After the events of "Yakkity Sax", Pinkie Pie tells the others what she intends to do now that she's been reunited with her beloved yovidaphone.
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- Member Since 19th Jul, 2013
- offline last seen 9 minutes ago
Eddy13
A major fan of FlutterDash, comedy, adventure, and other MLP things.
Eddy13
Joined 19th Jul, 2013 ·
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- plskilmeTails · 5.1k words · 41 2 · 2.1k views
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I do so love novel, unexpected endings. And the characterization was great.
Bravo.
Poor Sunset.
She just cannot catch a break.
A great full ending to an otherwise slightly divisive episode. Also, great ending of the story with Sunset
.
9073980
I do hope I manage to spawn some EQG concepts involving the yovidaphone.
9074333
Yeah, considering how much Pinkie enjoyed playing the yovidaphone, I felt that her EQG counterpart might feel the same, and sound just as bad with it.
LOL
I saw you read mine. I see you had a similar idea with soundproofing and threw in a bit with EG to fill out the word count, while I went with an action sequence. Yours was funnier. :P I just had to do a Maud acrobatics bit though! :)
I had not considered her taking lessons from the masters. I had thought that would be too difficult a commute, but I suppose they CAN get to YakYakistan and back in (apparently) a single day, so it's not that much of an issue. Does raise questions about how fast that balloon is moving but that's another story. :P I thought an alternative was going to be proposed with Yona or her family. She might play a little and maybe one of her parents is a master? Hmmm... Now I'm wondering if I could make a short story out of that...
And the actual episode overlooked all of this. Not that the lesson they taught was a bad one but it felt like they ran out of time and needed just a minute or two at the end for either soundproofing or lessons to come up.
Way to Twilight'd it up Egghead.
9132935
I don't get it.
That ending was brilliant!
Uh oh.....I know EXACTLY where this is going....
....yep. Thought so........
Hilarious ending ha!
The errors in this really overshadowed the storyline for me. I started reading and there were just too many that it completely pulled me out of the story. You need to go over this and check the sentences, especially when a dialogue sentence ends.
10246078
Well, alright, would you be willing to point them out to me?
Take the very first piece of dialogue.
"Well, that went rather well" Twilight commented with a grin. Needs comma before the end quotes.
Like this.
"Well that went rather well,"
The next several bits of dialogue have this problem.
And you put the period in the wrong place at the end of the part where Twilight is saying "We would have preferred if you hadnt left at all". Needs to be before quotes. Gotta work on that.
10246101
Alright, how about now? If it's still wrong, you'll need to point out every error personally. I'm not good at spotting them.
10246118
Yeah that's more like it. But there are a lot more. You definitely need work.
10246125
Don't tell me. Show me! I can't find the errors on my own! If you want the grammar fixed, you'll need to point out every single problem personally.
10246135
Kind of a problem. There's too many. Nearly in every bit of dialogue here in fact. You have missing commas and misplaced periods in most of your dialogue. You really need to go over this whole thing.
The next error is when Rarity speaks, again missing a comma before the end quotes. And when Pinkie Pie speaks you dont have a period after stopped just before her second bit of dialogue begins, AND you are missing the period before the end quotes there.
Try following this format.
"First quote," Pony said. "Second quote."
In much of your dialogue you are missing the comma in the first quote before the end quotes. In the second quote you put the period after the quotes. Some of them are correct but far too many to name have mistakes like this.
10246161
I can't work with guidelines. I need step-by-step instructions! Look, nobody told you to read my story or criticize the way it's written. If the only thing preventing you from enjoying it is my grammar, then that's your problem.
10246167
Guess so. Trying to help. If there were fewer errors I could narrow this down. But the same error type of error is happening pretty much everywhere here.
10246172
Alright, give me a little time. I've gone to "Looking For Editors" to find someone to help me out. After someone helps me clean up the errors, I'll let you know and you can come back and give the story a proper comment.
10246172
You really need to stop being vauge dude. Tell the guy what's wrong and how to fix, not say say the same shit over and over. So since you won't, I will.
To the Author. You are missing peroids in many of the dialogs between characters. You're also improperly using quotation breaks leaving them open ended. A few run on sentences, misspelling once or twice.
But guy, (not you author) you dont need to be hurtful and point out how bad someone's writing is. You shIould know better if you don't like being treated this way. You should've kindly pointed it out without nentioning the bad grammer. I've written shit fics before but Author had a good idea, but should have requested another person to look over.
10246214
Don't worry. I've gone to "Looking For Editors" and a member has volunteered to look over it and point out what needs correcting.
10246214
I'm not trying to be hurtful. If I came off as that sorry.
10246254
Apology accepted. Anyway, the grammar is fixed as best as I can get it, so hopefully you'll be able to read the story okay.
I kinda miss stories as short as this, not gonna lie.
10282219
Thanks for the comments. However, I was referring to the two stories I posted after this one. I take it your mature filter is off, otherwise, you'd known one of them I was referring to was the story that was in Dirty Little Secret's contest.
I know this isn't what happens, but the soundproofing spell is the wrong solution. To me, it's the equivalent of them saying:
"We're not going to stop you from doing something you love. But keep it to yourself". It's not a very encouraging message.
10501378
Well, I've heard other fans talk about how that could've been a viable solution.
10506186
Well maybe other people can see the good in it, but I don't.