A half-cyberpegasus to protect and serve, at your service
Sweetie Belle has now become a well grown teen, heading to college to achieve her dreams and her goal of becoming a singer, an animator and voice actor. However, life has other plans with Sweetie Belle as she discovers about Silver Spoon she has never known.
Now Grown and Mature, Sweetie Belle is set on a mission to find out why Silver Spoon has complicated her life to the point where she couldn't trust anyone, not even herself
Page generated in 0.109 seconds
Total duration
628 users online
1,057,397 hits today, 2,921,617 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Found this story by accident and deeming it fairly short, I decided to give it a look during my lunch break. I’ll be honest with you, while the idea is sweet and it could make for an interesting story, the execution isn’t exactly stellar. You start with just a summary of what happened to Sweetie Belle, devoid of any emotion or atmosphere the reader can enjoy, and it continues in a similar manner thorough most of the chapter. Furthermore, you jump between past and present tense really often, creating an inconsistent mess that many readers find annoying, which might be a reason why this story seems to have gotten so little attention. Choose just one tense to use thorough the story. And lastly, there are some issues one could call logical. For example, how come Sweetie Belle doesn’t know her aunt is the principal? And why is it presented as a surprise that another mare signed for some subject?
I apologize for leaving such a negative comment, but I can see this story being really good with some tender loving care and enough time. But if I just sugarcoated all of the issues, it wouldn’t help you get better, now would it? Also, feel free to let me know if anything in my comment was unclear or if you have some additional questions
9603682
Actually, I will say this. I don't take this comment as negative but rather as good criticism because I've been at college and couldn't really focus on this story as I'm working on Silver Spoon's new life as well and 5 other stories which some aren't mlp related. I thank you for the criticism, it is very helpful to me and I will have this fixed asap but it will take some time as I'm pretty busy tomorrow but I will definitely try my hardest to make some space as well as a time schedule for all the stories on certain days
9604249
I appreciate that, though not all people see it that way. So, it’s just a precaution. I’m glad I could help. Good luck with your stories!
9604251
Thank you so much for the help. I really appreciate it