Rarity's breakfast

Admiral Biscuit #1 · Apr 24th, 2018 · 2 · ·

Well done!

I like simple stories where not much happens, and this one fits the bill. An nice, relaxing story.

How did I come up with this idea? Well, I was playing a dating game on Facebook, and one of the characters put honey on his donut. I thought, "which mlp character would do that?" And I chose Rarity.
That's it. My whole reason for writing this story was so Rarity would put honey on a donut.

Pretty much how Applejack Rents a Bobcat got started, too.

Hillbe

Hillbe #2 · Apr 24th, 2018 · 3 · ·

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If Precious Scales were here his fire breath would do nicely, Alas he's still asleep.....
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I smell coffee!
I smell doughnuts
I smell apples
I just smell
and I still sit and do nothing as usual

GhostXb

GhostXb #3 · Apr 24th, 2018 · 2 · ·

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The story came out great, and glad I could help you. Love you :)

Rubycast

Rubycast #4 · Apr 24th, 2018 · 1 · ·

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8884312
Love you too, fork man.

Gyro Pony

Gyro Pony #5 · Apr 24th, 2018 · 1 · ·

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...and to think I am on Day Three of giving-up-coffee.

I've been drinking Earl Grey tea instead.

Enjoyed the story !

Zobeid

Zobeid #6 · Apr 24th, 2018 · 1 · ·

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Nicely done slice-of-life.

If I could be Quibble Pants for a minute… Rarity's kitchen seems to be equipped with anachronistic modern conveniences instead of the Edwardian-era appliances one would expect. It might have been more interesting if she had an ice box, honey jar with wooden honey dripper, copper-pot style coffee brewer, etc. Also, Rarity is the sort of perfectionist who I don't see accepting pre-ground coffee. She would have a grinder.

BronyAndee

BronyAndee #7 · Apr 24th, 2018 · 1 · ·

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This was really interesting fanfic. I really like that this was about Rarity having coffee. Coffee is close to my heart. In one part you mentioned Rarity worrying about her weight but when she keeps adding sugar to her coffee seems interesting choice form her. While she has the problem with her weight. Really well written fanfic. I really liked this.

Rubycast

Rubycast #8 · Apr 24th, 2018 · 1 · ·

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8884732
Thanks for your comment, but I would like to point out that she only added half a spoonful of sugar. ^^

I'm really glad you enjoyed this story!

Princess Estrella

Princess Estrella #9 · Apr 29th, 2018 · 1 · ·

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“Coffee,” her voice was gruff as she spoke.

The comma after "coffee" should be a period.

She let out a groan as she forced them open, “does it always have to be so bright every morning?”

Again, the comma should be a period.

Luckily her family had found her spazzing on the floor and called a doctor just in time to save her.

There should be a comma after "luckily".

At the end of the spoon was a pearl embedded with her cutie mark painted on them.

It should be "it", not "them"

but her motto in life was, “anything can be beautiful,"

After "was", you need either a colon or just get rid of the comma altogether.

She lightly tapped the spoon against the filter to make sure every last grain wasn’t left behind. Once was sure nothing was left behind,

I think you meant "no grain was left behind" in the first sentence. It's also a bit redundant to put "left behind" in both sentences.

After a moment her face relaxed into a small smile, “perfect,” she said.

There should be a period after "smile".

She blushed, “hehe, I almost forgot the breakfast.”

There should be a period after "blushed".

She opened the top open and looked inside at all the baked goods.

Redundant.

She cleared her throat, “ladies do not squeal,” she reminded herself.

There should be a period after "throat".

A white mug with the words, “Number 1 sister” in blue writing was seated next to the coffee maker.

There should not be a comma after "words".

“Too bad it’s not chilly outside. Hot drinks on a cold day...marvellous,” she sighed in content before taking another sip.

There should be a period after "marvelous".

She lifted the donut up to her mouth, but before she could take a bite, a gasp of realization escaped from it.

A gap of realization escaped from the donut?

She glanced up to a nearby clock on her wall and let out a small hum, “five minutes until opening. I better finish breakfast before then.”

After "hum" should be a period.

Kikio3000

Kikio3000 #10 · Feb 6th, 2019 · · ·

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Nice so far! I've read three hundred words. "She lightly tapped the spoon against the filter to make sure every no grain was left behind." Take out the extra every. XD

Kikio3000

Kikio3000 #11 · Feb 7th, 2019 · · ·

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I've read it all now. This is an awesome slice of life story! And it's funny how a simple idea turned into this. Don't forget to add more commas throughout the story and: "I have to design blueprints!” Her eyes shined with inspiration. Shone actually reads better, but this story is still awesome and sweet regardless.

Rubycast