• Member Since 7th Jul, 2018
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago

UnicxrnPxnk


Loved My Little Pony Since 2013

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One day, Twilight finds out something awful and upsetting, which makes her fall into deep depression. Her friends never like to see her upset, and so they try to cheer her up. Yet, one friend in particular, believes they should not do that.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

Really sad story ! Love it :fluttercry:

9065855
Thank you, that's what I was going for. Sad but good :twilightsmile:

Wow, this is more heartbreaking than what happens to Twilight's parents in my story. In that, Death Wish murders them and Princess Cadance, kidnaps Flurry Heart, leaves his guards at the scene, Twilight sees her dead parents and Cadance, and sobs, while shooting a killing spell towards each of Death Wish's guards out of vengeance and anger.

Your story here is a way deeper context than that. Love it. 😄😃😊

"I am feeling depressed right now, and you'll find out why and you'll feel the same." Shining Armour felt water in his eyes, and some came pouring out. Twilight gasped and hugged her brother.

I don’t know if he meant to... but he sounded like a douche in this quote. “Listen to what I have to say so that you too will feel my pain!” Is basically what he said.

9066076
Oh wow, I will have to read that! And thank you :raritystarry:

9066097
Yeah I guess. That is not what I was going for

9066194
Might take me a while before I get to that point. 😅 But you're welcome. 😃

If experience told me anything, me posting a comment is a bad idea, still...

"I am feeling depressed right now, and you'll find out why and you'll feel the same."

I couldn't help but feel things were going way too fast for me to understand the pain, which is weird because I did lose a member of my family without being present despite the very clear signs... Given the other comments, I guess I'm in the wrong, but I can't help but wonder if it wouldn't have been possible to create more of a bond with what happened.

Also, I've known people feeling down, some who I have been very worried about (to not say more), and none has ever directly said anything like "I am feeling depressed". It may be a cultural thing though. It's just that in my experience, people avoid admitting something like that directly, be it because they are ashamed of it, afraid to be cast away or just in complete denial.

All these thoughts brought a tear to her eye. Why was she so insensitive? Why didn't she visit them in hospital?

I can't help but feel it's too direct. It should be possible to say exactly the same thing, but by hinting at it, which would let the reader wonder what she is actually thinking. Again, it obviously worked given the other's comments, so what do I know. I just personally prefer when things are mostly implied, especially when an emotion is the core of the story.

Pinkie, its 9:40 pm

I don't know why, but I love every time the time is stated in the story. Maybe because I haven't seen that done often. I can't help but suppose that it was you looking at the clock while you were writing. I'm probably wrong about it, but it's just fun to speculate.

Haven't they learnt this before? When Rainbow didn't want to loose her tortoise for winter, when we were in a huddle on her- oh, nevermind. They'll soon learn, I hope.

Those interactions are a good idea and the call back is too. The parallel could have been worked way deeper within the story, but that would be pretty complicated and require a lot of planing. Still, interesting to think about.

Altogether, I enjoyed the story way more than I expected. I may not have felt the pain as I should, but I did feel something in the kindness of the characters and the overall honesty of the story.

9066556
The only time you should feel bad is when you read, vote, but don't say anything. You read this when there's a thousand other fics you could've gone with. Praise or dump, always leave your take.

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