Pleasing Maud Pie

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Comments ( 9 )

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Samey90

Samey90 #1 · Dec 9th, 2017 · 1 · ·

Not so loud, Maud, kids may hear...

OmniFox

OmniFox #2 · Dec 10th, 2017 · 1 · ·

Any more one or multi-shot clopfic ideas?

Blue Waffle

Blue Waffle #3 · Dec 14th, 2017 · 1 · ·

This story was cute and fun. That said, I've noticed some other deep problems. The prose structure is tedious. Your paragraphs vary from single sentence non-paragraphs to long, boring walls of text that make me feel like I'm getting clobbered on the head with half a ton of bricks. You've clearly tried your hardest to vary your sentences to the point of over compensating. There's no point to it and it's honestly obnoxious. It hurts the flow of an otherwise good story.

The entire story is incredibly rushed. Writing this in barely a thousand words isn't enough time to give it any breathing room. The prose doesn't flow well, and it feels like you've tried to cram the sex and romance together in the hopes to cover both topics in such a short span of time. Unfortunately, that just makes both elements passable rather than good.

I'm sorry, but I can't give this story a rating one way or the other. It's too good for a dislike but has far too many structural flaws to warrant a like.

Best of luck in your future endeavors.

kalash93

kalash93 #4 · Dec 14th, 2017 · · ·

8601692

Check my story archive. Tons of clop.

Yumberduddle

Yumberduddle #5 · Dec 15th, 2017 · · ·

i like it

kalash93

kalash93 #6 · Dec 17th, 2017 · 1 · ·

8609103

Thanks for the feedback. I honestly cooked this up in less than an hour because of a convo I had with Samey90. The key lesson I take away from this is to not pull stunts like this.

RupertBlueFox

RupertBlueFox #7 · Feb 7th, 2018 · · ·

So beautiful! And hot! =P
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

kalash93

kalash93 #8 · Feb 8th, 2018 · · ·

8719460
I'm glad you like it. It's a little something something I cooked up in an hour on a whim. Now for something written deliberately, I got a new chapter of Nights In Pink Velvet coming out this Friday, and it promises to be extra cloppy.

wdfarmer