Lure of the Flower

by Impossible Numbers

The Daisy, Face of the Sun

Daisy took up her station at the counter. But then, why not? The girl had earned it, right?

She stepped aside and gestured to the till. “Lily, care to do the honours?”

“Most gracious of you, Your Highness.” Lily winked and hopped to position. Further along, Roseluck shuffled a batch of papers.

“Ready to do the accounting, Rose?” said Daisy.

“You bet!”

“Right on.” Daisy rubbed her hooves with glee. Never had she felt so full of sunshine. Though the rays themselves cast narrow beams up the walls – they were still under dawn’s watch, after all – she bathed in light lifting her up and warmth thick as honey around her. Not even the aches of a three-day sleep stood a chance. She hobbled unaided to the middle of the shop. Best of all: no weight in her chest. It had long since boiled away.

There she stayed, staring at the door. Surrounded by flowers yet unsold. She glanced behind her. Both Roseluck and Lily watched her too, clearly expecting a relapse.

Something stirred inside her chest…

Daisy did not fight it at all. Baku, Tantabus, or just guilt: something would be there eating away at her. What mattered was what she did next. Do, don’t think. Do, don’t think.

OK, think a little.

She gave Lily and Roseluck her full attention, about-turning as though she were addressing the Royal Guard.

“Girls,” she said. “I don’t know what’s going to happen next. We might get no customers. We might get some. We might get another cow stampede. I just don’t have a clue.”

Roseluck saluted. “Either way, we’re with you.”

“We’re together,” said Lily. “That is a certainty. The most certain thing I know right now.”

Daisy nodded. She would expect no less.

“It’s all right,” she blurted out before she could stop herself. “I’m a little nervous.”

“Me too,” said Lily at once.

“Well, I’m not as nervous as you two.” Roseluck’s smug look twitched. “Still a smidgen nervous.”

“Then… we’re nervous together?” said Daisy.

“Yes, yes, let’s go with that.” Lily hit the cash register, and they heard the cha-ching and the rattle of coins. “The Flower Trio: nervous but together.”

“Right.”

Daisy turned back to the entrance. Opening time was seconds away. The important point was that they were doing this together. Together, together, together –

Roseluck’s scream nearly sent Daisy through the roof. Sheer shock and poor limb coordination nearly sent her through the floorboards instead.

“What!? What!?” Daisy picked herself up.

None of the Flower Trio were speedsters, but Roseluck nearly sent nearby petals raining in her haste to reach the frontmost display.

“The carnations!” she wailed.

“What about them?”

“Nurse Redheart must have brushed them on the way out!”

“Why?”

Roseluck pointed.

There, in horrible green and mauve, horrendous as a broken spine, missing only the lightning flash and the proclamation of thunder: a snapped stem.

Roseluck met her gaze, and Daisy tried to think fast against the terror welling up her legs.

“It’s just a broken stem,” she managed to say. “We mustn’t panic. It’s just a broken stem.” Sweat clung to her face.

“Oh my!” moaned Lily behind her. “I knew this confidence thing was too good to last!” A thump, a slight rattle of coins, and Lily sighed on the rebound and landed on the floor.

Soon, Roseluck joined her. Only Daisy remained standing. Beauty disgraced, weeks of hard soil work broken, perfection defiled… All the old instincts of the flower pony came rushing back as a cool wind in the midsummer noon.

“We can handle this,” she repeated, “we can handle this, we can handle this… we can’t handle this.”

Yet as she went down, she couldn’t help feeling a smile spark on her lips. The Flower Trio, through and through. They still got it.

---

When she and the other two regained consciousness a few seconds later, they set to work at once arranging a flower funeral. And she knew then, as they mingled like drops on a windowpane, that all heavy worries would boil away under the constant warmth. If left in the sun for long enough.

---

Comments

[Impossible Numbers]

And there you have it! One completed novel. I'm beyond pleased I made it this far.

Thanks to everyone who commented and left me feedback. It's been a real pleasure to hear from you.

[redmar]

This was a good story and it's nice to see that the Flower Ponies haven't changed too much.

[Impossible Numbers]

9392498

It's been a pleasure reading your comments. Half the fun's in noticing you point out plot points that come into greater focus later. It's like a game of prediction.

Ultimately, I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. Thanks for leaving messages as you went, and especially for the useful feedback contained therein.

[Sypher]

This was a fun story. The plot and overall writing is really engaging, though I'm sure a lot of references to the various flowers were lost on me - can't say I recognized more than the simple carnations and roses and Venus fly traps.

I guess on my part I didn't really understand what the Dream Lotus represented. What made it okay to show to Rose, but not Lily? Maybe I was reading this section too quickly, but as Roseluck said, "I dont think I [understand] either."

There were a couple of sections where I think additional speech tags would have been helpful. For example, this exchange in Drifting Away...

“I don’t remember what you said you’d like to do,” said Lily. She nodded encouragingly.

After a while, she nodded again.

After a second while, her face fell. “Don’t you remember?”

The smile cooled. “N… No? I thought you and Roseluck remembered.”

“Uh… I don’t actually remember you saying anything. Not in so many words. Why, don’t you? You don’t, do you?”

I did.

I remember I didn’t say anything.

“Uh…” she said, fighting to keep the smile. “Never mind. Me? It was probably something childish, anyway.”

“Oh.”

It's clear enough what's being said if you read through it carefully, but in my case I stumbled on it and lost a bit of the immersion trying to re-parse it. (I wouldn't call this a complaint, but more of a nitpicky quality of life thing)

Personally, I can't help but feel that Doc got off easy, and that the tension between him and Roseluck hasn't been completely resolved - or even resolved at all, really. They have clear and serious communication issues, and memories of past romantic gestures shouldn't be sufficient to shuffle these under the table. His dismissiveness and downright negligence in his treatment of the comatose Daisy was grating (of course, that's absolutely not a mark on this story), so I was very glad to see Rose's outburst towards him. Vindictive me just thinks it didn't go far enough.

There's also this disquieting exchange in the denouement:

“But if feelings shape dreams, then when the dreams attack, that means the feelings –”

In the pause that followed, realization struck. Daisy took a deep breath.

“Oh,” Lily said.

I feel like this is a serious moment and one that really built on their confrontation and reconciliation in the dream world, but I didn't notice it being wrapped up in the end. Things sorta just went back to normal and Lily and Daisy didn't have their definitive Talk, which I think is very much warranted. So while the ending was great (I absolutely love that final sentence, by the way!) I do feel it's missing a bit of closure.

Regardless of all of the above--really, they're minor things in the end--this has been a pleasure to read. You've done a great job with adding some wonderful characterization (that is still very recognizably canon) to some underrepresented characters and tied it up with a really cool storyline.

[Impossible Numbers]

9414374

First of all, I'm so glad you enjoyed my story, and I apologize for the lateness of my reply. I've been thinking about the proper response, since there's a fair amount to take in here. I wanted to do it justice.

OK, let's go. Since plot points late in the fic are discussed, most of this will be covered as spoilers.

For starters, the Dream Lotus is tied in to Daisy's outward attempts to seem mature but her inner desire to escape harsh reality. Whereas the others in their youth freely talked about becoming explorers or time-travellers, she's already seeing herself more realistically and doesn't let on otherwise. When they get their shop for the first time, Daisy risks showing it to Roseluck simply because Rose is less likely than Lily to be hostile or antagonistic over the fact that Daisy's been a closet daydreamer this whole time. After all, Lily and Daisy seem to compete and argue more often than not.

Even during the main dream, Daisy struggles to acknowledge her more childish or imaginative side. She nearly has the epiphany when they find the meadow memory of them as fillies, but her hostility to Lily results in their failure. And her desire for escapism contributes to her guilt over the shop's failures, because she knows she's not even fulfilling her self-appointed role as the "mature one". Basically, the Dream Lotus - and more obviously, her actual hiding away inside her dream world - represents her escape from harsh reality. Lily getting the book back at the end and thereby making peace is a way of reminding Daisy that, however much she might pile the pressure upon herself, a little childish fantasy and escapism wouldn't go amiss either.

Plus it worked as a red herring when Roseluck's investigating later.

Of course, that was the theory. I might have left too much unsaid, but I was hoping it could be inferred through the general themes of the fic and the actions of the characters.

---

Yeah, the lack of speech tags I got nothing for. That's just oversight on my part. I'll get around to it.

---

I have to admit, I was unsure when I published that conclusion to Doc's arc whether or not he got off lightly. I wanted to mitigate his annoying behaviour by suggesting that he used science as a way to try to bond with Roseluck, since his cluelessness over romance left him unable to do so when they were foals. And he does technically apologize for his magic-phobic attitude, so I figured his sucking it up and getting Twilight was at least the start of his turnaround.

But on the other hand, after publishing I started to think it's too skewed in his favour. Even appreciating he was once romantic in a way Roseluck desires, in the present he still comes across as not having learned much from this experience, and that is a problem. I suppose I could make him more humble in the last two scenes to suggest he's at least doing something new to bridge the gap between them; at present, it feels like Roseluck does all the work, or even deludes herself into thinking he's done some. It's problematic as-is, and I'm tempted to edit it.

---

That said, I will defend the Daisy-Lily exchange. A lot of those implications I think were already dealt with in the immediate aftermath to that one scene (the one where the two argue while the killer plant tries to drag Lily into its mouth). Most of the rest of the fic from that point on does touch upon their mutual hostility and Daisy's guilt complex spiralling out of control. Besides, as soon as Daisy realized (after the killer plant tries to drag Lily into its mouth) that she had some control over the dream, the plants cease to attack Lily.

I threw that bit in the "Twilight explains how the Tantabus got there" scene mostly as a call-back to tie up loose ends. Perhaps I shouldn't have framed it as a moment of epiphany? But in any case, I think it'd be tricky to revive the point without crossing wires with the other main point, which was how Daisy overcomes her constant near-crippling guilt.

I mean, I'm not 100% sure on this point, but I think it's mostly OK as it stands. They don't really need a Talk, per se.

---

Still and all, if you say they're minor points, then I guess I can't be doing too badly. If nothing else, I'm a little further along the learning curve. Thanks again for the fantastic feedback!

[Sypher]

9420314
No worries; replies always feel great, no matter when they come!

Re: the Dream Lotus. This is really reasonable and I probably should not have had difficulty grasping it. It's my failing for sorta speeding through the story, I think.

I suppose I could make him more humble in the last two scenes to suggest he's at least doing something new to bridge the gap between them

I really like this idea and I think it would help immensely.

Perhaps I shouldn't have framed it as a moment of epiphany?

While I really like the writing for that scene as-is, I think you're right about the way the framing affected my perception of it. And you're doubly right that it would be awkward to bring back up while also resolving Rose/Doc's arc and especially Daisy's. All reasonable points!

Thanks for taking the time to explain your thoughts. Also, I didn't see a blog post from you about this, but congrats on the 1 million words published on-site! I unfortunately haven't read as many of your stories as I should, but the ones I have I've almost always appreciated.

[Whinifree]

Oh wow I gotta get caught up on this. I must have missed the notification it had been updated.

[Impossible Numbers]

9793090

I am really way too late in saying this, especially relative to how good this comment is, but... thanks a ton. Such high praise, such a breakdown of elements (I particularly liked you singling out the emotions and responses, since character depth is among my top priorities when writing). Such a comment as this is golden: rare, brilliant, and incredibly valuable. Thank you so much for making my day, and several days since then when I've been less than 100%.

I've got no more words. Just... wow! And thank you, for the third time. I feel like I can't say that enough.