War has come to Equestria. The defenders have risen- and been beaten. The Elements are in disarray, the Royal Guard needs to regroup. The Princesses have been unable to stop the enemy- and Discord becomes the first major casualty. After a valiant fight, just before his death, he launches the last of his power not at the enemy, nor to his friends, but into the multiverse. This spell has one mission: Find hope, and bring it back. Little does he know that the barrier his spell brought back in his last few seconds is much more than just a sturdy mountain of metal.
This is an action story, and as such, isn't very long- I apologize for that. If you're looking for something with more nuanced behaviors and less annihilation, try one of my other stories. I've got a lot of 'em.
The story seems to stumble a little as it's finding it's feet, but a fair bit of that is coming from so little clue as to what is going on and what the machine is.
Main point though, is I want to know what happens next. So far, so good.
Still have very little idea what is happening, in part by not knowing the crossover source at all, but the story is staying consistent with itself thus far. Enemy force seems very indistinct and ambiguous at present.
Some kind of huge, self-restoring, advanced autonomous AI-driven tank is what I'm getting so far. Maybe a mobile fortress. All told, the way it is coming across is intriguing, if out of place for the setting. Although, I could see it being Discord summoning something that turns out to be ludicrous levels of overkill.
I'm looking forward to learning what is going on. Here's to hoping the stumbling feeling transitions over time.
8694921
Yes.
The enemy force is intended to be ambiguous; this lets me dodge the bullet about exactly what defeated Discord.
As per what it is, you're prettymuch dead on. Including the part about overkill- if Bolos are good at anything, that's it.
This story is a crossover with Keith Laumer's Bolo-verse- and my writing tends to assume a certain amount of familiarity. If you want, Bolo! by David Weber (possible spoiler) is a good collection of Bolo stories- and, as a matter of fact, the only one I've read.
8693249
Look up “Legacy”, read the story with the three barreled tank that has Applejack’s cutie mark on it as the cover art, and you’ll see what that thing is.
8695072
Yes, yes you will. Though this one is a different model....
Either way, Legacy is a good story- and part of the inspiration for this one.
- MLP: FiM
- Adventure
- Random
A machine of war awakens in a new world. Can it become something more than it is?I have read Weber's book as well. Sad ending, though.
...You're not planning that, are you?
I like this so far. One thing though, is that Tirek seems to usually be spelled with an "i" rather than "y". I feel sad about Discord's death, though.
Who else has survived?
8695797
I agree, a sad ending, as most Bolo stories have. This story is not planned to be such a tragedy.
As for Tirek... I didn't realize I spelled it with a Y.
As for the survivors... Nopony else important has died, yet.
8696020
Knowing Discord, I kinda hope he ends up coming back to life in a way not even he could have predicted.
How does the chapters-read detector work, anyway?
8695078
And I see that Legends (ed. Whoops, Legacy) (I have not read it yet, but may soon) ends abruptly after many chapters. I swear there's a curse on these things.
See Tiberium Eclipse for reference.
8696271
I do actually have a plan for him.
As for the chapters read thing... I don't know. I think it's whenever you spend a certain amount of time or something, but haven't experimented. Out here on the story page, they're checkboxes- you can flag them as read/unread, regardless of detected- or actual- status.
8696279
Yes, Legacy ends abruptly after all those chapters, with a cliffhanger no less. When I look through the publish dates, I personally suspect it's a combination of writer's block and the writer's personal life getting in the way- and/or editing problems.
8696288
Best I can figure, it is at minimum time based. Since the site has a progress bar at the top of the screen, I would have involved that too in some way if I designed it. Wish I could figure out the algo, though...
Anyway! I have started reading Legend, and I must say that the idea of the tank never having LEFT earth actually fits only too well. What if the franchise was really post-apocalyptic and the ponies used to be humans, before the secrets of the Thaum and Weave were unlocked? Of course, the Precursors would have referred to that as "Applied Quantum Mechanics"...
8696345
Possibly, yes. Though the second half of that looks like it might belong in Nfire's comments section, rather than mine XD
8696402
Somehow, this posted to the chapter, rather than general. Don't know if I can fix that. Have read said chapter now. Ships passing in the night? I know that you did not want to describe the enemy, but they've still got a problem if every other race seems to be allied against the Equestrians AND someone had the power to take out Discord, unless it was some sort of chaos-resistant poison that seeks and destroys chaos magic, or a shard of Order, or some other sort of kryptonite-equivalent...
Well, Legacy story seems to be either a deadfic or on a hiatus, whereas you seem to like writing similar work...
I had thought I'd point out that interesting idea, since you were a fan of the story.
I just had a funny, morbid thought: What is up with all the random redshirts (redmanes?) getting killed in some of these stories. Seems like there should be some sort of population issues showing up, since these society-collapse events seem to happen so often. A lot of these could be compared to an extinction-level event or a world war. Even the show itself (I consider myself too old to watch a children's show, no matter how interesting I think other people's characterizations of the characters are) appears to have continual massive upsets (Tirek, NMM, Chrysalis, etc) that you'd think would cause casualties...
(I don't think Discord counts; he simply caused mental issues, and only to those who could threaten him. Everyone else just got a bunch of inexplicable weirdness.)
I really suggest Tiberium Eclipse, by the way. It's a really good C&C crossover. It's also where that thought first came from; the planet is COVERED in Tiberium and it has seemingly killed off nearly everyone, and yet... the named characters are all still alive. Odd, that. Not that I can complain...
8696684
... 'Ships passing in the night'... I'm afraid I don't follow?
And as per the redshirts/redmanes... I might even make a play on that, good one.
8696757
I refer to the fact that the fort was empty on their arrival, and that Fluttershy could not contact the others, who should have been there. The story isn't that clear, but it seems that they went out for revenge for her assumed death?
Where in this series of events does the utter annihilation vis-a-vis BOLO weaponry come in? In the previous chapter, it seemed to be while Dash was attacking, but here it was some ways off and Dash was not there. Or am I confused?
8696844
... Ahh. Yes, they went out for a revenge assault; I thought this was clear, given what happened. Our Bolo watched through the drone he launched last chapter, and chose not to participate- possibly because he's still too far out, drilling in that jackpot ore vein of his (a side mention from last chapter), possibly because they had it well in hand without. When Fluttershy tried to reach the others with her Element... That particular spell only works between the Elements, and none of the rest are at the base, even though the base is fully occupied- by its normal pony owners- at the time. Rainbow has already been teleported elsewhere; the others remain undiscovered, none close enough for a conversation.
As for the Bolo weapons, he has now used them twice: Once, in the last chapter, to wipe out the army Rainbow was fighting alone. The second time, this chapter, to wipe out the retreating minotaurs he ran into. Full-scale Bolo combat will be forthcoming, not sure how far out- probably once he gets a few more bullets at least.
8696862
Okay, that makes a lot more sense. Thanks!
8696949
You're welcome!
Awesome as always. I am always happy when I see one of your stories has updated.
Keep up the incredible work!!!
He can make stretchable metal? That's new but cool, I already see the fur tight Wonderbolt style assassin clothes.
And the story were the bolo meet the pony not all in one go but one after the other because of the war stretching their rank thin and the elements being separated built up some hype. And I like it and hope to get more soon,
8771573
Probably for the second. The first may happen; I hope it will, it sounds cool.
8771573
Stretchable metal... Uh, not really. Just carefully designed armor plates that interlock with each other in just the right way to do what mankind has yet to do and make what is effectively a metal space suit that doesn't restrict the wearer's motion. (That armor is airtight...)
Then again, this is a Bolo, and he does have nanotechnology- so he might make something to look like stretchable metal at some point. Probably wouldn't be too durable, though.
And for the second, yes, that's about what I'm looking at.
I love ponies and I love power armor, see where im going with this? On to the next chapter!
I am impressed as always at your storytelling ability. Keep up the astounding work!!
8776672
I'm publishing it as I write it... Sorry it's taking so long, but 'the rest' simply isn't written yet. Though, chap. 7 is looking to be ready soon.
Well, I can say it now: CLIFF!!
8777138
Yes, that you can. Next chapter is coming decently, in the doc.
There are points where you experience Sci-Fi Writers Have No Sense of Scale (with a vengance, here and there), but this chapter comes together with the already established.
This has been an interesting variation.
My one recommendation, use Grammarly. Other than that I am very interested to see how this turns out, keep going!
HAHA you won't need that much
I would still like to know the name of this Bolo, personally I want it to be British sounding, I don't know why but it just sounds right
Awww I'm all caught up, hope to see more soon
I may have missed one, in more ways than one. How much does the Bolo know about magic, beyond that it was used to get him here and that it does nasty things to physics (and physicists)? He mentions here that Dash must have been hit with the drain spell, but how did he learn about it? Did Discord tell him, or did he notice its effects and intuit its function? He can't speak Equestrian, so I am not sure how he learned about it, since it could not have been from those fighting the battle.
8778999
The drain spell... He witnessed its usage on Fluttershy, and observed the effects. Discord's spell gave him only a basic understanding- just enough to tune his defenses against it, but not nearly enough to analyze magical states (and identify spells) nor to manipulate it himself.
8778411
I do...? May I ask where?
score? is that some sort of curse word?
cool chapter, i hope twilight and the rest of the elements are ok where ever they are.
no DAKKA like MOAR DAKKA!
8779142
Nah- she's probably using it sarcastically.
8779227
Oh yes! Arm a pony with an all-out railgun capable of 3k rounds/min...
the sun being affected by Celestia's mood was a nice touch at the end. nice bit of flavour.
8779548
It ought to make the Earth-shattering kaboom more noticeable, too!
Communications are going to be a problem, I see.
Interesting use of the Party Cannon there.
Also, while I have not seen that way of pronouncing a teleport, I suppose it makes sense, if you read that to sound like the noise the endermen make in Minecraft when teleporting. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgWOCLNUf4k
8779869
Um... Something like that. (I've played MC before).
And I suppose earth-shattering is one way to describe a weapon as powerful as the one that wiped Hiroshima off the map.
8779878
Quite. And it's a Looney Tunes reference!
MAOR DAKKA! (there is never enuf dakka)
8779053
The most notorious moment was suggesting Rainbow Dash killed 30k enemy troops in one engagement. That was positively outlandish, honestly. The raw time alone it would take her to kill that many in melee combat is staggering, to say nothing of a single day. At best, if one is extremely generous to her mystique of speed, is claiming 300. Even that is bordering on ludicrous. And for the record, no, not even a small army could melee kill 30k prepared enemy troops in a single day. Not with the methods and weapons demonstrated or hinted in the Equestrian arsenal.
Besides, that ludicrous degree of overkill is what the bolo is for, isn't it?
All told, this has been an enjoyable read overall. I just wanted to offer some feedback.
8780323
Mm, yes, that very much is what the Bolo is for! ... See Chap. 10, may not be published just yet... (I'm getting it ready as I write this).
And yes, I know Rainbow's kill count was particularly spectacular... I was also using it to prove a point XD Thank you!