Twilight Sparkle has decided to snuggle Sombra. She told Shining Armor about this, and, of course, he had to ask "why?"
The answer was something he fails to grasp.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 8th Nov, 2015
- offline last seen Oct 25th, 2023
Tide Hunter
I am an editor. I've also tried writing, though I lack experience with writing stories.
Tide Hunter
Joined 8th Nov, 2015 ·
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Baby steps... You'll improve the more you write
This was amusing.
Why not start with this line? It's a more interesting line that drew my attention immediately than the exposition you start with.
I believe you mean "manual" in this instance. Manuel is typically a Hispanic name.
The premise is funny and got a few smiles out of me. I think if you took your time a bit more, enjoying the scene and character interactions beyond dialogue it'd be a bit better, but for a first attempt it's not bad.
I too need the manual for this story.
So, here are my thoughts: It moves a little quickly for my tastes. I understand that maybe the point it that everything is moving rapidly, but again, not my tastes. I would have taken a bit longer to establish both the room and where everyone is in it and gone over how Twilight was in the process of reforming Sombra. Nothing over-detailed, just a quick summery. To get into a very subjective opinion, I didn't enjoy the humor. I understand the joke, but I feel it wasn't enough to carry the story. Maybe I misinterpreted it as it being about how Shining is upset about Twilight and Sombra cuddled than him not understanding the whole disintegration thing.
But, please don't let this discourage you. As an early work, this is way better than the stuff I did. The important thing is to keep writing.
If I was Twilight, I wouldn't even bother giving an in-depth explanation to the smallest detail possible because nobody understands them! Now all of a sudden someone understands one in-depth explanation? This is actually pretty similar to what I deal with real life.