<

Kiroberos

Joined December 2011
1,374 followers

Sequels

  • Forgiveness Pending
    Moon Mender's adventure continues right where left off. He jumps at the chance for a new life, but will his old one truly leave him in peace? Some things are better off forgotten.

    769,442 words · 11,206 views · 1,469 likes · 73 dislikes

Stories (2)

  • Memory Pending
    An outsider finds himself flung into Equestria, and forced into a new form. Will he fit in?

    107,946 words · 35,285 views · 2,313 likes · 59 dislikes
  • Forgiveness Pending
    Moon Mender's adventure continues right where left off. He jumps at the chance for a new life, but will his old one truly leave him in peace? Some things are better off forgotten.
    769,442 words · 11,206 views · 1,469 likes · 73 dislikes

Blog Posts (129)


During a traumatic event, an outsider finds himself flung violently into Equestria.  His physical form is warped into that of the inhabitants but will his mentality follow?  And even more importantly, will anypony truly accept him for who he is?  Take a journey alongside this inexperienced youth as he finds himself in a strange new world with very different customs and tries his hardest to find a place for himself where he didn't before.  A pity he can't even remember his name...

Okay, the basics.  It's first person almost entirely.  Very, very long chapters.  I try to wrap them up around twelve to thirteen pages but a few slipped over that, especially towards the end.  I'll release them slightly stagnated, as I'll be making final revisions as I go.  Character tags are NOT final.  I'll add more main characters as they show up in each chapter.  Expect an update one or two times a week, probably.  I adore reviews and structured, constructive criticism.  Even if you just want to say you like it, that's fine too.  :)  I write stories to entertain peoples, so any evidence I get that it's working will encourage me.  I hope you enjoy the story!

First Published
12th Jan 2012
Last Modified
7th Mar 2012

Comments ( 1,919 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

Sounds epic :scootangel: Im really enjoying this already!

Long chapters 1-2 times a week? Epix :derpytongue2:

Totally tracking :rainbowkiss:

#2 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

Well this look interesting, Tracking.  

#3 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · 4 · ·

One thing always annoys me when I read about equine joints 'bending the wrong way'.  I never see it that way.  I look at the comparative anatomy of the skeleton, and you see clear correlations to parts in human legs, but the placement of the joints is different.   The joints bend the same way they do in human limbs, but are just in a different position.

The upper bone is much shorter than it is for a human, and usually people don't realize it is there when they view the horse.   It's more like the bones in the foot are now taking up half the length of the leg, so the 'backwards' joint is more like an ankle than a knee.

#4 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

Looks like an interesting concept, tracking to see what comes next :twilightsmile:

#5 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

So a human (I think) from the future? Also, how did he not pick up on the word "Sir"? If they didn't have males, they wouldn't

t have the word sir would they?

Well I guess he was tired and not thinking straight (He thinks he's going to be eaten), but he just seems so observant of he's surroundings, but he doesn't notice Sir.

#6 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

this is AMAZING

:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

#7 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

>>125864

Thank you! :twilightsmile:  I write to make ponies happ... well, entertained, so proof that it's working is always appreciated.  Dun worry about it being abandoned, as it's actually finished already.  I'm only delaying the chapter releases to get final edits done on each of them before posting.

Edit:

Oh dear. O-o  Looks like I'll have to reply to each in one massive one, otherwise I'll spam.  Well, alright!

>>125869

Thank you very much. :twilightsmile:

>>125878

I very much agree! :pinkiegasp:  It would be totally normal for a human if we could get used to walking on the tips of our toes. Which would be really cool! :pinkiehappy:  Well, except that all of our toes would be lumped together into one massive block of soft tissue, bone, and keratin.  Then I couldn't type! :fluttercry:  But thank you for the criticism.  The only issue is that I didn't exactly say he was human prior.

>>125907

Thank you. :twilightsmile:

>>125945

Oooh, you noticed!  :pinkiegasp:  Much applause!  I always have a special fondness for observant readers.  Anyway, to properly answer, he's panicking.  It was mostly the bunny's fault. :rainbowderp:

>>126064

Why thank you. :twilightsmile:  It's not THAT good, though.  But I thank you for letting me know you enjoyed chapter one.

#8 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

Tracking after 2nd paragraph... Back to story

#9 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

I'm so tracking this.

It is really interesting.

#11 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

>>126272

Yaaaay! :pinkiehappy:  I'm glad you approve.

>>126388

Oooh, thank you.  I write to entertain, so I hope you like. :twilightsmile:

>>126425

You, good sir, are epic. :pinkiegasp:  *totally saves picture*

#12 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

This is really good :yay: also its kind of funny

#13 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

Tracked, can't wait for more. :twilightsmile:

#14 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

Really enjoyed this. :pinkiehappy:

I'm looking forward to the next chapters, how many are there if I might ask so I can start panicking when it get close to the end. :pinkiecrazy:

#15 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

"Ew!  I think I stepped in something,":fluttershbad:  "Yes!  She was distracted by my, uh, strategically placed trap":applejackconfused: if thats what i think it is, then he must be a damn good strategist in his world. :rainbowlaugh:

#16 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

You had me at "Consciousness stirred.  That fundamental spark of awareness." :rainbowlaugh:

OK seriously, this is awesome! Can't wait to read the next chapter :pinkiehappy:

-Glassed

#17 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

Now THAT is how you do a first chapter. Bloody brilliant! Wonderful descriptions, great interpretation of what would happen and both seriousness and comedy in equal blends. I never rate after a first chapter but this is the first time I've had to control myself from doing so.

I have high hopes now :trixieshiftleft:

Edit: >>The only issue is that I didn't exactly say he was human prior.

I like you already Kiroberos :pinkiehappy:

Edit^2: Holy crap did this just get featured? On it's first day!?

#18 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·
#19 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

awesome story man, please, revise faster!

#20 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

I normally don't do the (human or something) visits Equestria from another universe, across the galaxy, etc, just because I feel those authors put a bit too much of themselves into that style.  I mean, who doesn't want to visit Equestria, but to read about it in a self serving format, not my cup of hay.

But THIS however...  I am pleasantly surprised.  Well done, so much detail, interesting back story for our main character (which is barely hinted at as being human, which is intriguing) and with a sci-fi magic background, so many possibilities.  Great war torn personality, and we'll see if he can integrate.

My main curiosity is to see if you'll have transformed his magic into the driving forces behind the three races.  Since he's not a Unicorn, will he be able to channel his magic into bucking an apple tree, or making something grow, or feeling the landscape through his hooves, etc.  Maybe when he gets a cutie mark..  =P

#21 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

he had magic?

interstelar support warrior?

completely (and comprensibly) paranoic?

cute ponies?

awesome!

#22 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

Wow. Normally I'm not a fan of "X in Equestria" stuff, but three paragraphs in and I was glued to the screen. Can't wait for chapter 2.

#23 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

jesus loves you...ALOT:rainbowkiss:

#24 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

And I was just wanting a new human in Equestria story! How did you know? :twilightsmile:

Looking good, so far. Magic in the human world? shows promise!

#25 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · 1 ·
#26 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

I think Kiroberos may have started something here. There are 40 ratings. They are ALL 5 stars :rainbowhuh:

#27 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

>>126537

Only kind of? :fluttercry:  Thank you for reading, though.

>>126550

Wow.  I honestly wasn't expecting this. :rainbowderp:  Thank you, though!

>>126560

Hahaha.  Abusing the fact that it's done already, huh?  :raritywink:  There are fifteen chapters in total, and two epilogues.  One for each ending of the story.

>>126566

Heh.  Well, he wants you to think that, anyway. :twilightblush:  Angel was REALLY scary!

>>126569

Well I do have an excessive love for description and detailed feelings. :twilightblush:  I'm glad you liked, however.

>>126608

Wow, thank you. :twilightsmile:  Honestly, this surprises me greatly.  I didn't think that it was a super good story.  I mean, I hadn't written anything for the better part of a year, so I felt really rusty.  Heh, and I never DID say he was a human prior.  And wait, what?  Featured?  I thought that was a new story thingy up there. :pinkiegasp:  Wow, I'm honored...

>>126636

WOW!  Thanks!  And truly epic picture. :twilightsmile:  I honestly didn't think the story was this good.  I'm glad so many ponies are getting entertainment from reading it, however.

>>126699

I can't revise too much faster.  :fluttercry:  The quality will drop and I can't have that at all.

>>126721

Personally, I couldn't agree more.  Author inserts aren't really my thing to read about, so I would definitely never write one.  The key is, Mr. Pony in the story isn't an insert.  He has a few of my qualities, but not all.  Writing about myself would be boring. :applejackunsure:  Some of his qualities I also wish I had, in return.  As for the magic, however, I'll only state that you'll need to read and find out. :raritywink:  I wrote this fic to be different from most 'Interdimensional Traveler in Equestria' anyway, so I'll eagerly await hearing more from you as to how I do.  I love constructive criticism.  :twilightsmile:

>>126795

Yes, maybe, obviously, definitely, and thank you! :twilightsmile:  I'm glad you enjoyed it so far.

>>126864

Ooh, thanks!  I'm trying to write this to be essentially an experiment.  It should be a little different from most of them.  Plus, this is the first time I've attempted the 'Unreliable Narration' approach.

>>126867

Um, thank you? :rainbowderp:  And what about humans?

>>126949

Heeee.  Someone didn't read the prior comments. :raritywink:  I never said he was human.

>>127097

Oooh, a last minute comment! You're sneaky tricky! :pinkiegasp:  And I have no idea what's going on.  I... just wanted to entertain ponies. :fluttercry:

#28 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

I'm almost finding what details he can remember to be more interesting than the story! I can't tell if it's some kind of schizo-sci-fi/magic world, or a straight blend, but I'd rather like to see his old world (or what's left of it). Of course, the story (all one chapter of it) is fantastic and well written, even from the always-difficult first-person! Track'd, for great justice.

#29 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

that guy is soo lost I laughed!! I am tracking this

#30 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

Seriusly though.. I can only compare your story to one other and that is through the eyes of another pony... But he just took a turn down a road idk if I like.. But yours is absolutely brilliant

Why are you not on eqd yet!!

#31 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

>>126159 So not human... It was that he used to use magic where he was from that made me think he might not be, it was just they had horses on his home planet so I thought that it must be (excuses, excuses, excuses :facehoof:)

enjoyed it none the less, and congrats in being featured in the top corner... thing :pinkiehappy:

#32 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

>>Kiroberos

See now you have all our expectations up. This is where you prepare yourself for raving fans who spit out catch phrases like they get paid to.

I KEEP PUSHING F5 BUT THERE IS NO NEW STORY. A FIX MUST BE FOUND!

Make your editor move faster, you've teased us this much we need to know what happens :rainbowlaugh:

#33 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

Please allow me to collect the pieces of my mind. They scattered around the room when you blew my mind with this amazing story. Brace yourself for tracking.

#34 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

>>127204

Ironically, I've actually found third person to be the hardest for me to write.  Omniscient third person tells too much for my tastes, and limited tells too little.  I guess I just miss out on the full field of feelings that first person can demonstrate.  It's easier for me to relate to a character when I see directly through their eyes.  Dun worry, though.  You'll see bits and pieces of his old world. :twilightsmile:  Maybe he'll even go back one day.  I'm very glad you like the story, though.

>>127208

Yeah, he's kinda a ditz like that.  He very easily gets distracted by long tangents of thought trains. :twilightblush:  I'm happy you're enjoying the story.

>>127263

Well I'm glad you're enjoying it.  What's the other story, if I might ask?  As for EqD... ah.  Well, I kinda sent them an email like, uh, I think it was three weeks ago now about the story, but never got a reply.  But I mean, they're super busy, right?  They just hit like, a hundred million page views.  Their email is probably flooded with stories that are just as good, if not better. :twilightblush:

>>127266

Heh.  No, not human.  I'm an old fan of the Sliders, however, so yeah.  Paralleling is loads of fun. :pinkiehappy:  Anyway, thank you for leaving another review, and being so observant.  I'm eager to see how you respond to the rest. :twilightsmile:

>>127369

Was that an example, or are you now a 'raving fan' of the story? :raritywink:  And honestly, I had no idea it would be this entertaining.  I would have uploaded it weeks ago had I known it would make this many ponies happy. :fluttershysad:  Maybe I just lack confidence.  Hum.  Oh, and I am my own editor.  My actual proofreader finished these a while ago.  She's finished through chapter thirteen now, and should be done looooong before I get there, posting-wise.  I myself am just touching them up with some final revisions and plot-hole smoothing out.  Making sure they flow at the pace I want, and have all the details I like.

Edit:

>>127421

Can't... keep up with... comments... :pinkiecrazy:  And wow, you seem as surprised at my story as I am with everyone liking it.  Impressive, as I'm pretty dang surprised.  I'm glad you like it, though, and hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters too.  Thank you for commenting. :twilightsmile:

#35 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

Angel still reminds me of the Rabbit Guardian of Death (don't know its real name) from Monty Python.

#36 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

I smell a good plot. Can't wait till the next update.

#37 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

very good story. dont feel required to reply to everyone. reply to recurring or interesting questions and statements and then thank everyone else for their good reviews....

tracking this. very very good fic.

#38 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

very good story. dont feel required to reply to everyone. reply to recurring or interesting questions and statements and then thank everyone else for their good reviews....

tracking this. very very good fic.

#39 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

very good story. dont feel required to reply to everyone. reply to recurring or interesting questions and statements and then thank everyone else for their good reviews....

tracking this. very very good fic.

#40 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

very good story. dont feel required to reply to everyone. reply to recurring or interesting questions and statements and then thank everyone else for their good reviews....

tracking this. very very good fic.

#41 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

o_o I'm a relatively new user to this site. Haven't figured out 'tracking' yet. That having been said, I haven't tried to. Before I joined the site proper, I would just throw the story into a MLP Fics subfolder in my bookmarks...and check each one daily. I still do this. So, while I may not show up to you as 'tracking'...Checking This Daily Now. @@ :pinkiehappy:

#42 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

I like stories that take the HiE approach but add a twist to it. Too many of them are of the "teen brony finds himself in Equestria and quickly befriends mane six" type. Worse is if the character instantly begins to fall in love with one of the bearer of Elements of Harmony and/or have to fight an emerging ancient evil due to him being a heroic and nigh-fearless human/pony/pegasus/super-powered unicorn (or *shudder* an alicorn). Departing from that overused and trite formula, even by a something small, such as by the protagonist being a friendship-hating jerkass :trixieshiftright:, grants the fic a fair chance to excel above the average HiE stories. This fic deviates from the stale standard by hinting the non-brony protagonist may not originally be a human, him not adapting to his new form and location in seconds (many fics do that) and last but not least, not having him stroll into Ponyville filled with exuberant aplomb and excessive anticipation of meeting the mane six.

Plus he isn't an insufferable cool-head, exemplifed most humorously by him fearing an innocuous bunny <insert apt Monty Python reference here> and a (seemingly female-dominant) town of ponies so fiercely he soils himself.

#43 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

Very enjoyable, eagerly anticipating more!

#44 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

>>127426

You have thirteen chapters ready and you've only posted one!? :rainbowhuh:

You are a bad bad man.:applecry:

Don't bother replying to everyone, I have a feeling you're about to be overwhelmed. Think of it as a pony pile. Don't question it just feel the love (also post more chapters :yay:)

#45 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

Tracked. You have a talent for writing, is your cutie mark a quill or typewritter perhaps?

You're characters reations to the world seemed in line with someone who has recieved a concussion.(besides the whole 'new world' thing:moustache:)

You can really turn a word, you have blown my mind good sir.

Seriously, this is me.

#46 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

Awesomesauce. Fiving, faving, tracking, watching!

#47 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

>>127494

Heh.  Indeed.  His fear of Angel stems from something else, however. :twilightsmile:

>>127519

Yup, my mind totally went in the gutter. :twilightblush:  But yes, it's plotteriffic.

>>127535

Er, I'll only reply to one of your reviews, as they all seem to say the same thing.  You have some serious scripting lag and repeat on your end, it looks like.  :rainbowhuh:  The comment submission script appears to have fired off repeatedly.  But yes, I know I don't NEED to reply to everyone.  I just like to.  :twilightsmile:

>>127544

Aww.  Well if you gave an email address to the site, you can mark the little 'track' check-box in the upper part of the story page, directly to the right of the story title.  Once you check it, it'll pop up with an option to send it right to your email address whenever I update, which will be once or twice a week, probably. :twilightsmile:  If you don't check email, it'll just show up in your tracking list accessible from the green bar at the very top of the website when you log in.

>>127546

So what to call this?  "Alien in Equestria Who's Actually a Paranoid Ditzy Clutz"?  :pinkiehappy:  That seems a tad long.  HMM!  I do agree fully, however.  Alicorns are obviously something special, there being only two in the show and both of significant power.  He's essentially a unicorn with moderate level, exceedingly specialized magic, who can't use magic. :twilightsmile:  I tried to portray him as realistically as possible, in the same manner that I attempt to portray the main cast as close to their established personalities as I can.  I'll rely on you ponies to let me know how close to the mark I get, though.  Thank you for your very detailed review.

>>127598

Thanks! :twilightsmile:  Probably either on the weekend, or very early next week will be the next chapter.  Dang, I'm addicted to emoticons...

>>127600

I wouldn't say READY.  I'm still doing a final reading myself before I post anything.  But yes, chapters one through thirteen are currently proofed completely.  :twilightsmile:  Fourteen and fifteen are done, as well as both epilogues.  They're simply not proofed yet.  My editor is a very busy girl.  I just don't want to release something before making sure it's the absolute best I can do. :fluttershysad:  And I'm stubborn!  Ah'm gonna try ta reply ta everypony 'ere!  :ajbemused:

>>127608

Part of it's the concussion.  Part of it's just him being an idiot. :twilightsmile:  He does that a lot.  Tends to get a bit awkward, I've noticed.  But thank you!  I try to make it as realistic as I can.  I try to shy away from nothing as well, which you'll probably see if I post more stories.  My rating might go through the roof later.  Eh.:twilightblush:  I'd also be more partial to a quill.  Oh, and do try to keep your head together.  It might be hard to read (and live) if you don't. :rainbowhuh:

Edit:

>>127661

Dang you ponies. :derpytongue2:  Always sneaking a comment in as I'm typing up replies.  Oh well! :twilightsmile:  And that's the best kind of sauce.  You have some nice rhythm there.  Maybe I should peek at your story.

#48 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

Very amused by this guy's rampant speculation.

#49 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

Damned carmovorus ponies!

Sooo watching this, 4/5 so far

#50 · Chapter 1 · 141w, 5d ago · · ·

Jup. I like it when characters think. Not nessecarily by hearing them thinking but to know that they DO. :raritywink:

Hmhmm. And concerning that he's quite the analyst.

All in all, a thinker, not a bad one at that but has his moments when you think 'well, I guess you had to be there to come up with THAT BS..' Reminds me of Twi sometimes, actually.. :twilightsmile:

Tracked,  5 / 5, keep them coming! :heart:

0 6859 44263
Login or register to comment