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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good pacing i think.
I can already tell he will be in good hooves. I doubt his father would have a chance against big mac
Awesome start of a story can't wait for the next chapter.
I'm looking forward to see how this story goes
So, may as well say it, but so far I think that the story is going rather well. The pacing isn't too fast or slow...at least for now. The only complaint that I even have (if you can call it that) is that the chapters are too short for my taste...but that's just cause I prefer longer chapters. Besides that, doing well and looking forward to reading the rest.
awww I thought she would maybe find him in his coltform already.
8541739
it would be so typical if the father somehow got to Equestria to to play the Villain role in this adoption storie. While I'm a defender of possible changes in how the univers or the world would work if humans and ponies would actually meet each other, I agree with you for now.
What I mean is what if the world either change the human or both worlds are so different that they are equally strong in the end if both worlds would meet. The theory is usually that the cartoon world is much more dangerous and everything is stronger than the human there, but I think because of at least one movie and because it's all theory, it could be that they are actually slightly weaker than they appear to be and that makes the human capable of defending himself there.
Nothing wrong with the scene, but the wording made it sound like it was "magical honesty" and more the element instead of Applejacks words actually carrying that meaning again.
I just slightly dislike it when it looks like "I can make you fall in love/invade your dreams/make you love when you look at me/feel at ease in my presence/ kind of element magic emotion stuff instead of it being more natural if you know what i mean. I don't want to give a long answer now and hope it makes sense like this.
how old and big is he and how high is Applejack reaching? I think she is maybe as big as a small child and would maybe reach a grown human up to his stomach or hips.
I'm not a fan of the giant ponies that are as big as the human itself exactly, I only have seen one picture and that showed a more than massive ponie which kind of looked ugly a bit but that could have been the drawing style.
I'm curious if it still will work out with the small chapters after a while.
Apple Bloom, not Applebloom
That's not how that accent works but okay.
Also Apple Bloom is two words.
HOW?! Did he ride on her back? Is she a horse, so he could rest an arm semi-comfortably around her neck or withers?
On mobile so can't really check atm, but IIRC the horse/pony threshold is 14 hands, or 56 inches. You said he is fifteen so he likely 5 feet tall. If Applejack's withers only come up to his waist I don't see him being able to use her as a crutch at all. Even if he could put some weight on his (non?)broken leg.
9607033
He's actually smaller than that. Only 4 ¹/² feet tall. Also, yes, he basically rode partially on her back. I should've been clearer on that. Please forgive me. This was an early chapter and I wasn't as experienced. It improves as the story progresses.
Also, have an upvote.
9607871
Hes 15 years old and only 4 1/2 feet tall? That's pretty dang small for a 15 year old in any regard. My 8 year old niece is taller than him.
10246505
He didn't drink his milk. Ended up like poor Edward Elrich.
What did you do with the real Applejack?
10580248
Applejack was never real in the first place.
With friends like these, who needs medically trained and licenced doctors?
10651540
We need some magical friends then.