- Member Since 17th Sep, 2017
- offline last seen Yesterday
Alitaher003
Necromancer? Me? Where did you get that idea?
Alitaher003
Joined 17th Sep, 2017 ·
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tickled the funny bone, more pls
This story seems like it will be enjoyable.
hehehehehehe
8478111
Good! Constructive comments! Keep at them! I want to know what you guys think of it, and where I'm lacking so I can improve!
Flesh Golem Companion gained.
8497282
:D
I like the different ideas you had for necromancy, using things like rituals and gems instead of casting spells.
The story seems interesting so far, and it's pretty good for a first attempt at writing. The story does have a few problems with it, but I assume that with enough practice and time, the problems I mention probably won't even matter. You'll become better as time passes and you keep writing.
One potential problem is probably pacing and chapter size. A whole ton of stuff is happening, and it's all being stuffed down into chapters around 1000 words long, give or take. The result is a whole lot of action and such, and not much else.
That's a problem with 1000 word chapters sometimes. They either have a really fast pace due to cramming, or not much progress and it becomes a filler chapter. Around 2000 words is what I would recommend as a good minimum amount.
You could also try making the dialogue more lively. Make it seem like they do more than just plain talking.
Here's an example:
"I don't know" can become He shrugged, "I don't know"
When you do dialogue, use things like "he/she nodded" "he/she asked" "he/she pointed at something"
Basically anything that makes the characters feel more alive when they talk.
8515100
Thank you, this is exactly what I needed.. Constructive criticism. English isn't my first language, and I am very bad at writing my ideas down properly. I cannot thank you enough for this.
If you, or someone else provide a name for the golem to have, it would be very much appreciated.
Well this is a nice christmas present.
Such a nice cliff to hang from...
Keep it up
8773897
:D
I like this, will looking forward to this story's view point on dark art's
Too bad Fluttershy didn't have a understanding of how the wild works or maybe it's accepts? of how it works
hmm do like it, what will happen next after a long build up of the world and most importanly the character's and interretions, War?
8775192
War? Perish the thought.
Then you can reanimate it to do your biding! Isn't necromancy great?
Oohh, the ponies and Two sisters especially have a LOT to pay for... I don't think its very Harmonious to try and eradicate an entire species for seemingly flimsy reasons.
Keep it up.
yippee two of my favorite stories got updated on the same day.
9024184
9026321
I aim to please and entertain.
9024274
Thanks for the support!
IT"S UNALIVE AND MOVING!
9043478
WHAT IS IT? DEAR GOD IS IT ON ME?
Honestly I agree with most shows and people
10137436
What are you talking about?
Hello thanks for the story just read it I am happy with it so far thanks for the story and I have to say this First
Fluttershy is going to be super sad about her animals
10137477
Very, VERY sad indeed. But don't worry.. they'll come back! They always do..
So did the ponies left it for dead and not ending his misery or is it dead ?
I cant believe you are back to life ¡¡!!¡
so is this only being updated once or twice every 2 years or something?
10835641
basically, yeah. i gotta wait a bit longer to post chapter ten, it's law and totally not writer's block.
10836911
so how many more chapter are there?
10837111
there's one in progress, and about five or six ideas for a chapter in mind
10837342
lol so it could be another 6-10 years till completion? xD