Epileptic-autistic eldest of four, artist, creative, and horse crazy girl who is obsessed with entertainment media and history among other things.
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It's a beautiful winter day on the Apple Farm as the family enjoys Christmas together, none of them realizing it'll be their last Christmas together. Big Mack helps his father make the cider while Applejack helps her mother can the apples and pears while Granny walks an infant Apple Bloom. Not even she knows that her son and daughter in law are going to die soon.
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I like that you suggest that not all the Pears shut her out. I have yet to see another writer do that.
Well, that was...abrupt. I'd suggest that this scene could benefit from some fleshing out, or from being done through implication rather than the direct approach.
This last scene saves the abruptness of the last chapter with its sweetness. Overall, this is a nice little story. It could stand a little fleshing out, and perhaps a more subtle means of handling the parents' deaths. I'd also suggest condensing the story into fewer chapters (or even just one) rather than a bunch of short ones, as it helps with readability (breaking them up hurts the flow and takes the reader out of the story). In all, it's a touching read, and I enjoy the thought of what that last Christmas together would have looked like.
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Thank you. I'm glad you like my idea. I don't know why others haven't discussed this point or written about it.
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Yeah. Sorry if this one was really short. I had a semi-writers block at the time of this chapter.
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Thanks. Also, the reason I go with shorter multiple chapters is that I often get stung by others that they hate my one chapter style stories, so I found this the safer way to go.
It happens to the best of us
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It would make sense. I've had a front row seat to some, shall we say, family splits of this nature before, and generally there are members who cross between the two belligerent parties. I think it's fertile ground for fics, and I'm glad you thought of it (I actually hadn't until you suggested it).
Everything else is great, my only problem right now is that it's Hearth's Warming in their world not Christmas.
If I could make a suggestion, you could cut this chapter out. IT would help with the flow a lot and make it more heartwarming as we focus on the memories.