Big Macintosh has overworked himself and has to take a day off, much to his protest. Twilight Sparkle has to write a friendship report to Princess Celestia by tomorrow morning and she is stressing out over it. Can these two learn to not focus themselves almost exclusively to their work? Can the two learn it with the help of their friends, or by them helping each other?
*This takes place in a sort of alternate timeline (not an alternate universe) during season 2.*
**This is my first story, so advice and criticism of any kind is welcome.**
Chapters (2)
I think this is a really good start. You've set up both parties with a nice, subtle, compare-and-contrast thing, and you've established the opening clearly and concisely. What's more, it's interesting. I'll be following this story with interest.
Also, I think Apple Family speech can bend grammar and still be acceptable. Use of the vernacular can add layers of realism to a story.
I think personally I'd change "yah" to "yer", but other then that little detail, this looks like a great start to the story.
Hmm... got some promise, but this could really use an editor. There were a lot of little things and moments that were somewhat off. For example:
We know what Applejack looks like and we know that it is Applejack, so using the verbose description is unnecessary and, to be honest, feels a little silly.
Also, I'd really advise cutting back on showing the accent - a certain amount is fine, but after a while, all the Yahs and Gits and excessive abbreviations just become distracting.
Also also, might want to establish the point in history this is set in a bit more firmly. Personally, by the time the Lesson Zero elements showed up, I'd kind of forgotten the note so it just confused me for a while.
Still, overall an interesting start. I certainly want to see where you go with it.