Chapter 247 - The Contract
Oh, Discord, what a cad.
What was it? Fifteen minutes? Thirty? However long it has been, he’s been drinking that soda for a really really long time. As in, he was nearly shoving it down his throat as the glass’s waterfall of soda never seemed to end. The brothers were just staring, subtle tics in their eyes and limbs suggested their patience was strong but thin, as you could tell they wanted this nonsense to stop. And yet, they haven’t called off the deal, which struck you as odd. So odd that you decided to take and read the brochure yourself to figure out what it was exactly they wanted.
So far, it was pretty much exactly as they said. Although you nor Discord would be credited, or at least weren’t credited within the brochure, their plan was to have a Hearthwarming to blow all other Harthwarmings out of the water. As you read the details of the festivities, you had to wonder what was even in it for you and Discord. What could these idiots possibly offer either of you to get this whole thing off the ground?
However, as you read on, it seems Hearthwarming wasn’t the only thing on the menu. “Coming soon: Nightmare Night, Winter Wrap-up, and.. The fuck?” You whispered to yourself as you looked at the two brothers with venom in your eyes. Something was super amiss, and you already figured out that, for some reason, they planned to 'celebrate' all the holidays. “The Summer Sun Celebration? What’s going on here?! Don’t tell me you two expect us to help you with all of this.”
Discord heard your yelling as he drank, and suddenly, his cheeks puffed up for a moment before he spat his soda so hard into Flam that he was caught in a soda stream that sent him into the wall, a stream that kept going until Discord finally got all the soda out of himself. “What?! Are you serious? Are you both serious? Who do you think we are? We are very important beings with very important business ventures. Why in the wide wide world of Equestria would you advertise the Summer Sun Celebration? That’s such a low grade party for the likes of us, given it can be held in a hick town like Ponyville. In fact, forget convincing us, I’d actually pay to see you try to convince Princess Celestia to be part of this.”
Flim looked to his fallen brother, who just laid against the wall, staring into the abyss as his mustache, clothes, and the rest of his body quickly became sticky from the soda. Flam looked back at Flim, and groaned. “Brother, I’m… A tad occupied with the floor at this moment. Would you care to sell them on this deal on your own?”
Flim tensed at those words, he didn’t know how much more he could take, much less how much his brother could. But whatever they had planned, it was too important to them. It seems the only way they were going to be pushed to the brink was to simply decline on their deal in the most bombastic way possible.
Flim took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. Scootaloo, feeling you all had the advantage right now, walked up to him and shouted “Hey! Are you gonna explain what you want or what? We got other places we need to be! Don’t make me go get that deathclaw guy!”
Flim’s pupils shrank from those words. He began to shake, and yet still he didn’t speak. For the first time, he was having terrible thoughts. Terrible, disgusting thoughts of having the three of you tied to a log, a conveyor belt bringing you all down closer and closer to a set of buzzsaws while he and his brother laughed maniacally. When Flim looked upon you three, you were all just staring at him, silently, with bored expressions. Flim could hear his own heartbeat at this moment. He contemplated how worth it this all was to him.
He then looked to his brother, who was staring at him as he groomed his mustache and squeezed his hat to get the soda out. He tilted his head towards you three, signaling to his brother to say… something.
Flim then looked back at the three of you, to see Discord rolling his paw as an eyebrow raised. Flim looked down at the table, and gently placed his hoof upon it.
Flim was sweating…
Flim’s eyes then locked on you. He was staring at you all of a sudden. You just stared back as you got an odd feeling in your stomach. Did he break? Was he going to jump over the table and strangle you or something?
No, instead Flim suddenly began to steel himself, as if he was enacting some sort of revenge in the only way he knew how. And that way was…
“Sorry, my fine fellows, for my delayed actions, it must have been frightfully boring for all of you. Simply mundane. However, I can promise the both of you that my brother and I have a deal of a lifetime for you. And I can also see you both are quite interested in our long term goals. But then, you must wonder, how can we simple brothers earn your favor? What can we offer to the great lords of chaos? Well…” Flim’s horn glowed as the tarp on the table began to illuminate. With one swift pull, he revealed that the table was actually a glass case with some sort of diorama of a wondrous natural resort within. “Allow us to introduce a brand new animal sanctuary we’ve been planning. And not just any animal sanctuary either. In fact, one can say that this glorious little piece of paradise can be under the wings of a certain yellow pegasus. Indeed, this is what we offer you both, a grand expansion to Fluttershy’s animal sanctuary for the small price of the assistance of either of you.” Flim then pulls out a small piece of parchment from his shirt and uses his magic to bring it in front of Discord. “In fact, as you can see, the contract is quite small. Very simple and to the point, with the penalties looming overhead only enacting if you should be unable to fulfill your part of the deal or if something goes wrong on your end rather than ours. Oh yes, that’s right, should we not profit on our deal through fault of our own, then this little piece of paradise will practically be free of price.”
And at that moment, something in Discord clicked. And it wasn’t good, it was evident by some of the buttons in his suit popping off and other parts becoming a bit more loose. “A new animal sanctuary for Fluttershy, you say?”
“Indeed. Read the contract if you must, there are no lies there.” Flim said, as he slowly began to become more confident while Flam was finishing drying off his suit, looking upon the reaction of Discord as he felt Flim had managed to hook him.
“I will, hold on a second.” You took the parchment and began to read through it quickly and carefully. It was to the point alright, with zero tricky wordplay or shifty double meanings. “Okay, it’s legit so far…” Shit, what the fuck? Did they want your help that badly? As you finished reading the contract, you saw what they planned to pay you both with for help on the other holidays. “Twenty thousand bit investments for every holiday?”
“...Oh yes.” Flam said as he finally rejoined his brother. “A more than fair price, a steal really.”
“That’s practically thirty to sixty percent of the profits in one lump sum, no matter what we profit, you will always have a guaranteed payment.” Flim continued.
Scootaloo was becoming concerned as she looked at the both of you even considering it. “Hey, guys! What are you thinking? You can’t possibly think that’s a good deal, right?”
Mnnngh… Was it a bad deal? You looked at the diorama again, then looked at Discord. Discord hadn’t even bothered signing yet, so there had to be something holding him back. Wait, that’s right, Fluttershy wouldn’t accept this expansion at all. The sanctuary was a place of HER design, catered to the specific needs to the animals she tended for in her fashion. This was, in fact, a bad deal. “It isn’t, Aunt Fluttershy would never accept something like this.”
Discord didn’t even hesitate to speak after you, it seems he remembered as well. “That’s right. What even is this? Are you aware she takes care of all sorts of animals? Lions, tigers, and even bears! Oh my…” Discord began to grin evilly at them. “You almost had me, but such an insult deserves a punishment. Perhaps living as the animals she takes care of for a month should teach you how to make a proper sanctuary befitting Fluttershy to tend at.”
“Not so fast, Lord Discord.” Flam said as he pointed towards you. “Lord Anon, would you please flip the contract.”
Wut?
When you flipped the contract, it was, well, worded nearly the exact same way. Except what was being offered wasn’t the sanctuary, but a two hundred thousand bit investment. ”What in the… What is this?”
Flam looked to his brother and gave him a bow as he pointed towards the both of you. “Brother, you are doing such a good job so far, why don’t you tell them about the alternative offer that is bound to thrill them.”
“You’re too kind, brother.” Flim said, bowing back to his brother as he looked towards the both of you with grand cheer. “We knew that perhaps our designs would not be worthy enough for the great lords of chaos, but we also know that simply creating bits from magic can be quite costly to the economy. That’s why we are prepared to offer a very hefty investment to the sanctuary as is, with the further twenty thousand bits per holiday you assist us with still being on the table. If your aunt would be unapproving of our designs, then we will simply give her the means to make the improvements she’s only dreamed of. We know any improvements through chaos magic could be quite risky, so we hope we might be able to help the sanctuary reach its full potential with our generous investments.”
And with that, Discord’s suit flew off his body as some of his fur began to stand on end. “W-what?”
“That’s right, Lord Discord. You would have the ultimate Hearthwarming gift for the young mare, all, for what must be, a simple snap of your talons. What do you say, do we have a deal?” Flam said, as he pulled a soda-soaked quill from his suit and shook it a few times to dry it before floating it all the way over into Discord’s talons.
Two hundred thousand bits…
From what you understood, that was a ton of money, and that's not including the further investments. The contract was simple enough, with the only real issue being the chaos magic running wild by accident. But to do a fireworks show that would already feel true-to-life? It left a lot of room for success.
Fluttershy would be more than ecstatic to be able to improve the sanctuary in her own way. It really would be the ultimate gift.
Discord was sweating chocolate, looking at the contract as his talons twitched. Seems he felt the same way.
You felt your mind cloud with the potential to make Fluttershy so happy. Were there any consequences? Well, before you can even think about it, Scootaloo began to shout out.
“Stop! You guys can’t sign that! That’s not why we’re here! What are you even thinking?!” Scootaloo then looked at you. She was deeply hurt you’d even consider it. “Anon! Think about it! Remember when you talked about that other timeline?! Wouldn’t it be the same thing? Hearthwarming is important! And they just want to own it! They want to take it from everypony! Why? Why would you even think this is okay?!”
Flim looked upon Scootaloo with a smirk. “Excuse me, young filly, but aren’t you only the mediator?”
Scootaloo gulped, huddling a bit backwards as she looked back at Flim. “Y-yes…”
“Then we ask you kindly to only mediate, you’re not part of this deal.” Flam said as he looked upon Discord. “Lord Discord, you seem ready to sign. Please, if you wish, enjoy the resort at our behest with your son after the deal is done. Our treat.”
Owning Hearthwarming…
That’s right, dammit! Was that their intention? They obviously weren’t thinking about the consequences of commercializing Hearthwarming, much less the other holidays in Equestria. It would be like that Jim Carrey Grinch movie, before the ending, when all the whos were selfish assholes, where Christmas was just a commercial hellhole. Or maybe it wouldn’t become that, because there’s no way Celestia would agree to it, or at least not at first. Would they even be able to uphold the penalties, should you and Discord flake out?
No, it doesn’t matter, no outcome mattered. Scootaloo was right. The whole point of this was to screw with them, signing the contract would only bring disaster and compromise not only the prank, but your integrity. “She’s right. Dad, let’s ju-DAD!”
Discord was about to bring his talons down to sign the contract. No! NO! You didn’t know how to stop him, because he wasn’t going to listen. THINK, ANON, THINK!
You did the only thing you could think of, and jumped out of your seat and bit down on his writing arm.
Discord stopped for a moment and lifted his arm as you dangled on it, growling, hanging like a fish. “Hm, it seems my son may have an issue with the signing.”
“I can see that. But does that matter? We only really need one of you.” Flim said.
“Yes, I know… But I better see what has him so upset.” Discord said as he stood up, you were still biting onto his arm, as he began to walk back through the double doors. He then raised his paw, twirling a claw as Scootaloo suddenly flew up and backwards towards them behind the doors as they closed.
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11323415
it is both
This chapter made me zero in on the deal thinking of all the ways it could go wrong, but I didn't even think about the fact the holidays themselves would become tainted.
dam that was close, those brothers are good
11324955
You are making a comeback!
I could almost feel Anon's fear near the end.
11324985
My sentiments exactly.
Now for potential errors:
weren't (?)
Heartwarming
Missing comma after ‘Terrible’. (?)
Missing comma. (?)
soda-soaked (?)
being (?)
Hearthwarming
whos (?)
Missing comma before ‘should’. (?)
I might be wrong about some of the above.
I’m finally caught up, Whooo!
Good lord, those deals were terrifying. My mind was blown and unfortunately I probably would have signed it for Fluttershy. Once Anon pointed out the potential consequences I was horrified at myself.
You just need one of those boxes and a button on like “Deal or No Deal”.
I'm with the brothers on this one. They don't have anything real to offer, considering who Discord is, but they are really trying their best here. It is also a good way of getting rid of Discord for a few days, so Cozy can do her thing.
The problem with having a character as powerful as Discord is that, if you reform him, you have to keep thinking of ways to cut him out of the picture for any future conflicts. In Friendship is Magic it was either taking his magic out or just ignoring his existence, like in the 2017 movie.
Ignoring that one reference.On an unrelated note, does anyone have any good Flim and Flam ship-fics to recommend?
*Inhales* oh shit
I don’t need to add anything to this.