Lyra is witness to a strange event during a solar eclipse. No pony beleives her. What if they are not alone? What if there is something else out there?
Chapters (9)
Cmdr Brohoof
Joined 28th Mar, 2012 ·
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Okay, I like it! But, what's with the formatting? It's all funky.
Overall, 5/5 stars
Also First
Good, I look forward to the update!
945824 I dont why it does that...It doesn't look like that when I put it in. It might be because I copy and paste it from a word document
fav, like, longer chapters if you can or maybe daily updates?
946288 I'll give it a shot usually work makes it hard to keep a steady schedule
I find that the idea is really interesting, and nigh-unique, but the spelling and punctuation takes away from the story. Fix it, and you've got a great story.
4/5 moustaches
946677 Thanks...I'll be first to admit spelling and punctuation isnt my strong suit
Wait wat wait. Ponies. Humans. With FTLs? With portals?! FTLs and portals make everything 20% cooler
My rating is:
make more i am intrested
Not too shabby
Hendricks is surrounded by idiots.
You don't EVER remove weapons from a fighter. You could use 'em to blow up asteroids that are about to kill you. You could use them to blow up enemies that are about to kill you. There are just so many uses! And not having them is a dumbass idea.
Scientist: Giant space ring of death? Obviously it's harmless, there's no need for even the slightest modicum of caution. Because those who died messing with it earlier obviously were killed by their own belief in superstition, and not, say, an unknown artificial object with equally unknown properties that really could do any number of fatal things. You know.. in space. The friendliest environment to life.. ever.
Ooh, hey. Buttons! Let's Caboose the hell out of this shit and get to pressin'!
Top scientist my ass, I bet she got those degrees in community college.
946200
nah i think you're hitting enter when you reach the right side of the word page. So that kinda does make that effect. But I don't know i'm just theiroiohoitjh;aosed <--whatever that word should be.
949036 I know right!!!
Question Everything!!! That has been a great quote in a lot of games and movies and I still adore it. Liking and Faving this to see where it goes.
I think there should be more than just Lyra and Bon-Bon involved in this. I mean the entire town saw the shooting star and even the princesses saw it.
Oh one more thing. Can you find some way to seperate scenes? because just spacing them makes the chapter feel too short for my tastes. Even though you're producing more chapters when you shorten them. I would love to see some double spacing after each line or so. (Except when you got a paragraph.)
just doulbe spacing between character dialog so there isn't too much confusion. It also makes it feel longer and with more scrolling makes the experiance (not shitting you) more pleasurable :D
make moar or else
Make. Moar. Question everything. 11/10 for this quote :D
Whee! Now I know I'm gonna stay watching this. But PLEASE. The punctuation and spelling is annoying
Fix iiiittt!
Not bad but you could use an editor.
959771 Yes...yes I could
PLEASE clean up the grammar and punctuation! It takes away from the story!
Will read later - sounds interesting
Oh god, black suited ponies...
cant wait for the next
colts in black ?
Oh boy, im looking forward to how this story is going
My grammar jimmies are being rustled....
.............
I was totally hoping they could actually just walk into town and meet ponies so they would protect them when they are to be taken away.
966536 Hendricks has his priorities.
966572
yea but...I'm just sad...ya know?
966648
SHHHHHHHHHH delete your comment D:
spoilers mate :P
spoilers :P
966815 What comment?
966901
Sorry sometimes I just type stuff that I don't actually mean...like when you think something and that inner thought becomes and outer one and your all like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
so basically i need help
fire the ORBITAL FRIENDSHIP CANNON BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
hendricks now loves and tolerates 
Muuuch better!
Just missing some periods and question marks :D
972487 Thanks I took a alot more effort in reviewing it.
I like were this is going, good sir
They took his weapons.
IRONY is a bitch.
wow this .... FUCK THE COLTS IN BLACK ... MUST ... STRANGLE
good job keep it up 
Fuck the black suited colts....bastards.
Damn I hope they can fight their way to the ship :/
Le gasp!
(Always start a new paragraph when someone else starts talking
)
(GASP) ITS A SPY!
i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/008/305/its-a-conspiracy.jpg
991946 Lol
OH SHIT SON ITS INTERNET HAND OVERY TIME
I want to drop from teh sky and crush every changeling's skull under inch think combat boots, with a D-eagle too
oh man shits getting crazy
993477 I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
993513 yes but what about the hostages and the ship? I think Hellfire rockets are a better choice, and to make sure they dont escape, block off the perimeter with napalm, if they fly over, you can just lock on to them with the Hellfire rockets
I, unfortunately didn't read very far. There were a lot of grammatical and syntactic issues that just kept pulling me out of the story and really need to be fixed. It's hard to read the story when my mind keeps going in to proofreader mode.