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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Meanwhile in Dylans realm.....
*Dylans pa notices a old muscle car waiting idly outside *
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Is it a '67 Impala?
(Grabs his Pa from behind) Not on my watch.
poor Dylan
so is this going to be a human turned pony story?
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No butI do like that car and Supernatural
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Don't worry~. 'Tis just a dream.
I'd rek his pa ass for him. Stay a way drom pony Dylan.
I'm just trying to get a quick look to get an idea of the story, but I kind of hoped they didn't get Starswirls back here. He hasn't done anything to me but I used to hate him, because of him everyone seems to think that no other unicorn was allowed to have some skill till Starlight Glimmer came along a while back.
I was annoyed of how OP they made him appear half of the time that I remember.
I think that was a chance to make some panic without showing a Villain.
okay....it is nothing bad this time and it is not his first dream so Luna isn't coming to soon in his dreams, but it appears still a bit strange to me somehow to image Super Luna flaying into his dreams and bashing his dad away right now. I have those overdone thoughts of some clichee moments sometimes.
I would like to see Applejack having motherly feelings for him as soon as he starts to turn into a colt, maybe having one of those bonding moments they have sometimes in those stories, where they lick the foal or something.
I would rather be transformed suddenly then live back where I be treated like trash. That's a small cost.
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Dame start we got your back Dylan and nothing bad going to will we’re around
This is really good writing. Considering this is the first story you've written, this is excellent writing. The accents are written very well. You choose words and phrases that Applejack's family would actually say, and the way you "misspell" them to show the accent always reminds you of how the words should be pronounced without ever really getting obnoxious with apostrophes or making you try to figure out what is being said.
Very good work with the accent, basically.
One thing that I've noticed, however, is that in my head, I keep imagining Dylan to be much younger than he is stated to be. I keep imagining him to be between eight and ten, instead of the kid who's about to reach the age of consent in Alabama, Tennessee, and Texas in about a year. Maybe it's because the cover art shows him being really small that it put that in my head...
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He's just incredibly innocent. What I am attempting to portray is this boy who is shy due to his traumatic upbringing, in a sense where he may have to shed it eventually, because he can't use it as his crutch forever. Having visited Equestria has allowed him to keep his innocence, so there's a big problem there, and it is a hurdle he may have to face when confronted with problems.
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Forgive me for replying late, but I understand what you mean. I attempt to show characters in their more realistic scale of power. Starswirl is certainly not as powerful as, say, Discord, or Celestia and Luna. He has the knowledge, sure, but to enact on such a powerful level would break the boundaries.