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The calm certainty of the Apple family's morning routine is shattered when Sugar Belle pays a surprise visit, only to find Big Mac in bed with another mare. But that doesn't make any sense to Applejack, and she takes it upon herself to answer the question on her mind.
How could a shy, sensitive pony like Big Macintosh even get into a position to cheat on two mares?
Edited by Curify, MissytheAngle, and Wand3r3r3.
An entry in FamousLastWords' contest: "A Two-Faced Charade"
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Good stuff
You know what this needs?
A SEQUEL!!!
Pretty good.
Yeah, I felt uncomfortable reading this. I mean, Mac really should have known better....but its totally believable. Man that was a heavy story.
forever alone
I'm psyched!
XD Poor Big Mac, everything bad happens to him lol 😆
Great story. 🙂
But... but... Aaugh! you can't just leave it there!
In 5,000 words, you managed to make me sypathise, root for, and worry about somepony who is a blatant cheater, and then you just stop? need to know how this ends! Theres so much more story that could be told, so much character growth and exploration that could happen from this. At first i thought i wouldnt like it, since the contest seemed a bit too close to legitimizing cheating, but the way you portrayed big mac as a sypathetic victim of circumstance, yet still very much in the wrong for what he continued to do... rrgh, i need more!
Damn, that was good. I echo what 8762740 said, here. And yes, I want a continuation!
I feel the worst for poor Sugar Belle, who was probably the least deserving in all of this.
Cheerilee isn't totally blameless in that she was the one who instigated it and put Big Mac in an awkward situation without much consideration for his own feelings and/or commitments, and left him in a position in which there really wouldn't have been a good way to speak up and sort things out. Regardless, though the blame can be shared slightly, most of it still falls soundly on Big Mac alone, and his failure to stallion up and speak up and break up the event well before it ever got to this point.
Still, while I don't agree with his choices, I can see where he's coming from, and as such can't help but pity him some, leaving me like Applejack--torn over sympathizing with or criticizing him. Neither one feels like quite the right option in this scenario--he got hurt too, he's just the one who brought it upon himself. So to that end, I'd say you succeeded in capturing the theme adequately.
Now, in completely unrelated news...I noticed throughout all this that Apple Bloom is initially and automatically assumed to be guilty for trouble for a lot of things by default...leaving an empty bag of flour in the pantry, possbily incurring an unexpected visit from Cheerilee, etc. It's probably not an unjustified assumption to be sure...it just amuses me that she's developed enough of a reputation for herself that ponies can do this.
8764243
I guess technically she can be blamed due to the love poison fertilising the root of this whole drama...
Sooner or later those three will talk it out regardless of what will happened, all 3 of them will be heartbroken.
Enope. You don't get any sympathy from me Mac. This wasn't a "mistake", this wasn't an "accident". This was a choice, and you chose betrayal. It doesn't matter how bad you feel about it, that doesn't change the fact that you have committed an act that makes you on par with literal protoplasmic sludge.
How on earth do you decide "I love her more than you" when both own your heart, and what you want most is to make them happy? How many parents could tell one of their children that they don't love them as much as they do the other? How many people can decide that they love one parent over the other?
When I read the title of this, "Double", I figured this would be about Big Mac's (plot convenient) lookalike having a fling with one of the two mares, leaving our Big Mac with both thinking he was their beau. I was pleasantly surprised in the most heartbreaking way!
You should be proud of this short piece. You created a rich world with familiar personalities that always remained in-character. I LOVE IT when a writer can make me believe this is the same Apple Jack, Cheerilee, etc from the show, albeit in a more mature setting. I agree with other comments in the sense that I can't help but feel for Big Mac. Putting myself in the mares' perspective, his actions make me angry. But as a fallen human being, I can envision how I would feel, or perhaps how I myself could fall into that position.
I would like this to have a sequel purely to see who he would end up with, if either. But I am perfectly content with this kind of open end ... probably because I personally cannot choose who I want him to be with. The struggle is real: The passionate whirlwind romance that may or may not have true love at its core, or the steady, long lasting true love, that may also just be a boring, ill-suited match once lovey-dovey feelings wear off.
I was a Big Mac x Cheerilee shipper before Big Mac x Sugar Belle happened, but the latter is very sweet and NOT what I saw coming in the canon show!
That ending nooooo!
HA
! I didn't know what that meant at first! I took me just three seconds to figure it out, cause I read a Naruto fanfiction that I that had that line, except all three words were completed! So such a good line
!
Anyway, laughable line aside, I agree with AJ, Big Macintosh really should've known better. While I don't really Ship Big Mac an Sugar Belle, (I'm more of a Big Mac x Marble Pie shipper) despite the fact that I believe she's a really sweet mare, I feel so sorry for her
. I don't really see Big Mac as the cheating type like at all, so I can't help but think he's a bit OOC here...
. Still, I can't believe he did that, just...what in the hay was he thinking
?! Scratch that, what was he and Cheerilee thinking! I'm pretty sure that she knew that Big Mac was in a relationship already, so she really shouldn't have done that! I'm not saying that excuses what Big Mac did, but that doesn't excuse what Cheerilee did either. I'm just....*siiiiiiiiiiigh*, really what were they thinking
? Poor Sugar...I wanna hug her so badly right now
!
I am kind of...or rather, really uncomfortable with this line though...
.
It really sounded like AJ was going give Big Mac a paddling or a spanking of some sort, and that really sent a little shiver down my spine
. I'm sure that's not what you went for, but...yeah that I really didn't like that. Especially since I do not believe in that kind of discipline/punishment, at all
! That and it brought up some pretty bad memories for me so...
.
Despite this, I did enjoy this story, since it shows a life lesson to always be faithful to your love, or in Big Mac's case, your love and mate
. I can't even count how many cases with infidelity I've watched that have ended in ways where someone is either hurt or scarred, so reading this is a good example of some of what happens when you don't stay faithful to the one you love. Great job
!
* Looks like you’re missing a “why” in that sentence.
I’d say the two strongest elements in this story are definitely your prose and your characterization of Applejack, which I thought you did a stellar job on. The opening? Not so much.
I feel like the actual cheating in the cheatfic was just kind of glossed over, like you were so focused on the aspects of the repercussions that you forgot to make the actual cheating aspect emotional and impactful. The scene where the second line break starts could have easily served as a better intial introduction, leading to a lot more buildup for when it all comes crashing down on Mac.
It’s difficult to say whether or not you nailed Mac’s character, but considering the conditions you were forced to work with, I say you pulled it off.
All in all, great entry. Far better than the majority I reckon. Sorry for such a late response.
What will make it more awkward is Apple Bloom or Granny Smith will innocently ask how he is getting on with Sugar Belle. What will Big Mac say then?
Funny reading this now that she was actually gonna break up with him last episode.
You can has review!
Just so you guys know, I deleted my own comment. Jack is a wonderful human being and a fantastic scholar and would never do such a thing :)
The discomfort you mentioned in the author's note really shines through in this, and it does have a lot of impact on the story. While the angle of grounding the story in AJ's perspective was a good choice, everything else is much less organized. The character chemistry is all over the place outside of the Apple siblings and the story is never resolved, just put in motion.
jack y ;~;