• Published 9th Nov 2017
  • 3,849 Views, 116 Comments

Random Horse Fact - Admiral Biscuit



You're stuck in Equestria with no money and no home. Can your limited knowledge of equines help somehow?

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The Underwhelming Ending

Six months later, you're a regular on the freak show circuit. It's actually pretty chill. You've got a bunk to yourself, and they give you all the beer you can drink for free. Ponies toss bit coins up on stage and sometimes flash you, and all you've got to do is puke on command.

Author's Note:

Story notes here!

Comments ( 84 )

I think this have to be said:
goddamit Biscuit!

Hey guys I preread this and it’s good so you should read it.

2 years later you're in the hospital for an eroded esophagus, and because it's a world without humans, there's very little they can do to help you. Maybe you shouldn't have spent 2 years puking regularly?

The End?

The End.

...

Dammit Tramp!

I dunno what I expected. But you surpassed it. Bravo.

Yeah, yeah. Horses can’t vomit. The important question remains...

...Are you sure Manny is okay?

Comment posted by Apollyon deleted Nov 9th, 2017

Goddammit Biscuit.

This is... amazing!

I'm not sure if I can upvote this... But I definitely can't justify a downvote.

I'm trying to upvote it... It's just hard to swallow, I mean I'm no sword swallower.

8538766
Yeah, one of the dangers of constant puking (I think you can get tooth decay from it, too).

As long as Manny's okay, though, that's all that really matters.

8538771

Dammit Tramp!

:rainbowlaugh:

It's really not his fault at all, but I figured I ought to blame him anyways.

8538813

I dunno what I expected. But you surpassed it. Bravo.

Thanks!

Thing is though, unlike earth horses, MLP ponies can vomit.

8538819

The important question remains...
...Are you sure Manny is okay?

I know, right? He could be traumatized! Who will Fluttershy ride into battle if not Manny?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/3/18/851990__safe_angel+bunny_applejack_blackthorn_bramble_fluttershy_observer+%28pony%29_pinkie+pie_rainbow+dash_rarity_twilight+sparkle_spoiler-colon-comi.png

8538881

Goddammit Biscuit.

I know. But I couldn't help myself.

8538891

This is... amazing!

Thanks!

8538895

I'm not sure if I can upvote this... But I definitely can't justify a downvote.
I'm trying to upvote it... It's just hard to swallow, I mean I'm no sword swallower.

You pretty much have to upvote it. Not for me, but for Manny.

8538930

Thing is though, unlike earth horses, MLP ponies can vomit.

That's why the AU tag. :heart: It's like a get out of jail free card.

(To the best of my recollection, we've never actually seen a pony vomit in the show, although in the baked bads incident it's very much implied.)

welcome to youwritecrackfic month
this was a very silly story and I will only read it once.

And once again, Admiral Biscuit, you leave me wanting more when the story is closed. Though knowing how your stories usually are, I don't know why I'd expect more.
This was definitely a fun little read, but now I've got to get back to homework, which is what I should have been doing.

8539014

this was a very silly story and I will only read it once.

You should read it twice. Starlight's dialogue is funnier the second time through, IMHO.

8539069

And once again, Admiral Biscuit, you leave me wanting more when the story is closed. Though knowing how your stories usually are, I don't know why I'd expect more.

:heart:

This was definitely a fun little read, but now I've got to get back to homework, which is what I should have been doing.

Fun fact! I wrote this story when I should have been paying attention in a mechanic class.

You'd think Griffons would have hairballs, or something similar, but then again these are redneck ponies. They wouldn't know.

8538930
8538946
If I remember correctly, the only pony that has vomited is Pinkie Pie. Since she also sneezes confetti, I wouldn't take her as a representative sample...

8538940
He's going to pull through, right?

Dan

This fic is offensive to bulimics. Don't you know it's a real sickness?
[sar]

Well, at least you were productive in that mechanics class.
Fun fact: in Germany, the shorthand 'Manny' is heavily associated with the cliché of the somewhat dim, mullet wearing, pimped pseudo-sportscar driving and self-proclaimed most capable mechanic ever from the 70s through the 80s. I'm sure you'd love him. :trixieshiftright: Because of that, the perfectly ordinary German name 'Manfred' more or less was purged from the list of names parents would ever consider for their baby. Having a manticore with that name in the show still amuses me.
And I do hope he's okay.

but that's just splitting hairs.

As long as it isn't spitting furballs.

I think I'll upvote this. For Manny.

I'm sure Manny is fine, I fully expect Starlight to slam the door in "my" face and then go out to check for him. After Trixie's show they discovered they had much in common and now they meet semi-regularly.

"I" also tried to upscale my act in the Academic Freak Show circuit, by showing off the other human peculiarities, but then "I" discovered that other great apes had an appendix too that could kill them, and the odontoiatric community to whom I could show off my wisdom teeth was too small as to be profitable. Also, they didn't flash me.

Great story by the way, but that may be my fever talking:pinkiecrazy:

My reaction to this was a mix of the fuck? and gigglesnort...

"Sometimes flash you?" Anon, that means they got bored and left. :applejackunsure:

Uhm... I don't know what I expected XD

Not so much human in Equestria as human in Totally Legit Recap. Neat.

Also, I quite like how Starlight said that ponies are the only fingerless sapient race, then listed several similarly nondigital civilizations.

8539354

Close enough to play solitaire 'til dawn.

Exactly.

8539375

I laughed my was off. Not at the typos, but the story.

Story was so not proofread. :derpytongue2:

Glad you enjoyed it.

8539379

You'd think Griffons would have hairballs, or something similar, but then again these are redneck ponies. They wouldn't know.

I wonder if they do? What are bird tongues like? Or do they have cat-like tongues? Hmm.

8539403

If I remember correctly, the only pony that has vomited is Pinkie Pie. Since she also sneezes confetti, I wouldn't take her as a representative sample...

As I recall, we didn't see her actually vomit, just make an urk noise and her cheeks bulged out. But, that's pretty much cartoon symbolism for vomiting.

But yeah, maybe she isn't the best pony to base canon upon.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/8/14/399902__safe_artist-colon-dm29_pinkie+pie_confetti_fart_fart+noise_funny_simple+background_solo_stealth+pun_transparent+background_wat.png

8539473

He's going to pull through, right?

I hope so. I'd better check to make sure, though.

8539498

This fic is offensive to bulimics. Don't you know it's a real sickness?

Is it bulimia when you're doing it for beer?

8539574
Well, at least you were productive in that mechanics class.
Exactly!

(And I did learn new stuff in the second half of the class, when we were covering things I didn't know).

Fun fact: in Germany, the shorthand 'Manny' is heavily associated with the cliché of the somewhat dim, mullet wearing, pimped pseudo-sportscar driving and self-proclaimed most capable mechanic ever from the 70s through the 80s. I'm sure you'd love him. :trixieshiftright:

Love him? I work with him (although it's a 4x4,because sports cars are kind of passe out in the country).

Because of that, the perfectly ordinary German name 'Manfred' more or less was purged from the list of names parents would ever consider for their baby. Having a manticore with that name in the show still amuses me.

Which is a shame, because Manfred is a great name.

And I do hope he's okay.

Someone really out to go and check, just to make sure.

As long as it isn't spitting furballs.

Seriously, I am now wondering if that's a thing that griffons do.

I think I'll upvote this. For Manny.

:heart:

8539643

I'm sure Manny is fine, I fully expect Starlight to slam the door in "my" face and then go out to check for him. After Trixie's show they discovered they had much in common and now they meet semi-regularly.

Who has much in common? Trixie and Glimmy? Glimmy and Manny? Do they all meet up for a REDACTED in the forest?

"I" also tried to upscale my act in the Academic Freak Show circuit, by showing off the other human peculiarities, but then "I" discovered that other great apes had an appendix too that could kill them, and the odontoiatric community to whom I could show off my wisdom teeth was too small as to be profitable. Also, they didn't flash me.

Although it would be difficult, you could potentially show off not only your appendix, but also your gall bladder, which are of course both things that equines don't have.

And assuming that you could get Minuette to trade her tooth files for human dental implements, she could open the world's first (probably) nude dentist's office.

I'd visit it.

Great story by the way, but that may be my fever talking:pinkiecrazy:

Stories like this are good for what ails you, or something like that.

8539679

My reaction to this was a mix of the fuck? and gigglesnort...

Exactly what I was going for!

8539814

"Sometimes flash you?" Anon, that means they got bored and left. :applejackunsure:

I suppose it depends if they stand up on their hind hooves and show their bellies, or if they turn around and lift their tails, doesn't it?

8540129

Uhm... I don't know what I expected XD

I hope you were at least amused. Or confused.

Really, either is good.

8540260

Not so much human in Equestria as human in Totally Legit Recap. Neat.

Strangely, I think I've only ever seen one or two of those.

Also, I quite like how Starlight said that ponies are the only fingerless sapient race, then listed several similarly nondigital civilizations.

Yeah, I was thinking of changing that, and then I thought that the story already doesn't exactly make sense, so why bother limiting her list of other sapient species to only ones that had hands (of a sort).

Bravo! It's about time HIEs stopped getting automatic welfare payments from simply appearing in Equestria.
Especially the ones who fail to feed the manticores properly. That's what they're there to do, right?
It's a "Circle of Life" ...thing. Humans appear in the Everfree. Manticores eat them. Manticores leave ponies alone for a while.

8540905

Who has much in common? Trixie and Glimmy? Glimmy and Manny? Do they all meet up for a REDACTED in the forest?

She and Manny, and I'm really struggling to stay classy here :trollestia:

And assuming that you could get Minuette to trade her tooth files for human dental implements, she could open the world's first (probably) nude dentist's office.

Having a customer pool of one may be a problem for the profitability of such an endeavor:unsuresweetie:

Ach, what a cruel and unfeeling world we inhabit:raritydespair:

WHAT

No, seriously, WAT

This is way too good to be a tramp fic. It definitely has the recognisable plot structure. (I realise Tramp isn't the person I'm thinking of. Sorry, Super Tramp) I'm sure I've read a fic starting this exact same way, to a less hilarious effect. The dialogue is kind of reminiscent of one of Aragon's fics [1].

[1] or his amazing blog on relationship advice

sometimes flash you,

Interesting case; there was one time that a mint unicorn jumped the stage and put on a pair of pants. It took three hours and seven police stallions to restrain her.

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