Loré scroll is tossed out of her boring life of research papers and history studying the day she discovers a shared connection with King Sombra. Now the grumpy and downright hateful unicorn has to leave the comforts of her safe job to fulfill a destiny that she’s not even sure of herself, but it has the promise of ultimate power though.
Follow along as she journeys through the many different areas of Equestria, happening upon one danger after another, including one mysterious phenomenon known as “friendship”. Luckily for her she meets a strange Hippogriff to help her discover what it actually means to have friends, and that being hateful isn’t as useful as she thinks it is.
The wonderful art for this story is done by my dear friend Namworth, who is also the owner of the OC I'm using in this story.
Also, a lot of thanks to my awesome editor: MasterFrasca
Featured as of 5/27/2014
Her... hieratic running... "Hieratic, Adjective: Of or concerning priests. Noun: A shorthand for Ancient Egyptian Hieroglyphs... Hieratic...."
3661154
no idea how that got in there instead of it 
that was suppose to be erratic
3661158
Cos I was like... is that a typo or a word that I simply dont know. And it turned out to be both.
Anyway, cool story.
3661172
I guess so
And thank you, I'm glad that you like the story so far
Lore sure is a Jerky Mc'Jerkston.
I await for more of her jerky shenanigains.
3661490
That she is
I hope to have chapter 2 done by next weekend, hopefully releasing it on next Saturday
3661502
Sweet, two things I'll be looking forward to next saturday.
3661507
I'll do my best to not disappoint you then! 
Aaaww, you are too kind
Interesting. I look forward to seeing more of Lore's adventures. That mare could only say "give me character development!" louder using a megaphone. Needs a little work with the commas, but it doesn't really detract from the story itself.
Nicely done
Sorry it took me so long to get back to it, but it looks like people enjoy it, so that is a plus. I will definitely keep watching this as well, so best of luck to you.
Alright! I just read this, and it is definitely a good start. Let's cover what looks good here in chapter one. Your descriptions of the events and the setting feel natural, like you can actually see the story as it's unfolding. Your premise is also original so far as I'm aware, so that is another definite plus for you. You mentioned that you don't speak English as a first language, but apart from a couple word confusions, like 'tomb' instead of 'tome' at the very beginning for instance, you write better than most people I know who speak it for their only language.
The dialogue so far should be your main point of concern. Once it begins, your description of the environment around the speaker or speakers and how they interact with it seems to disappear. That will change, however, with practice and time I'm sure.
Do you write the text in English all at once, or do you write it in your native language and then translate it yourself? Either way, I'd suggest that you should get an editor to help find and fix the minor errors in the text. You might also want to find someone who knows your native language and English who can help you get a more natural feel for the language. To try and put it more plainly, I can speak and understand a little German, but I don't understand the subtle euphemisms and syntax like a true German would. In short, your English is good, but it doesn't feel natural in the larger sections of dialogue. You can make it less obvious by integrating the background with the character's dialogue like I mentioned earlier, which would change it from being just a wall of quotes to a full experience in literature
I hope I haven't accidentally been too harsh, but I just wanted to help you as much as I can think of how to help.
3666018
Well, I'm glad that you like the story so far, and don't worry, you haven't been too harsh on me
I actually write everything in English. I don't write it in Danish and then translate it. The weirdness of the dialogues is most likely due to me speaking very differently than most English speakers. I got a more old fashion grammar structure
I don't have a real editor yet, only a few proofreaders who've helped me some 
Also, I'm normally a very descriptive author, this chapter was kinda a test on how well I could write the chapter while being very minimal on descriptions
I am not very good at dialogues, it is something I need to improve, and it's something I'm trying actively to improve on. I don't think finding someone who speaks Danish will be able to help me understand English more. I don't have any problems with understanding the meaning of words, and sadly (I do know the difference between tomb and tome, that is just a weird mess up on my part XD), I'm in the top percent of English profeciency in Denmark. I do however need someone who can actually show me WHAT is weird about my sentence structure. Several people have told me it is odd, but never tell me why or how it is odd 
I really wish I could help you with more than just the generalities I've been spewing, and I wish that I had more time to go in depth about it, but I've got a story of mine own to write, and I'm helping a friend with his story as well. I can't dedicate as much to you as I wish I could, but let me quick see if I can pick out the more obvious things you might change.
Lore's attempts to be dark individual not withstanding, this probably isn't how I'd envision someone who grew up in Dodge Junction sounding like. With the urbane way that the town's citizens speak, they might be better suited in a city rather than a middle of nowhere town. Maybe it could be somewhere like Vanhoofer, Seaddle, or some other equally pun-y place.
This is how I might write Lore's dialogue:
“The matter that I looked into was my family lineage. For as long as I can remember, my two colored horn has stood out from everypony else's. It was partially why I began researching history in the first place. I thought I would look into my family history there in Canterlot, since their population records are quite extensive. What I found delighted me. I finally had an answer for my strange horn! If you trace my family far enough back in time, then you’d see that my ancestors came from the Crystal Empire! It's not just anyone that I'm related to, though: I am related to Sombra! With my dreams of him speaking to me along with my bloodline, the connection is undeniable.”
I can't speak for everyone else, but most people when they are in the company of friends, or in Lore's case 'ponies who stick around for whatever reason', they don't speak as formally as she and Amber Page are here in the chapter. Contractions of words are very common as well, as people want to speak quickly. Maybe she doesn't use contractions around Amber because she isn't comfortable around her? Just a thought. It might be something to play with, as Lore does used contracted words with Petunia. It's your call.
3667988
Hhmm okay, I'll mold it over in my head and I think what you've said is very helpful
I have been told before that I speak very formally, but sadly that is just how I speak and think in real life. Kinda hard to not do it 
Either way, I'll do my best to improve on this matter! 
"Mister Baggins! Where are you going!?"
"Sorry! I can't stop! I'm going on an adventure!"
Sorry~ I couldn't resist
Good start though.
3669242
*Snickers* I'm glad that you couldn't resist, for it is a subtle nod to that particular line
glad that you like the story so far 
Wow. Namworth must be rather nice to put up with all of Lore's insults. Poor guy, to have to live in the Everfree and all. Was he banished or something?
3740384
Actually, this takes place in the White Tail Woods
Namworth is a mixture of niceness, doormat personality and naiveté. You'll get to learn more about Namworth as the story goes on, so I won't say anything about why he was where he was
For some reason, I have this weird liking for White Tail Woods. I like this new character and look forward to learning more about him, as well as learning about the mane character's history. Good chapter.
3741516
and no worries, you'll eventually learn more about the characters and their past 
Though, next chapter will be more about the funsies 
No idea when I'll get that done as I start my university classes tomorrow. But I'll get it done when i can 
Glad that you enjoyed the chapter
Wait.... Wait a minute.... That dream....
Oh my. By a strange coincidence, it looks like you and I may have thought up a similar history about King Sombra. I can't be sure, of course, until we (the readers) learn more about the subject. Reminds me that I need to finish that story, though.
Anyway, I rather liked this chapter. I'm enjoying the dynamic between these two. I have a sneaking suspicion that somepony just might wake up to find themselves being snuggled. Question is, would she like it? On the surface, of course not... but beneath that rough exterior?
I'm just realizing that Loré is making for a good anti-hero. Or will she be more of an anti-villain before this is all over? Only time will tell.
3803681
I guess we'll have to wait and see for when I give more info about it all. I am interested in what your idea is though 
Oh? that sure is strange if we got the same idea
I'm glad that you enjoy the chapter
Maybe it'll happen, only I would know, for I know precisely what will happen between those two 
Yeah, she is suppose to be either of those two, depending on what she actually does with the powers of darkness.
Huh, after reading the first four chapters of the story, finally seeing your characters in a picture is odd. Not how I imagined them, but nonetheless, I like it! Keep at it, my friend. You've got something good here.
3861120
But it does make sense since they got clothes in the pic, and they first get that in chapter 5 
Aaww, I'm sorry that my descriptions weren't good enough to match up with the awesome pic my friend drew for the story
I'm really glad to hear that you enjoy the story and think I got something good here :D
If Loré Scroll was voiced, what would she sound like?
3861414
hhmmm, I think she would be a bit tomboyish.
I've actually never thought about that before
A new set of chapters to read!
You've really improved your style even in these last two chapters. The dynamic between Namworth and Lore is heading into adorable territory now. I only really caught one mistake in this chapter, and I expect that was because you were ready to get this chapter out.
No worries though! Was the Aatxe something of your own creation, or was it inspired by some mythical creature? It sure is interesting to say the least!
3861502
I'm glad to hear that you still enjoy my silly story, and that I'm slowly but surely improving
Though, a big thanks to my editor for helping me make these better! So, it could overall just be him 
I'll fix the mistake right away! And you think they are adorable together huh? Glad that you think so, for there is going to be a loooooooooooot more dynamic between them in the future. I got a strong feeling you'll enjoy next chapter, especially the scene with Namworth, Loré and Rarity 
And for the creature, it's an actual real life myth from northern Spain
Shouldn't King Sombra's daughter be calling him slave?
3861622
Well, she is his great great great (a total of 38 greats) grand daughter. And, there is actually a subtext reason for why I chose that title for her to give Namworth
If Namworth was voiced, what would he sound like?
3861703
Why are you so curious about their voices? 
A rather feminine guy
Another good chapter with more good development. Can't think of much else to say other than that I'm loving this so far. It's got a good groove going, and it holds my attention. So far, so good.
3861896
you are far too kind 
I hope that will be the same for the rest of it. I got a lot of themes and things I want to convey throughout this novel, so I hope I can get it all down right 
Aaaww
Either way! next chapter was what I originally had planned for chapter 3. It's time for PONYVILLE! and interaction with some of the mane six
Next chapter is also going to be the longest of the five, hope you'll enjoy it 
3861711 I like to narrate the voices of characters in my head when I read.
3861908
Fair enough. I hope my answers have provided you with some kind of voice for their narration
Hmm.... I was wondering where that last scene would lead. Not really surprised, considering what we know about Loré. The more I learn about these two, the more I want to know. Great job with that, by the way. So, now we just have to see how well Loré can perform that spell to attain the forbidden knowledge of how to cook Crystal Berry Pie.
3939908
I still got a fair long way to go, so there will be plenty of time for you to get to know more about them 
Yes! She'll learn how to make the yummiest crystalberry pies in all of Equestria! But... in a dark way 
Aaww~ I'm glad that you are still enjoying it and want to know more
I think the portrayals of Rarity and AJ were pretty good. I find it a little hard to imagine Rarity using the term "fella," but that might just be me. Anyway, it looks like friendship may be starting to infect somepony. I may have said it before, but I like these two lead characters more with each passing chapter.
Friendship is too strong Lore! You will be assimilated.
One of us. One of us!
"...And for where I’m going? Well Miss Print.” Loré turned around, one hoof firmly planted before her as she gazed off into the northern horizon, wind blowing through the long locks of her dark purple mane and a determined smirk on her face. “I’m going on an adventure!”
Adventure time!
... Oh, no....
She wants to get stronger. This can't lead anywhere good. Not at all.
Have I mentioned how captivated I am by these characters today? No? Well, I am.
4333005 Glad you still enjoy my characters
And you are right, it won't lead to anything good, at all 
If only Loré knew~
Ah, so that's how this all started. Neat new opening chapter.
I have a sneaking suspicion about what that particular story may entail.
If I'm right, it's one I hope to see you explore sometime in the future.
I don't understand how this doesn't have more views...
4465533 *Shrugs* my guess is it's just not that interesting or maybe it's not written well enough for people to want to read it
4465581 but it may be because there are so many chapters and some people get discouraged to read it because they have so much catching up to do?
but seriously, it's very well written and it's really intresting, so don't say stuff like that about your own story
4465590 Aawww, glad that you enjoy it
There will be more of it to enjoy in a few hours when I release the next chapter 
Maybe it is because it's a bit long, the finished product should be around 70k, maybe then more will read it when they know nothing else is being added to it
but if anything, I just think it's because people generally aren't interested in OC focused stories 
It doesn't deter me from writing this to the finish though. I enjoy my story and is proud of what it is 
Geez, what could have possibly happened to turn her into such a sour puss?
4466569 Well, just keep reading and you'll find out