After the party with the surprise of Shining Armor and Cadence's foal, the rest of the Mane Six comfort Pinkie on the stress of keeping the secret.
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- Member Since 19th Jul, 2013
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Eddy13
A major fan of FlutterDash, comedy, adventure, and other MLP things.
Eddy13
Joined 19th Jul, 2013 ·
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- Eddy13 · 7.1k words · 28 11 · 1k views
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This feels like a oneshot, but you have it marked incomplete. Pretty funny, either way.
6562066
Ooh, forgot about that. Thanks for mentioning.
All it needs are some punctation marks in the rightbplaces and I think there's a few words that seemed...wrong...
Welp, +1!
Pretty good, but like 6562332 said, there is a SERIOUS lack/misplacement of punctuation here.
6562423
6562332
How's it look now?
Wat.
Well, despite that ending coming out of left field, and me not approving of said ending, I'm going to upvote this anyway.
6563271
Hey, I saw an opportunity to toss my favorite ship into the mix. Besides, you have to admit that after all Pinkie went through not to say anything about the foal, it would be pretty funny if one of her friends confided a secret relationship to her.
6563205 Nope. You have .'s after ”s and a LOT of missing punctuation still.
*sigh* Y'know, guys, if you're going to tell someone they have their punctuation wrong, it might help if you actually told them what's wrong?
6563205 : Most of the punctuation problems are in your dialogue. When dialogue is followed by a who-said-it-and-how attribution (also known as a "dialogue tag"), the dialogue and attribution are considered one sentence together, not two separate sentences. So, they need to be written like this:
(1) If the spoken dialogue (the part between quotes) would normally end with a period if it was a sentence by itself, you end it with a comma before the closing quote instead:
(2) Since the attribution is part of the same sentence, you do not capitalize the first word outside of the closing quote mark, unless it's someone's name (or the pronoun "I", which is always capitalized):
(3) If the dialogue ends with any punctuation other than a period (such as a question mark ?, exclamation point !, ellipsis ..., etc.), then you still use those marks before the closing quote mark as usual, but the capitalization rule (2) above still applies. (See example above.)
(4) If the line of dialogue stands by itself, with no attribution after the quote, the period at the end of the character's sentence comes inside the closing quote mark, not outside of it:
(5) And if the dialogue has an attribution in the middle of the spoken dialogue, then you put a comma after the attribution, and don't capitalize the first word inside the opening quotes. Like this:
Another dialogue tip: Avoid fancy "speech verbs" like "inquired", "imputed", "quipped", etc. Use the basic "said", "asked", "replied" as much as possible — and don't feel as if you have to explicitly describe the tone of voice with an adverb ("said excitedly", "said bluntly", "said pleadingly", etc.) for every single line of dialogue. "Said", "asked", and "replied" are effectively "invisible" to a reader, and they won't notice you using them — but when you constantly add tone-of-voice adverbs or reach for the fancy synonyms like "imputed" and "quipped", readers do notice it. It's a variation of the infamous "swallowed-a-thesaurus" syndrome; it sounds unnatural, and quickly draws attention to itself and becomes distracting. Generally, the "how they said it" part of "who-said-it-and-how" can be inferred by the reader from the dialogue itself; use the fancy verbs and tone-of-voice descriptions sparingly, and only when you really need to communicate a specific tone of voice to the reader which isn't obvious from the dialogue itself.
Hope that helps!
6564081
Thanks for the tips. I fixed it. Hopefully, people will stop complaining about my punctuation now.