- Member Since 26th Nov, 2017
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
Zwillingen700
Even the smallest idea can become a great story
Zwillingen700
Joined 26th Nov, 2017 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- coolcatnate · 19k words · 246 26 · 7.6k views
- Talion · 34k words · 398 69 · 11k views
- SuperSaiyanSora-Sama · 55k words · 285 46 · 6.4k views
- Flowjam · 95k words · 289 40 · 8.7k views
- CaioCoia · 201k words · 199 28 · 8.2k views
- Rainbow skies · 318k words · 337 167 · 8.5k views
- Moonking · 94k words · 269 63 · 7k views
- Silas5399 · 202k words · 422 92 · 15k views
Featured In17
Crossovers10,954 stories ·7,368 members
X Becomes An Alicorn469 stories ·886 members
Beings with Super Powers1,125 stories ·1,533 members
Human Magic760 stories ·1,867 members
Unusual Humans in Equestria814 stories ·2,654 members
Keepers of Power540 stories ·729 members
Taelonso Grim's Library1,158 stories ·87 members
Human Heroes are Superior242 stories ·839 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.551 seconds
Total duration
854 users online
574,023 hits today, 2,454,720 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
....I suppose this alicorn is gonna be OP as well? And why an alicorn?
8789928
Because i haven't read any human as anthro alicorn stories yet and every cool character i know already has like a dozent fanfics, plus i wanted to have this story to be just ' inspired ' by don't get cocky and the only thing i didn't like of that fanfic was the whole cross species romance going on. The last thing i also would like to mention is that the protagonist is more of a therestial at the moment and i doubt a unicorn could be considered ' op ' , but a pegasi, eath ponies or therestials don't have magic so yeah that's the reason, but the part of him beeing an alicorn will be next to not important in this story.
8789966
A unicorn not being op? Tell that to Before Ascension Twilight who was capable of casting and/or learning any spell. Also, the reason why I asked about why you chose alicorn, is that Alicorn OCs have gotten a bad rap over the years, thus your story may get dislikes because of that fact. Btw, the thing about being OP, is that it prevents the character from experiencing conflicts and struggle, to easily gain powers without effort or learning how the powers work.
Btw, there is something you shoulder consider putting into your description; the status of cross-overs, will there be any? Or will the story focus only on the main character? Whichever choice you choose, you'd best approach it with caution. I mean cross-overs make and or break the main story depending on how you handle it. There are fans of the displaced group who dislike cross-overs.
8789982
I shall consider your tips.
1. Yes before Ascension twilight was op i give you that.
2.I don't think people should judge a story just because of one detail besides there are a few writers who tried the whole alicorn oc thing in their stories and succeeded thus putting alicorn oc's a better light and i knew that people aren't really ok with oc alicorns, but i am willing to take the risk.
3. There is a difference between using his full power to blow up everything and use as much power as you need and i can assure you that the protagonist will use his power on behalf for several reasons that i want to mention in future chapters.
4. I am still thinking about the crossover thing, but i think that if i put it in it would be something to fill up a time before something in the mlp timeline happens and not a fundamental piece of the story.
5.Will this story be completely focused on the main character? No, it won't i plan to make a few chapters about darkness and maybe the back stories about a few characters who's past isn't explained a lot in the mlp tv series or comics or add a few thinks i don't know yet.
Thanks for the tips btw
8790054
No problem, I'm sometimes willing to help a fellow Displaced. ^^
This is a good story so far and I can't wait to read more of it.
Love the story so far you changed it from the original inspiration unlike some people by quite a bit good job you've done well👌👌👌👌
I beg you please make more this story is glories
8790538
Sure i already have plans for the next 3 chapters and in a few days i have two full weeks of holidays in wich i will crank up the production of the chapters and thanks for the feedback :3
8790301
Thanks for the feedback :3
I wish he always carry weapon called Lasso of truth from Wonder Women no pony believe or trust him . I'm not sure is good idea or bad .🤔
https://youtu.be/tie_LSOPUaU?t=37
*pukes rainbows due to how awesome it was*
0:37 - 0:40
*sigh*
...
...
Right. First things first, get a beta or a good spelling/grammar checker. I didn't even get a quarter of the way through the first chapter before I had to stop.
On the other hand, even the small part I read is very good. The problem is, as I said, spelling and grammar issues. If you fix those, then the story will flow in a much smoother fashion.
I will track the story and check in every so often to see if the errors are fixed. Do this right and you will gain not just my favorite, but also those of my various friends who I will share it with.
Sincerely,
Gundamexia34
8791284
Yeah you see i am writting this on a ps4, because i don't have my own pc and it sometimes has problems with the auto correction
8791311
...And you did this with a controller or a keyboard?
8791516
With a controller. believe it or not, i writte faster with it than with a keyboard, but longer writting session's can hurt a bit.
8791524
Damn, that's impressive.
8791525
And painful... That's one of the reasons i am not making everything perfect when i first release them so i just fix most error's the next day like i did in chapter five, because otherwise my thumb breaks off and since this is a playstion that was not made for Internet browsers i had to rewrite around a 1000 words and look for a few pictures again in the end because the playstion crashed like 3 times. that is pain
8791534
An editer can help ya out though.
8791591
Maybe in the future, but i first want to continue the story on my own a bit.
8791739
A slow pace is a good pace.
8791747
Very well, see you in two years when i wrote a chapters with good grammar.
Just kidding i will try to not rush the chapters. I only ' rushed ' the last chapters because i wanted tips for improvements that i now have and not write 30k words and no one would like it.
8791767
Oh Don't You Dare take two years! ha ha ha.
TOOO OP! Sorry but i really dont like those who start off godlike without a single shred of sacrifice. He may have a troubled past but what did he truly do to earn it? Im not saying i hate it i just feel he got too much right of the bat. Equestrian Honor Guard series had the character earn it. many others did too so i just feel he could've had less at the start and gain all the others through seperate trials
8791835
Isn't that what most displaced stories are about? Like gaining the powers of someone who worked entire life times to become powerful and a random guy pays the merchant a few bucks ?
8791855
Well not every time. Some just buy one thing and stik with that like el mercenario y assassin or however its spelt. Two people with one main ability each. In a world of reindhsip what is the point of friends when they cannot provide anything you may need, Pure emotional support? maybe but i hate it when i can not contribute to my friends so with a person who is godlike...why? the only reason i see is he needs an emotional anchor he has no weaknesses
8791868
Just an emotional anchor ? If you have power and no use for it , it's worthless and don't worry i am not planning on making mathael mr godlike and a little spoiler, the next chapter will show a few things were he isn't perfect and there will be things were he will completely suck at so no worry pal , last, but not least he is not unbeatable you would technically just need something that is not magical to kill him or part of him because on a whole yes he is damm op, but if one part falls gg just saying this will be important in 30 or so chapters .
8791855
Well, yes and no. People prefer reading a character who gained the powers, but said-displaced still must gain the experience/knowledge/control over them. For example, my Link displaced, while he had the knowledge of how his equipment worked, he still needed to learn how to use them. He had ten years (seventeen if we go by his current future sequel self) to learn them all. He is still growing stronger with every fight, sparring session, or training alone. However, despite all that, he is still human, he is capable of bleeding and dying. Even he makes stupid mistakes.
8791943
That is right, but don't forget that a advantage can also become a disadvantage and power alone will not achieve victory also i put the adjective's mastered and learned on purpose in chapter 4 he can use them, but how good he is with many of them is something for the future. His power will have it's side effects in the end though, because all of the together are strong, but a few of them build a net of disadvantage's and if one domino falls more will too.
8791971
And of course, we need to see the guy struggle and I'm sure you will show it in the later chapters.
I must say I like this, op, actually trained himself, has a heart but not a Gary Stu, changed it up a nuff to be original but still see similarities,resonable length so it won't take an absurd amount of time to write a chapter, the backstory spiced up and makes me care about the character, and original characters. I look forward to more.
*Demon Screeching*
This might be something I never stop reading.
As well as hints saying in future chapters he will be shown to be a person and not all powerful or infallible.
8791971
8791984
I personally don't mind OP characters as long they are used well, however, the situation is similar to the conundrum that surrounds characters like Superman, Saitama or Ainz. I'm also a fan of using your power in a smart and unexpected way based on already stablished facts, for more information I recommend you read this page here: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HeartIsAnAwesomePower
8791971
8791984
I'm writing Displaced fics about OP characters, however, I gave them a strict set of rules to consolidate their interactions with the MLPverse. On paper they are OP as fuck but I gave them restrictions based on the drawbacks of their powers, which they could find a way around by using their powers with a bit of imagination.
8792063
I meant the bad kind of OP, aka gain it all with no work/effort/struggle/etc, no weakness, no limitions, etc. Like roleplay fighting against a Godmoder.
8792122
Unfortunately, that is the most common kind of OP.
8792155
But I suppose people like that sort of thing.
if you are going to do a legacy story of "Don't Get Cocky" then you have my up vote
love that story. i hope this one will go well to :)
the mighty blade forged from the deepest fires of hell
sometimes people (and words) need more space
i can't think up a smart comment for this one
E's that intentional?
im sorry, can you be more specific
im just guessing here, but did you mean to say "mask"?
8792480
Well you see i am writting this on a ps4 with a controller so this is a bit harder for me to do.
8792480
But thank you for showing me my error's
8791311
why not use a mobile phone write it .
8791311
Ah I see. Well then, I would suggest publishing chapters, then perhaps going to your local library and running it through the writing program they have on their PCs. It's more than likely to be Microsoft Word, which has an (at the very least) decent spelling and grammar checker.
like
a person who is ratchet or does ratchet things
"Look at that ratch over there in leopard printed leggings and multicolored weavetwerking"
craved