, no more BBBFF.
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Well, even in the show, Twilight isn't actually very skillful with magic. She just has a LOT of power behind her spells. IN Boast Busters, I think we see this best. Yeah, she picks up an Ursa, and in Mysterious Mare-Do-Well, she fixes the dam. That means super magic skill right?
well, we see her struggling to learn basic spells. In Boast Busters, she's not even learning high level magic, shes practicing 'tricks'. Telekenisis is something basically everypony has, Twilight just has a pimped version. IN a lot of ways, I think that Rarity is more naturally inclined to magic, because she uses her power on smaller, subtler things. Twilight just gets more credit because she cloppes her hooves and things go crazy.
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It is difficult to gauge what are hard spells or not in the show due to different writers scripting each episode. Cause you see her having issues doing simple spells (i.e. mustaches) but then in the next episode she teleports herself multiple times, teleports Spike, or learns how to travel back in time after a quick glance at one of Star Swirl's spells. I personally like the OP Twilights, but one that has little skill in magic is refreshing even if it does not jive with my head canon.
You can easily change her magical adeptness just by basing her skills of a different episode. This also changes the total variety of magic in the MLP universe, cause when Trixie visits again aging spells become far harder and taxing than ripping apart space-time.
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On that, I have two things to say.
1.) This Twilight is like my headcannon for the show. She has jawdropping amounts of HOLYSHITMAGICSCARYHELPME power. Her difficulty is more in the fact that she has a hard time actually learning the spells. Again, in the show. It takes her forEVER to learn a new spell (i.e. mustaches), but if she already knows the spell, she can use it easily (Teleportation). Twilight is the same way in this, she just doesn't know as many spells.
2.) You do know that aging spells make it actually viable for Star Swirl the Bearded to show up in the cannon yeah? After all, only the most powerful unicorns can use that level of magic. I so want to write one where Twilight bumbs into Star Swirl and he takes her on as his apprentice to keep her from spilling the beans.
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How do you explain the time travel spell though? (Other then just ignoring it, the show does that episode to episode.)
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Well, to fit that into my line of reasoning, the spell wouldn't really be technically complex. Actually, its not much different from a teleportation spell in effect. She's just adding a temporal element as well as a spatial one. Add to that the fact that it is a spell that you can only use once, and I would guess that it's just once again her raw power coming into effect.
Not the best argument, but I don't want to get into why inverted temporal displacement would be both an energy and chronological disaster, usually people get bored pretty quick.
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Oh, I never get bored of science. I also like arguments and seeing how people reasonably (or falsely) come to their conclusions. I would think temporal displacement would be difficult itself. Seeing as if it was easy you would have unicorns blinking about and a greater understanding of history.
Are you going to write more of this story? Pretty please
?
2093292 In boast busters Twilight is discussing magic with Spike and she says that most unicorn's can only use telekinesis and one or two spells related to their cutie mark. I really dislike it when authors portray her as having tons of power but no skill, she spends all her time studying! She must have some skill! I guess i can see her magic being underdeveloped in this universe without Celestia's mentorship though.
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also reply to this when you update this story I dont start stories that havent been updated in awhile until an update
Pssst. Hey, you. Yeah, you, the one with the awesome story premise.
You should continue this.
So yeah, this is great. I realize this isn't marked as on Hiatus or anything, but I gotta ask anyway - will it be continued? Not to rush you or anything, was just wondering what your intent was, if that makes sense.
Yes, it is. However, I accidentally deleted everything pony related in my google docs folder, so I am working it from the ground up. I also have two other stories that are taking precedence over Dash and Twi. However, I am working on it, and it should be out in a relatively short time.
WRITE MORE PLZ, PRETTY PLZ, PRETTY PLZ WITH A PINKIE PIE ON TOP?
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First of all, I am. This story always has, and always will, take a backseat to the other story I am writing, but I am working on it.
Secondly. Pinkie? Ew.
Now maybe with Rarity...
Ok
If this were to become a TwiDash, it would be everything I have ever wanted.
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I think 91 weeks can safely be qualified as not shortly.
Oh, this is impressive. You've established an amazing world in only a single chapter. I'm hooked.
I'm guessing that broodmares aren't restricted to pegasi/earth ponies, and that Cadance was either made into one, or made into a pleasure slave? Do lower classes of ponies know that unicorns do that to one another, or is that kept secret for the sake of the greater race's image? Interesting that Cadance is actually a sibling, though.
Is Rarity of any relation? Is she technically subordinate to Twilight, or is Twi effectively stripped of any power she might hold over somepony else? It sounds like she's been with Rarity for a long time--when did they meet?
The is probably one she's writing herself, I would think--how many successful hunts has she had up to that point? Yeah, her book is less than half full, but that's still room for quite a lot of words. It's pretty likely that, even if somepony has dissected a Chimera, they haven't done so immediately after it died, or had a second subject Chimera to take apart soon after. I'd like to learn what Rainbow Dash would think of that, or perhaps of her hopefully-to-be-soon-expressed competence.
And what Twilight thinks of her illiteracy. It might be a bit much to expect Twilight to support equal rights (although I hope she judges other ponies by their own merits--she's certainly been given an excellent example that unicorns can be giant dicks), but I figure that she would still dislike ignorance.
Are Chimera so tough that a big blast from Twilight wouldn't, if not kill it, at least knock it back? Or is the "we're dead" vibe of the ending chapter because they are close together and so could both be caught in the breath? How long will it take Dash to figure out (or be told that) Spike is sapient? How did the black sheep of the family get such an amazing creature? And why can't she sleep?
I'm not actually expecting you to answer all of these. Question-asking is just my preferred form of commenting.
this....this is amazing. I wish you would continue this as this sounds like it will be an amazing story.
I know the majority of your attention is in Her Mother's Daughter, but do you have any intention of continuing this story?