I write any kind of fiction you could think of.
Have you ever been curious as to why Trixie is the way she is? Well all I am allowed to share with you ponies the truth. For if I lie there will be consiquences that shall not be good. Trust me in dear time you will come to accept this poor pony the way she is and you will look at her life as a blessing..
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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No one comments so I MUST!
Comment.
You need to work on your spelling and punctuation.
The idea of presenting the story as a sort of a fairy-tale is nice and I like it but the horror elements towards the end don't particularly fit with children's literature. Granted, Charles Perrault's stories and the Brothers Grimm's stories, for example, included gore but it's mostly because of a villain that's there from the beginning of the story doing all the murdering.
It's a fine attempt but it still needs a bit of work.
First off, you're going to scare off a majority of the positive readers by the huge wall-of-text your story is formatted as. Indenting paragraphs technically works, but it doesn't look good to the eye. Add a full line between each paragraph and it will make the whole story much, much more readable.
The violence kind of comes out of nowhere with little foreshadowing,
That said, it's an interesting look at Trixie, and has a lot of room for growth as a tale!
986010
Thank you for the tips, I do appreciate it more than you know. This really wasn't something I had spent time on, maybe two hours at the most. I was just inspired by a song that had the same title. The story I heard in the song was what I put in the story I guess is what I'm trying to say.
I actually did like this! I mean yes there was a few words I noticed that were spelled wrong but oh well! Nopony is perfect! Though how you ended it I don't really see where you could go from there? Now that's just me you probably have something already planned that could blow my thought right out the burning window but For the time being I will be watching you and following this story! Thumbs up good sir!