The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews

by Daily Show Ponies

Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: The rejection

As a professional entertainer Jon Stewart was used to the feeling of rejection. Early on in his career he grew accustomed to being turned away from the occasional night club or a stand up gig, and as a famous talk show host he got used to celebrities refusing his offers to appear on his show.

Jon learned a long time ago to not take it personally but instead build on that feeling to better yourself. It's as the old saying goes when one falls of a horse you get right back on...however as used to it as he was Jon still hated getting rejected.

"Fifteen times...how do you say 'no' fifteen times!?" Is what Jon was thinking to himself on a quiet New York afternoon at his home. He rubbed his forehead and swiveled in his chair to avoid the rays of sunlight that was still penetrating his work study.

Jon had just received another batch of letters from Spike and among the usual assortment of fan mail were some response letters from ponies that he had written to specifically. One of whom wrote back to decline his request for an appearance...for the fifteenth time.

This pony went by the name of Fluttershy, and like a child being denied a toy Jon wanted her on his show now more than ever before. When he first sent a letter asking her to make an appearance she responded with a simple "no thank you" the very next day. At the time Jon just assumed it was bad timing on his part and waited what he thought was an appropriate amount of time before asking again, only to get the exact same results as before.

This pattern would repeat itself several more times, each response containing the same three words as the last; "no thank you." Jon didn't take it personally (though it was hard to not do so) but at the same time he wondered why she was so amendment about rejecting his offers, especially since she never gave an explanation for her answers.

Usually Jon wouldn't pursue a single guest so persistently but this was by all accounts no ordinary pony. This Fluttershy not only rejected Jon fifteen times and refused to come on by request of Princess Celestia but she was also a member of the Elements of Harmony.

Whoever this pony was she was definitely a high-profile individual whose busy schedule was of such utmost importance that it prevented her from attending. This was Jon's train of thought for her rejecting his proposal yet again and it was also what made Jon want her on his program to begin with it.

Jon's fixation on the letter was soon interrupted by the sound of giggling and scuffling of feet just outside his study. What soon followed was the sudden appearance of his two children, Nathan and Maggie, bursting into his study at almost the same time. Without a word to their father they quickly spit apart and ran to opposite sides of the room with Maggie hiding under the desk that Jon was currently occupying and Nathan hiding in the wardrobe located at the other end of the room.

Jon peaked under his desk at his daughter who was holding on tightly to his left leg, she greeted him by pressing her fingers against her lips, signaling for him to be quiet. Jon looked up to see if his son would do the same but instead caught a glimpse of a blue blur just outside his door. The two children began to giggle to themselves which caused whatever it was that ran past his study to stop and turn around.

Jon heard the sound of hooves trotting in the hallway and before he could call out to whatever was making the noise a blue unicorn poked its head into Jon's study. It was none other than Trixie, Jon's magical assistant and the latest addition to the Stewart family. Before saying anything, or receiving permission to enter, she walked into the room and quickly glanced around.

"...Stewart." She said as she circled the room without making eye contact.

"Trixie." Jon responded as he watched her walk around the room, waiting for her to explain herself. After a few seconds of silence Jon decided to break the ice.

"Can I help you with something?" He finally said. Trixie didn't look at Jon right away, she only made eye contact after her search yielded no results.

"Perhaps you can, student." She said as she flipped her hair. "I am currently playing an oh so riveting game of 'hide-and-go-seek' with your children and I lost track of them. Tell me...have you seen them lately?"

Once again she looked away which gave Jon ample time to look downwards at his daughter who was still holding onto his leg and shaking her head, begging him to not give up her location. Jon leaned forward so she couldn't see what he was about to do next.

"Trixie, I can honestly say I have no idea where they are." He said as he pointed downwards. Seeing this Trixie smiled a rather cocky smile as she made her way around Jon desk. Without asking she pushed Jon asked and awkwardly squeezed herself under Jon's legs to find Maggie who tried to run away again.

Luck was not on her side however as Trixie very quickly used her teeth to grab a hold of Maggie by the back of her collar. She then proceeded to very delicately drag her out from her hiding spot. Maggie was giggling uncontrollably the entire time which meant Trixie had to wait before interrogating her.

"Ok little Missy, where is your brother?" Trixie said in a playful tone. Maggie defiantly shook her head and placed her hands over her mouth, both to convey that she would not squeal and to hold back her still incoming giggles. Trixie waited to see if she would crack but she remained steadfast in her reluctance to rat out her older brother.

Down but not out Trixie looked over at Jon once again giving him a raised eyebrow in the hopes that he would help her out once more. Making sure Maggie couldn't see him Jon motioned his eyes to the corner of the room and used both his hands to make a gesture like he was adjusting an invisible necktie.

Trixie knew exactly what this meant and immediately trotted over to the adjacent wardrobe. She placed an ear on the side of its wooden panels where she could hear the sound of stifled laughter and restless movement, she had found her prey.

With the element of surprise finally on her side Trixie used her magic to tilt Jon's dresser forward causing Nathan to tumble out in a dizzy haze with one of Jon's dress pants covering his face. Before he could make heads or tails as to what happened Trixie gently bonked him on the head.

"And Trixie wins again!" She announced pridefully. "Let this be a lesson for all who dare appose me, for I am the--"

Before she could continue her victory speech Trixie was tackled from behind by Maggie. Though she only meant to just give her a hug their size difference meant it was more of a takedown. Following suit Nathan did the same with Trixie now finding herself crammed in the middle of an all out group hug. She tried to force her way out but their combined strength proved to be too great.

Jon began to laugh as he pulled out his cell phone.

"Hold still!" He said as he snapped a picture. "Now that's...a Kodak moment right there."

"Ok kids fun time's over," she said. "Now release Trixie, please." A much as they didn't want to the children obediently released her, though Maggie took this opportunity to pet her mane a few times. Now free from the children's embrace Trixie took a second to catch her breath and straighten her hat and cape.

Jon loved the antics of his two kids and Trixie. Because of his hectic work schedule he rarely had the opportunity to spend this kind of time with his family so he enjoyed every second of it. His joy however would not last long as a blast of green fire appeared; bringing with it a pile of letters, quickly reminding him that he had work to do.

"Cooooool!" His kids said, not sharing Jon's sense of dread.

The sudden reminder caused him to sigh heavily which got the attention of those in attendance.

"What's wrong daddy?" Nathan asked.

"Yes, what ails you Stewart?" Trixie added.

"Oh it's nothing really." Jon dismissively said. "It's just more work I have to do." Hearing this made Nathan ran up to his dad, jumping up and down in the process.

"Anything I can do to help!?" He said with great enthusiasm.

"Tell ya what, champ." Jon said as he picked up his son and placed him on his lap. "If you really want to help me then here's what you gotta do. Build a time-machine, go back 10 years and warn past me to not take this job. Can you do that for me?"

Still sitting on Jon's lap, Nathan actually gave the question some serious thought.

"I can try." He said earnestly. Jon laughed and placed his son back on the ground.

"I'm fine really," he assured them. "I'm just having trouble with a potential client who--"

Jon stopped as the gears in his head began to turn. He thought that maybe he did need help; he just needed to ask the right person...or rather the right pony.

"Actually now that I think about it..." Jon said with a pause. "Trixie would you mind if I consulted you on some business?"

Trixie took a second to throw her nose in the air in a snooty fashion, unaware that Maggie was imitating her movements from behind

"I don't know...my time is extremely valuable." She said as she admired her hoof. "But I suppose if you really need my genius mind I can spare a few minutes."

"Alright then let's get down to business," Jon said as he turned to his kids. "Ok guys I need you both to go and play for a bit while daddy and Trixie talk." Unlike with Trixie Jon's request was met with great hesitation.

"Awwww but we don't wanna!" Nathan whined.

"Yeah can't we stay and help you too!?" Maggie pleased. Jon was about to set them straight when Trixie intervened.

"Now now children we'll have none of that," she lightly scolded. "Now listen your father and go play elsewhere...we'll continue or play time later." Jon was all but certain that her demands would fall on deaf ears...he was wrong.

"Ok, we will!" Maggie said as she gave Trixie a hug and a kiss on the cheek. The two children quickly ran out the door with Nathan poking his head back in one last time.

"We love you Great and Powerful Trixie!" He said. The sounds of giggling slowly faded as the two ran further down the hallway and into another room. Jon found it hard to believe that the two kids who had just left were actually his.

"What have you done to my kids?" Jon asked facetiously after a moment of silence.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie has merely shown them who is the one in charge around here." Trixie responded with a wave of her hoof. "Now then...you needed my help."

"Yeah...I did." Jon responded with an annoyed look on his face. "There's this pony--"

"Before we go any further," Trixie interrupted. "If you know what's good for you you'll delete that picture you took."

"Oh common it's cute." He responded. "It's like you're a marshmallow in between two crackers."

Trixie was unamused and continued to glare at Jon till he complied.

"Alright alright here." Jon presented his phone after a few swipes on its touch screen. He showed her the picture with a prompt asking if he was sure he wanted to delete. "You do the honors."

Trixie pressed her hoof against the screen and permanently deleted the picture.

"Very good, student." She said. "Now then...about this pony."

"Well it's like this, for awhile now I've trying to get this pony to come on my show." He said "But so far I've been met with some...reluctance."

"So she doesn't want to appear?" She ventured, getting a nod in return.

"See for yourself." Jon retorted, as he handed her the latest rejection letter. Trixie skimmed it over before giving it back.

"Has she said why?" She asked.

"Not at all." Jon answered. "This is the fifteenth time she's said 'no.' I've tried to get in contact with her via phone but Celestia says she refuses to talk to me."

"Maybe she just doesn't like your show." Trixie said. "I mean I can certainly understand if that were the case. You're program...could be better."

"Yes well there's a little thing called courtesy," Jon said as he paced back and forth. "I mean I don't like Fox but whenever they invite me over to do a show with O'Reilly or Chris Wallace I gladly do so...or at the very least explain to them why I can't make it."

His comparison would have made more sense to Trixie were she not distracted by how he phrased it. Her mouth opened but she said nothing, she was picking her next words carefully.

"I'm sorry Stewart but...but what was that?" She asked. "A fox once invited you onto its show?"

"Oh uuuh...not it’s just--" Jon struggled to explain to the perplexed Unicorn. "Uh you know what just forget it, it's not important...so uh, what if anything can you tell me about this Fluttershy."

"Not much I'm afraid...all I know is she's one of the Elements of Harmony and the friend of...ugh, Twilight Sparkle," she said with a grimace. "Although she's never had the pleasure of meeting me I've heard rumors that she's a bit of a pushover...So no I don't know much about her. And just as well I suppose, the Great and Powerful Trixie has no need to consort with such pusillanimous ponies."

"Delightful as always I see." Jon said, taking off his reading glasses for a moment to rub his eyes. Trixie arched her head at Jon to show her expression which conveyed that she wasn't amused by his back talking. Suddenly a look of realization appeared on her face and she looked to the left of her, where the kid's bedrooms were, then back to Jon.

"You know Stewart for what it's worth there have been some well documented cases of skilled Unicorns using their magic to time travel." Trixie said in uncharacteristically serious tone.

This sudden news made Jon look up at Trixie so fast it caused his head to slightly throb in pain. He knew Unicorns were a powerful species but he had no idea their abilities could extend to that of time manipulation.

"You...can time travel?" Jon asked.

"Well I've never tried it before personally but I assure you that there is not a single spell that I the Great and Powerful Trixie cannot master!" She said rather loudly.

Jon stared at her waiting for her to continue. With a statement as bold as hers was he was certain that whatever she would say next would start off with the phrase "But."

"...But at the moment Trixie is ill prepared to handle such a feat," she said in a much softer tone. "I still haven't regained all my magical energy since I arrived in your world...also I wouldn't know how to prepare for that kind of spell. The next time you're in Equestria and you happen upon a book of incantations I can probably give it a try."

Jon stopped what he was doing to look at her dead in the eye; he wanted to make it clear to her how he felt about her offer.

"Trixie...as generous as your offer is let me assure you that I'm perfectly happy with how my life is right now." Jon said trying his best to sound sincere. "Before I was just joking to liven up the mood...yes some days are harder than others but the truth is I wouldn't trade the Daily Show for anything in the world....but still, thanks anyway."

He returned to his work while Trixie, losing interest now that her services were no longer needed, turned around to leave the room. Jon was now going through his newly delivered pile of letters when something caught his eye immediately, it was a name he had recognized all too well.

"Huh, what do we have here?" Jon asked out loud, causing Trixie to look back at him from over her shoulder.

"What is it?" She asked. Jon brought the letter closer to his face, adjusting his reading glasses to get a better look.

"It's...it's another letter from Fluttershy. This is the first letter I've gotten from her that wasn't just a response to one of mine." Jon answered perplexedly. "OH! Maybe she reconsidered! Or at least is ready to talk business!"

In a very quick and dirty fashion Jon hastily tore open the letter like a child opening a present on Christmas morning. Trixie, interested in what the letter would say, trotted up to Jon's desk to join him. He held the letter at half an arm’s length and began to read. Slowly his vibrant expression began to sink and transition to one of disbelief.

"You alright, Stewart?" Trixie ask as she slowly nudged him with her hoof.

"You...have...got...to be kidding me!" Jon exclaimed as he stood up and threw his arms to the side causing the letter to float gingerly to the ground. Trixie was shocked by his sudden outburst; he looked as if he had seen a ghost or witnessed something he couldn't comprehend.

She looked down at the letter which lay perfectly at her hooves. Using her magic to levitated it closer to her face and began to read it's very neat hoof writing.

---

Dear Mr. Stewart:

My answer is still 'no thank you.' And if you ask me again, I'm sorry to say, it will still be 'no thank you.'

So if you want don't ask me tomorrow and you can save some paper.

But if you really want to ask me again you can but I will still say no...sorry!

-Fluttershy

---

"A future rejection letter!" Jon said with a frustrated laugh. "She actually sent me a future...rejection letter...ok that does it, it’s time!"

"Time for what?" Trixie asked.

"Time for some drastic measures!" Jon answered as he rounded his desk. "I think a little one-on-one is in order here...I'm going back to Equestria!"

Comments

[Madman with a Keyboard]

A... Future.... Rejection letter?

........

FLUTTERSHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!