• Member Since 5th May, 2013
  • offline last seen May 2nd

Carapace


No.

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Source

Her service has ended, her armor removed and tucked away deep in a locked chest beneath her bed. But Fizzlepop Berrytwist hasn't escaped her past just yet. Memories of actions taken in the Storm King's service haunt the mare formerly known as Tempest Shadow.

But a tiny sparkle in the shadows lights the way to a new future.

A story written for my patrons, as voted upon by them.

Artwork originally by 1racat.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

Awwww... Poor girl. Hugs Fizzlepop... Carefully

This was an interesting mix of sweet and sad. Coupled with the calm atmosphere, it kind of reminds me of another writer in this site that does very peaceful one-off stories. You managed to mix your own cute shipping style with that atmospheric style I enjoy from the other writer's work. I quite like the result.

You seem to have misspelled Pinkie. :U

Okay, this was pretty good for a short story, especially with how it got into the difficulties one would have with leaving a military life behind...especially if that someone also worked for a power-hungry raider.

Also, this time I really could buy into Twilight’s and Tempest’s relationship...which is my second favourite ship from the movie. Too bad there aren’t any good Pinkie and Skystar stories out though.

8704265 Eeyup. I sorta figured she might have a lot of guilt, especially the way she carried herself at the end of the movie. She just struck me as a mare who was tired of everything and had it all hit her at once.

8704382 Thanks! This was a little bit different for me, what with some of the emotions involved and how I tried to handle them with as much respect as I could, but I had a bit of fun. Still think it could've been better, but as long as people enjoy it.

Need to get away from restaurant scenes, though >.>;

8704403 Shoosh!

8704805 Yeah. I ... honestly? I don't think I handled it quite as well as I wanted, even though I put forth some serious thought and effort into treating these issues with a lot of respect. There's some aspects of it that I just can't quite imagine or put to words because I've never experienced military life, let alone what she undertook for however many years.

that was amazing! I love both the shipping and the sort of sad side.

She let out another sigh, then pushed the door op[en and set along her way. That her heart raced again was mildly disconcerting, but the warmth in her chest, at least, was pleasant.

Slight typo there

I like it. I still like the idea of FlashLight (No hate please), but I can easily see this ship working too. Though, now for some reason I'm just imagining Fizzle teaming up with Pinkie to do 'Get Help' from Thor: Ragnarok.

Would that be funny? I think it would be.

Either way, Excellent story, and I eagerly await more :twilightsmile:

Uh oh. Twilight is going to have her therapist's license stripped for this breach of ethics.

This is great. Its deep, Its adorable its extremely well thought out. love it:twilightsmile:

Great job as always Cara

A bubbling raspberry glow forced her mouth shut. Twilight tried to fix her with a stern glare, but the effect was ruined by the twitching of her tail and telltale fluff in her feathers. Betrayed by her own body language and not-so-secret desires.

Not sure if they are already in a relationship or not, but for that one shot I hoped not.

It was rather difficult to hide away from one’s own girlfriend. More so when she happened to be a master mage who trained under Princess Celestia herself

aawww it would have been a bit more interessting if they still needed to get together.

“But I just can’t let go,” she said, barely above a whisper.

If that should be something psychological, then i would kind of like a chapter where Twilight let's Tempest hunt her as some way to vent and relax again.

Sad-ish? Idk, patrons asked for Twizzlepop shipping so I figured I'd give it a whirl and try something a little different.

I like it, but I would like to see more. I liked how it was focused on her problems with the war, but would have liked it if she made clear she whatched for ambushes in her own home, but maybe I just imaged the scene like that.

I would also like it if they are somewhat at the beginning of their relationship, just to still get to see many things like them meeting with her parents. I can image maybe Tempest attacking ger father out of old habbits once he startles her and Twilight taking her away from him with her magic and calming her down while talking to her parents or stuff like that.

Honestly, I don’t think the romantic element was necessary, but it didn’t really hinder anything either, so eh. Other than it was a good, strait forward fic.

Fizzlepop could only stare in dumb fascination, the sound of Twilight’s giggling drew a murmured, “I’m going to have to get used to that if I’m working with her, aren’t I?”

Yes, yes you are.:trollestia:

Accidents that I found along the way:

he mare produced a sailor’s cap from within her mane and set it atop her head. “Aye-aye, Captain!” she said, snapping a quick salute, then scarred off to see to the new order.

Scarred should be 'Scurried'

er days as the commander of conquerorsconquerers had come to an end. That hated black armor bearing the Storm King’s emblem had been stuffed and locked within a heavy trunk, and stashed beneath her bed, hidden from anypony who might come looking. Anypony but herself.

Accidental repeat. Unless you meant to say "conqueror of conquerors".

“Honestly?” Fizzlepop gave a self-deprecatingdepreciating laugh. “I think I’m lucky you don’t care interest for advice.”

Care should be 'carry'.
Also, another accidental repeat.
What are the mortgage and student loan rates like at The First Royal Bank of Ponyville?:derpytongue2:


Aside from the mistakes that I found, I really liked the story.
I really like the portrayal of PTSD and of the struggle that combat soldiers face fitting back in with peaceful society, after a brutal combat deployment.
Fits pretty well with what I've read and heard.

As for your statements saying that you need to get away from restaurant scenes; one of the best ways to bond with people is to have a meal together and break bread together.
That's why going out for coffee, lunch, or dinner are all popular first date activities.
Dinners are great for reunions, birthdays, partying, celebrating significant events, etc.
Restaurant scenes are solid for fics or situations where it's going to be characters talking.

Ok, this was nice and cute and wholesome and all, but Twizzlepop?:trixieshiftright:

The f:yay:ck's a Twizzlepop?!

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