On the Edge
Twilight Sparkle has being feeling lonely,her friends are gone, her parents passed away years ago, her mentor have not time for her now and even her assistant was gone, he flew away once his wings finally developed.
Days were gloomy and dark and nights were lonely and cold, the feeling of loneliness was hitting her so hard that she barely went out of her room, few days pass until she was completely isolated on her room with only her books keeping her company. That room, that dark, empty and cold room was the only place she spend her whole time.
The time passed and Twilight realize she had lost everything in her life, her friends, her assistant and now her will to live. She didn't seem to find a reason to live anymore, she was tired of the same old rutine: Wake up, take breakfast, read some books, have something to eat and go back to bed. Same things day after day after day.
Twilight's depression was growing with each passing day. During daylight her hours were an eternity of sadness and sorrow and her nights were slumberless. In her heart she wished to be all a dream, a horrible, gloomy dream full of sorrow and lonelyness, but it wasn't, it was real.
Twilight's mental sanity was coming to an end, she wasn't reading anymore, her mane was disheveled and full of knots, her eyes were red and sore from all the time she has been crying with big, dark circles around her eyes and some huge bags under her eyes for all those sleepless nights. Her depression was on a level so high that she spends her day without taking any food at anytime. On nights the only thing she did was to stare Spike's bed remembering all the good time her assistant and her had back on the good days.
Weeks passed and Twilight's state was deplorable, for her life didn't meant anything anymore without her friends, her family and her mentor were all gone. She made a decision... She was determined to finish everything, she was going to put her suffering to an end once and for all, but she had to write an ultimate letter to her mentor. She grabbed a scroll and a quill and began to write.
After a few hours of writing she finished her letter, she threw the quill to the ground before standing up and leading to the door. With just a few steps missing from the door she turned around to give a last look to the library and home, everything was disorganized, chairs all over the ground and papers strewn on the floor. She took a deep breath before getting out of the library and began walking towards "Ponyville's Mail Center", it was the only way she could send the letter, her assistant wasn't there to send the letter for her. Twilight entered the building and walked over a desk where a grey pegasus with a blonde mane was filling some documents. When she finished she raised her head to see Twilight.
"Welcome to Pony... Whoa...are...are you okay, miss?", Asked the gray mare concerned about the appearance of the purple unicorn, "You don't look ve-" The gray mare was interrupted sharplyin the middle of the sentence.
"Send this to the royal castle in Canterlot, say it's for princess Celestia from Twilight Sparkle", said Twilight without any tone in her voice, cold and without emotion. She turned to leave without even looking back at the confused gray pegasus behind the desk.
Thirty minutes had passed since Twilight send the letter to the princess, after five more minutes a white, tall stallion entered the throne room with a scroll on his mouth, he approached to the throne bowing to the princess.
"Your majesty, you have a letter from Twilight Sparkle", said the stallion with a deep, strong voice.
Celestia's face lit up with a huge smile on her lips, it has been over three months since she last recieved a letter from her most faithful student.
"You may go now", said Celestia gently.
"Yes, your majesty.", said the stallion with the same deep, strong voice bowing quikly before turning around to leave the room.
Celestia floated the letter up to her with her magic unfolding it to began reading what her studen wrote for her.
Dear pricess Celestia
It's been a lot of time since I last wrote you and this may be my last letter for you, all these years have been marvelous, I learned a lot about what friendship is and it was a total honor to be your student and your protected, but now I don't know what I'm living for, my life have ended long ago.
I've been living my life between shadows, my days are dull and meaningless, my mind and my heart are ready, I've made the decision to end it all.
Now I'm writing this letter to let you now that I'm glad to go.
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you. I only hope that my departure never haunt you.
I'm writing this to let you know how important you were in my life.
You'll be always in the deep of my heart.
Farewell, your majesty.
Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle
Celestia's eyes were soaked and her cheeks were damp, she couldn't believe what she was reading, she quickly teleported herself to the library were Twilight was staying in Ponyville. As she entered the house and saw the mess inside she realized the letter wasn't a joke. She turned around and spread her wings.
Princess Celestia was overflying Ponyville fearing she was already late. She flew to the highest point and an idea strucked her mind.
Twilight was staring the bottom of the cliff where she almost died years ago when she was running from the hydra, she would be death now if it wasn't for that bubble, but now, now it was dry only sharp rocks on the bottom, the only thing she has to do is to jump, with some steps closer her problems and suffering would be over.
She was about to jump into the dark cliff when a familiar voice came from behind her.
"Twilight Sparkle", said Celestia landing just a few meters away from Twilight, "What in Equestria you think you are doing?
Twilight backed up some steps away from the board to face Celestia.
"P-p-princess, wh-what are you doing here?", asked Twilight impressed to see Celestia, she thought she would be very occupied to even read the letter.
"How dare you to think something so stupid like this!", Celestia scolded Twilight who was now on the floor crying.
"I-I... I just wanted the pain to go away!", cried Twilight between sobs, breathing fast.
Celestia's anger was puted aside when she saw Twilight's emotional state. She was clearly about going into a breakdown.
"Twilight, just what makes you think this was a propper way to solve thing?", asked Celestia softly after calming down, she was just relieved knowing she arrived just in time.
"It's... it's just th-that...", Twilight wasn't able to even articulate a simple sentence in the state she was, still sobbing, shivering in fear with her head low pressing her eyelids as hard as she could.
Celestia walked up to Twilight wrapping her with her right foreleg pulling her to embrace her.
"It's okay my little pony, it's okay", said Celestia as she pressed Twilight against her even harder, tears rolling down her cheeks splashing into Twilight's head. "I was just afraid I didn't make it on time."
Twilight raised her head to meet Celestia's eyes, "I'm sorry princess, I'm very, very sorry", said Twilight looking Celestia into the eyes, she found the courage to keep speaking after looking into those eyes with that warm, soft gaze she was now giving her.
"I was just afraid of being lonely, I was afraid to face the future alone", said Twilight sobbing lightly still looking to Celestia's eyes. "I lost everyone, my friends and parents passed away some years ago and Shining disappeared after the last fight in Canterlot"
"You'll never be alone Twilight, they are still taking care of you, they are in your heart and as long as you don't forget them they will never die", said Celestia still embracing Twilight tight against her, "You have to keep them alive at least in your mind and in your heart"
Twilight was still sobbing and shedding tears, but was slowly taking back control of herself. She raised her head once more to see Celestia's face again.
"W-why does it have too hurt so much?", asked Twilight sniffing.
"You really loved them, that made it to hurt so much, it's hard losing someone and I know how you feel, I felt the same way when Luna was gone for a thousand years", said Celestia looking at the sky with tears in her eyes.
"At least you have her again now, I have noone anymore", said Twilight, eyes watering up again lowering her head.
Celestia raised a hoof up to Twilight's chin and raised her head.
"You'll never be alone, I'll always be there for you and I promise I won't let anything harm you", said Celestia looking into Twilight's eyes.
"Y-you... you really promise it?", asked Twilight with a weak smile.
"Of course I promise it, you are my most faithful student and one on my only friends", said Celestia wiping away the tears on Twilight's face, "I won't let anything happen to you."
Twilight smiled and leaned over Celestia to give her another hug, "Thank you, thank you very much", said Twilight now sheding tears of happiness because of what Celestia have just tell her.
Celestia return the embrace also shedding some tears, "You will never be alone."
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typo at the end you type wil, instead of will
Hey man, this was really interesting, I liked the idea. But there were some problems with it. Contact me, i can help you (btw im not kidding, i can help you make this better, get back to me when you or want to get some help).
Where did you get that magnificently depressing picture, my league of evil must utilize it as a weapon.
1001884 On a Top Secret page called "Google"
Never send the letter "right away". Tell them to send it the next morning.
Amateur mistake.
1001813 Woops! I'll correct that in a few seconds.
1001920 But what would I search for? If searching sad Twilight actually gives me it, I shall shit not only my pants, but the rest of the league of evils pants.
EDIT: Fucking hell sad twilight sparkle actually worked
wow, i just legit almost cried, good job mate
1001939 Em... That's what I do I typed "Twilight" and "Sad" as key words and then the picture came itself.
1001958 Now I need for my fics sequel (as always, I'm so sorry) picture. Hopefully "siloutte human with OC stallion facing camera with explosion behind them" works.
God i love your stories........ but god damn they are so damn sad i swear like i cried a little on this one
Im just glad this one ended up nicely
1002037 Yeah, I'm actually depressing myself. So, I'm writing a comedy fic now
A good story, being Bi-Polar myself I know all to well what it's like to be in a deep depression. You conveyed some pretty deep emotions, although your story suffered from some pacing issues, flow, and sentence structure.
First off you should elaborate more on the back story, what happened to the rest of the Mane 6? Did they die, if so how? The story would have been more touching and emotional had you explained this, or even had the reader see it happen themselves.
Also your sentences are a bit choppy and broken, try describing things more in depth and invest in some better adjectives. Try changing this: said Celestia wiping away the tears on Twilight's face,
To something like this: Celestia whispered in a soft, motherly like tone as she wiped away a few stray tears from her students panic ridden face. Her eyes were red and swollen, but beneath the suffering and pain she could see a glimmer of happiness, and perhaps hope.
There's quite a few spelling/ grammar mistakes that somewhat distract from the story. Try getting an editor or re-read your work a few more times.
Now don't get me wrong, this was a great read. I just think you can improve it by getting rid of the silly mistakes, and trying to better your sentence structure and writing.
1002175 I'm actually trying to improve in sentence structure and describing things. English is not my mother tounge so I'm having some difficulties on those things.
Now, about the back up story, I've never think about that so I'll remember it for future stories.
Thanks alot for the advices, I'll have them in mind in the future.
1002199
Ah no problem, It's always a pleasure to help an aspiring writer.
This story have a background story that isn't explained. You should write it. I hope their not all dead in only a few years, that would sound really strange... For example, how can Fluttershy die? Surely not for an animal fault. What about Rarity? I mean, this needs a background story, but since this one isn't in a very far future, you should write something else than death. It's just an opinion, it would sound too strange for me too see five ponies die after some years for some reason...
Uhm... actually, this is why i follow people: Some of the stories that people writes have a background that isn't explained, and it will be explained after a while.
Keep it up!
(Then i discovered that this story is placed 59 years after the last events... As always, i'm a genius... Duh...)
I liked it a lot. I'm sure others have stated that some of the sentences don't make sense or repeat information, but I see that English is not your first/main language. However, one thing I noticed is that it's a bit difficult to follow who's doing what. Try starting new paragraphs for each time a new character does or says something.
Overall it was a good read.
Ok I finally got round to reading this. Its an all right idea, but executed extremely poorly. The writing felt extremely rushed. The story was done stupidly, the only way to do this story well, is make 95% of it flashbacks, and minimum 10K words, recomend at least 20-25K words. The ending was horribly done, absolutely horribly done.
And btw, no writing should ever be rushed, EVER, for anything. If you can't write without rushing it, then don't write it.
1013060 About the writing, yes, it is really rushed. I have no time for making long stories that's why most of my stories are about 1.2K - 1.9K, (2K words maximum). I never thought about using flashbacks, I wrote it as it came to my mind. And the ending, yes, I fucked the ending.
And I rather prefer to write a rushed story to at least entertain few readers for a while than not writing anything at all.
Thanks for the critics anyway. I appreciate them.
1013370 Is it possible to simply write a good story over multiple sessions? A story nor chapter needs to be written in one session. You could write a decent story of a long time. And 10K is a average story now these days, 1K words is a large comment. And you never thought to use flashbacks? You need something to contrast the sad parts that isn't anything near the ending, or people don't care. You can't successfully send emotion without sending the opposite emotion.
This goes with every story, game, movie or show ever. However comedy is the only genre that is resistant to this, but it still degrades the quality without something depressing/enraging happening. That is why that parody series that is <insert word> movie (eg. Scary movie, Date movie etc) is not very good because they are all comedy, they don't have a counterbalance.
Imagine a see saw that is seriously breaking safety laws. If you want to get as high as possible, you need a fat guy (what your story is going for) on the other side, but on this particular see saw, the thing becomes so steep you with fall off if you don't have some decent weight of your own. (The opposite of what your story is going for)
Every story that is good does this. Eg. Many scenes in Background Pony, the end of the Fluttershy chapters in The End of Ponies, Amnesia the Dark Descent (because fuck pretext) and its pleasant room hubs.
1013715 Okay, I get your point. I'll consider those points in future stories.
Thanks for the feedback.
1013851 I also think this story could of been really good. Maybe of shown us what happened to her friends (that killed/made them leave) actually have multiple stories that way, sorta like End of Ponies does. I suggested Flashbacks as they aren't all that difficult to do are pretty obvious.
I find it weird no one mentions the grammar problems riddled through the story. They're pretty bad.
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