Slow down, you're doing fine, you can't be everything you want to be, before your time... -Vienna, The Stranger: Billy Joel. (Any Pronouns)
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Tempest Shadow, or rather Fizzlepop Berrytwist is no longer under the Storm King's thumb. That much she is certain of. She's also certain she's lost, without direction. Perhaps a talk with Twilight Sparkle, and a bubble bath of all things can change that.
(Takes place pre-relationship)
Featured on 6/1/18. Thank you all!
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The whole last part:
Great fic though, very cute.
They do make a great oversexed couple.
Cute story, I liked it.
Too bad you are getting the typical downthumb "not my wafiu" morons. Try to ignore them best you can, most all of them have no even read the story, just down thumb just to screw up someones day and make themselves feel big.
8958939
Or it's something else.
8958939
Yeah, it is a bit of a shame really, but what I thought it was, was the ending bit, as Tempest's (You had no idea how hard it was for me to keep from calling her that in-story.) actions can come across as a bit of non-consensual.
8958946
I didn't get that at all from the story.
No, I suspect all but perhaps one of the down thumbs are children who have no skill at writing, no understanding of life outside of "omg ma wafiu!", well and the few on FiM that are anti gay. I have run into a few of them too.
8958952
*Rolls eyes* I am not even a brony and your fandom is so weird to me.
8958956
It happens in many fandoms, The furry fandom, Superhero fandom, it is rampant in the sci-fi fandoms.
8958952
Yeah, I did get someone who put this in a bookshelf that was specifically anti-LGBT. That is not a joke. You're honestly probably right, it's just people are anti-gay, or are downvoting because "Lol, I can!" Mind you, I'm laughing at their sorry asses as this fic is getting twice as many upvotes as downvotes.
8959021
If there really is someone with a anti-LGBT bookshelf, that is a direct violation of the TOS of the site, report them.
8959033
I did, actually. Only time will tell if it'll take.
I kind of want to know more about the griffon thing.
Okay, the story concept is solid, but the opening line is a question that seems to get lost in all of Tempest's navel gazing. "Why?" what? Why did Twilight bring her home? Why is she being nice to her?
I really think you need to clarify that opening line, because right now, it feels like you were just trying to sound cool without really thinking much beyond that.
8959075
I kinda believe this would clarify that. But you're right, I should be a bit more clear on that.
Does that means there is a chance for a sequel?
For some reason I don't like it if they try to force her out of that armor.
I think I would like it if she keeps the guard small or if the guars just are going to act differently from how Celestias guards act.
A year or two before I just kind of hated the stories that looked as if Celestia would force Twilight into a fitting image of herself or if Twilight was forced to have a guard which made her castle a restricted area and not part of a libary anymore
I liked the chapter
Those warnings damn it! That was very cute!
Well nice to see that it's featured.
8959021
I was wondering why this would have so many down votes, that is stupid. How could you be anti LGBT on this site, that's like ninety percent of the content. And if they're on here just to create stuff like that, then dang that is a lot of wasted time and energy and I think perfectly illustrates that prejudice is mental illness.
This totally needs a follow up btw. Love the use of perspective and the overall way you portray fizzlepops personally
8960672
Thank you, I honestly wasn't sure I could really get into Fizzlepop's mindset sadly, because of her one of a kind personality shall we say. Interesting challenge, to be sure, but still fun.
It could be that, or it could just be that some people are tired of having LGBT stuff shoved down their throat. Probably a little bit of both.
8960673
8960672
It could be that the media tries to push it so much.
Great story, and I love the pre-relationship cuddles. Minor thing, but am I the only one bothered that it's "she smells of berries" and not "she smells like berries"? Is this a regional thing or something? Because I've never heard somebody use of instead of like in this context, and it kind of comes off a little too purple-proseie for me. Even better if you turn it into a complete sentence, instead of just a floating thought without context.
Maybe it's just me though.
8961320
I feel the need to disagree, though if course my experience probably differ from others. I feel like if you want to avoid it then it would be possible. Feeling like it's being pushed on you feels like a case of becoming hyper aware of something that about you and feeling like it's already there as a result.
But even with mass media aside, complaining about that in this site feels like going to SeaWorld and complaining that there's fish.
8962081
Eh thats just how I see it but eh at least its a good story.
8961408
Ah, to be honest, I'm not sure if it's regional or not. It's just the way I chose to phrase the sentence in this case that's all.
8962575
Si
I LOVE THIS SHIP!!!
This is pretty good, I hope you continue another story with these two
8958946
Honestly? Decent story. If you'd added tiny descriptive details of their emotions such as when Tempest/Fizzlepop mentions preening a griffon, I get the sense she says so in a shy manner, or when she proposes Twilight join her in the bath, it obviously surprises the Princess of Friendship, it would very much elevate the story in my own opinion.
“Oh please, you ran me a bath and from what I can figure, were perfectly willing to watch me bathe given that you handed me this rubber duck here,” Fizzlepop replied teasingly, holding up the aforementioned duck and squeezing it a bit letting it make a small cutesy squeaking noise. “So I can assume you’re perfectly happy getting into the bath with me.”
“Well, I do admit I am a bit dirty…” Twilight sighed thoughtfully. “And my wings could do with a bit of a preening,” she admitted shyly.
“I can take care of that as well,” Fizzlepop answered a bit too quickly, as Twilight stepped into the bath with her as the young Alicorn looked skeptical. “What, don’t give me that look! There’s a perfectly rational explanation for me knowing how to preen!”
“Oh?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow in interest.
“I may have had to preen a griffon’s wings once. Long story.” Fizzlepop answered shyly, and in spite of herself and her telling her brain not to, rested herself up against Twilight’s chest catching the Alicorn and herself off-guard slightly.
Just a little constructive criticism (which I have yet to really get. I've had more trolls claiming I don't know how to write, which I've done for years.... just not on here).
9206394
Okay, finally got around to implementing this advice, and added a good portion of what you suggested to the story.
Feels like it could stand to be longer. Nice as is though.
I very much enjoyed this. Really like this ship. I think you portrayed Tempest well here. Feels believable that she would think and say those things.
Well that was adorable.