Instead of the shining orb of light, Celestia raises an overloading nuclear furnace. The whole of Equestria is set alight by the deadly rays.
Twilight wakes up not to a fresh morning air but a fiery cataclysm. With her castle melting away, she’s forced to abandon the premises on short notice. But how can one escape to safety in a blazing world?
This story also has a dramatic reading by TheMajorTechie. Be sure to check it out.
[Also Youtube auto-reading (Chapter 1, Chapter 2) and mp3 download (Chapter 1, Chapter 2).]
Chapters (2)
Comment section minigame for the chapter 1 of the story Supernova Daybreak (anypony is welcome to play this game in the comment section of this story)
THE GAME
Does this story remind you of a song that you know? If yes, post it in the comments in the following format:
- A link or embedded Youtube video of it.
- Percentage of correlation (0% being an unrelated song, 100% being a song written exactly for this story).
- Reason why this song reminded you of this story or the excerpt of the lyrics that resonates with this fic in some way.
Music recommendations for reading this story:
The Birthday Massacre - Down — Correlation: 60% (Lyrics)
I wish that I could fake it but I don't know how — I know we'll never make it but I can't stop now
NFD - When the Sun Dies — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
I just can't forget, — the best things in my life — Why would I let go of someone —who is going to keep me?
Lindemann - Children Of The Sun — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
The sky turns red — A frightful sign — So we run — We're running out of time
Stuck In the Sound - Let's Go — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
In the sun I bathe, in everyday light, — You draft me down for a split second tomorrow
Well from the characters' perspective that just equaled Suck + Succ.
So, imagine this was an alternative canon for the very beginning of the FoE series. It's possible.
On that note, this story would inspire me to make a character fixated on finding aliens in the FoE world. To counteract the "vesuvius effect". (Made-up effect as far as I'm aware, but here's what it means:) The vesuvius effect is the universal condition upon which many, many tragedies beyond one's control end up killing, many, many people in a known cosmos. But even after post-nuclear war, these events can't seem to kill ALL of these people.
Your story here, however, would be an example of disproving that effect if this story were to just end at Chapter 1 and go the way I'm sure the audience is thinking it will go. (End of world, bye-bye pones). Presumably because the whole planet would blow up and there would be, quite literally, no survivors. (Also apparently the term vesuvius effect is already a thing but I calling it a different thing deal m8)
Unless of course Luna survives on the moon, in which case, to play the comment section minigame, I'd say this story reminds me of this song:
Stuck In the Sound - Let's Go — [Lyric] Correlation: %10
In the sun I bathe, in everyday light, — You draft me down for a split second tomorrow
[Music Video Correlation to this hypothetical]: %65
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52Gg9CqhbP8'
Ok now for actually commentary:
1.) I enjoyed it, overall.
2.) Spike and Twilight seem to be having WAAAAAAAAY too long a technical conversation as opposed to an emotional one. The emotion still comes out it just seems somewhat, delayed.
3.) I can semi-picture the world burning down because you told me but not because you showed it in the way you could have. That would have been a gold mine for imagery.
4.) Look if you remember me you might note that I don't really like seeing characters suffer just for the hell of it, as Twilight does, but that doesn't mean you don't do a good job of it.
5.)
Was this an Equestria Girls 4 (Legend of Everfree Reference)? Or do I just have that stuck in my head?
6.) Mane
7.) In the beginning portion, Twilight uses the word dismissed twice, when you probably could have said ignored.
8.) Twilight and Spike's characterization seems about 87% accurate, and I'm afraid I can't exactly tell what might be missing other than, say, more emotion to shock unless you play the, "I couldn't feel it hit me until a week later" card. (This is supposed to be a longer story right?)
9.) I need to work on shortening my comments or I'll never reach my goal of commenting on all stories I've read.
10.) Knowing you, In case the thought didn't already cross your mind, you can always take this same idea (maybe you have before I'm not sure at this EXACT moment, and turn into the, "The world is ending so let's fuck before we die" kind of trope. I didn't read the tags so I semi-expected that.
All done for now,
—Josh Skousen
Why is this story thrown in absolutely every group it can possibly be in, including those that contradict one another?
9066154 Thank you for your comment.
You've won the comment section minigame. Congratulations!
The fate of Luna will be revealed in the next chapter.
1. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
2. I see your point. In writing, it's kind of hard to write both what's going on and their response all at once. The next chapter shall be more emotional.
3. I was trying to focus more on the character's reaction to the ordeal than the ordeal itself. But I do see your point. Perhaps I should have tried to make the reader feel like being in a furnace.
4. I remember you. We've had many interactions in the past.
5. The phrase 'I've got this' is more of a reference of Twilight's song 'I wasn't prepared for this', where she hopes to be prepared, but is not sure.
6. What's wrong with my usage of the word 'mane'?
7. Good catch on the double 'dismissed'. Fixed.
8. There's very little time for emotions. I shall focus on reminiscence in the next chapter. There shall also be a sequel to this story.
9. Your comment is one of the longest I've ever received. I appreciate your effort.
10. I like your idea of where this story could have gone. I'd have to strap the mature rating on it, if I went that route, though.
Again, thanks for this.
9066193 If you or anypony else notice that this story is in a wrong group, please let me know so I can remove it.
Comment section minigame for the chapter 2 of the story Supernova Daybreak (anypony is welcome to play this game in the comment section of this story)
THE GAME
Does this story remind you of a song that you know? If yes, post it in the comments in the following format:
- A link or embedded Youtube video of it.
- Percentage of correlation (0% being an unrelated song, 100% being a song written exactly for this story).
- The reason why this song reminded you of this story or the excerpt of the lyrics that resonates with this fic in some way.
Music recommendations for reading this story:
They Might Be Giants - Why Does the Sun Shine? (The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas) — Correlation: 50% (Lyrics)
The sun is mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace
Where hydrogen is built into helium at a temperature of millions of degrees
They Might Be Giants - Why Does the Sun Really Shine? (The Sun is a Miasma of Incandescent Plasma) — Correlation: 50% (Lyrics)
I hope it never morphs — Into a supernova
Iron Maiden - When The Wild Wind Blows — Correlation: 30% (Lyrics)
They’re in the Shelter — Feeling Snug — Not long to wait — For Absolution — Don’t make a fuss — Just sit and wait
This is interesting so far. I'm wondering why it has so many mixed reviews. It's not like it's badly written, and the premise is interesting. Well I have one more chapter to read so we'll see I guess.
Yeah, I'm not seeing any major problems with story here. The only two complaints I really have are that the deaths should've been bigger issue than they were, and that the ending confused me a bit, but I just might need to back and read it again. I would say it was too fast paced, but thinking about the situation, it wouldn't make sense for it not to be.
All in all a decent short story.
9068251 I'm glad to hear you liked it. I don't know where those downvotes come from, either. None of the downvoters are saying anything. I can't fix anything if I don't know what the issue is. Maybe they just don't like my name.
And thanks for the review. The deaths are only implied. Twilight can't be sure. It's hard to grief without confirmation. Also hard to think about others when your own tail is burning.
I'd love to hear what it was that confused you in the ending. Perhaps I could make it less confusing. It's certainly not confusing in my mind, so there shouldn't be any reason why it couldn't be written as such.
--Sweetie Belle
9068654 Congratulations! You won the comment section minigame.
9068800
Yay!
Funny thing was they ended up having to write that second song because the science in the first one got out of date. I like the actual song better on the original, tho'.
Of course, the line about the supernova in the second one was perfect.
They Might Be Giants is a pretty fun band in general.
--Sweetie Belle
I like this and i dont know why people downvoted?
9068251
9068259
I'm not normally so nitpicky, but you wanted feedback, so okay.
and
That would be out of character for Celestia. She wouldn't be so careless.
"Would be sunset?" Did you mean "suicide" instead of "sunset". The sentence doesn't make sense.
The deaths are implied? Uh...okay. Considering Twilight got BARBECUED out there, they are more than implied.
A bit too much exposition...she could have made the point in half this speech. It drags on too long.
and
I'm guessing Celestia knows something we don't if she doesn't seem to think this is more than a "heatwave". I can't imagine she's not understanding what she's being told or is that stupid.
What? What does that mean? Leave it set? Please explain.
I agree. The ending of the chapter makes no sense.
Is Princess Luna's death also "implied"? If not, then I'm outta here. Too big a fan of hers to stick around for the ending. If it is implied, you can PM me and let me know without spoiling it for anyone else.
Hope none of this offends you. Just offering the feedback.
9069010 Thank you for this! I, for one, appreciate your nitpickiness. Your feedback was awesome! I've fixed all the issues you addressed.
9069334
Thanks. Some of my questions couldn't be answered in the story, though. If you're not addressing them here, I guess I'll never know what the answers were. Okay. Good luck with the story *shrug*
9069346 Which questions? The ones you posted were legitimate and made me fix the story so the questions are no longer relevant now that it's fixed.
*"Would be sunset?"
*What? What does that mean? Leave it set? Please explain.
*Is Princess Luna's death also "implied"?
It's implied plenty now.
Thanks for your comments. They led me to fix the parts you pointed at.
If you have any more questions, feel free to post them, and I shall answer them all.
OK, who the hell is downvoting this is beyond me. It was very, very good!
One thing though… Celestia basically killed the other half of the planet by shifting the sun, didn’t she? I mean, unless it was ‘singed’ earlier already, shifting the sun wiped out all life on the other side of the world.
Trading ~ 40 ponies for half of world population? Hmm, I guess nobody showed her ‘The Wrath Of Khan’
Anyway, nice work
9087751 I don't know where the downvotes come from, either. I had high hopes for this story.
Equos burning on the other side is a good observation. However, in my MLP headcanon universe it shouldn't be a problem, IMO.
s1.hubimg.com/u/12330622_f520.jpg
9087774
Well if you put it like that, then I guess it makes sense. Modern flat Equestria society forever!
Sorry, I really wasn’t a fan of this. I rather liked the premise of it, both the sun going out of control and Celestia’s eventual solution to it. On paper, I think the events of this story could make for a rather beautiful story.
And yet most of this ended up falling a bit flat for me. The first chapter, in particular, I think just felt cruel more than anything else, more like a horror story than a tragic one. And showing the first chapter through Twilight’s eyes seems like an odd choice to me--when the story hinges on Celestia having made a terrible mistake, my first instinct would be to have the entire story be from Celestia’s side of things, so that her mistake and the flaws of her character that led to that mistake could be adequately explored and developed.
Furthermore, it felt like more of the story was the characters explaining that the sun was turning into a supernova, and hardly any of it all was the sun turning in a supernova. There’s one part where the effects of the scorching heat are shown, and it’s rather lovely in a horrible way, but that was about it. The lack of emotion in the characters is perhaps justified--as you said in the comments, it’s difficult to grieve without confirmation and perhaps harder still without proximity, and Twilight has neither of those things. But that same principle applied to the story as a whole, I think. It was difficult to care much at the end when Celestia’s actions are such that there’d be enduring, drastic consequences for a world that’s hardly been shown at all.
Basically, I think this story was too ambitious. I could see it working had it been quite a bit longer, but as it stands right now it honestly didn’t do much for me.
9107817 Thank you for your honest review. Those are my favorite. Perhaps all the downvotes do have some merit to them, after all.
Celestia made her mistake out of ignorance, but such wasn't the case with Twilight. The later made her mistake due to negligence, which is harder to justify. Also, if I were to focus on Celestia, there wouldn't even be any need for any interactions, and they might feel forced.
Indeed, my descriptions of vivid surroundings could use some more work. Perhaps I'll add some more show instead of tell to it.
There's actually a sequel in the works that focuses more on the aftermath of Celestia's action.
It's unfortunate. I had high hopes for it. In my head, it seemed epic, but it seemed I didn't transfer it well onto the paper.
Again, thank you for this. Due to your comment, I'll make some adjustments.
9107929
I would guess that at least a handful of them are simply from the rather bleak nature of it all--the one story I’ve written which had a less-than-happy ending is I think objectively better than all the ones with happy endings, and yet it’s also the most-disliked, which has made me suspect that any story with a premise like this is going to be a bit of a hard sell.
Ah, good point! I will confess to not having seen things that way; having it spelled out makes it much more apparent why you’d want to spend some more time with Twilight.
But, I’m sorry to say, I’m still a bit puzzled by it. You’re absolutely right, the story hinges on Twilight’s mistake, so it should of course be justified. But, at least to me, Twilight’s mistake in this story is not nearly as compelling as Celestia’s.
The story introduces Twilight’s mistake right off the bat, and as far as I can tell there’s not much justification for it beyond the simple “I could have done more” thoughts Twilight reveals through dialogue. To me, that’s cutting out the most interesting part of a tragedy and also the most crucial--if the story hinges on characters making mistakes, I want to know exactly why they did things the way they did, what aspect of their character led them to make their fatal decisions.
For Celestia, I think there’s something of that sort to be found here. She’s suggested to be somewhat complacent, unwilling to deviate from her thousand-year-old habits. And perhaps there’s something there about her being afraid to frighten all her subjects if it turned out her feeling was nothing more than a hunch. As she said, she grew stagnant. To me, that’s an interesting look into what the life of a pony who’s burdened with such a lofty responsibility and bears it for so long it seems innocuous and trivial might be like. That, I think, is a compelling story idea.
But for Twilight, there wasn’t much like that, at least not that I saw. She was... what, careless? Perhaps lazy, as she mentioned putting things off until it was too late? We’re given some intriguing insight into why Celestia did what she did, and yet there’s comparatively little of that for Twilight--her flaw could perhaps be attributed to the usual imperfections of humanity, but that’s not very personal to her, whereas Celestia’s faults are. We spend the whole story looking at the consequences of Twilight’s mistake, and as far as I can see very little looking at the causes of it.
Sorry, bits of that might be a bit rambly
Part of that may be personal bias, just so we’re clear. Since you mentioned a sequel, I’m wondering if there’s some disconnect between what you find interesting about this scenario and what I find interesting about it--in my mind, it’s the buildup to this scenario that’s intriguing, whereas it sounds like you might be more fixated on the fallout?
Just so we’re clear, I think the premise is certainly an epic one. The sun is something that the ponies likely very much take for granted, since it’s been under the control of a benevolent ruler for as long as anyone who’s alive can remember. The thought, then, of what might happen when something most of them never thought twice about turns against them is rather fantastic--and, with just a short scene, there’s already some intriguing insight into why Celestia would let it happen. There’re a lot of places you could go with all this, I think; this feels more like the ending of a longer story or perhaps the history of a larger, post-apocalyptic kind of story.
9108030 Since all my stories are tragic to some extent, it figures I could never get featured.
You have a point about Twilight's mistake in this story. It doesn't build on her as a character. It's just sleepiness. A mistake that could have been attributed to anypony else in a different situation. One thing that I wanted to portray is that a little mistake out of complacency can have huge ramifications. From that perspective, having a natural mistake that isn't unique to the character might be even more connectable for the reader. It's probably just another one of those things that make sense only in my mind but the story fails to transfer it to the reader.
The sequel was planned to be in the fallout, yes. It was supposed to be about how the ponies would cope with eternal night.
When I write a story, I usually don't want to tell a tale of a character. I want to expose a situation/development/dilemma in which a character only takes part. In my mind, it's not about the characters but the underlying principle. In that sense, what you're looking for in this story differs from my goals. Even when I described Celestia's past, it wasn't to develop her character, it was to explain the situation. Again, I might be doing it wrong. If nopony sees the message, it means I'm failing as a writer.
This has an interesting start, very enjoyable -- if not a little... hot? I don't know what I was going with that.
The premise is amusing, while also being a tad grim, and it was interesting to read through the start. Seeing Spike sacrifice himself was... wrenching; it came by rather quickly, naturally, and it could be seen as reality before it happened. Yet, Twilight's optimism was refreshing -- her blind belief in Spike was intriguing -- enough so that her very presence would be enough to cheer up others.
I could go on, but, sadly, I'm still a little distracted. It shouldn't be too long before I get around to the next chapter.
9068224 9162304 I'm sensing a trend here. After reading chapter 1, 'a pause' is needed before continuing with chapter 2.
I thank you both for the reviews. The things you mention are the very things I wanted to get across. It seems I, at least to some extent, succeeded in that.
The downvote bombardment from publishing seems to have stopped, as well. Perhaps the starting downvotes are a necessary evil for every dark story. There are some of the opinion that fanfictions of MLP should mimic the tone of MLP. I think the very reason why fanfiction exists is to explore the areas MLP didn't portray.
9162375
I simply don't have the energy to read another chapter -- it's very... bizarre.
As for stories, I find that the stories that explore different themes are far more interesting -- it is one reason I really enjoy Fallout: Equestria and the like. Those that stick to the overtly-happy, over-the-top themes of the show tend to be... dull? I'm not sure. They aren't as interesting.
I still remember your self-insert fic, that was great! It was funny, and unique; charming, even.
science nit picks.
1 yellow stars like the sun do not go supernova at the end of their life they expand into a red giant then collapse into a white dwarf .
2 Even with a magic yellow star the blast from a super nova would most likely vaporize any planet in the goldilocks zone. so moving the sun to the other side of the world would be only a very temporary fix. a massive solar flare is much more likely see the story " Inconstant Moon" by Larry Niven.
9162397 Don't you have that curiosity that makes you wonder how things end?
9186177 Mmm, I do like science nitpicks.
In our solar system, we do have a fairly regular yellow star that will never turn into a supernova. However, that may not be the case with Equus star.
Supernovas don't just happen, you know? They produce early signs. Their output increases a million years before the explosion. The star in this story doesn't turn into a supernova, yet.
9186593
Planet would still be dead pre nova. flare still best candidate for my money. Though with magic involved who knows?
https://www.wunderground.com/blog/Susie77/comment.html%3Fentrynum=549.html
9186702 In this story, Supernova isn't scheduled to happen for a million years to come. Supernovas start acting up way before. The stars don't shine with a constant glow. They go through the cycles. This story describes one of those cycles (one of the pre-supernova cycles).
9186593
I do wonder, however, I haven't had enough time to start the new chapter. In an hour or two from this message, I should be able to read it (just need to make sure my phone has enough life).
9188738 I know how that is. RL has a way of getting in the way of pleasure. Do it at your own pace. No need to rush it.
a super nova is when the sun exploads dude, all this is is a rapid expansion of the sun from yellow to red supergiant
if it was actualy a supernova happening seting the sun would only buy time...
9238982 The sun hasn't gone supernova just yet. This is the first phase before the explosion that could last a millennium. But yes, sometime in the future, there will be an actual supernova explosion.
Ughhh... this story made me recall two pieces of music and it was sadly with a smile that I remembered them. The music that plays in Omega Ruby when Groudon begins to bathe the world in a relentless heat wave, and the theme of Micheal Myers. In other words you've done something fitting.
9243845 Perhaps you'll get a little different feeling the next time you hear those music pieces.
This is a sad story. This is the end of ponies. Even hanging out on the nightside, they are all doomed.
Someponies might point out that the Sun cannot go supernova. Just remind those ponies that this is a magical sun.
¡I read every 1 of your stories!
9313785 The suns go supernova all the time. It just has to be massive enough.
You're the only one I know who read all my stories. You kind of make me want to write more stories now. I wish I could...
Well, I'm not sure how I feel about this quite yet. Just... geeze.
Though, as I continue to think about and rationalize my thoughts, I'm finding that, while disheartening, this was still amusing -- in some odd way. The events flowed in a natural and logical way, that, without too much thought, one could follow and even presume the actions that would come -- all the way up to Celestia's 'gift'.
The futility of the matter is always present, and I think that helped cement this as 'real', or, rather, grounded. Another strong point was that my disbelief was never shattered; especially with characters acting as they would (at least with how I tend to see them).
Next, the two things I found wrong. They aren't so much gripes about the story so much as the writing. The first is that Celestia has a line asking Twilight about how sure she is; I think using 'certain' (or the equivalent of) would have flowed better. It's such a small detail, but my mind is a weird place. Secondly, two quotation marks are missing; one from the opening of Twilight's dialogues, and the other from one of Celestia's dialogues (I can find them if you'd like).
All in all: this was pleasant, and more than a little grim (which I like!).
9347467 Thank you for your wonderful review. The feelings you had, your general thoughts about the story and the characters, your irks. It's all there. I love it.
What surprised me was that your disbelief was never broken and that the players stayed in character. Those are the areas I struggle the most. Hearing that they were done adequately brings me joy.
And thank you for pointing out the irks you had. I'm always happy to make the story better.
The reason I used the word 'sure' is because I already used 'certain 4 words prior.
I changed it now to:
I hunted for missing quotation marks but came out empty. I could use some help in finding them.
9347605
Here's the line for Twilight:
And here's the line for Celestia:
That dialogue change sounds a lot better! :D
(I started reading comments and got distracted, really should have posted this first!)
9347680 Fixed.
More?
9539359 There was a sequel planned. I even have the first draft of it, but I might never finish it. I'm sorry.
9539522
Why not? Do you need some help? I am a picky proof reader and I offer my services to you.
9545744 Thank you for the offer, I wish I knew you a few years ago. Anyway, the story isn't ready for editing, unfortunately. It's just a draft.
I have over 200 ideas written down that I could turn into stories. It's just... I think I'm missing something. I'm trying to find it. I'm not in my writing place right now. I haven't been for a while.
9546210
Yeah I know. and its a bummer.
Great story ! Good job, I like.
9162375
This is an "end of the world-story", on first glance, at the very least. It has to be dark, or you can't make it justice.
Considering the "Target audience", the MLP can't take on everything, but that should not stop us from enjopying the scene.
The effort put into the original story is a grand scene within which countless stories could play out.
I have enjoyed the story this far.
Maybe it feels a bit hesitant, but the dire scen may support or even demand this.