A dark path

Rainbow Dash has a dark secret... and an even darker path to walk. Will she choose friends over freedom? Or is the call of the wild too strong?

Chapters (4)

1 · 24th Oct 2017 · 197 words
197
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2 · 24th Oct 2017 · 311 words
311
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3 · 25th Oct 2017 · 143 words
143
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4 · 26th Oct 2017 · 379 words
379
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Comments ( 4 )

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Danvs3

Danvs3 #1 · Oct 27th, 2017 · 2 · · 4 ·

OK so probably one of the shortest stories i have ever read... needless to say rather confusing, but interesting. I wonder what happens next and what happened to Flutters.

Kunama Windrider

Kunama Windrider #2 · Oct 27th, 2017 · · · 4 ·

Hi!!! Hope you enjoy this story, really sorry if its not that good...

Kunama Windrider

Kunama Windrider #3 · Oct 27th, 2017 · 1 · · 4 ·

8513381
Thanks for the positive feedback, I'll try to make it better for my next story.

EverfreePony

EverfreePony #4 · Nov 11th, 2017 · 2 · · 4 ·

Hmm... to be honest, I don’t know what to make of this. The standalone parts are mostly solid in grammar and usually have quite nice descriptions with an eye for detail. However, each of these parts feels as if you just took a story and cut out a small portion of the text from it. What I mean is, the chapters have something in common, but there is a lot, and I stress a lot, of context missing. For example, the biggest question is; why is Rainbow Ahuizotl’s student?

I think you are throwing darts in the right direction, you just need to slow down and let the story unfurl, not throw the reader in the middle of it. If there is anything you’d need help with, feel free to send me a PM

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Kunama Windrider

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