I'm just a brony who just likes the show and making fan fics.
Twilight has created the first teleport device in Equestria without the need of magic, but none of her friends are available to test it out. So she and Spike sets out to find anypony who be willing to test out her teleport device but will soon realize her pony of choice wasn't such a good idea.
As well Cole McGrath and Zeke Dunbar will meet an unexpected pegasus in Empire City.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Great. My gut tells me that Derpy would be better off in the one where Twilight Venture's deliberately trying to kill her.
commas, this story needs them.
seriously. ;-;
Now we just need to take this story and the one that sticks Rainbow Dash into Prototype and get people to draw them in womens' lingerie.
56972
that or a battle royalle
56970
It will improve after all it's my fan-fic.
This story's grammar and overall quality of writing makes me want to turn into a werewolf and eat the flesh of innocent beings under the light of a full moon.
Wait, no, not really. It's still pretty tough to read, though.
ze story has potential. Only bad thing is the amount of grammar issues, but those can be fixed quickly.
I like this story even though Derpy is not my favourite pony
Wow, I like the premise, But you need to improve your grammar and spelling
Continue, please?
can i have some moar
The grammer in this story grates me so.
Also, if I may, you don't have to tell the reader EVERYTHING. Try spicing it up a little, and show them, with your words, what's goin' on. Please continue writing.
Apologies, but I just don't see how Cole and Zeke aren't a little more freaked out by finding a mythical creature sleeping in the rubble of a crash site.
Why didn't they just send a letter? They HAVE the technology!
Also, Why didn't cole just use Electromagnetic Shockwave? Even with his hands not faced the correct way, he could still at least clear some of it away, giving him room to move.
MOAR!!!!!
Dogpiss story. Get better.
Bad grammar, bad punctuation, bland concept...why are you writing?