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Joined January 2012
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Additional Tags: [M/M Shipping]
Everyone has things they aren't particularly good at, and we all work to make the best of our weaknesses. Sometimes, though, our weaknesses can prove to be tools of our undoing. Written in response to a story promp by BillyColt.
Cover Image graciously provided by Pyrestorm.
Aww, that was a sweet story, though halfway thru the exposition I figured it would still have a happy end. I enjoyed how vividly you described each scene in excruciating detail, though around 2/3rd of the way through I found myself skipping through some of the paragraphs since you tended to use metaphors quite excessively and lightly distracted from the events happening. Maybe trim back on the flowery language and simplify the less important parts of the story so the important one's stand out more. Since this was written in first person, it focuses on Ironclad, but it could've benefited from delving a little bit more into the relationship between him and Cottonball, though that's more of a personal preference than anything. Really I'm just being unwarrantably nitpicky, this was very well written, had good pacing, likable characters, and a feel good vibe to it despite your misleading introduction.
Overall it was a very nice read, and I hope writing this helped get out of your writing rut.
Hey Fuzebox, I appreciate the feedback :) Just a reply to some of your comments: I personally find a lot of humor in the use of metaphor and "flowery" words to describe silly situations, so in that area, it may simply that we have different tastes. Which is fine! Some people like the three stooges, but I don't really find them all that funny. It's whatever makes people laugh that counts, and I'm just glad you were still able to enjoy the story despite.
As for the Ironclad/Cottonball relationship, in reality, the relationship itself was more supposed to just provide background to the main theme of the story: the comedy involving Ironclad's escapades with the utensils, rather than actual romance between the two. Usually in a shipfic people expect the romance to be the central theme, and I can understand how that not being the case here might have seemed odd.
All in all though, I really do appreciate that you took the time to comment, and I'm very glad that you enjoyed the story. Thank you very much for reading, and caring enough to help me out :)
Ah, when you put it that way, the literary choices you made make sense. See, I had the mind set of this being more romance based rather than comedy based with the way the intro went, but your stylistic choices and "flowery" vocabulary work in that context. Also with the focus being on the comedy, I guess I was just thrown off by my expectations, but that's a good thing. Thanks for clearing that up, I'm glad I could be of help.
Totally called the table being too small!
This is my first M/M story. Don't see what the big deal is (quite possibly, because they're both OCs). I liked it. Possibly, because I'm a huge shipper.
The ending... My emotions-quit toying with them. Not sure what else to write. Oh, also, there was a typo on the description on EQD. It says
A earth pony tackles...when it should be "AN earth pony tackles..."
First, a thank you to everyone who has commented! I don't often reply, but I read all of them, and I'm grateful for all of them! Thank you for the votes, comments and encouragement. I wasn't really sure about this story, but seeing that people are enjoying it is really heartwarming.
And, yes, I have to take responsibility for that - it wasn't Seth. My N key betrayed me. I work on a wireless keyboard and occasionally it will miss keystrokes. Unfortunately, that one slipped my notice before I sent it off. I kinda faceplanted when I saw it up on the EQD page and realized what I'd done. I'm not sure if there's a way to ask them to correct it or not...
Again, thanks to everyone!
"As I staggered to my escape out the barracks door, spritz-a-lot continued fumigating the air in my general direction with the spray-bottle, desperately babbling something about knowing what he was doing. I don't think I'll ever trust another stallion with a beautician for a marefriend."
Really cool story. Nice work! :)
Hi! I appreciate the feedback. If you like, you can feel free to send me a note with the places you believe need work. I'd be glad to iron out any areas I think can be improved! I try to make a habit of revisiting my work over time anyway. In the meantime, I'm glad you were able to enjoy the story, and thank you for commenting :)
Silverware+Tomtato slice is my new OTP.
Seriously though, the vivid and sometimes weird descriptions painted a very living and cartoony scene, very cute.
The only thing I missed was a bit more interaction between the characters themself, as the story is more comedy than romance, then again, that might have been the goal all along.
All in all, cute story, enjoy that thumb up.
I love the last line where it says this
Oh, I said I lost my coltfriend, didn't I. Well I did - and gained a mate. And in some rather ironic way, I suppose I have to thank the silverware.
The whole fic tricked me into thinking that he did lose his coltfriend for real, but nope coltfriend evolved into a mate.
I'm not normally one for M/M shipping, but this.....this I was okay with.
I like how the story went and I really loved the cover art piece.
That dinner part.....
It's actually neither in this case, though the pegasus reference is an interesting one. Basically, I was using the word stratus to implant the idea the ponies in question existed in the "upper atmosphere" of society, depicting them as high and lofty clouds far above those around them. "Higher-status" is straightforward, but I was aiming for more of a word-picture.
Tomato slice is best pony...
Seriously though, this would have to be my favourite M/M fic. I'm generally weary of them since they tend to be all clop and no story, but this was no clop, and all story, which is how I like it. So... thank's for writing this, I guess.
Oh, and congratulations of making EQD and the Vault! You should be super proud of yourself!
Okay, the way you described Cottonball made me think to myself, Oh, man, Ironclad must have done something really bad to make a colt like him break up the two of them, but your clever shenanigans proved me wrong in both senses.
And Ironclad seems to be somewhat like me in the sense that I could try anything if it were to help my loved one, even if it made a fool out of me by the end of it.
The dinner part made me bust out laughing in a few parts, most often in places where you personified objects that were very different to Ironclad's comfort-zone-area. I would have loved this to be a bit longer, or to have gone into detail about the love - because, as much as I hate to admit, I am a huge hopeless romantic - between the two, but as someone else said, it was more comedy than romance anyways, so whatever.
GJ; hope I can see more glorious M/M or even any other shipfics from you.
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I suppose I'm just gullible, but I never have seen it on the celling
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