Dracule Knight is labeled as the most deadliest man alive, and marked as the strongest person on earth. But that doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy, dracule lives life in excitement and action where ever he goes. So when a random portal transports him to equestria things get a whole lot more interesting for the warrior. instead of freaking out and wishing to go home, dracule takes the whole thing as a stroke of luck. being in a world full of magic, and creature only to believe were myths excites dracule to higher levels. sadly equestria is facing a slight problem, a monster problem. good thing someone's there to take these monsters on face to face, it doesn’t matter if your a monster, demon, ghost, zombie, you name it. Dracule will take you on and beat you down with a smile on his face. And lets not forget the sweet ass powers dracule gets that will help him in the long run.
- Member Since 2nd Jul, 2018
- offline last seen Nov 6th, 2023
Flowjam
New to this whole thing but hey why not try it out!
Flowjam
Joined 2nd Jul, 2018 ·
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Chapters (10)
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Holds up Hand
Alright, stop, stop. You're new here. Do you want me to criticize this story to show you what you did wrong? I'll be harsh but fair and at the low low price of free.
Yes so I might know what I have to fix in the future.
First question: is English your first language?
Wow, Dracule sounds like a really dull cunt.
Sickening. Wait, is this a parody?
Holy blocktext, is that description a wall or what?!
IT'S SO EDGY.
Infodumping on the highest level. Combined with the above, there's practically no way for us to need the information about his eye color or height unless it's critical to the plot.
1: OP character
2: *No. Don't use these unless it's ironically.*
1: more edge of the same classification as the *teleports behind you* "nothing personal, kid" meme.
2: please don't include inline videos or music unless it's comedy. It both ruins the story flow and turns it into a cringefest.
More unnecessary infodumping.
Aw, c'mon, Gary Stu, leave the poor people alone. In all seriousness though, your character is clearly a Gary Stu/Mary Sue type of character. They're clearly overpowered, have little to no weakness, and practically have the world in their hands.
1: *please no more asterisks as sound effects*
2: more overpowered character.
What.
Before you write again, I believe you should know some basic spelling and grammar skills.
You're
...
...
Wat.
No.
Stop it.
Are you describing ponykind as a whole, or just this one group?
And if it's the whole of ponykind...
What kinda world is that?
'Cause that's not how biology works.
Even more unnecessary infodumping!
Ignoring some obvious cringe that I skipped over to avoid being repetitive, I now become repetitive ironically by pointing out again that you used "know" in place if "now". Now do you know how to know what to now?
Same goes for you, mister Dracule.
Yes, they have the shadiest looking robs in town. It's totally not like they left their robes hanging on the clothesline today.
My feeling is "CRINGE", and I've certainly felt it many, many times before. Especially considering the times I've edited for a certain person...
Hoo boy. Here comes the OP-ness again.
I hope you take this criticism into account and potentially improve in the future.
EDIT: I'm not gonna go over the second chapter. It's all the same issues.
Oh cool, edgy protagonist goes to Equestria, what an original and fun concept. Next.
Does this mean he becomes a master when he is in a vehicle? Also being a master mechanic when you are 19 is literally impossible.
9030706
(well, I'll try to at least)
*an old ruin
I think I've made a grave mistake thinking I would able able to get through this quickly
Why show how the character acts?! When you can just blatantly tell the reader what emotion the character is feeling? Why does'int everyone do this? It looks so easy and quick to do!
*is vaguely interested in martial arts*
*Googles "what the fuck is a quick draw stance? is it like the Cowboy duelling thing or Weeb shit?"
*sees this video*
Basically a quick draw is a move you learn once you reach level 99 edge lord.
WRONG. Weight on a sword is a good thing (despite what shitty animes say) so this sword would just basically be a noodle with a shaving razor on it.
You know what could have stop drake in a second? The earth pony having a spear. Oh?! what's that? The show even shows earth ponies having spears?!
t00.deviantart.net/8vatnUdcs0l4K4fn-Hs7KZHpTVM=/fit-in/300x900/filters:no_upscale():origin()/pre00/6c99/th/pre/f/2015/189/1/a/day_and_night__mlp_guard_tf__by_arrogantkitsune-d90gzd2.png
Well how about that! All the earth pony had to do was just point his spear at the man literally sprinting at him, and the he would of been fine!
lol wut. A twig batted away a mace?
Shooting someone in the back who is running away, our hero ladies and gentlemen.
Literally announcing the move he is about to do. That's like telling someone "Hey! Leave your doors unlocked so I can easily break in!
(someone correct me if I'm wrong) Fast cuts are not as lethal compared to others from what I remember, if the cutting edge of the sword is VERY thin and you run it across someone's skin quickly, would'int the skin just go back where it was and somewhat keep the wound closed? or something like that?
I just googled "masamune" to see what would pop up, and apparently Masamune was a man who made Tachis and Tantōs, which is neat. BUT. If you go to images, YOU GET PICTURES OF THIS SWORD ART ONLINE LOOKING BITCH
anime-planet.com/images/characters/masamune-makabe-73519.jpg
which in contrast to the real Masamune, is not neat.
9030967
Well done.
9030967
Oi! Don't you be insulting Masamune!
I'll have you know he was a chubby little shit as a child but when he was insulted and rejected by his childhood friend and love in front of bullies, which made his life hell, he swore revenge and became one of the most eligible bachelors in that universe.
And do you know all he's interested in? Getting revenge on the one who made his life hell. (It's a bit more complicated then that, but no spoilers). He could have all the women he wants, but no. All he's interested in is revenge.
So you know what? You can insult the masamune in this story, but you keep your insults away from the good Masamune! ill fite u 1v1 ill fekin reck ya m80 i swer on me mum
9032006
This is so perfect it had me questioning if that was the plot of the show for a couple seconds.
9032682
Oh, that is the plot of the show.
He seeks revenge on the girl he thinks ruined his life.
9032721
thumbs.gfycat.com/GranularVibrantBactrian-max-1mb.gif
If I know anything about Displaced writers, It's that they love how anime portray women. They love it because it sells them the fantasy of "Every women already loves you, they just don't know it yet. All you got to do is just give them stuff or save them from something and they will be head over heels for you!"
Or the alternative
"If she did said no to you! and humiliated you! and ruined you life! That basically gives you the right to do what ever you want to her! Because all of those years ago she made you feel way worse so now you have to show her what it is like!"
I've even talked to a displaced writer who even said this in response to my question of "what would your characters do if they where cheated on?"
Why can't every anime be like Miss Kobayshi's Dragon maid
To be honest, I would much rather read about a person who cannot pull the sword out.
That still sounds pretty awful, "I only rape people that deserve it." does that sound like something a good person would say? because both of those sentences have some big similarities.
So where does any excitement come from in this story? It's like if a billionaire won the lottery, literally no one would care.
media0.giphy.com/media/EiCQzmzE5HLaw/giphy.gif
Do people just not research shit or even care anymore?!
Ew, that whole line is straight out of Jersey Shore or something.
If there is more cringe in this story, I'll never know because I can't fucking read this anymore.
nice is this story like Don't Get Cocky, Ancient Protector and Don´t Underestimate Me and Don't You Dare and A new hero?
Like the story idea, but please check the meanings of some of the words you use, suck as:
Know = having knowledge of something,
Now = in this moment,
There are other examples but if your not sure about a word just google the meaning, this will help your writing a lot, I’m bad at aspotting spelling mistakes so I won’t say anything about that, but like I said I’m enjoying this story wether or not the grammar gets corrected.
9045501
If you have so many problems with this story then don't read it.
But unless you're going to give some constructive criticism don't bitch and complain in the comments
Are you switching the usage of "know" and "now" on purpose, or do you just not read comments and take criticism?
I'll watch this, but I might recommend some spelling/grammar checks. As Techie says, the know/now is a bit off putting unless there's a reason.
okay story cool and Awesome
So am I the only one to point out he just attacked that griffon for no reason?
9030706
Bro calm you're tits so what if theres a lot of edgyness I like stuff that's edgy
Plz continue
Okay I have one thing to say..... pacing the pacing is all off it feels like you took an entire story shoved it into one chapter.... almost EVERYTHING is rushed. Like I get that this might be your first story on here and just never came back to edit it or anything but the pacing is TERRIBLE too many emotions and bonds formed FAR too fast. It falls into that category of “Power equals relationships and love” which I CAN understand griffins falling INTO but only if they were a bit more animalistic also if the world that that guy came from didn’t have many people who would think of a griffin as an animal and not a person even though they can talk..... that world must NOT have furries.... like at all. Anyway good luck with this I hope it improves as a I read it. Oh and one last thing you keep putting know where you should be putting now and now in place of know.
9058092
Hey man I agree with you you mind reviewing my comment I mean it to help not to be me bitching or anything.
MORE!!! BEFORE I SICK YUNO GASAI ON YO AZZ!!
You REALLY need to capitalize the character's name. Otherwise this comes off as lazy.
More please
MOAAAARRRRR!!!!
Now that is FUNNY what you did "BEN 10 REFERENCE"
I like this. Also i'm like number 100! whoo!!! Never got to do that before soooo... ya.
There’s more edge here than a teenage emo’s bedroom.
In urgent need of an editor, this fic. But great overall.
Needs-a moar here!
Is this dead?
great chapter
9349265
It's only been 2-3 months, which is fairly normal.
If it were after 2-3 years, then I'd start asking.
9349265
nope cause my tracking was updated with a chapter that was deleted (probably cause the author didn't mean to post it)
Nice also later in the story could you have Greta move to ponyvile and find drake and skyriss place and lice with them
this is so fun to read
can't wait for more
Where the new chapter?
9417063
I think he add a new chapter by mistake cause he wasn't finished with it
por ahora parece un personaje interesante
great chapter kinda mad my tracker didn't notify me that this was out... i hope to see more soon though.
Oh no, why griffonstone always have to be a jerks
Ok how do u spell his last name is it night or knight cause u keep switching between them
We Need More.